A/N: This chapter contains game dialogue. Major spoilers for mage origins story….

Chapter 3

Ever since our escapade near the River Dane and the run in with the blood mages, a lot of weird things have been happening in the circle. People have disappeared; rumours of blood mages have spread. Knight Commander Gregoir has been a lot harsher with the rules. We were not allowed to wonder the circle after a certain time. Templars were stationed at every corner, and we no longer had our classes in large groups. It was awkward walking around and hearing mages gossiping about theories as to why these things were happening and that I knew exactly why. The blood mages had spooked the Templars, and I figured it wouldn't get any better for a long time.

It was the evening of my harrowing, I had spent all day reading on demons in the library and trying to master my magic. I hadn't seen Jowan all morning; I had hardly seen him in the past three weeks. But that hadn't been our faults; First Enchanter Irving had seemed to make it his priority to keep us apart and I didn't know why. Had it been because of how Jowan reacted to the power of the blood mages?

Brushing through my thick hair one more time, I let it drop down over my shoulders. In the small package the First Enchanter sent me this morning, was a small band, a ring enchanted with ice and a long necklace, however, I couldn't distinguish what magic enchanted it. Quickly tying my hair in a tight side bun, I moved into the small cubical in which my robes were in. Pulling off my night dress, I stood naked for a second to allow myself to think and breathe. The closer I came to having my Harrowing the less confident I felt. Most of the women had been, encouraging. They admitted that they were jealous of my magic skills and they tried calming my nerves by saying that I shouldn't worry about being taken over by a demon.

The Templars arrived not long after I was done dressing; they had slid their helmets over their heads, a tradition apparently. I couldn't tell their identities and it calmed me. I could pretend they weren't looking at meand let my true feelings shine through; I didn't think I had an ounce of courage and dignity, only fear. I had been waiting for this day to prove myself, but for the last few days cruel words of self-doubt filled my mind, and now I was getting into a state. As they pulled me along, I could feel the tears flooding in my eyes. The ten-minute walk to the Harrowing Chamber seemed far longer. When arrived, Irving was waiting, a look of pure pride on his face as I entered.

The Harrowing Chamber was a large dark, windowless, hall, . Tall columns circled the room. Apart from the Templars and a Lyrium pedestal in the middle, the room was was empty. My eyes wondered around; wondering over every face. One face stood out and I realised blood had rushed to my cheeks. Cullen was here, a long sword in his scabbard, unlike everyone else. Did this mean he was to be my executioner?

First Enchanter Irving walked towards me, still smiling. I tried my best to straighten up and look brave. But the deep frown that replaced his smile told me I hadn't done it very well. Putting his arm around my shoulder, he pulled me round so that I was facing Knight-Commander Gregoir. And then it began.

The Knight-Commander walked slowly towards me as he said. "Your magic is a gift, but it's also a curse, for demons of the dream realm—The Fade—are drawn to you, and seek to use you as a gateway into this world." He stopped and looked at the First Enchanter..

Irving picked up where the Knight-Commander ended, "This is why the harrowing exists. The ritual sends you into the Fade, and there you will face a demon, armed with only your will." He stepped away from me and walked towards the pedestal. For a short moment I thought he was going to continue but everyone's eyes turned to me.

With a deep breath I said. "I am ready." And I was, eighteen years of preparation had brought me to this spot and I instantly felt enough courage to take on whatever was waiting for me.

Knight-Commander gave a hint of a smile , as I walked towards the pedestal, he put out his arm to block my way. "Know this, apprentice: if you fail, we Templars will perform our duty. You will die." This close I could see his jaw lock as he dropped his arm to his side. I gave him a nod before proceeding.

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The Fade was a vast place; islands floated up high in the air. As I took in my surroundings I saw a giant statue; the way its arms formed down into pointed ends was disturbing. It was hard to concentrate on any one thing even whilst standing still. Stepping cautiously down the small mound, I walked toward a vase that held three vials filled with a red liquid. I quickly stuffed them into my robes and carried on. Walking a little further, I noticed a flicker of light coming towards me. The danger didn't click in my mind till the light hit me in the right shoulder and I was thrown on my back. The pain wasn't severe, and I quickly jumped to my feet and threw a ball of fire at the wisp. This didn't seem to kill it, so I threw a bolt of energy at the wisp and felled it..

