"It's her, Phil" she whispered, hating the sound of her voice as much as she had done in the dream. "Raina is the girl..."
"What? Are you absolutely sure? How can you know that?" asked Coulson, suddenly worried about the urgence of her voice.
"I just know it" She didn't want to tell him about the dream, even if it was obvious to him that she had had a nightmare.
I'm not a murdered, she had to remind herself. Come on, Melinda, it was just a dream. You know you are not a murderer?
Coulson stayed in silence for a while. In his mind he was desperately trying to find the right thing to say, but the words seemed to have abandoned him, and now he didn't know how to answer May.
"Whatever" she said, turning around to hide her face, as if she had read his thoughts. "It's late. Let's go back to sleep"
Sleep?, Coulson thought. How can she even think about it after realising all that?
"Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?" he asked with caution, choosing his words carefully.
"There is nothing to talk" May replied.
That there was nothing to talk about? But Coulson knew better than that, and he noticed that it was just her defense mechanism. She was scared because of everything that could happen, everything that could change, and the last thing she wanted was to tell him that. She was a fighter, a strong woman than was used to solver her problems on her own, and she didn't want him to worry about her. As if that had ever stopped him.
"We'll talk when you are ready" he told her softly. "Just tell me and I'll be there"
He turned around to sleep, thinking the conversation was over. However, seconds later May spoke again.
"Thank you" she whispered.
He didn't add anything else, after so many years together he didn't need to. Besides, there was something satisfying in that quiet language they shared, something like a reminder that things between them weren't as different as how they used to be.
The next morning, Coulson was gladly surprised by realising that May was still there, and that their positions were not exactly as how he remembered them before falling asleep. May was still asleep, closer to him and resting the top of her head in his chest. Trying to avoid waking her up, he retired the arm that was holding her by her waist. It wasn't as if he had any regret about it, but he valorated his life enough as to be a little farther from her when she woke. Not beeing able to stop himself, he gently stroked her cheek with the tips of his fingers. She looked so beautiful, Coulson thought, younger and relaxed.
"May..." he said, moving her shoulder. He didn't like waking her up, but it was around nine and he knew she would be mad at him if he didn't. "Wake up, Melinda... Melinda..."
She opened her eyes slowly, blinking a few times before she could focus in him
"This is not the back to back that I remembered" she commented yet didn't move away.
Coulson smiled. "It's time to get up. And we have a lot of things to do..."
"Fiiiiine... God, it's almost ten" May stood up quicly, trying to fix her hair with her hands.
"It's not even a quart past nine" he muttered, and she ignored him.
Coulson took his time to do the same thing. He stretched a little and yawned a few times. When he finally straightened she was already gone.
We'll talk later, he promised himself. This is not a joke, and I won't let her keep me apart from this.
Coulson returned to his own dorm in silence, thanking God it was close to May's so he didn't see anyone in his way. He took a quick shower and dressed up even faster. In the kitchen the rest of the team had already finished, but they were still there, drinking some coffee or just keeping each other company.
"Where were you?" asked Skye, trying to look innocent.
By the warning look May gave him, Coulson understood that the young woman had asked her the same question, and he better made their answers coincide.
"I was... organising some files. Nothing else" he said, shrugging to rest importance to the topic.
"Ah" replied Skye. He had passed the test, but that dind't mean she didn't suspect anything.
He started making his coffee in silence, as he did every morning. A few meters by her left, May was drinking her peppermint tea calmly, but avoiding to make eye contact with him.
"I need you to track again the agents that are still missing. Try to find them and check if there is any chance they are still loyal to Shield, or at least if the haven't joined Hydra. Agent Triplett will help ypu, he'll knew better how to identify them."
"I'll start right away, sir" answered the young agent. "Let's go, Trip"
He nodded towards Coulson before following her. It wasn't exactly necessary, but he was trained to always follow protocol and show respect.
"Mack, go with Fitz to buy those things you asked me for yesterday. I could send someone else, but nobody would understand exactly what you need" continued the director, drinking some more coffee. "Yes, you can take the black car, and no, you can't work on Lola yet"
"Yet. There is still hope" He said, smiling.
"And what about me?" intervened Hunter.
"You can... Go with them and help them to carry their stuff"
"Copy that" He wasn't exactly happy with his order, but he hurried to reach the others. In the other hand, his beer suplies were getting worryingly low, and convicing Mack and Fitz to get a little wouldn't be so hard.
"Do you need me to do something?" asked May. She knew what he was up to, but still hoped he wouldn't make it happen.
"No. I'm going to call Raina and..."
"No" she cut him off, putting her cup asides. "You are not"
"Yes, I am"
"What's the point?" she insisted. "You can't change the past"
"I know... But maybe I can change the way we see it"
"I said no, Coulson" May snapped. She hated calling him by his last name, at least when they were alone. But she did that when she was upset, and now she needed him to realise that she was beeing serious. "I don't want you to investigate more about it"
"I'm sorry" he said, even if he knew it would make her mad. "You know I'm still going to do it"
"Why?" she exclaimed, losing her patience. "Why can't you let it go? Why do you want to know?
