"Names Rick. Rick Grimes."
Lilliana had met Rick Grimes three months after leaving Sanctuary. Well actually she'd met Daryl Dixon but he had held her at crossbow until their leader Rick showed up. Rick Grimes was a kind man. He was everything Negan wasn't. He listened to his group, he helped hits group, his group was his family. And right now, all Lilliana wanted was a family. She'd fallen to her knees in front of Rick, her exhaustion and hunger finally hitting her, and head begged to stay with them. She had literally begged at the man's knees, and he'd accepted her.
And the rest was history. She and Rick Grimes, from then on, had been family. He'd protected her from the voice of the group that said she was just another mouth to feed. He was her protector. He was the new Negan.
Rick Grimes group was, in no other terms, interesting. They batted heads and fought, but at the end of the day, they all loved each other. She'd heard about the journeys they'd had, and the people they'd lost.
They'd all questioned where she came from and at first, she refused. She didn't want them to know about Sanctuary. But Daryl, with his intimidation skill, had got it out of her. She'd told him almost everything. She didn't talk about Negan. He was a pleasant memory she kept too herself.
She dreamt of him all the time. Almost every night. She even dreamt of Simon. Some nights she cried for them and she knew they could hear here, but they never asked. Some day she missed Sanctuary, missed the halls her room. And even some nights, she would wonder if Negan missed her just as much as she missed him.
A year since Sanctuary, and for the first time, Lilliana felt actual fear. Nothing like the fear she felt when she would come across walkers. Nothing close. This was fear that made her blood run cold.
The group had been walking when she'd seen it.
This was were she and Simon had first met. He had saved her from a walker trying to take a chunk out of her leg. If they were here, that means Sanctuary wasn't far.
"Rick we need to go back.
Rick, his face full with a grey bushy beard, had shot her a questioning look.
"We can't go back. There's nothing back there for us the only way is forward."
"Rick you need to listen to me. We're in dangerous territory right now. We have to tur-"
"Nothing has stopped us before. Neither will this. We continue forward."
No one had listened to her. And that had truly been their downfall.
"Let's meet the man."
Lilliana felt like she was in a surreal dream. Like none of this was actually happening. Like Rick hadnt taken down Negan's men and now, they all were on their knees. Waiting.
She could feel the dirt and twigs digging into her knees and a stream of tear poured down her cheek, knowing what was coming. She'd warned them. She had. But their stubbornness had prevailed an logic and now they would pay.
Lilliana was hunched on her knees, her torn hoodie keeping her face protected from being seen, and hopefully, Negan wouldn't recognize her. But, a ball in the pit of her stomach said he would. At least Simon had yet to see her. Simon knocked twice on the RV. And silence prevailed until the door opened, showing darkness. Darkness would've been kinder than what came net.
Negan walked slowly from the RV, Lucille on his shoulder. He'd changed his look since she'd last seen him. He'd grown a full salt and pepper heard and had grown more slim, making him even more attractive. He still had slicked hair and a red scarf. From this side of the chess board, He looked all more terrifying.
"Pissing our pants yet?"
Negan looked at everyone and fucking smiled and giddy smile.
"Boy do I feel were getting close. Yep. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city over here real soon."
Negan walked closer to the line up and spoke louder, "Which one of you pricks is the leader?"
A fellow Savior pointed at Rick.
Negan sighed and got up close to Rick.
"Hi. You're Rick right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men."
Negan smiled at Rick, and Rick was drenched with sweat.
"Also, I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, and you killed more of my people. Not cool Rick. Not fucking cool. You have no fucking idea how not cool that is."
Negan started to slowly walk up and down the line up.
"But I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly. Yeah. You are so gonna fucking regret crossing me in a few minutes. Yes. You are."
Negan walked back to Rick and pointed his beloved Lucille at him.
"You see Rick, whatever you do, no matter what, you don't mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it's very simple. So even if you're fucking stupid, which you may very well goddam be, you can and will understand it."
Negan looked to Rick for confirmation that he was listening before continuing.
"Give me your shit... or I will kill you."
Lilliana was frozen on her knees, fearing the man that stood before, ice chilling her veins. Negan continued goading on Rick, trying to make him break. Negan walked up and down the line-up, jeering at everyone. When he got to her, his boots stopped and Lucille was lightly placed on her head.
"What would you do if I just smashed her brain in Rick? If I made this bitch bleed. You, your people, they belong to me Rick. I own you, and you will provide for me. And if you don't... well let's do an example right now."
Lilliana felt Lucille lift off her head and knew what was coming next. She was going to die by the hands of the man who held her heart.
"Let's see that pretty face before Lucille rearranges it."
It was now or never.
With trembling hands, she reached up to lift the hood off her head, revealing her greasy knotted hair and tear stricken face to Negan. She expected him to just keep going, to bring Lucille down with all his might. She expected him to yell and scream about how she betrayed him. But she didn't expect him to stop.
As she looked into Negan's eyes, she saw shock take over his face.
She heard Simon say her name but maintained eye contact with Negan. Negan was, for the first time in his life, speechless. He didn't know what to say. It was Lilliana. It had been a year since she'd left and he just couldn't believe it. He dreamt, for so many nights, that she was back, safe and in his arms. But his dreams lied to him, and she never did. She was with prick Rick, right under his nose the whole fucking time. Anger coursed through his veins and he didn't know what to do. Well he knew one thing. Lilliana was alive and well, and he was never letting her go again. Even if it killed him.
