Chapter Two

Alex headed into the 1-6 Bullpen, hoping to find Fin or Munch. She didn't find anyone but Cragen and an FBI agent. She saw them in Cragen's office. She'd met the agent a few times before on some of the cases that Olivia and Elliot worked. She wondered what the 1-6 had stumbled on that made the Feds leave their cushy offices to come slum it with the NYPD.

Alex has always been someone who could read people fairly quickly and easily. She watched Cragen and the agent. Something was wrong and she didn't know what it was. She could tell that it had Cragen worried. She caught Don's soulful brown eyes as he watched her. She caught the slight glimpse that he afforded to Liv's desk.

Alex's heart sank. She looked over the empty desk. The pictures of Liv's mother and of Alex, Elliot and Liv still sat on the desk next the shutdown computer. The barren landscape of Liv's desk and the look on Cragen's face threw Alex's mind into a tailspin. Suddenly, she remembered the letter that Agent Lewis had delivered to her in her office last year. It had been from Olivia. Alex couldn't forget the words that Liv had written and the look of surprise on Agent Lewis face when Alex simply thanked her and went back to work. She was known as the "Ice Queen D.A." but, Liv was the only one who could melt her.

Cragen watched the emotions sweep across Alex's face. Dana stood in his office frozen. Alex pulled the chair out from Liv's desk and sat down. She didn't know what else to do. She knew that Don and the agent would tell her what they needed to tell her, soon. She sat there staring at the blank computer screen and remembered.


"Miss Cabot, Special Agent Dana Lewis to see you," her assistant told her.

"Send her in."

"Hello, Miss Cabot," Dana stated entering Alex's office.

Alex didn't look up immediately. She motioned to a chair and Dana took a seat. Alex took off her black rimmed glasses and sized up the agent across from her. Her mind began to race through the cases she had trying to figure out which one the Feds were going to steal for their own glory. Nothing came to mind.

"What can I do for you, Agent Lewis?" she finally asked, sitting back in her chair, letting her glasses hang from her hands.

"I came to give you something."

"You're here to help me with a case?"

"No, ma'am."

"But, you have something for me?" Alex questioned, confused, but intrigued.

"Yes, ma'am, I do. I have something from a mutual friend. I told her that I would personally deliver this letter to you. I am just following through with that promise."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, ma'am., I have no other business with the great City of New York."

"You could have just mailed it," Alex said, watching the agent.

"I could have, Miss Cabot. But a promise is a promise and I mean to keep my word. I promised I would hand deliver this one to you today," Dana replied, betraying nothing.

"I see. Wait, this one? There is another letter you are to give to me?"

"Only if necessary."

"You are being vague on purpose. Who sent you with this letter? Why should I care?"

"That isn't for me to say, but I promised Olivia I would give you the letter."

"Olivia?"

"Yeah, she is working with us for a while," Dana answered, carefully watching the lawyer.

"Is she, now? Well, that doesn't surprise me. I guess I can't know on what case, but then, I'm sure that it isn't even here in New York, is it?"

"No, ma'am, it isn't. I can't really tell you anything else. I just wanted to understand why Liv picked you to tell out of everyone. That one is going to bother me, but that is my problem," Agent Lewis stated, as she stood.

She reached into her suit coat pocket and produced the letter. Alex could see Olivia's delicate handwriting on the envelope. Dana handed her the envelope, still trying to gauge Alex's reaction or lack there of. Alex took the letter, not once betraying her heart to the FBI agent in front of her.

"Thank you, Agent Lewis."

"One more thing, Alex, if I may?" Agent Lewis asked.

"Go ahead, Agent."

"What the hell is going on here?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asked.

"I mean, Elliot retired. He didn't fight. Look, I know that he has more to worry about now with Elliot, Jr., but it seems like he didn't fight for it, either. I meet Olivia two weeks ago to go over a case and to remind her about going to the parole hearing for some of the eco-terrorists, but something was off. She was overly distracted, broken almost. I told her that I might have something for her, if she wanted it. Honestly, Miss Cabot, I never thought that she'd bite. Well, she did and she bit hard. So, I ask, again, what the hell is going on with the Manhattan SVU?"

"To be honest, I have no idea. I had heard that Elliot left. I think he deserves his retirement. Can't say that I blame him, SVU will take it out of you. As for Liv, I have no idea. I didn't know that anything was wrong with her. We haven't exactly spoken since I got back from Africa this last time."

"None of my business, but something is eating at her."

"Well, since she is working for you, at the moment, Agent Lewis, I can't help you. Now, you'll have to excuse me. I have to prepare for a case," Alex said, standing to usher her out.

"Yes, sorry, I'm sure you are busy. Forgive me for the intrusion. Good day, Miss Cabot," Dana answered, knowing she was no longer wanted.

Alex returned to her seat and her desk. She stared at the offending letter with Liv's handwriting. She picked up her phone and called her assistant.

"No more interruptions, today. In fact, clear my schedule. I don't have court until tomorrow anyway. And, make sure that no one else knows I am in the office for the rest of the day."

"Yes, ma'am."

Alex sat back again. She replaced her glasses and picked up the letter. She sighed heavily as she opened the envelope. She could only wonder what Liv had to tell her. She didn't send Liv a letter when she went into WitSec. She made them let her tell Elliot and Liv "good-bye." She hoped that Liv would at least have the balls to say it to her face.

Alex,

I am sorry that I haven't tried to contact you more since you've been home this time. I know how much you are needed to help with the international cases. You are a great prosecutor. Please never forget that. You have done so much good in the City and abroad. I'm proud of you.

Please don't try and stop me. I have to go away for a while. I need to make my mark and believe that I am doing the right thing. Everything has changed, lately. I need the break. Cragen has okayed my leave to go help the Feds with a case. I'll be undercover. I'm sorry. I know that you deserve me telling you this to your face, especially after everything that we have been through, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it.

Forgive me, Alex, please. I beg you. My heart hurts so much and I don't know what to do to heal it. You've been there for me, through it all, from my Mom to Simon. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I just needed you to know that I did this on my own. I wasn't really recruited, I volunteered.

There are so many things I need to tell you. So many times, I've tried, but I never could find the words. But, every time, I knew. I knew the truth and I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry. I love you, Alex, more than you will ever know. I wish you every happiness, even if it can't be with me. I'm sorry. I know I should have told you earlier, but things never seem to be in our favor.

I am writing you, because I hope that when my case is over and I'm home, we can talk. I know you are probably mad and I don't blame you. I had to tell you how I felt, just in case something happens to me. I know that you might not feel the same way, Alex. I just felt like you should know.

With all my love,

Liv

Alex stared at the tear stained paper in her hands. She didn't know what to say. Liv loved her. Liv left.

"Come home to me, Liv. I forgive you. Will make it work this time, I promise. I love you, too," Alex told the letter in her hands, willing her thoughts to find Olivia, wherever she may be.