The Moment We've Been Waiting for~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Total Vaughn Lover
A/N: WOW! 12 REVIEWS!!!! Do you know how freaking awesome you guys are! Well let me tell you, I feel so good inside to know that people are reading my fics! Thanks so much! I do apologize that I didn't update sooner but I just didn't have the time! I've been writing on paper so if I had a scanner I probably would have been able to do this a lot quicker but even at 70 wpm, it doesn't work when my sister is doing homework and I don't' have my own computer! Thanks for the patience though! Hope this'll keep you going till J.J does what he should with Vaughn and Sydney.
Part III: A Close for Syd and an evening we've both needed
I returned that evening to her house, but in all my haste, I realized I'd made it there thirty minutes earlier than our scheduled meeting time. Face it, my anticipation to hold my Sydney in my arms and whisper sweet nothings to her as she feel asleep against my chest had overwhelmed any rational thoughts I may have, or could have had before I'd decided to jump in the car with my overnight bag.
I sat for a moment, trying to control myself. I knew that Sydney was ready for me, for us but I still felt like I had to make a first impression. I had to do something to make Sydney know that I was not lying, that I was here for her and would be for now till the end of time. And to do that, I simply could not walk up to her and start mauling her. I had to be calm, collected, shy, a bit uncomfortable. Heck, maybe I'd even let her make the first move. That would be down right sexy.
I contemplated my osculating thoughts and then pushed them down before I made a move to step out of my car. I gently bumped the door shut with my hip and then glanced down at myself and gave my wardrobe a once-over.
I guess I looked decent. After two hours of awkward silence helping my ex- wife get her things into cardboard boxes to take out to her new residence the following morning, this was much more than I'd expected of myself. I'd had enough time to make myself look real good if I wanted to but I just didn't want to stay in the house with Lauren for another moment longer, not when I knew tonight my nightmares were going to end, my what if's and self- punishing nights were going to be history. I'd just given my self enough time to take a shower, shave somewhat carefully so I didn't have cuts all over my face and then actually messed with my blond hair. Then I'd come out with only a pair of boxers on, just to be caught by my ex-wife who had longing clearly in her blue eyes. I'd somehow ignored them and silently gone about packing my sports bag with clothes, tooth brush, comb, and all other things I required to be presentable going in through the CIA Agency's front door the following morning. After that awkward moment, I'd had only enough time to pull on a white sweatshirt and some cargo pants to make it to my appointment to pick up the flowers that I'd ordered for Sydney to escape the conversation that I knew Lauren wanted to have with me.
The flowers were currently sitting in my passenger seat. The aroma lifted from the lavenders and roses and filled the car with a soothing scent that mildly calmed my wracking nerves.
I leaned my back against the side of the car and cocked my head back to get a good whiff of the mild sea air, just salty enough to give my nose a slight burn. And then I closed my eyes and prayed to God, thanking him for everything, for bringing Sydney back into my life and for giving me the time to realize what I'd really wanted and give me yet another chance to fix it and declare my feelings for Syd.
"WILL!"
I smiled at the sound of Sydney's high-pitched voice, but only because my mind had not registered exactly what had been said until a second later. I felt my heart squeeze and a overwhelming feeling of jealousy encompassed by whole being. I gazed over in the direction her voice had come from and literally, I almost crumbled to the floor and imagined myself being whisked away by the salty breeze as though I were insignificant sand particles.
Will Tippin was coming out of the door I had come out of only a few hours ago. The door way that I had left kissing Sydney. That dream was quickly starting to feel like a nightmare. I felt even worse when Sydney, the on I was supposed to be with tonight, came trailing after him and grabbed his hand.
I felt a cry rise in my throat but I suppressed it somehow, not wanting to alarm Sydney. Not wanting her to see how jealous I was, I needed to be understanding. She'd said she'd had unfinished business. Somewhere within my being I knew this was what I'd been expecting to see.
I turned away for a second and cocked my ear that way, blocking out any meaningless noise of the waves of the cars beeping on the road I'd just come off of. But to my dismay, not matter how much I strained my ears to hear, I could not make out what was being said. I wondered if maybe that was a prayer in disguise. Honestly, did I want to hear what Sydney had left to say to him?
I only suffered the silence for a few minutes longer but those few minutes had been enough to make me feel a bit unwanted, a bit insecure. I had to fight my first instinct which was to just bolt the scene. The only thing that kept me there was knowing how patient Sydney had been during the one and half year it had taken me to realize what she'd known all along.
That I loved her.
I hid my face from view, knowing what Will would do next. What any guy would do after being told that their former lover had come to their senses and that she'd been in love with her former lover all along. He was going to kiss her and prove to her that they had something just as special. If my instincts were correct and my ability to make estimated guesses was still a strong skill, Will was going to kiss her before admitting to himself his worst nightmare had come true, that Sydney was returning to me.
I gave him about five minutes before I raised my head to spy on the developing events. Will was still kissing her.
But that wasn't what bothered me.
What bothered me more than anything was the pain that I saw in Sydney's face after he broke away from her.
Whoa. There had to have been something there, if Sydney was giving him the same expression she'd given me every time she'd had a moment alone with her former handler.
I felt as though I'd gotten socked in the gut. If she was this hurt of letting Will go, that confirmed the thought that wouldn't stray from my mind since the moment I'd seen Will and Syd interact in the JTF. That these two had been seeing each other~~~and for quite some time.
And it also seemed Sydney had gone to great lengths to conceal this from me, from everybody and that bothered me a little as well. Unless the darker truth was that I had been the only one left in the dark and she'd somehow convinced our "mutual friends," including my best friend, Eric Weiss to keep from telling me.
