Portal Jockey Part III

The next morning, sun shined down on the bed where Midna lay sleeping, birds chirping merrily and all that jazz.

She hissed violently at it all and rolled over in the bed, hoping that the damn bird and sun would be swallowed in a black hole. Then all that anger was suddenly shifted onto a new target as she rolled over to find something—no, worse—someone in her bed.

"Oh my gods!" she screeched, pushing Link out of the bed. "Why were you sleeping with me?"

Link, who had been sleeping, did not awaken until he hit the floor, at which point he jumped up and started to swing a nonexistent sword.

"Back foul beast!" he cried, walking around deliriously.

"Wake up you idiot!" Midna snapped, the previous shock wearing off.

"Oh, right, this again," Link sighed, looking just a little too disappointed. "You know, I finally understand why you're so cranky all the time."

"What?" Midna growled, giving him a warning look.

"Being an imp really sucks," he continued blatantly ignorant of her glare.

"I'm going to stab you right before we trade bodies back," she warned in a deadpan.

"How are we going to get our bodies back?" Link wondered, her threat completely ignored.

"We have to recreate the conditions exactly," Midna declared, surprising Link with her early morning logic.

"Wow you thought of that just now? It's actually a good idea," he commented, clearly impressed.

"Oh, hell no," she corrected. "That Goron I took a bath with last night mentioned it."

"Wait what Gor—?"

"Anyways, let's get started," Midna interrupted. "First, we have to make you sleep-deprived, cranky, and careless."

"So basically I have to act just like you?"

"You're really testing it," she growled, walking out of the room. Link stood there dumbfounded.

Testing what?

Sixteen days later…

"You think I'm gorgeous, you want to kiss me, you want to hug me, you want to love me, you want to smooch me, you want to hug me," Link sang obnoxiously. Midna, meanwhile, was ready to kill herself. If that stupid Goron was wrong then their species was going to be extinct very, very soon.

"Okay, you being tired is officially completed," she growled, studying her checklist. The next step was to make him angry, and that was the task that had her baffled. She looked away from the paper back to her sleep-deprived companion.

"I'm bringing sexy back!" Link shouted joyously, dancing on the table top. "All them mother fu—!"

"Link!" she called. He stopped singing and floated over to her.

"I hate you and I'm going to leave you after we're done killing Ganon," she deadpanned. Link stared back blankly for a moment.

"So?"

"S-so?" she stuttered. That was her best bet. How could undying love for her not being returned fail to make him miserable? There had to be another solution. "Link, Illia died."

"Oh no!" he gasped, looking shocked. "She was my best friend…" A single tear rolled down his cheek, but this wasn't quite what Midna was aiming for.

She kicked Link in the shin, belched loudly, and then demanded, "Go get me a drink."

That did it.

"You know what, you're so ungrateful!" he snapped. "I work and work to save not only Zelda, but your stupid realm as well. Do I ever get any thanks? No."

"Uh, Link you know I was just—?"

"All I get is, Link do this, Link do that," he continued to rant. "No, oh thanks Link! Or maybe, I don't know, what would we ever do without you Link?"

"Link shut up for a minute!"

"What?" he snapped.

"Warp me!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Good I hope you do!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Suddenly Midna was swallowed up by Twilight fragments, with only enough time to pray to whoever would listen that she wouldn't be a wolf on the other side.

Something seemed different about this place. Something seemed… warmer… about this place. Midna cracked an eye open only to be blinded by the light. Where was she? Oh gods. Was she dead? She sat up and looked around worriedly. This place was way too bright and… fuzzy. Warm and fuzzy.

Oh no.

Was she still in Link's body? Was she a wolf again? What else could possibly be warm and fuzzy?

She looked around, but there was no one else around. She looked down at her body, surprised to see her body there where it should be. So it had worked, but where the Hylian had Link teleported them to?

Knock, knock.

That's weird. It sounded like someone was knocking on a door or something.

Bang, bang!

Angrily knocking on a door or something.

Wait.

Wait just a minute.

What if this all was just a—?

Suddenly Midna lurched straight up, finding herself in a familiar place that wasn't filled with light. Actually, she was in her own room. Her own room, her own realm, and… she looked down at her hands to see her own body there—her body, not the imp body.

Whoa that was a trippy dream.

That Link character was really, really weird. That whole world, though, was pretty off.

Knock, knock.

Oh right, the door had awoke her. She slid out of bed and made her way to the door, opening it and smiling graciously. Life was good. She had just been crowned as the next ruler of the Twili. She had reliable, trustworthy friends. And most importantly she didn't have any weird wolf-people as a traveling companion.

Yeah, life was great.

The door slid open.

"Oh, hi Zant. What's up?"


A/N: Phew, don't worry Midna, it was all just a dream… for now. Thanks for reading!

A/N: To clear up some confusion: yes, it was all a bizzare dream. This story ends right as Zant pushes the events of Twilight Princess into motion. We all know what happens from here.