ALEX'S POV

"Casey Novak, you are beautiful, intelligent and kind. You drive me mad. I could stare into your green eyes all day. Would you go out with me?"

I stare at myself in the mirror in my office and sigh. I looked so confident saying those words. I didn't waver at all. Why can't I say them to Casey? Why do I suddenly lose all my nerve when the opportunity to say them arises?

I already know the answer to that.

Mostly I'm afraid of rejection. I've never been rejected before and I'm afraid of the way I would handle it. I would be humiliated, no doubt, and would retreat to what I always do when I'm hurt or embarrassed - I would be cruel. And I don't want to be cruel to Casey. She doesn't deserve it.

Then there's my reputation. My father would not approve of me dating a woman. It would cause waves and tension in my family. They have expectations for me and that doesn't include being with a woman.

And how would my colleagues react? I'm Casey's superior; technically we can't date. And Elliot, and Olivia? Would they approve? Their approval and respect matters to me.

I know I should just settle for being her friend. Having her in my life as a friend is better than not having her at all, right?

Wrong. It's getting increasingly harder every day to be around and pretend that everything is normal; to not let on that I have feelings. She will brush her hair back behind her ear or bite her bottom lip, or just brush up against me and I feel like I will lose all my resolve right then and there.

"Alex!"

I turn around quickly upon hearing my name, snapping myself out of my thoughts.

Olivia is standing in the doorway of my office, and she regards me with a smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I've been calling your name. You kind of looked like you were in your own world there."

I walk away from the mirror, slight embarrassment on my face. "I'm sorry; I've got a lot on my mind. What can I help you with?"

Olivia comes into my office. "Anything you want to talk about?"

I shake my head and sit down at my desk. Olivia gives good advice; I wish I could tell her. But even if I wanted to, I'm far too professional to discuss personal issues at work.

Olivia senses it is something I don't want to talk about and quickly switches modes.

"I'm going to be working a case kind of late with Casey. I was about to go get us dinner when I noticed you were still here too. Did you want something to eat?"

"I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. I have some reports to finish up then I'll be heading home shortly." I know it's a total lie. These reports will turn into hours more of paperwork and I'll work right through dinner.

I busy myself working again and about an hour passes. My back hurts from sitting so I decide to get up and take a walk down the hall. I go into the restroom - and what I see makes me want to back right out.

Casey is standing in front of the mirror, a frown upon her beautiful face and wiping at her blouse with a papertowel. I want to back right out the door, but she looks up and sees me in the mirror.

I can't flee now.

God she's beautiful. Her blouse is hugging her frame perfectly and her red hair cascades down over her shoulders. She turns and faces me.

I push aside my adoration for her and manage to ask, "what's going on?"

Casey sighs. "Olivia got us chicken wings. More of the BBQ sauce ended up on my shirt than in my mouth."

Instinctively I walk over to her. She stops wiping the very obvious red stain which is now darker with wetness. The stain is just above her breast, and I feel my face flush. I hope she didn't notice.

"You'll make it worse like that. I have some extra blouses in my office if you want to wear one."

Casey meets my eyes and smiles at me. That smile is the most radiant thing I have seen in a long time, and it makes me feel warm.

"I appreciate that. But I'm not planning on going anywhere else except home so I'll be good," she says.

"Why are you here so late?" I ask.

She raises an eyebrow. "Why are you?"

I laugh lightly. "Valid point. Email, reports...need I go on?"

"I'm just working on a tough case," Casey says. She leans up against the sink and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "Me and Olivia are going over some things."

For the first time since I have known her, I feel a ping of jealousy towards Olivia. Of course I know she has nothing going on with Casey...but I can't help myself.

"If you need any help let me know," I say stupidly.

This time Casey laughs and it makes me blush again. "I think I got a handle on it. But thanks. You're a sweetheart."

Sweetheart...she called me a sweetheart.

It was completely innocent and I know it, but it makes my heart skip a beat.

"Back to work I go," Casey says, finally moving from her place by the sink. She reaches out and touches my arm and I stiffen, feeling a surge go through me. "Have a good night, Alex."

As soon as the restroom door closes, I grip the sides of the sink and take a deep breath. I lower my face and splash water onto it.

Get a grip, Alex. Casey is your colleague. She reports to you. You can't be thinking these thoughts about her.