And of course Weiss wouldn't tell me. He'd been trying to nail into my head that I was married from the moment Sydney had returned to her former life style. And it was a known fact Sydney and my best friend had gotten pretty close during my absence as her boyfriend as well.
I suddenly felt very very uncomfortable. I was actually tugging at my sleeves, debating whether to pull my keys back out. Maybe I'll go drive for an hour, then come back and claim that I was late because I had been preparing a special night, yet all my plans had miraculously fell through. It was obvious she needed more time and I felt I owed her that much. She'd given me the respect of breaking it off or staying with my wife as long as I needed to.
I was sifting through my keys and turning my back to them, when I heard my name in Will's next sentence.
"Seems Vaughn's already here, Syd. Early as usual. I~~~I think I should go now."
A chill went down my spine. I didn't want to see Will, not like this, not now. Things could only get more uncomfortable and I didn't know how I was going to feel tonight if I had to self- inflict pain on myself for stealing Will's new thing. It wasn't his fault she had been my thing.
"W~Will~~~I~~~I'm," I heard Sydney sputter and I forced my legs to move faster, only they wouldn't move. I had to hear what would be said next. I had to know the depth of their "friendship."
"No, don't' be," Will cut in and I could actually hear him smiling in his tone. "I guess I'll see you at work, huh? Maybe you can start telling me all those happy Vaughn stories you used to bore me with."
I couldn't believe that he was being so calm about this. I certainly wouldn't be. I'd been just about ready to push him off the property and reclaim what I thought was rightfully mine. I'd gotten jealous over one measly kiss. It was obvious Will was more mature than me in that area, probably because he'd been through heartbreak more than the average man should. I hated to say it but maybe he'd grown numb to the aftermath of a breakup.
I didn't hear Sydney reply, I realized and I wondered if she couldn't speak , or wouldn't speak because she was crying, or using all her effort not to.
The next second I turned around only to see Will standing about five feet away from me. He'd come to a stop.
And he was grinning.
"Hey bud," he greeted me as though nothing had changed, and that this catastrophic event hadn't ruined everything between us.
"Will," I stammered, dumbly, not knowing what to say. It wasn't like I could deny that I'd seen everything. Like I said, I didn't have enough experience in that area to pull the act Will was with so much grace.
"So you're the old chap she was going to return to seeing. Should have known, he chuckled and actually gave me a pummel on the shoulder as though I'd just scored a goal for the U.S hockey championships. "Finally decided to follow your heart huh? I'm glad to hear it. Sydney's been waiting for this moment forever~~~and tell you the truth, I've been waiting for it as well."
All this niceness sounded genuine and that made me feel worse than if it had sounded fake. I honestly didn't know what I should say, what I had the right to say. I felt like someone had taken a huge eraser and erased all my possible attempts at alleviating this situation.
"Will~~~I~~~I don't know what to say," I stammered and I knew I looked like a bumbling idiot. Only no where in his expression did I see that confirmed. "This was all so sudden. I just woke up after my talk with my mom, you know the one I had when I went to see her a week ago. She nailed it on the spot when she talked about how she lost my father without being able to say I love you one last time and~~I~~things just really progressed from there."
I knew I sounded stupid, I knew it. Will didn't have to hear this mess of words that I didn't' clearly understand myself,
"Yeah, looks like they have."
I tried not to cringe but I couldn't do this, I couldn't like what he'd been doing with Sydney and I couldn't just whole heartedly thank him for not chewing my head off and take his patience and understanding gracefully. That just wasn't how I was programmed.
"I ~~~I have to tell you that I appreciate what you're trying to do for me. You and Lauren, being so understanding and making the transition as easy as possible. It amazes me and it only shows how mature we are all trying to be about this. While me and Syd have been feeling like we're in high school causing all this drama."
Will straightened up then shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe that's because Lauren and I are adults and we don't want to have to go through any more pain than necessary," he suggested, sounding just a tad sarcastic and condescending. "And maybe this just proves not only do we want to make a graceful exit from this disastrous situation but also that we each care so much about you and Sydney's happiness that we're willing to let you go and suffer a little in the process."
Lauren's tear-filled blue eyes that I'd seen when she'd told me to go and see Sydney earlier that afternoon after we'd filed our divorce floated into my mind. I knew that Will loved Sydney and wanted what she wanted for longer than I had known her but I wondered could that be applied to the deal with my wife. Had Lauren let me go because she loved me and wanted to see me happy? Had she signed those papers cause she'd known that I would possibly be happier with Syd? I felt disgusting. I was sure "Jackass," was stamped on across my creased forehead.
"I guess you're right," I murmured, shaking my head as my throat tightened. I was actually cowering under Will Tippin's stare. "Will, this was not how I wanted to meet. I didn't come to spy or take away from your~~~moment with Sydney. I~~~I didn't know, I mean~~~about you and~~~" I couldn't finish. Getting that much our surprised me beyond words.
"Of course you didn't," he stated with the first presence of anger laced in his voice. "She made it clear to me she didn't want you to know, before I said anything, before I expressed my comments of how I would feel dating her and rubbing it in your face. It was like she'd read my mind. Told me if we acted exclusive in front of you and Lauren, you'd think that Syd was trying to make you jealous. She said she didn't, wouldn't, do that to me. That she respected my feelings and wanted to answer them strictly for me, not you, no anyone," Will revealed with a smile on the verge of being a boastful cocky grin. His eyes glistened with unmistakable tears but id didn't translate to me as being pain. But I knew it was there, he was disgusted with me, he was just hiding it really well. I contemplated who he wanted me to read to that, finally ended up giving him a "I understand," glance. I didn't get in an actual word edgewise because Will spoke up again. I had a feeling his niceness was just about at its' limit. If he stayed a moment longer I assumed I'd end up being punched in the face.