As I continued to walk through the Fade, I met a small mouse that eagerly wanted to guide me. I realised something was off about him. He told me of how he forgot his real name and how he has met many apprentices throughout his life in the Fade. After a brief thought I let him follow me hoping him to be at least some help getting through this. It wasn't long before we came across a spirit that named itself the Spirit of Valor. He called the test cowardly and said that mages should be pitted against one another instead of an unarmed battle against a demon. I told him that I agreed but I didn't have a choice in the matter, no mage does. He was quick to blame the First Enchanter for allowing me to come here. I shrugged the insult aside and asked for his help. He didn't act surprised but wasn't as quick to lend me any help as he was to blame the First Enchanter. He went on to tell me of what weapons he held and that if I really believed something in the Fade then it would be so. He concluded by saying I could have a weapon if I agreed to duel him. With a quick mind, I began to provoke him, and suggested that he would rather kill me himself. This didn't sit well with him and he scolded me for accusing him of being as harsh as a demon. I turned that back on him and told him to prove it to me. The spirit named me insolent but said my will was strong and it seemed to me that I impressed him. He quickly handed me a staff at me and told me to go on my way. The staff was an exact replica of the one First Enchanter Irving had promised to give me me when I became full mage. Not long after that I encountered many spirits with the shape of a wolf, and past those lay a sloth demon in the shape of a bear. He had distaste for my presence, but was definitely wanted to eat mouse, he seemed very greedy and I knew I wouldn't get anything out of him without a entering into a battle of wills. I asked him if he was there to help me and he just scoffed at me before lying back on the ground. I felt the beginnings of desperation and I asked for his help in the coming battle. He tiredly mentioned my staff and asked me to leave. Mouse whispered for me to ask for his talent of turning into an animal, the sloth demon wasn't stupid and said that I wouldn't be good for that type of magic without more training and that mouse would be a very good candidate since he could turn into a mouse. Mouse was hesitant to agree however, it didn't take me long to convince him. The Sloth demon gave us a three riddles and I quickly and correctly answered. He was slightly impressed by my 'witty tongue' but then he was so annoyed by our presence he taught Mouse the talent and sent us on our way.

Mouse led me to the take place were I was to battle the demon, and I could see this was a battle field from the raging fire pits that surrounded the area and, of course, the demon that sat in the middle, waiting. Fire emanated from its body. Its voice was deep and malicious and I now knew why some people who passed their harrowing suffered from nightmares.

He said, "Soon I shall see the land of the living with your eyes, creature. You shall be mine, body and soul."

I knew the battle would be hard and long fought, and that made me want to fall to my knees, begging it to give me a quick death. I conquered that feeling and stood my ground, with a grin I said, "Then come and get me, if you can." He attacked. Mouse tackled the demon and swiped at its chest with his newly grown bear claws. I drew on as much mana as I could and blasted him with large balls of energy.. The demon cried out in pain and shoved mouse from its body. Before it struck mouse, I sent another shock through it and it fell down dead, slowly sinking into the floor's abyss. My heart raced as mouse turned back into his human body and grinned down at me.

"You did it, you actually did it." He was nearly bouncing on his heels. He stepped towards me suddenly and I couldn't help but recoil. "When you came, I hoped that maybe you might be able to…but I never really though any of you were worthy." His grin got bigger and something seemed to glint in his eyes.

Frowning, I said, "It was all a little too easy."

Mouse took me by the shoulders happily. "That is because you are a true mage, one of the few." This sudden change of behaviour was confusing and I started to try to back away. "The others, they never had a chance. The templars set them up to fail, like they tried with you. I regret my part in it, but you have shown me there is hope. You can be so much more than you know." Mouse lifted his hand and the back of his caressed my cheek.

I swallowed hard, but didn't pull away from him. "So what is it that you think you can get from me?"

Mouse pulled his hand away slightly so it hovered over my cheek. "You defeated a demon, you completed your test. With time, you will be a master enchanter with no equal." He looked like he was about to kiss me so I continued to back away. He grabbed me around the back. "And maybe there's hope in that for someone as small and as…forgotten as me. If you want to help." He leaned in closer, so I could feel his hot breath on my lips. "There may be a way for me to leave here, to get a foothold outside. You just need to want to let me in." His lips were so close now that I didn't feel like I could breath, but something registered in my mind as he said those last words and I knew my suspicions earlier were correct.

Frowning I said, "I'm starting to think the other demon wasn't my test."

The sudden change in his expression and his body shaking with anger left no doubt that he was the demon I had been sent to defeat. His rage made him jump back and pace like a maniac as he threw dark looks at me. And then I remembered demons weakness: sudden mood swings, anger when they can't get their own way. The demon suddenly turned, his eyes admiring as he understood my triumphant smile. "You are a smart one." He started to fade away, as he did his last words were, "Simple killing is a warrior's job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconceptions, careless trust…pride." Then he was gone.

And I was thrown into the darkness.

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The darkness seemed endless and I didn't thing would ever be awakened. I felt like I was drowning. Had the templars killed me? Had they decided that I was'nt quick enough and the demon had surely taken over. Awareness slowly came back and I felt the soft material of the mattress beneath me. Something heavy landed on my hand and my eyes fluttered open. "Are you all right? Say something please…" It sounded like a man's voice, as I turned my head Jowan filled my vision and I felt like crying. This was what I needed, for him to be here, for me to be all he was thinking about even just for a few minutes.