"Because I need to, Melinda!" he replied, looking straight into her eyes. "Look, I know I'm been unreasonable and selfish, but I need to do it. It hurt me, you know? It hurt me seeing how you were going through all of that, it hurt me seeing you broken. It was like a punch in my faceto you didn't seemed to remember our private jokes or anything of what we had been through, all of those years at the Academy, the pranks and the missions... Suddenly it was as if I weren'tt a part of your life anymore. And it really, really sucked, because you were my best friend, the person who knew me better than anyone and the only person I've always trusted more than myself. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, because there is no way of blaming you, but it was like torture for me. And every day that passes I suffer, thinking of all you have to deal with. You've told me that you are worthless, a lost case, but that's just the fear talking... I don't care what you say, I'm still going to do this"
May didn't say anything for a while, for she was too shocked or moved to have any reasonable thought. The she sighed, suddenly understanding everything. She went to his side and held his hand, giving it a little squeeze.
"You still blame yourself" It wasn't a question, just a whispered fact. May wasn't mad anymore, just sad, looking directly at him when she spoke "But it wasn't your fault, Phil. There is nothing you could have done"
"If I hadn't get shot, I could have followed you or..." He started, shrugging
"Don't. Don't you dare to add anything else" she interrupted him softly. "You know I hate when you blame youself"
Coulson nodded.
"It's just that... I can't help it. I need to know the truth about what happened that day. And I know you want to too, May, you can't deny it. You can lie and pretend that you want to move on, but we both know that's not true. I'm sorry to put it like this, but you can't get over it if you don't even know what actually happened that day." He looked down, embarrassed. He was a grown-up man, the director of a whole freaking secret agency, but he just couldn't meet her in the eye every time he knew he was hurting her. "But I'm going to find the truth, May, it doesn't matter how long it takes me... And then I'm going to help you to cope with whatever that brings"
"Would you do that for me?" She asked, feeling a knot in her throat.
"I would do anything" Coulson squeezed her hand, that was still interlocked with his own.
"Why?" She couldn't help but asking. For beeing such an intuitive person, she could be pretty blind at other things. When Coulson had told her over and over again how sorry he was for making her leave, she had felt surprised. She wasn't used to be missed, or at people caring fot her.
"Because you are my best friend" he said, with a small smile. "Always have been, always will be. Maybe you don't believe me, but it's true, ever since that day we met at the Academy. Friends hurt each other, you and I have learned that the tough way. But it doesn't matter what happens with Raina or everything else, nothing will change my mind"
May stepped forwards and gave him a small hug. She honestly didn't know what to say, but she didn't need to anyway. She wasn't a words person like him, she was an action person. And Phil understood inmediately what she was trying to make him know.
"I know... Besides, you already did that for me. With the Tahiti project and the whole thing." he said.
"That was different..."
"No, it wasn't" he replied stubbornly. "Now stop arguing with me, because we have a lot to do"
May nodded, directing him one of her rare but true smiles. Then she took the cup he was holding in his other hand and took a small sip. She frowned her face at the bitter flavor, making him laugh.
"You look funny when you do that. But if you hate coffee that much, you shouldn't drink it" he commented, amused. "It's not that bad, though"
"It's the most disgusting thing ever. But I need some caffeine to start the day. I fear today I'll need to keep my mind open."
Twenty minutes later they were both in the director's office. Coulson was just walking around, clearly upset, trying to get a videocall with Raina for the fifteenth time.
"Maybe you should take a break" suggested May. She was sitting in his desk, playing with one of the pens from his Captain America set, hiding her anxiety by making it look like boredom.
Coulson stopped his walking and sighed.
"Damn it, she should answer it. I'm going to call her one last time, if she doesn't answer I'll look for another way to get to her"
He dialed the code again, which by then he had already memorized, waiting for her to connect. Seconds passed and they were about to give up when the other one took the call. Raina's face appeared on the screen. When she saw May her smile faded, and for once she seemed unsure about what was going to happen.
"Agent May, agent Coulson" she saluted. "I presume that you already saw what I sent you. It took you more than I thought to call me, if I gotta be honest"
"Look Raina, you are going to listen to be very carefully" said Coulson, dead serious, taking a sit next to May. "This is not one of your little games. You are going to tell us right now EVERYTHING you know about that day in Bahrain, because if you don't do it, I'm going to make your miserable life a real hell, do you hear me, bitch?"
The woman gulped with dissimulation. Then she lowered her eyes, as if she were deeply embarrassed for something.
"Fine, I'll fo it. After all, that's the reason of why I sent the pin in the first place, for you to know the truth" she admitted, her voice barely audible "But I'm afraid that everything you ever thought about that day is completely wrong. As you know, it all began many years ago, in a small town in Bahrain..."
Fine, fine, fine, I know what you are thinking, where is the story? In the next chapter, I promise ;)
Ugh, what do you think? Maybe it was too much talking by Phil... Please, let me know what you think about it, I really need to know if you want me to continue it or no