"Vaughn, I don't think I need to tell you this but since you took your sweet time getting here, I think I should refresh your memory," he chided me. I just stood there and decided to take everything he had for me. "You've got yourself a very amazing girl, Mike. Don't screw it up again. I'll never forgive myself if you make her cry anything but happy tears," Will finished but then he had the nerve to add. "Because if you do anything other than bring her happiness, I just may not act as mature as I'm being right now."
But it was a weak threat. No where in his expression did I see proof that he would actually do something to me. And that was all I could hear without completely falling to his knees and apologize for his pain. "H~How can you talk to me? Let alone fake a smile at my face?" I demanded, getting my body as rigid as I could make it in case Will decided to take the invite and sock me in the face.
"Because all I want is to see her happy~~~and~~~she is," he told me candidly.
I was still reeling from the shock that I didn't notice he'd messed up my hair until he'd actually done it. "What are you doing here, talking to me? She's waiting for you. That's who you came to see, not me."
"Yeah, but~~~"
"Look, go and forget we ever met. I don't want to be responsible for ruining your night," Will scolded me. And when I didn't move, he made to look like he was going to shove me. I did the only thing I could do, give a polite nod, managed an expression fit for the current circumstances then made my way over to the door where Sydney had been watching from.
Now it was vacant.
I turned around just in time to hear Will say, "enjoy your night."
Then I watched him disappear into the shadows with a heavy heart. He'd been there for my Sydney when I couldn't have been, so what right did I have to push him out of the picture?
I heard the door behind me open and instantly I felt a warm draft blanket the back of my neck. The smell of tantalizing food contacted my nostrils and sent a signal to my stomach to start growling. And it did.
Perfect timing as usual.
"Hi Vaughn," I heard Syd state pretty coldly.
Okay, for showing up just in time to see her breaking it off with Will, I deserved that. I made a 180 degree turn. The moment my eyes registered Sydney's presence, I turned into mush. She was wearing a nice lacy black tank and a pair of tan capris. Her beautiful hair was half-pulled back and held with vintage looking black hair piece. She had a small white apron tied around the wrist down, and that was the only thing that made her otherwise sexy outfit sweet. Her small and tanned feet were stuffed in black sandals. I felt so underdressed when I realized how amazing she looked and that added to my already fumbling nature.
"Hey~~~seems I was early," I mumbled unintelligently.
"H~how much did you see?" she inquired, staring down at her feet. I couldn't decipher whether she was upset at me or for herself at letting me see what I'd seen.
I wasn't going to lie to her. "Everything~~~" I stated simply then I found myself reverting to the unconfident, hurt and a bit whiny Michael C. Vaughn. "Syd~~~"
"Did you come to spy on me?" she demanded of me, point-blank. As if I had known! She actually was wearing an accusatory glance. I half-expected her to start being angry with herself for not keeping it concealed from me.
"No," I promised her, flashing her a, "Of course not, what reason would I have to spy on you sweetie?" grin. Then I thought, if I wanted to, what right did I have? Sydney stood there just staring at me. Her foot tapping was getting on my last here. "Sydney, I always show up early, remember? I don't think it's been that long ago."
"Actually~~~to me if felt like a lifetime," Sydney admitted, clenching her fists shaking from nervousness.
"Well okay, but I always showed up on our missions a lot earlier than I had to be," I reminded her, trying to get back onto a positive note.
"Yeah~~~and more frequently these last few months," Sydney said with a mild chuckle,
"And~~~Now you know why," I clarified for her and the sexual awareness became more definite that our emotions had to be paralyzed not to notice it.
"Oh~~~of course. Sorry, I should have known you wouldn't do something like that," she apologized to me and relief overwhelmed me. And then to admit to me she was aware of my awkwardness she added, "Are you okay? Is there anything you want to say me before we~~~proceed with tonight? I~~~I see that you didn't pack."
I looked down at my empty hand as though I didn't know it was empty and then I cocked my head towards my vehicle that was barely visible by the grove of trees. "I brought it with me. It's just sitting in my trunk."
"H~have you changed your mind? About staying the night then?" she inquired shyly, toeing the floor with the toe of her comfortable looking slip on shoes. "I understand completely. And you can still have dinner, and maybe we can watch a move if you want to stay for a bit before you head back I don't know if you got the call but Dixon told me we don't have to be in till ten."
I wondered why she was saying these things? Was there a neon sign on my face flashing that seeing Sydney cry after Will broke away from her had me rethinking my decisions?
"Honestly Sydney, maybe I was just a tiny bit curious about what you had to do before you were free to see me," I ended up admitting. "I assumed you were seeing someone but~~~I guess I really didn't know what to expect. I~If I had an inkling of knowing that you were meeting Will tonight, I could have made an exception and been late.I just didn't want to be late on my first date with you after three years. It'd be a bad first impression.
"Well~~~that was very thoughtful of you," she answered me but I noticed she didn't look too happy when she'd said that.
"Sydney~~~are you angry with me?" I demanded, getting panicky again. I was so close to being whole again that I was anxious. I couldn't go another day if she ended this right here. Things were about to turn for the better in both our lives. It just couldn't go sour now.
Sydney lifted her head finally and cocked her head against the door jamb and with one finger she curled her stray bangs behind her ear. "No." She actually smiled as she said it. Then she got that look she always got when she was about to say something that could humiliate herself. An opportunity to laugh? A tension breaker was definitely what this situation needed so we could go back to focusing on what was really important. "No, I'm not mad."
As soon as those angelic words left her lips. I felt as though I could do anything including bringing down the Covenant while balancing a possible hockey career.
"Weren't you going to say something?" I asked then, standing about a foot above her as she took hold of my sweaty hands.
"No, why?"
