A/N: Not much to say really about the actual plot, really. I'm kind of just winging it at this stage. I think I ramble a bit too much on Shiki's part. Heh. If you find anything that you like you particularly like or dislike about this story, please tell me about it. It's super helpful. Thanks!
The sunlight streams in slender slivers, just barely peaking out through the top of a cloud. It's a bright day with blue skies, chirping birds, and the distant contented murmur of people in the background. It's your usual happy-go-lucky scene that always plays in the background during anime scenes. I'm holding myself together fairly well, if I must say so myself, as I stroll towards Hachikio again.
I shove my hands in my pockets nonchalantly, whistling tunelessly as I stroll towards the spot where I had bolted from yesterday.
Today's brilliant weather inspires me, and I bob my head up and down cheerily, all thoughts of identity crises and everything weird that came with it shoved neatly into a corner of my mind.
Neku is already sitting there, head down, music blasting away so loudly that I can hear a faint beat from where I am, a few feet away.
Waiting for me? My heart skips erratically for a few beats before it settles down again. No. No way.
I've become a pro at not only chasing Neku around, but reading Neku-expressions as well. His mouth is set in a hard straight line. He's trying to be normal, but beyond that oh-so-perfected emotionless mask, I can sense his inner turmoil. There's a shadow behind those hooded eyes, usually dancing with so many indecipherable emotions, and a droop to his slouch. Today it's the depressed-slouch, delicately held up held up; so fragile I'm afraid it might be blown over by the gentle breeze now that the iron will behind it has dissolved.
Diagnosis: Neku Sakuraba is more than normal-emo-brooding. The kid is actually seriously upset.
Honestly, I should be his psychiatrist or something.
"Hi Neku!" I chirp, sounding disgustingly hyperactive and cloying, even to my own ears.
That's the way it is, this is how it works. We compliment each other. Though I sometimes sink to Neku-emo-level, and sometimes (though rarely), he reaches Shiki-level of perkiness, the mask we put out for the rest of the world is always the same. And though I would love to emo in front Neku right now, and it would be nice if he would play the role of "comforting friend" for a while, that just throws our relationship wildly out of whack. I can't risk that, especially not today.
I'm playing out every card I have right now, every essence of Shiki-ness. If pestering Neku is one of those key traits, then so be it.
"Stalker." Neku deadpans, and it's as if the world has righted itself again. This is familiar territory, a well-rehearsed skit that we have unknowingly developed.
Neku sighs, and pats the ground next to him. I gingerly take a seat.
"Beat couldn't make it today." Neku reaches over his head and yanks off his earphones, his slender fingers expertly hitting the off-switch on the side in one fluid motion.
"He had this whole Rhyme bonding thing planned out that he couldn't reschedule."
"Oh really? So that explains why Rhyme isn't here either."
As soon as I utter this, I realize how stupid I sound. Captain obvious much Shiki? But redundancy, if not a positive attribute, is still an attribute of the old Shiki. And today, I have sporadically decided, is "act like Shiki to avoid further identity crisis" day. So I play along, smiling as the old Shiki would, as if I'm not embarrassed by the sheer pointlessness of the statement that meandered out of my open mouth.
The bond between the players of the reaper's game is very strange indeed, I reflect. I know so much about Neku, Beat, and Rhyme, it's almost like I can read their minds at certain points. I know their motives, the reasons behind their actions. Ask Neku about this deep philosophical thought, and he will think this. Put Rhyme in this situation, and she will probably spurt out this quote (unless she has a cooler one). Rub Beat the wrong way, and he'll respond like this.
But, at the same time, it's like I don't know them at all. What's Neku's favorite color? What's the story behind that chip on Rhyme's front tooth? How did Beat get that skateboard that he's practically conjoined to?
Most importantly, what do they like to do when we're casually hanging out and not running for our lives?
"Something wrong?" Neku starts the conversation off nonchalantly with a casual shrug that belies the seriousness of the question. Trust Neku to cut straight to the point.
His concern touches me. Like a duster sweeping over the hard plane of a table, it blows the last scraps of uncertainty away from the cloud hanging over my head.
I smile genuinely. "Nah. Not anymore."
He returns the smile. "Great. Now let's do something."
A strange giddy feeling has come over me, as if I've swallowed one too many bottles of fizzy soda, and the air is sizzling up, trying to find its way out of my body.
"Let's go shopping!" I squeal. I know how Neku will react, and as his face twists darkly into a mock scowl, I grab the scruff of his clashing outfit, and pull him after me towards 104.
"You need new clothes anyway." I chant in a sing-song voice, feeling safe in this timeless battle between Neku and my fashion sense. This is a age-old conflict, stemming from the very beginning of our relationship. I feel safe in this battle; I know how which way the tide will turn, and how to dodge the attacks without getting hurt. Part of me nestles in the familiarity of the actions, while another part of me wonders at my own insanity. Do you want Neku to hate you? No, of course not. Then what do you think you're doing?
