How did I end up here? I'm crammed in the back of a rickety old truck with two people leaning over me and a third sprawled in my lap. I gave up being bothered by tight spaces years ago, but this is a brand new kind of discomfort.
I'm not going to begrudge Quatre his spot in my lap. I'm just trying to keep him as still as possible at this point, and at least he's cooperating with me.
I didn't know he was hurt. I want to say that I had a feeling something was wrong, but it wasn't affecting his performance so I didn't really pay attention to it. I'm sure I should have paid more attention.
It shouldn't really matter. I should just acknowledge that he was skilled enough to fight in his condition and move on. I've done the same, and it hasn't left any lingering problems.
It's a little different for me watching him. It's almost painful watching, because he's in pain, and he's trying not to show it, and he is failing miserably.
I hate watching, more than I would hate being the injured one. If it was me at least I could focus on moving and breathing around the pain. I could focus on blocking the pain out of my mind. Now I'm just clenching my hands on his shoulders to keep him still, and trying not to feel annoyed because I can see him biting the inside of his mouth to be silent.
I'm sure I could manage to do something else if I could find another job.
Duo is getting twitchy. He probably has the same problem, too much adrenalin and nothing to do with it. I wish he could at least sit still if he's going to be right next to Quatre.
I almost considered giving him Quatre, knowing that the feeling of having something to do would calm him down. It's just this road is too rough for me to trust anyone else to be steady enough. I want to be the one to be holding onto him, protecting him. I'm selfish that way. I've stolen the most important job for myself, as if no one else can do it properly.
"Don't you know how to drive!?" he snaps at Trowa as we go over another rough spot. Now he's lashing out just to calm his nerves. We can't take him anywhere.
"I know what I'm doing."
Quatre's smiling up at me. If he meant it to be a comforting gesture, that's lost by how strained his expression is. "Sorry to inconvenience you," he whispers to me.
I just make a noise of acknowledgment and loosen my grip a little. What am I supposed to say to that? If I was using my full strength to hold him, I'd risk hurting him even more badly. He's no trouble to look after, just a little bit of a worry.
I should have known better than to lighten up on him. As soon as I loosen my grip a little Trowa finds another rough spot. I can see Quatre clench his muscles when we hit it. Then he lets out a gasp of pain and tenses further.
Wufei moves in quickly, pressing both hands over Quatre's stomach. I can see a tinge of blood seeping into Quatre's bandage between Wufei's hands. He's hissing something under his breath, probably commanding Quatre to keep still.
I clench my hands tight on Quatre's shoulders again, trying to remind him to relax, or at least to keep him from trying to sit up and hurting himself further.
Duo's got his hands clasped over Wufei's now, and he's glaring at me. Probably thinks I haven't been doing my job well enough.
"You're hurting him."
"I'm not," I shoot back, voice low. I don't really want to disturb Quatre with our arguing. I'm just trying to keep him from hurting himself even more. The last thing he needs now is the stress of trying to play diplomat between us.
"Shut up." Wufei interjects, talking over me. I can understand his vehemence in his voice. Both of us are already worn out. We don't need Duo and Quatre both wearing on our nerves, and Quatre can't help it. Duo just growls at him.
"It's fine." Quatre's gone still again. He reaches up to clasp my hand, to show me that it's okay again. I know. I can see that he's limp. I relax my grip on him again. It's useless clinging to him anyway, if I can't keep him from clenching the wrong muscles and tearing his wound open again.
With one last bump we hit what has to be a paved road at last. Finally.
I shift Quatre carefully out of my lap and towards Duo. At least he manages to catch Quatre safely. There's nothing vital that I can do for Quatre now that he can't. Hopefully with something to concentrate on he'll settle down.
Wufei moves with Quatre, keeping pressure on his wound. He doesn't even look at the two of us as he moves. Quatre has all of his attention right now.
Duo mutters something under his breath at me, most likely a half-hearted insult. I don't really care. He shifts his attention back to Quatre when I don't bother to respond.
"Quatre?"
"I'm fine," Quatre assures us.
"Not exactly fine," Wufei corrects him. Quatre just smiles weakly at all of us. He almost looks like he's just tired from our antics. I think I would like it if I could believe that he's really fine. He's going to need more practice before he can pretend well enough to make me ignore the bloodstains still visible between Wufei's fingers. I still hope he doesn't get any more practice.
Quatre's relaxed into Duo's lap now. He's practically melted into it. "You're more comfortable than Heero."
Duo looks up from his charge and raises an eyebrow at me. What? Am I supposed to be jealous? Probably some joke that I'm supposed to be in on that I didn't catch.
I shrug at him. Quatre is Duo's problem now, and he's perfectly capable of taking care of him. I'll make sure of it.