"Because you were getting that look," I pointed out, leaning into whisper it near her ear.
"Look? What look?" she giggled and then she playfully fought with me, trying not to get out of my grip but I managed to pull her back against my chest and held her there by placing my arm around her waist as though it were a protective bar.
"Syd," I teased her. "You were going to elaborate on why you're not mad."
"That's not important," she protested and I could feel her skin grow warm below my hand. I knew that in a second or two she might bite m hand if I didn't let her go.
I haven't heard anything about your personal life for an year and a half, so I'm up fo anything you've got to say," I argued as I kissed her on the nape of her neck then worked down across her toned shoulder. I felt Sydney's body shiver under my grasp and I knew she was not going to say no to anything I had to say.
"Okay, but it's going to sound really stupid," she warned me. I didn't think I could think anything she said was stupid. "You know how you said you were overwhelmed with curiousity and that you came upon me and Will, not knowing what to expect."
I nodded.
"Well~~an year and a bit ago, I did the same thing. Remember when I had to be Julia Thorne and stab you so that my "former lover," wouldn't kill you?"
Oh did I. And it wasn't just because my chest had burned like no other. No one knew it but that had been the moment I'd actually admitted to myself that I missed her, missed being with her. Thank go it had been a dream! Well, scratch that, it had been a dream until dream Sydney had stabbed me again during that nightmare. And my life would have really gone to hell if I'd woken up and called my pretty blond wife "Sydney," which I almost had, only my voice had gotten stuck in my throat.
I nodded.
"Well, I left with Weiss and it wasn't until I'd gotten to the hallway that I realized I'd left my jacket in your room. Part of me could careless but the other part of me just wanted to get another glimpse of you. So I went back to get it and~~~"
She paused mid sentence. I don't think I'm the only person in this world who had a pet peeve about this. "What? Did you get lost? Because I don't remember you coming in and I would have definitely remembered that," I protested, not knowing what had come over me. Why I felt I needed to know.
"No, I~~~You two were~~~well~~~I saw you two together. You were lying in bed and you were holding Lauren's arms. I~~~I even saw you two kiss."
I squeezed her shoulders tighter. She'd seen me kiss Lauren, look at her with what I'd thought was love within my stare. Oh god, oh god, OH GOD!
"Sydney, I was~~~I was married then," I retorted, and I immediately made a note to myself to beat myself in the head if I ever got through this night for saying something so stupid.
"No, It's okay," she said with chipper as she ran her hands along my tense arms. "I understand. Besides, it wasn't the kiss that got me, it was the way you were looking at her, like you two were totally in your own little world. It~~~It made me wonder if that's how you used to look at me and needless to say, I felt pretty terrible after it dawned on me what I'd really lost."
Her voice cracked and I gritted my teeth together then flipped her around so that she was facing my chest. Then I strengthened my grip on her and we swayed as though we were dancing to music only I could hear.
"Vaughn, what is it?" she asked me a bit worriedly when I let a chuckle slip through my lips.
"Nothing sweetie," I assured her as I ran my rough fingers through her soft hair. "Just I was feeling the same way just now. It wasn't you kissing will that bothered me, it was how distraught you looked afterwards."
Sydney leaned into my chest and laughed herself. "I guess you can consider that pay back for what I had to go through," she suggested and I shrugged. "I guess."
The moment finally seemed right. I was leaning in to kiss her when out of nowhere Sydney began freaking out, leaving me in yet another state of confusion. Man, couldn't I get any peace?
"Vaughn, how long do you think we've been standing here?" she barked, point- blank.
"I don't know, maybe ten minutes," I estimated. I didn't think was too of the mark. But then I had more important things occupying my mind like kissing Sydney and wha I could do not to look or feel as though I'd been rejected.
'Oh good! I hope you're right. I was just about to lower the heat to my spaghetti sauce when I came out here. If I go in now, I think I'll make it in time and not burn it."
"Okay," I exhaled as I gently released her. "You go do that. I've got to go get my stuff anyway," I revealed and she smiled.
"Guess that means you are staying the night."
"Didn't I tell you that I'd packed?" I chided her as she headed through the door. I was just turning on my heel to head back into the grove of trees wen two arms grabbed my shoulders turned me around and I was pleasantly greeted by Sydney's wet lips. It felt just as sweet, desperate and powerful in the mind-boggling, heart-racing sense as the tiem we'd had our first real kiss on what remained of SD-6 after we had sent a team into the network to annihilate it. When she finally broke it off and stopped squeezing my cheeks, I was completely out of breath.
I watched her lower her hands to her sides and declare an, "I love you," with a sweaty yet seductive expression that she sported after a rigorous work out of any sort, including just plain running for her life.
"I love you too," I murmured back as she backed up to go into her house, keeping her eye on me till she disappeared behind the oak door. She was still trying to catch her breath as she went. So it wasn't my imagination that I'd just had a really sweet kiss.
I jogged over to my care to retrieve the items I'd left there earlier. And all the while, I felt Sydney's gaze on me. I was sure that Sydney was standing in the door way, watching me, as though she were my guardian angel.
Hmm, seemed I had become more important than her boiling cannoli's and since Sydney was an avid chef who spazzed out everytime something was slightly overcooked when she wasn't trekking the middle east, it was certainly saying something.
I pulled out my keys and unlocked the lock to my trunk and slung the sports bag onto my shoulder, grinning a mile.
La nuit c'est bon! (Tonight was great!)
OKAY! THERE YOU GO! PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS THAT'S WHAT KEEPS ME GOING!!! The next part may get a bit racy but it's going to be worth it! And if you would like me to review your fic, I will so leave me a note okay!
And please review my other fics as well, especially "when she was bad," please, I need some reviews!
