AN: Yay a chapter! Still betaed by Bjanik whose patience with my utter ignorance of past perfect is admirable. Btw from now on most of the chapters will contain ecplicit scenes aka smut. This included.


3. Step Back to the Wall

Cloud woke up with rested muscles and a stone in his stomach. The relaxed feeling of rightness from last night was nowhere in sight; actually Cloud felt somewhat detached from the whole event, as if looking back to a clear but unrealistic dream. He sat up with a sigh, hands running through sleep-mussed hair and stopping to support his forehead with his elbows propped on his knees.

It was wrong to regret this, he knew for sure. All the times he ran away before, all his former failures and recent absolutions that made him into what he was now told him that regretting it after how he acted, how he felt the day before, was treason. It was unworthy of him, and of Sephiroth too.

So he didn't regret it, but… but he felt disconcerted all the same. He had slept with Sephiroth. Or more precisely had sex with him. He had enjoyed it. Gotten completely lost in the sensations, letting go of every rational thought, caution, memory; he just let himself loose without a second thought.

Maybe that was what bothered him the most, that he couldn't exactly tell how the whole thing had happened through his strangely distant-but-clear memories. It didn't feel like he was truly the one who did it even though he could clearly remember the taste of Sephiroth's saliva in his mouth. He recalled the lust, the pleasure, but they all felt like alien emotions to him in the half-light of the morning. A sudden nausea rippled through him at the thought, and a cold sweat chilled his fingers.

It wasn't just regretting an instinct-drunk one night stand in the morning; he slept with Sephiroth.

The thought threatened to flood him with all those primal reactions he knew weren't appropriate in the current situation, not anymore. He drew a deep breath, and counted to six before releasing, repeating over and over again until his heartbeat slowed down. It was a common loose night driven by physical attraction and lust, not by any kind of nonexistent hold that might be upon him.

There was no reason to panic.

Cloud stayed like that in his bed, eyes closed and breath steady, until he could feel himself cementing that sentence into his mind, banishing any other thought into an inconsequential, tiny itch in his guts, easily ignored with long practice.

Then he got up to get ready for the day.

His daily routine didn't deviate from usual, neither his training simulation or practicing with Kunsel, nor the lazy afternoon spent with Zack listening to his complaints about how few missions there were to take. Everything went normally until he ran into Sephiroth for the first time that day. It was an innocent enough affair; even without assuming any intention on Sephiroth's part, they were more than likely to meet as their routine made them cross paths all the time. Still, his stomach clenched and heart jumped in his chest as the man passed him in the corridors to the cafeteria, politely saying hello with a small upward tilt of his lips, gaze steady and comfortable and lighting up -

Maybe he should have used his extra Sephiroth-sense to avoid the man; the thought flitted through Cloud's mind before shooing it off. No running away, he reminded himself as he forced a mumbled "hi" from his lips. He couldn't help but turning slightly away, tension straining in his shoulders. He wanted to face Sephiroth head on, he just couldn't. Cloud hadn't felt this way since after the Nibelheim of this time.

He didn't want to run away, but he couldn't stay either, not yet, he needed to get away and think it through first, to calm down and decide what to do next. He muttered a half-audible sorry, turning his head away, and walked past Sephiroth. He felt eyes boring into his back until the elevator doors closed behind him.


Sephiroth considered himself a patient man. The main exception so far was without doubt Cloud Strife and his inexplicable contradictory behaviour. Setting aside the fact that his clear avoidance of him in the recent days was lacking any reason or logic, it was getting rather insulting.

Therefore it wasn't surprising that on the third day in a row when Cloud refused to even look directly at him his frustration reached break level.

Cloud was forced to admit at last to himself he was indeed running away, and as clearly as he knew that it never gave any solution to his problems, he couldn't bring himself to confront his long-time ghosts once again. Three days of contemplation, and he wasn't any closer to a resolve than before; if possible he was all the more confused. He was tired of being bruised and battered, being afraid and on guard all the time, but he couldn't leave behind his worries with a shrug. It was like running in circles, encountering the same walls again and again.

"Cloud."

The calm, serious voice nearly made Cloud jump out of his skin with fright. He was lost so deep in his thoughts that didn't even realize Sephiroth standing right behind him. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing pulse, then turned to Sephiroth, his gazed focused somewhere below the man's ear. Sephiroth stood there for a while, apparently studying him, or waiting for some reaction Cloud wasn't going to give. Slow seconds ticked by.

"Follow me."

Curt, imperious words cut off their not-quite staredown. Cloud nodded, still unable to make even a noncommittal sound to break his muted silence. He followed Sephiroth into a deserted office and watched cautiously as the man closed the door behind him. He found himself backing against a wall, arms crossed in defense and denial, eyes still avoiding any contact.

He felt Sephiroth's presence all the same. Cloud tried to judge the man's emotional status without actually looking directly at him, eyes skimming over his appearance and posture. Sephiroth's body signals might have indicated annoyance. He wasn't sure; it was starting to get suffocating under the overwhelming weight of his gaze, his expectations.

What did he expect from him?

What more did he want from him? Wasn't all that Cloud did, all the struggle and suffering enough? Was he to give away himself again?

What jolted him out of his thoughts was a soft exasperated sigh coming from way too close for his comfort. Taking into account his tensely focused state, just how had Sephiroth come that close for him to miss it? Cloud, for the first time in three days, jerked his eyes to meet Sephiroth's. What he saw there made him suck in a surprised breath, muscles tensing slightly more.

