Keep Your Head Up
"So, what did you find up there, Tali?" The sudden voice from right beside her made Tali jump in her seat in the mess hall, but when she saw it was only Ashley, she relaxed.
"Oh, just a lot of memories," she lied, idly playing with her nutrient paste tube. "Maybe when it's not so raw I'll tell you about them, Ash."
"No, I understand. My sisters tried doing that with me too... It was waaaaay more awkward than comforting to hear all the personal stuff between them and their guys." The human soldier had to fight down a laugh as she shoveled more food into her mouth, and Tali was hard pressed not to laugh as well. It was an interesting image: the big, strong Ashley sitting on the side of her sister's bed and listening to her talk while furiously trying to think of anything else was the first thing that popped into her mind.
"Well, I'll spare you the details, then." This time Tali did giggle a little, and Ashley put an arm around her shoulders like she were one of the aforementioned sisters.
"Thanks, Tali. The last thing I need in my head is Shepard doing something compromising and naked. I swear, it's like he's the most clumsy person you'll ever meet outside of combat."
The way Ashley talked made Tali smile at first, but the more she heard Shepard referred to in the present tense, the more she sobered. When Ashley finally noticed Tali was no longer laughing, her face drew down into a concerned frown. Pulling Tali in close for a hug, Ashley spoke softly. "I'm sorry, Tali. But i'll be honest with ya, I don't think he's dead."
"Why?" Tali almost couldn't believe the sound of her own voice, and blinked at how choked up she sounded. She hadn't realized how badly it had hit her.
"Because if there is anyone in this universe who can live through that mess, It's Shepard. You'll see, Kid. You'll see. Keep your head up." Ashley leaned in and kissed the side of Tali's hood affectionately before getting up from the table and making for her room. The others were still sitting around the other tables, having conversations in a dull murmur through the mess hall.
She let the words sink in for a while, tuning out the others and only half heartedly slurping at the nutrient paste while her eyes scanned the table top.
Why shouldn't I believe? She thought to herself in reproach.Just because I'm afraid of being hurt if I'm wrong? Well to hell with that. John has never given up on me, and I'll be damned if I give up on him!
She punctuated her thoughts by slapping her mostly drained nutrient paste tube on the table and standing up. The others all stopped what they were doing and turned to look at her in worry, but she didn't give them time to ask her anything. She left the mess hall quickly and entered the elevator, hitting the button for the Captain's quarters. It took forever, as usual, but she eventually arrived and entered the cabin. She walked in at a brisk pace, practically flinging herself into the chair and shoving a hand into her pocket with the thumb drives. Each of the drives had a number written on the side with the same sharpie, which she presumed to mean the order in which to watch them.
She shoved in the one with the number three, hoping to validate her theory as swiftly as possible. The same low level background noise began to play, indicating the recording had begun.
"-and then Grunt looked me dead in the eye and he says, "A little spicy." Ha! Ahhh, man, I miss that damn krogan. He was the violent, humongous, bloodthirsty child I never had."
"Shepard, I believe you have gone a little off track. You were going to tell me-"
"Oh! Yeah yeah yeah. Ok, right. Sorry." Shepard sounded as though he were busy trying to resettle himself and get comfortable for telling another story. "So, It was right after Haestrom of course, we were back on the Normandy. I gave her enough time to settle in, get all her gear stowed and clean up a little. When I went down to engineering, Tali was already hard at work on the shields, like she couldn't take a minute for herself." His tone spoke volumes on his opinion of that, and she recalled the many times he'd chastised her for not taking time for herself once in awhile.
"Anyway, I was worried about her. She had just lost her team, almost her best friend. Then found out about you. Phew, that glare she shot at Jacob was the meanest thing I've ever seen her do... Yeah, that one!" Shepard's laughter accompanied by EDI's silence led her to believe EDI had simply replayed the image for him.
"When I asked if she was busy, she turned around so quickly you'd think I'd goosed her. She was wide eyed, trying to think about anything else but Haestrom. So you know what I did? I asked her if she liked the new ship. I asked her if the shields were doing well, and about how they worked. She got so caught up in describing how amazing the tech was, she not only forgot about Haestrom, but about me, as well. Trying to tell me about tech is like trying to show a monkey how to work a wrench."
Tali had a smile during the whole thing so far, but that last bit made her laugh aloud. She could just picture him slumped like a monkey and holding a wrench, banging it on the floor.
"When she finally realized none of what she said was getting through, she tried to pull that, 'sorry, I'm being dumb' card she uses. Well, I wasn't having it. For the first time since we'd met, I hugged her. I just reached out and grabbed her arms, pulled her into me and rocked back and forth with her for a while. It might have been a touch too bold, but after the hell she'd just been through, I thought she needed it. That was the first step." A moment of silence from both him and EDI before he continued. "That was when we both knew we could be more than just friends."
"Fascinating."
"Don't say fascinating when you're referring to organics, EDI. It makes you sound robotic."
"Of course. Apologies, Shepard."
"Just don't let it happen again." Shepard's playful tone evoked in her a sense of longing. She'd never met another human with his peculiar sense of humor, but it had grown on her. She found things funny where before she never had. Perhaps it was something borne out of desperation, to find comedy where everyone else finds only tragedy. 'Graveyard humor' Garrus had called it once.
"Shepard, Tali wishes to speak with you and is on her way up from engineering."
"Crap! Alright, shut it down. And tell Garrus our game of pool will have to wait a while."
Once again the click of the audio sounded and the background noise died, leaving Tali sitting in silence. She could remember that day, clear as if it had happened yesterday. She'd been on the point of tears almost the entire time after Shepard had saved her. Strong emotions were running through her mind: sadness for the team, joy at seeing Shepard and Reegar alive, confusion for feeling glad after the death of so many, vengeance towards all the dead Geth who had slaughtered her people... When Shepard had walked in on her down in Engineering, her mind had been in a million different places. She hadn't even showered yet, much less put all her stuff away in the foot locker. The last thing she'd expected right then was her crush to practically sneak up on her and-
-Completely solve the problems you were having? It was like he knew just what to say to take my mind of the mission. For nearly a half hour I talked, gushed really, about the new tech. I even smiled a few times! I never expected he'd tell me he liked me back, either. That was the craziest day of my life. Probably. Not counting the reaper on Rannoch. Sorta.
Tali's inner voice faded away, and she looked down at the handful of thumb drives again. It was a little too late in the sleep cycle to listen to them all before bed, but she thought she could manage one more...