Till next time! Total Vaughn Lover
A/N: WOW! 12 REVIEWS!!!! Do you know how freaking awesome you guys are! Well let me tell you, I feel so good inside to know that people are reading my fics! Thanks so much! I do apologize that I didn't update sooner but I just didn't have the time! I've been writing on paper so if I had a scanner I probably would have been able to do this a lot quicker but even at 70 wpm, it doesn't work when my sister is doing homework and I don't' have my own computer! Thanks for the patience though! Hope this'll keep you going till J.J does what he should with Vaughn and Sydney.
Part III: A Close for Syd and an evening we've both needed
I returned that evening to her house, but in all my haste, I realized I'd made it there thirty minutes earlier than our scheduled meeting time. Face it, my anticipation to hold my Sydney in my arms and whisper sweet nothings to her as she feel asleep against my chest had overwhelmed any rational thoughts I may have, or could have had before I'd decided to jump in the car with my overnight bag.
I sat for a moment, trying to control myself. I knew that Sydney was ready for me, for us but I still felt like I had to make a first impression. I had to do something to make Sydney know that I was not lying, that I was here for her and would be for now till the end of time. And to do that, I simply could not walk up to her and start mauling her. I had to be calm, collected, shy, a bit uncomfortable. Heck, maybe I'd even let her make the first move. That would be down right sexy.
I contemplated my osculating thoughts and then pushed them down before I made a move to step out of my car. I gently bumped the door shut with my hip and then glanced down at myself and gave my wardrobe a once-over.
I guess I looked decent. After two hours of awkward silence helping my ex- wife get her things into cardboard boxes to take out to her new residence the following morning, this was much more than I'd expected of myself. I'd had enough time to make myself look real good if I wanted to but I just didn't want to stay in the house with Lauren for another moment longer, not when I knew tonight my nightmares were going to end, my what if's and self- punishing nights were going to be history. I'd just given my self enough time to take a shower, shave somewhat carefully so I didn't have cuts all over my face and then actually messed with my blond hair. Then I'd come out with only a pair of boxers on, just to be caught by my ex-wife who had longing clearly in her blue eyes. I'd somehow ignored them and silently gone about packing my sports bag with clothes, tooth brush, comb, and all other things I required to be presentable going in through the CIA Agency's front door the following morning. After that awkward moment, I'd had only enough time to pull on a white sweatshirt and some cargo pants to make it to my appointment to pick up the flowers that I'd ordered for Sydney to escape the conversation that I knew Lauren wanted to have with me.
The flowers were currently sitting in my passenger seat. The aroma lifted from the lavenders and roses and filled the car with a soothing scent that mildly calmed my wracking nerves.
I leaned my back against the side of the car and cocked my head back to get a good whiff of the mild sea air, just salty enough to give my nose a slight burn. And then I closed my eyes and prayed to God, thanking him for everything, for bringing Sydney back into my life and for giving me the time to realize what I'd really wanted and give me yet another chance to fix it and declare my feelings for Syd.
"WILL!"
I smiled at the sound of Sydney's high-pitched voice, but only because my mind had not registered exactly what had been said until a second later. I felt my heart squeeze and a overwhelming feeling of jealousy encompassed by whole being. I gazed over in the direction her voice had come from and literally, I almost crumbled to the floor and imagined myself being whisked away by the salty breeze as though I were insignificant sand particles.
Will Tippin was coming out of the door I had come out of only a few hours ago. The door way that I had left kissing Sydney. That dream was quickly starting to feel like a nightmare. I felt even worse when Sydney, the on I was supposed to be with tonight, came trailing after him and grabbed his hand.
I felt a cry rise in my throat but I suppressed it somehow, not wanting to alarm Sydney. Not wanting her to see how jealous I was, I needed to be understanding. She'd said she'd had unfinished business. Somewhere within my being I knew this was what I'd been expecting to see.
I turned away for a second and cocked my ear that way, blocking out any meaningless noise of the waves of the cars beeping on the road I'd just come off of. But to my dismay, not matter how much I strained my ears to hear, I could not make out what was being said. I wondered if maybe that was a prayer in disguise. Honestly, did I want to hear what Sydney had left to say to him?
I only suffered the silence for a few minutes longer but those few minutes had been enough to make me feel a bit unwanted, a bit insecure. I had to fight my first instinct which was to just bolt the scene. The only thing that kept me there was knowing how patient Sydney had been during the one and half year it had taken me to realize what she'd known all along.
That I loved her.
I hid my face from view, knowing what Will would do next. What any guy would do after being told that their former lover had come to their senses and that she'd been in love with her former lover all along. He was going to kiss her and prove to her that they had something just as special. If my instincts were correct and my ability to make estimated guesses was still a strong skill, Will was going to kiss her before admitting to himself his worst nightmare had come true, that Sydney was returning to me.
I gave him about five minutes before I raised my head to spy on the developing events. Will was still kissing her.
But that wasn't what bothered me.
What bothered me more than anything was the pain that I saw in Sydney's face after he broke away from her.
Whoa. There had to have been something there, if Sydney was giving him the same expression she'd given me every time she'd had a moment alone with her former handler.
I felt as though I'd gotten socked in the gut. If she was this hurt of letting Will go, that confirmed the thought that wouldn't stray from my mind since the moment I'd seen Will and Syd interact in the JTF. That these two had been seeing each other~~~and for quite some time.
And it also seemed Sydney had gone to great lengths to conceal this from me, from everybody and that bothered me a little as well. Unless the darker truth was that I had been the only one left in the dark and she'd somehow convinced our "mutual friends," including my best friend, Eric Weiss to keep from telling me.