Neku, with a long suffering sigh, allows himself to be dragged by my pathetic puny wimpy-girl strength towards the shopping center. Swept along in the craze, and towing the now-defeated boy after me, I am lost in my own whirlwind of happiness, leaving all the terribly emo thoughts far behind.
I tricked Neku. I have to admit, I'm pretty witty.
Shiki-of-before wasn't witty. Shiki-of-before obsessed over Eri like a stupid fan, and then threw her heart over her sewing. Shiki-of-now isn't like that.
Shiki-of-now understands people need more love than things. Shiki-of-now realizes Mr. Mew may be what inspired her to sew, and gave meaning to her life, but Mr. Mew, in the end, is just a plush cat. Mr. Mew doesn't need love. People do. People like Neku, Beat, and Rhyme. And maybe even Eri, if Shiki could just get over her hero-worship of that girl. It was just that before Shiki found people, she used Mr. Mew as an outlet. But Mr. Mew can never replace reality, and now that Shiki has found people, she realizes Mr. Mew is nothing but a proxy for her affections.
Just because I am Shiki-of-now, doesn't mean I can't also be Shiki-of-before, I've learned. Shiki-of-before, despite her meek hero-worshipful nature, had quite a few redeeming qualities; happiness, giddiness, compassion, just to name a few. I've been sure to instill them into this bold new Shiki-of-now mold that I am quickly hardening into.
We didn't end up going to 104 to buy clothes for him.
"If you had good fashion sense, then you wouldn't be Neku", I tell him. And so I take him to the local fabric store, which is hopefully not quite as boring as looking at mannequins with clothes on them.
"Look at this pattern", I say, tracing the smooth elegant lines of the flower admiring. "Look how it bends and curves, and changes colors. Isn't it amazing? Can you imagine this on someone like Rhyme? How the vibrant colors would reflect the smile on her face, and how it would make a glow that would bring out the Rhyme in her?"
Neku looks like he might agree, or might start to understand, and I realize this is what real friends are about. Not trying to be like the other person, but opening your mind to the differences between you and that friend. Differences are just as important as similarities, if not even more so. It's like day and night. Without night, day would be meaningless, and without day to emphasize night, we wouldn't know what night was either.
"What about this one?" he asks, moving onwards to the next roll of fabric. This one is dark blue, with pinpoints of light within the soft velvet, clearly meant to mimic the night sky. It's beautiful. And it reminds me of Neku.
I open my mouth to tell him this, but at that moment, the bell attached to the door of the store tinkles. The slender silhouette of a young girl is illuminated in the doorway for a brief moment before the door slams shut again.
Eri.
I twitch involuntarily.
Eri and I are⦠I don't know. Eri knows something happened. Eri's not stupid. If your best friend supposedly "dies" in a car crash, and then randomly revives three weeks later, you'd be an idiot not to know that something is up. But I don't really want to talk about it, and Eri doesn't want to pry. I almost feel like she's afraid I'll drop dead in front of her again if she asks me anything about what happened during those mysterious few weeks.
Neku is staring at Eri. Eri is staring at me. And my eyes are darting and twitching between Neku and Eri so spasmodically that it feels like they've taken on a life of their own. Oh my, awkward position indeed.
"Uh. Hi Eri." That was me, trying to break the tension in the air, so thick that it was almost clogging up my nasal passage. Of course, as always, I manage to make it so much worse than it already is. One of my many talents. Yes, I'm just that good. Not really.
Eri smiles hesitantly, and I smile back. We both know things will never be the same between us again. It's okay, because we don't need each other anymore, but we still like to pretend we do, just like the old times.
"So I was saying." I continue, my train of thought picking up right from where it last left off, amazingly enough. "This cloth is absolutely gorgeous."
Eri floats over to us, testing the fabric between her hands, closing her eyes briefly as she relishes the soft flow of velvet plush over her fingers.
"Oh man, it totally is. Those stars are so distant, so tiny and subtle, but so majestic. It's like they think they can hide their true glory just by appearing far away. As if if something's a lot of work, then no one will chase after it, no matter how high the reward."
We share a smile. While the old bond is quickly disintegrating, I can feel a newer, stronger bond forming. This one twines us together on an equal level, pulls us together side-by-side instead of up and down. This one is stable. This one is mutual. This one will last.
Neku plucks the roll out of my hands.
"I'm getting this. And you're sewing something for me."
"Nmmm nmmm", I stutter incoherently, but Neku has already swept off, that incredible roll of cloth clutched within his hands. I can't resist the temptation of working with such glorious fodder, and he knows it.
"This is Eri." I point and say unnecessarily. From the counter, already fishing out his wallet, Neku laughs. "I know."
He turns towards us, and though Eri in all her attractive glory is standing right beside me, I know the hidden glimmer in Neku's eyes is meant for me. For the first time ever, I feel truly at ease in my own body.