I go back to my office and try to busy myself with work again. I feel a headache creeping in and pop a couple Advil from my desk.

I should go home. There's no reason I have to still be here. But what's at home for me?

I hear commotion down the hall from a nearby office. There's only person I can think of who stays at the office as late as I do; Casey. She's often noisy, shuffling around pacing when she's trying to think and slamming drawers in frustration.

But something about the noise I heard is unsettling and a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach forces me to leave my office and go check to make sure everything is all right.

I have such a complicated relationship with Casey Novak. I have never met a person who could infuriate me one moment to the point where I feel I'm going to pop a blood vessel, and then charm me the next.

But that's Casey.

She still makes careless mistakes that I have to clean up and doesn't know when to use her filter. I've had several migraines brought on by her.

But she's also the only person who can make me laugh - a real genuine laugh. She always seems to know when I need it most. It will be a comment, or a look, or a text message and it's always what I need when i need it.

When she brushes up against me in the elevator, I always feel a spark. I wonder if she feels it too. If so, she gives no indication that she does.

I'm not supposed to like women. I'm supposed to be straight as an arrow, and someday meet me a nice judge or Senator and be their arm candy. That's what is expected of me.

So I admit it's complicated.

When I get to her office it's completely dark. I frown. I swear I just heard her in here moments ago. Voices talking and then the noises I heard. She must have left in a hurry.

The door is open so I step into her office and turn the light on. And my stomach lurches at what I see.

Her office is a mess; broken glass and files strewn about. The chair it's what I see a few feet away that makes my heart stop.

Casey is laying on her back on the floor, her head turned to one side. "Casey!" I scream in horror. I literally run to her and drop to my knees.

She has blood coming out of her nose. I shake her and call her name several times, but she does not respond. She's breathing but unconscious.

I've started to cry, and I don't even know when it happened. My breath is hitching in my throat; I have to call for help. She needs to be taken to the hospital immeaditely.

I start screaming for help. The custodial staff is often here at this hour and I hope against hope that they can hear me.

After a few seconds of screaming, I spot her office phone on the floor. I reach for it with shaking hands when I hear a gasp behind me.

"What the hell happened?!"

I turn to see Olivia enter the office, carrying a brown paper drink carrier with two coffees. She quickly sets it down and rushes over.

"Call for help!" I yell at her. "Please call for help."

I watch her scramble for her cell phone and am vaguely aware of her calling 911. She says something to me, asks me a question, but I just shake my head.

"Casey," I whisper, taking Casey's hand and holding on tight. "You have to be okay. You have to pull through this for me. Please."

My face is a red swollen mess of tears. I can't remember the last time I was this frightened.

They are taking too long to get here. Olivia has hung up now and I angrily throw over my shoulder, "Where the fuck are they?"

No sooner do the words leave my mouth when I hear sirens.

The next few minutes are a blur. The EMTs rush in and load Casey on a stretcher. Olivia tries to get me stand out of the way, but I won't let go of her hand. If she wakes up she is going to wake up to me being at her side and not alone.

I'm told I can't ride in the ambulance with her, that I have to stay and give my statement. But I mince no words in letting everyone know my intentions and I climb in the back of the ambulance and say a prayer as the doors close.

I'm still holding Casey's hand and I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my other hand.

I am so scared that Casey is going to die before I can ever tell her how I feel about her. Before I can ever explore my feelings and see if she feels the same.

Please God, don't let her die...

The ambulance has started to move, sirens blaring. I'm sitting next to the stretcher, clutching Casey's hand and trying to ease my worried mind. I keep telling myself she will be okay.

What the hell happened? Who did this to Casey? How could they get away with it?

The have a neck brace and oxygen mask on Casey, not knowing the extent of her injuries. Her eyes are closed and swollen, and it breaks my heart. I lean my face down near hers and kiss her cheek.

"Are you her girlfriend?" the EMT asks, adjusting the oxygen mask.

My eyes shoot towards him. Casey's girlfriend? "No. I'm just her friend."

He nods and doesn't say another word.

I realize at that moment that I want to be addressed as that. I want to be Casey Novak's girlfriend. Nothing would make me happier.

I make a silent promise to Casey. If she can fight and hang on, I'll tell her how I feel about her.

I have to keep this promise. I have to.

can she keep it? will she keep it?