Sephiroth's eyes were sane, focused, questioning. Cloud felt the room spin and his vision narrowed on the man currently studying him with rapt attention. Sephiroth propped a hand on the wall, nearly caging Cloud, though he saw a possible route to flee should things come to that. Several heartbeats passed.

"Who is the one playing now?" A soft, low question reached Cloud's ears despite the throbbing noise of his pulse. He remembered the time when he had asked the same of Sephiroth. It was confusing to remember that and his other past at the same time. Cloud shook his head. His voice rasped over his answer.

"I don't want to play."

The next question followed without a pause.

"Then what do you want?"

With the intent focus of those green eyes boring into him, and almost imperceptibly coiled muscles, Sephiroth looked like he wanted so desperately to figure Cloud out. Like measuring up an opponent, waiting for the other to take the first step, holding all the tension in until he was ready to react. Cloud wasn't half as good bearing the tension; he never was.

"I should fear you," the words tore out of him like coughed up water.

The reaction was an immediate thing, a slight shift in the air and the pressure changing which suddenly made breathing much easier.

"Then shall I beg for forgiveness?" The words were smooth, dark, low and only a hint of frustration tainted their sincerity. Cloud took a sharp breath, his mind coming up from under muddled water, finally focusing clearly on the man before him.

"No," he answered and his voice held no trace of uncertainty.

Sephiroth studied him for a bit longer with a careful expression, then the faintest of smiles touched his eyes and made the small muscles around his lips relax as he breathed out a sigh like he had held it torturously long. He leaned close, slowly, and when their skin connected it wasn't about chasing anymore.

Cloud sighed softly, feeling his anxiety flowing out to make place for a tension of a different kind. His hands lifted up from their defensive position to grab and stroke and hold onto long silver hair and smooth strong neck. He kissed back with an abandon which made electric jolts in his core, and tugged on Sephiroth's jacket and belts while the man peeled his gloves away to roam Cloud's skin under his shirt. He felt Sephiroth's pulse racing under his fingers, soft skin and hard muscles shifting with every movement, warming up until the heat seeped into Cloud's hand and filled his veins with belonging, with the want of more. Sephiroth seemed to catch Cloud's attitude as he pressed close, rubbing their groins together, eliciting tiny noises of pleasure and impatience. His lips trailed wet lines on Cloud's neck and jaw, biting, licking, kissing the hard lines of bones and muscles tense with lust, making Cloud emit soft whimpering noises of arousal. He kissed Cloud again, fumbling with one hand on the fly of Cloud's pants, a potent fire making his movements more hurried than his usual level grace.

Then he kneeled down, kissing down the smooth, hard lines of thats exposed stomach as he lowered Cloud's pants out of his way. His hands rested on narrow hips, massaging slow circles with his thumbs as he buried his nose into the golden brown hair, then licked a long way from the base of Cloud's cock to the tip. He circled his tongue around the ridge and watched Cloud's breath hitch. He ran curious fingers along the taut skin of Cloud's shaft and was rewarded with a tremble. He closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of the pressure of hard flesh on his lips, the texture of skin, the heat and the faint pulsing as he put more force to his suction.

Cloud was moaning. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Sephiroth, Sephiroth kneeling down before him, with eyes closed, expression relaxed in enjoyment. He was a wonder to behold. The shadow his long lashes cast on high cheekbones, the arch of eyebrows... Cloud suddenly found his hands idle, lost as he was in pleasure, so he reached one out to lightly touch the mass of silver hair in front of him. He ran his fingers through the strands in a slow, almost enchanted motion as he watched, both awed and nearly dizzy with lust as Sephiroth started to rub his own cock while continuing to pleasure Cloud with that sensual mouth of he opened his pants and started to stroke himself in earnest with his left hand while his right was still playing along Cloud's cock, long fingers moving in sync with his tongue, Cloud nearly came from the sight and feelings overwhelming him. He felt the pressure growing in his stomach. He gasped and moaned, hips undulating slightly and one hand still tangled in Sephiroth's hair.

In both of them the desperation to finish grew by the moment as their pulse raced and breath came in hard pants. Cloud's free hand flied up to his mouth and he bit it to muffle a scream as Sephiroth sucked hard on him while swallowing. He felt the world turn with him, his vision swam and whitened out as he came, waves after waves of pleasure crashing through him. He was hardly aware of the faint growl of completion from Sephiroth. With trembling muscles unable to hold his weight he lowered himself to the ground, breathing hard with an occasional moan escaping him as the afterwaves of pleasure zigged through his core. He watched under heavy eyelids as Sephiroth cleaned himself up with a tissue, sucking in a breath as the touch stimulated his oversensitive flesh. He finally sat beside Cloud, leaning to the wall with legs stretched out comfortable - not quite touching, but feeling each other's heat between the small space between their thighs. They sat there, comfortable without words, their breaths slowly evening out and minds finding the way back. It was Cloud who, after a while, broke the silence.

"I see a pattern developing here," he said with a sigh.

"Let's not," Sephiroth deadpanned in such a dry voice that Cloud couldn't help but laugh, the motion bumping his leg to Sephiroth's. Yeah, Cloud thought to himself with the past few days in mind, let's not.