And of course Weiss wouldn't tell me. He'd been trying to nail into my head that I was married from the moment Sydney had returned to her former life style. And it was a known fact Sydney and my best friend had gotten pretty close during my absence as her boyfriend as well.
I suddenly felt very very uncomfortable. I was actually tugging at my sleeves, debating whether to pull my keys back out. Maybe I'll go drive for an hour, then come back and claim that I was late because I had been preparing a special night, yet all my plans had miraculously fell through. It was obvious she needed more time and I felt I owed her that much. She'd given me the respect of breaking it off or staying with my wife as long as I needed to.
I was sifting through my keys and turning my back to them, when I heard my name in Will's next sentence.
"Seems Vaughn's already here, Syd. Early as usual. I~~~I think I should go now."
A chill went down my spine. I didn't want to see Will, not like this, not now. Things could only get more uncomfortable and I didn't know how I was going to feel tonight if I had to self- inflict pain on myself for stealing Will's new thing. It wasn't his fault she had been my thing.
"W~Will~~~I~~~I'm," I heard Sydney sputter and I forced my legs to move faster, only they wouldn't move. I had to hear what would be said next. I had to know the depth of their "friendship."
"No, don't' be," Will cut in and I could actually hear him smiling in his tone. "I guess I'll see you at work, huh? Maybe you can start telling me all those happy Vaughn stories you used to bore me with."
I couldn't believe that he was being so calm about this. I certainly wouldn't be. I'd been just about ready to push him off the property and reclaim what I thought was rightfully mine. I'd gotten jealous over one measly kiss. It was obvious Will was more mature than me in that area, probably because he'd been through heartbreak more than the average man should. I hated to say it but maybe he'd grown numb to the aftermath of a breakup.
I didn't hear Sydney reply, I realized and I wondered if she couldn't speak , or wouldn't speak because she was crying, or using all her effort not to.
The next second I turned around only to see Will standing about five feet away from me. He'd come to a stop.
And he was grinning.
"Hey bud," he greeted me as though nothing had changed, and that this catastrophic event hadn't ruined everything between us.
"Will," I stammered, dumbly, not knowing what to say. It wasn't like I could deny that I'd seen everything. Like I said, I didn't have enough experience in that area to pull the act Will was with so much grace.
"So you're the old chap she was going to return to seeing. Should have known, he chuckled and actually gave me a pummel on the shoulder as though I'd just scored a goal for the U.S hockey championships. "Finally decided to follow your heart huh? I'm glad to hear it. Sydney's been waiting for this moment forever~~~and tell you the truth, I've been waiting for it as well."
All this niceness sounded genuine and that made me feel worse than if it had sounded fake. I honestly didn't know what I should say, what I had the right to say. I felt like someone had taken a huge eraser and erased all my possible attempts at alleviating this situation.
"Will~~~I~~~I don't know what to say," I stammered and I knew I looked like a bumbling idiot. Only no where in his expression did I see that confirmed. "This was all so sudden. I just woke up after my talk with my mom, you know the one I had when I went to see her a week ago. She nailed it on the spot when she talked about how she lost my father without being able to say I love you one last time and~~I~~things just really progressed from there."
I knew I sounded stupid, I knew it. Will didn't have to hear this mess of words that I didn't' clearly understand myself,
"Yeah, looks like they have."
I tried not to cringe but I couldn't do this, I couldn't like what he'd been doing with Sydney and I couldn't just whole heartedly thank him for not chewing my head off and take his patience and understanding gracefully. That just wasn't how I was programmed.
"I ~~~I have to tell you that I appreciate what you're trying to do for me. You and Lauren, being so understanding and making the transition as easy as possible. It amazes me and it only shows how mature we are all trying to be about this. While me and Syd have been feeling like we're in high school causing all this drama."
Will straightened up then shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe that's because Lauren and I are adults and we don't want to have to go through any more pain than necessary," he suggested, sounding just a tad sarcastic and condescending. "And maybe this just proves not only do we want to make a graceful exit from this disastrous situation but also that we each care so much about you and Sydney's happiness that we're willing to let you go and suffer a little in the process."
Lauren's tear-filled blue eyes that I'd seen when she'd told me to go and see Sydney earlier that afternoon after we'd filed our divorce floated into my mind. I knew that Will loved Sydney and wanted what she wanted for longer than I had known her but I wondered could that be applied to the deal with my wife. Had Lauren let me go because she loved me and wanted to see me happy? Had she signed those papers cause she'd known that I would possibly be happier with Syd? I felt disgusting. I was sure "Jackass," was stamped on across my creased forehead.
"I guess you're right," I murmured, shaking my head as my throat tightened. I was actually cowering under Will Tippin's stare. "Will, this was not how I wanted to meet. I didn't come to spy or take away from your~~~moment with Sydney. I~~~I didn't know, I mean~~~about you and~~~" I couldn't finish. Getting that much our surprised me beyond words.
"Of course you didn't," he stated with the first presence of anger laced in his voice. "She made it clear to me she didn't want you to know, before I said anything, before I expressed my comments of how I would feel dating her and rubbing it in your face. It was like she'd read my mind. Told me if we acted exclusive in front of you and Lauren, you'd think that Syd was trying to make you jealous. She said she didn't, wouldn't, do that to me. That she respected my feelings and wanted to answer them strictly for me, not you, no anyone," Will revealed with a smile on the verge of being a boastful cocky grin. His eyes glistened with unmistakable tears but id didn't translate to me as being pain. But I knew it was there, he was disgusted with me, he was just hiding it really well. I contemplated who he wanted me to read to that, finally ended up giving him a "I understand," glance. I didn't get in an actual word edgewise because Will spoke up again. I had a feeling his niceness was just about at its' limit. If he stayed a moment longer I assumed I'd end up being punched in the face.