I turned my hand to grasp his. "Jowan." I said smiling.

Jowan smiled whilst kneeling beside the bed. "I'm glad you're all right. They carried you in this morning. I didn't even realise you were gone all night." He looked away from my eyes as he carried on. "I've heard about apprentices who never come back from their Harrowing. Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?" I saw him glance towards me and then away again when he noticed the frown on my face.

Stroking the back of his hand I said. "We're friends, but please don't ask this. You know I can't tell you."

He snatched his hand away in a huff. I almost wondered if I was still in the Fade with all the rash mood swings. "Hmph. So much for friendship. I'll leave you alone then." He stood up and circled around on me as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. A dizzy feeling came over me and I had to grip the bed to stop from falling backwards. Jowan on the other hand didn't seem to notice and kept on ranting. "And now you get to move to the nice mages' quarters upstairs. I'm stuck here and I don't know when they'll call me for my Harrowing." Typical, always thinking about himself. No, congratulations, just complaints.

Rolling my eyes I looked up at him. "They'll summon you when you're ready."

Jowan scoffed at me. "I've been here longer than you have…Sometimes I think they just don't want to test me."

"Maybe you're just not ready yet."

"I've been ready for a long time. I'm afraid they don't want to take me to the test." He sighed heavily and a look of pure sadness crossed over his face. "You have the Harrowing, the Rite of Tranquillity…or you die. That's what happens." I jumped to my feet annoyed by his selfish antics.

"You worry too much. It's annoying." I couldn't help but snap at him.

Jowan hesitated at my harsh tone, but seemed to shrug it off as he said. "I shouldn't waste your time with this. I was supposed to tell you to see Irving as soon as you woke up."

My mouth gapped open. He only decided now to tell me this. Patting down my hair, I said, "I should go talk with him immediately."

Jowan nodded. "You'd better not keep him waiting. We can speak later."

I half ran, half jogged to Irving's office; sure that Jowan had distracted me on purpose. I knew he was jealous of my power and how popular I had become with the First Enchanter. As I arrived at Irving's door, I heard the faint sounds of two people talking inside. It sounded like the First Enchanter and The Knight-Commander were squabbling. As I entered, the First Enchanter was saying, "…Or are you afraid to let the mages out from under Chantry supervision, where they can actually use their Maker-given powers?"

They hadn't seemed to notice me, so I coughed loudly. "First Enchanter?" I called out. The men stopped instantly and turned towards me, the Knight-Commander glaring.

Irving smiled. "Ah, if it isn't our new sister in the Circle. Come, child."

I obeyed and walk straight up to him, with a quick glance I saw my new robes and staff laid across his. My belly filled with excitement and I had to force myself to stop from smiling like a mad woman. The Knight- Commander, displeased turned back to the First Enchanter. "Well, Irving, you're obviously busy. We will discuss this later."

"Of course."

The Knight-Commander left quickly, without even a nod in my direction. I didn't acknowledge him either. The First Enchanter smiled wondrously at me and motioned for me to take a seat. As I sat, I watched him take his seat. "I called you here because I wished to congratulate you on a successful end to last night's ordeal. The Harrowing is behind you. Your phylactery was sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi."

I forced myself to stop from grinning, I looked him dead in the eyes and with a straight face I said. "Thank you, First Enchanter."

The First Enchanter placed his hand on top of my new robes and smiled. "I present you with your robes, your staff and a ring bearing the Circles insignia. Wear them proudly for you have earned them."

"Thank you."

The First Enchanter stood up and walked around the table as I picked up my new equipment. He walked me halfway to the door before laying his hand on my shoulder. "It goes without saying that you shall not discuss the Harrowing with those who have not undergone this rite." At this I knew he was talking about Jowan, had he known Jowan would ask me? I nodded quickly and he smiled even wider. "Now, then… take your time to rest, or study in the library. The day is yours."

Clutching my new things I nodded and left the room. An eleven maid soon approached me and tried to take my things from my arms, but I pulled away from her suspiciously. "I'll take them." She frowned but didn't persist as she led me to my new quarters. I couldn't deny the excitement of having my own room and space. In the apprentice quarters we have to share and it was first come first serve. Every morning I had to get up early if I wanted to be showered and looking acceptable by the time classes started. Most days I looked like hell. My room was far down the hall and when we got to the large hall. My room was the second one. A large rug welcomed me and I could picture myself and Jowan sitting on it talking and gossiping like two old women. On the right was a large white chest, beside that was a desk with books and parchments. And on the left side of the desk was a large Armoire that I knew wouldn't get filled by lots of clothes because I barely had any. I had one formal dress and one informal one that I hadn't worn for years. I had my apprentice robes, but I knew I wouldn't wear them ever again. On the far wall was a large vanity, one that I wouldn't have to fight for every morning. It was all mine. My bed was in the far corner; it was large with a thick mattress. It looked like heaven to my exhausted body. Strewn across it were four large pillows and a simple yet attractive quilt. In the left hand corner opposite the chest was a wash basin and a bath and a toilet. It didn't bother me at the moment, but I knew I'd have to demand some sort of privacy shutter for that. Walking towards the bed, I waved my hand at the maid for her to clear off and she did so willingly. I quickly slipped my old robes over my head and threw them to the side. My new robes were golden and a greenish brown colour, much better than the others and just by looking at it I felt special. A large grin broke over my face and I pulled the robes over my head. It fit perfectly; I smoothed my fingers down its soft material drinking in my all that was now mine.