"Vaughn, I don't think I need to tell you this but since you took your sweet time getting here, I think I should refresh your memory," he chided me. I just stood there and decided to take everything he had for me. "You've got yourself a very amazing girl, Mike. Don't screw it up again. I'll never forgive myself if you make her cry anything but happy tears," Will finished but then he had the nerve to add. "Because if you do anything other than bring her happiness, I just may not act as mature as I'm being right now."
But it was a weak threat. No where in his expression did I see proof that he would actually do something to me. And that was all I could hear without completely falling to his knees and apologize for his pain. "H~How can you talk to me? Let alone fake a smile at my face?" I demanded, getting my body as rigid as I could make it in case Will decided to take the invite and sock me in the face.
"Because all I want is to see her happy~~~and~~~she is," he told me candidly.
I was still reeling from the shock that I didn't notice he'd messed up my hair until he'd actually done it. "What are you doing here, talking to me? She's waiting for you. That's who you came to see, not me."
"Yeah, but~~~"
"Look, go and forget we ever met. I don't want to be responsible for ruining your night," Will scolded me. And when I didn't move, he made to look like he was going to shove me. I did the only thing I could do, give a polite nod, managed an expression fit for the current circumstances then made my way over to the door where Sydney had been watching from.
Now it was vacant.
I turned around just in time to hear Will say, "enjoy your night."
Then I watched him disappear into the shadows with a heavy heart. He'd been there for my Sydney when I couldn't have been, so what right did I have to push him out of the picture?
I heard the door behind me open and instantly I felt a warm draft blanket the back of my neck. The smell of tantalizing food contacted my nostrils and sent a signal to my stomach to start growling. And it did.
Perfect timing as usual.
"Hi Vaughn," I heard Syd state pretty coldly.
Okay, for showing up just in time to see her breaking it off with Will, I deserved that. I made a 180 degree turn. The moment my eyes registered Sydney's presence, I turned into mush. She was wearing a nice lacy black tank and a pair of tan capris. Her beautiful hair was half-pulled back and held with vintage looking black hair piece. She had a small white apron tied around the wrist down, and that was the only thing that made her otherwise sexy outfit sweet. Her small and tanned feet were stuffed in black sandals. I felt so underdressed when I realized how amazing she looked and that added to my already fumbling nature.
"Hey~~~seems I was early," I mumbled unintelligently.
"H~how much did you see?" she inquired, staring down at her feet. I couldn't decipher whether she was upset at me or for herself at letting me see what I'd seen.
I wasn't going to lie to her. "Everything~~~" I stated simply then I found myself reverting to the unconfident, hurt and a bit whiny Michael C. Vaughn. "Syd~~~"
"Did you come to spy on me?" she demanded of me, point-blank. As if I had known! She actually was wearing an accusatory glance. I half-expected her to start being angry with herself for not keeping it concealed from me.
"No," I promised her, flashing her a, "Of course not, what reason would I have to spy on you sweetie?" grin. Then I thought, if I wanted to, what right did I have? Sydney stood there just staring at me. Her foot tapping was getting on my last here. "Sydney, I always show up early, remember? I don't think it's been that long ago."
"Actually~~~to me if felt like a lifetime," Sydney admitted, clenching her fists shaking from nervousness.
"Well okay, but I always showed up on our missions a lot earlier than I had to be," I reminded her, trying to get back onto a positive note.
"Yeah~~~and more frequently these last few months," Sydney said with a mild chuckle,
"And~~~Now you know why," I clarified for her and the sexual awareness became more definite that our emotions had to be paralyzed not to notice it.
"Oh~~~of course. Sorry, I should have known you wouldn't do something like that," she apologized to me and relief overwhelmed me. And then to admit to me she was aware of my awkwardness she added, "Are you okay? Is there anything you want to say me before we~~~proceed with tonight? I~~~I see that you didn't pack."
I looked down at my empty hand as though I didn't know it was empty and then I cocked my head towards my vehicle that was barely visible by the grove of trees. "I brought it with me. It's just sitting in my trunk."
"H~have you changed your mind? About staying the night then?" she inquired shyly, toeing the floor with the toe of her comfortable looking slip on shoes. "I understand completely. And you can still have dinner, and maybe we can watch a move if you want to stay for a bit before you head back I don't know if you got the call but Dixon told me we don't have to be in till ten."
I wondered why she was saying these things? Was there a neon sign on my face flashing that seeing Sydney cry after Will broke away from her had me rethinking my decisions?
"Honestly Sydney, maybe I was just a tiny bit curious about what you had to do before you were free to see me," I ended up admitting. "I assumed you were seeing someone but~~~I guess I really didn't know what to expect. I~If I had an inkling of knowing that you were meeting Will tonight, I could have made an exception and been late.I just didn't want to be late on my first date with you after three years. It'd be a bad first impression.
"Well~~~that was very thoughtful of you," she answered me but I noticed she didn't look too happy when she'd said that.
"Sydney~~~are you angry with me?" I demanded, getting panicky again. I was so close to being whole again that I was anxious. I couldn't go another day if she ended this right here. Things were about to turn for the better in both our lives. It just couldn't go sour now.
Sydney lifted her head finally and cocked her head against the door jamb and with one finger she curled her stray bangs behind her ear. "No." She actually smiled as she said it. Then she got that look she always got when she was about to say something that could humiliate herself. An opportunity to laugh? A tension breaker was definitely what this situation needed so we could go back to focusing on what was really important. "No, I'm not mad."
As soon as those angelic words left her lips. I felt as though I could do anything including bringing down the Covenant while balancing a possible hockey career.
"Weren't you going to say something?" I asked then, standing about a foot above her as she took hold of my sweaty hands.
"No, why?"