I decided it was time to find Jowan and boast about my new life, I knew it wasn't nice to do that to him. But something was very off about him lately and I had a feeling it wasn't just about Lily. Just as I left my room, I found Jowan standing against the opposite wall looking around nervously. When he saw me, he pushed from the wall and rushed over. "I'm glad I caught up to you. Are you done talking with Irving?"

"Going through another personal Crisis?" I asked; he always had one.

Jowan grimaced. "Very funny." He didn't hesitate to move on. "I need to talk to you. Do you remember what we discussed this morning?" How could I? He wouldn't let me.

Crossing my arms I said. "Oh, all right. Spit it out."

Jowan suddenly looked nervous again. He inched up to me and took my arm. "We should go somewhere else. I don't feel safe talking here." This had never happened before not even when he told me he had a lover.

Shaking him off I looked him in the eyes. "Jowan, You're starting to worry me."

He sighed. "I've been troubled…I'll explain. Come with me, please."

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He led me to the Chantry, was he leading me to her? Was he finally going to tell me? There she was, waiting patiently in the far corner looking as stupid as ever. Clearly she knew that having a forbidden relationship within prison walls was an act of pure idiocy. If they didn't get caught today, it wouldn't take long for the Templars or any of the other mages to catch on, someone was bound to witness something and pass it on. That was the worst thing about the Circle, the way news spread.

As we reached her, Jowan turned to me. His face haunted. "We should be safe here."

Sarcastically, I said. "You realise there's a Chantry sister standing right here?"

Lily smiled. "Not yet. I am merely an initiate." Like it made a difference, you still believe in the same thing.. Hopefully she could read minds.

Frowning at her I said, "I've seen you before." Now I knew that night was clearly on her mind from the way she flinched.

Cleverly she straightened up, her face relaxing. "I often attend to my duties in this chapel. Perhaps that is why I seem familiar." Wait! Why is there still the charade? Had Jowan really known? Why hadn't he been acting the way he has, if it weren't for me to learn his secret.

Before I could reply, Jowan was already talking. "A few months ago, I told you that I…met a girl. This is Lily." He motioned to her with his hands and I couldn't help scrunch up my face.

"This fat cow is your lover?" I grimaced at her. Hopefully this would show her my true feelings on their relationship.

Jowan's jaw almost dropped to the ground, he was that shocked by my reaction. I bet he had been expecting lines about how it was forbidden and why hadn't he told me. I was full of surprises. Inside I was smiling. "She's right here! I'm sorry, Lily"

Lily raised her eyebrows and took Jowan's hand. "It's all right…I just wonder if this is truly someone we can trust." Oh, score to the rebel initiate. Playing me at my own game, this will be fun.

Jowan caressed her arm. "She may be abrasive at times, but I trust her with me life." It was tempting to stick my tongue out at her, but then Jowan would ask questions and it seemed like neither of us wanted that.

Rolling my eyes at Jowan, I was beginning to wonder why he had exactly brought me here. It couldn't have been to trade blows with his girlfriend since he knew nothing about it. "You can't have brought me here to talk about love."

Jowan went on to explain that the templars had decided upon making him tranquil and this wasn't an option. He had gone on to talk about not wanting to lose his memories and hopes and his love for the 'fat bitch'. Not his words but that was how I pictured him saying it. I had said that it would be better than dying and that made both of them explode in shock and anger. He wailed about not wanting to live his life as a husk, living, breathing but not truly living. And I had to admit that thinking of my best friend that way caused pain in my chest. I had tried to soothe him to say that everything would be okay. But he wouldn't have it. I had asked how they found out about this and Lily interjected saying she saw the document in the Knight-Commanders office. It authorized the right of tranquillity against Jowan and it had been signed by the First Enchanter. When I asked what they planned to do, they exchanged glances before saying that they wanted to escape but before that Jowan's phylactery needed to be destroyed and to do this they needed my help. I just walked away and said I needed to think this through.

He wanted to leave with her. Leave me. She had won and I had lost. What other choice did I have?