"Because you were getting that look," I pointed out, leaning into whisper it near her ear.
"Look? What look?" she giggled and then she playfully fought with me, trying not to get out of my grip but I managed to pull her back against my chest and held her there by placing my arm around her waist as though it were a protective bar.
"Syd," I teased her. "You were going to elaborate on why you're not mad."
"That's not important," she protested and I could feel her skin grow warm below my hand. I knew that in a second or two she might bite m hand if I didn't let her go.
I haven't heard anything about your personal life for an year and a half, so I'm up fo anything you've got to say," I argued as I kissed her on the nape of her neck then worked down across her toned shoulder. I felt Sydney's body shiver under my grasp and I knew she was not going to say no to anything I had to say.
"Okay, but it's going to sound really stupid," she warned me. I didn't think I could think anything she said was stupid. "You know how you said you were overwhelmed with curiousity and that you came upon me and Will, not knowing what to expect."
I nodded.
"Well~~an year and a bit ago, I did the same thing. Remember when I had to be Julia Thorne and stab you so that my "former lover," wouldn't kill you?"
Oh did I. And it wasn't just because my chest had burned like no other. No one knew it but that had been the moment I'd actually admitted to myself that I missed her, missed being with her. Thank go it had been a dream! Well, scratch that, it had been a dream until dream Sydney had stabbed me again during that nightmare. And my life would have really gone to hell if I'd woken up and called my pretty blond wife "Sydney," which I almost had, only my voice had gotten stuck in my throat.
I nodded.
"Well, I left with Weiss and it wasn't until I'd gotten to the hallway that I realized I'd left my jacket in your room. Part of me could careless but the other part of me just wanted to get another glimpse of you. So I went back to get it and~~~"
She paused mid sentence. I don't think I'm the only person in this world who had a pet peeve about this. "What? Did you get lost? Because I don't remember you coming in and I would have definitely remembered that," I protested, not knowing what had come over me. Why I felt I needed to know.
"No, I~~~You two were~~~well~~~I saw you two together. You were lying in bed and you were holding Lauren's arms. I~~~I even saw you two kiss."
I squeezed her shoulders tighter. She'd seen me kiss Lauren, look at her with what I'd thought was love within my stare. Oh god, oh god, OH GOD!
"Sydney, I was~~~I was married then," I retorted, and I immediately made a note to myself to beat myself in the head if I ever got through this night for saying something so stupid.
"No, It's okay," she said with chipper as she ran her hands along my tense arms. "I understand. Besides, it wasn't the kiss that got me, it was the way you were looking at her, like you two were totally in your own little world. It~~~It made me wonder if that's how you used to look at me and needless to say, I felt pretty terrible after it dawned on me what I'd really lost."
Her voice cracked and I gritted my teeth together then flipped her around so that she was facing my chest. Then I strengthened my grip on her and we swayed as though we were dancing to music only I could hear.
"Vaughn, what is it?" she asked me a bit worriedly when I let a chuckle slip through my lips.
"Nothing sweetie," I assured her as I ran my rough fingers through her soft hair. "Just I was feeling the same way just now. It wasn't you kissing will that bothered me, it was how distraught you looked afterwards."
Sydney leaned into my chest and laughed herself. "I guess you can consider that pay back for what I had to go through," she suggested and I shrugged. "I guess."
The moment finally seemed right. I was leaning in to kiss her when out of nowhere Sydney began freaking out, leaving me in yet another state of confusion. Man, couldn't I get any peace?
"Vaughn, how long do you think we've been standing here?" she barked, point- blank.
"I don't know, maybe ten minutes," I estimated. I didn't think was too of the mark. But then I had more important things occupying my mind like kissing Sydney and wha I could do not to look or feel as though I'd been rejected.
'Oh good! I hope you're right. I was just about to lower the heat to my spaghetti sauce when I came out here. If I go in now, I think I'll make it in time and not burn it."
"Okay," I exhaled as I gently released her. "You go do that. I've got to go get my stuff anyway," I revealed and she smiled.
"Guess that means you are staying the night."
"Didn't I tell you that I'd packed?" I chided her as she headed through the door. I was just turning on my heel to head back into the grove of trees wen two arms grabbed my shoulders turned me around and I was pleasantly greeted by Sydney's wet lips. It felt just as sweet, desperate and powerful in the mind-boggling, heart-racing sense as the tiem we'd had our first real kiss on what remained of SD-6 after we had sent a team into the network to annihilate it. When she finally broke it off and stopped squeezing my cheeks, I was completely out of breath.
I watched her lower her hands to her sides and declare an, "I love you," with a sweaty yet seductive expression that she sported after a rigorous work out of any sort, including just plain running for her life.
"I love you too," I murmured back as she backed up to go into her house, keeping her eye on me till she disappeared behind the oak door. She was still trying to catch her breath as she went. So it wasn't my imagination that I'd just had a really sweet kiss.
I jogged over to my care to retrieve the items I'd left there earlier. And all the while, I felt Sydney's gaze on me. I was sure that Sydney was standing in the door way, watching me, as though she were my guardian angel.
Hmm, seemed I had become more important than her boiling cannoli's and since Sydney was an avid chef who spazzed out everytime something was slightly overcooked when she wasn't trekking the middle east, it was certainly saying something.
I pulled out my keys and unlocked the lock to my trunk and slung the sports bag onto my shoulder, grinning a mile.
La nuit c'est bon! (Tonight was great!)
OKAY! THERE YOU GO! PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS THAT'S WHAT KEEPS ME GOING!!! The next part may get a bit racy but it's going to be worth it! And if you would like me to review your fic, I will so leave me a note okay!
And please review my other fics as well, especially "when she was bad," please, I need some reviews!
Till next time! Total Vaughn Lover