"Do you remember the last thing you told me before you ran? The thing I dream you tell me every fucking day Lilliana!" Negan at this point was shouting, anger lacing every word.
Lilliana nodded her head but Negan kept going.
"You fucking said Tomorrow. Tomorrow you'll be my wife, Tomorrow you'll be mine. And what in the fuck happened to tomorrow?! Did tomorrow just up and run away? Cause you sure as fuck did!"
The group was shaking with fear, barely even understanding the situation at hand. Negan had first threatened to kill them and now he was screaming at Lilliana. Rick wanted to try and diffuse Negan, but he didn't stand a chance.
Lilliana was speechless, though simply out of fear that if she said the wrong thing, Negan would kill someone.
"Look at that. Fucking silent. Guess you're that fucking happy to see me."
Negan had walked up to Lilliana and was staring at her tear stricken face, cleching his teeth and gripping Lucille in his clothed hand. He whispered to himself, "Lucille give me strength." He thought to himself, knowing he needed to get this shit show on the road. So he started down the line, making damn well sure not to skip over Lilliana. Now there was no way in hell he was gonna actually kill her, but she needed a reminder of who was in charge in this new world. And it sure as fuck isn't prick Rick.
"Eeny. Meeny. Miney. Mo."
Now Lilliana found her voice.
"..No,No.. Negan please not them... please no..." Lillilana was speaking between sobs, trying not make sure he heard her voice. And he sure as hell did.
Negan rounded on her as quick as the snap of a mousetrap. " Shut the fucking fuck up! You don't get to fucking talk anymore. You lost that privilege when you fucking left. Now, let's start again."
Negan went down the line counting, not stopping until he finished. And he so happily finished a big manly red haired guy. His eyes darted to Lilliana to make sure she was watching.
"You can cry. You can scream. Hell you'll all be doin it soon."
The crunch of Abraham's skull being hit with Lucille rang through the field. By now, everyone in the line up was in tears, not believing this was actually happening. Rick had sweat covering his whole head, his mind in jumbles of fear and anger.
"Takin it like a champ."
Lilliana looked over and saw Abraham, a giant crack in his head, and she almost vomited. Negan was swinging Lucille and laughing, laughing at their pain. Her mind was torn between attacking him and kissing him.
"Suck. My. Nuts."
Abraham's last words spurred Negan to finish the job. And he didn't stop until Abraham was nothing more than a pile of mush, not even recognizable as the red head he once was.
"This, Rick. This, is the new world order. And you know what, just killing one of you is super fucking nice. Shit I should kill half your little posse for what you did. But, since you so kindly kept my little Lilliana safe and have so mother fucking sweetly returned her to me... I'll let the rest of you live."
Negan walked to Lilliana and reached down, putting his arm over her waist and hoisting her up. She tried to fully stand on her own, but stumbled. At this point, her body was getting ready to shut down. But this night wasn't over yet.
Daryl couldn't let Negan take this girl, Lilliana, with him. Shit, they didn't even get along but no one deserved to go back with this monster. He acted on impulse, springing up and reaching to pull Lilliana back. But Negan had a tight grip on her and the Savior named Dwight immediately got on Daryl and put a crossbow, Daryl's crossbow, to his face.
Lilliana and Negan reacted simultaneously. Lilliana reached for Daryl, and that seriously just pissed Negan off even more.
"Get him back in line. No, No, No. That shit will not fucking do. I will shut that SHIT DOWN. No exceptions."
Negan turned around and leaned towards Lilliana's ear and whispered, "You might wanna look away doll."
Then he reared back, "Now... back to it." And he moved so fast she didn't even have time to think. He brought the bat down on Glenn's head and Glenn went down.
Lilliana couldn't really remember what happened next. Her ears were ringing and her eyes were sore from tears and her head was hurting so bad it felt like Lucille was giving her a pounding. Through the ringing in her ears she could hear her friends crying and Negan's laughter.
When the world went sideways, she knew she'd fallen, but couldn't bring herself to get up. She looked through blurry eyes at Rick, who looked as lifeless as walker.
Then the world went dark, the sound of Negan's laughter ringing through her unconscious mind.
The pillow under her head felt like a cloud, drifting through the silent sky.
Lililana cuddled into her pillow, practically pulling it into her chest, loving the feeling of the soft material on her skin. She leant down and breathed in, practically dying and the smell of clean clothe, and musk... and Negan.
Her eyes shot open, taking in the scenery, her brain working twice as fast to try and figure out what was going on. Her eyes found the dresser and she almost screamed. Lucille was delicately perched against it, the ominous barb wires still stained with the blood of her friends. Lilliana tried to sit up but found herself stuck, a thick arm around her waist preventing her from leaving.
Her breathing stopped and she slowly turned her head, only to spot Negan, asleep and arm curled around her waist.
Negan looked so... so... peaceful. The sneer that usually covered his face was replaced with slightly parted lips and closed eyes. He was breathing lightly, his unclothed chest moving up and down and air silently leaving his nose. He didn't look like the monster that had killed Glenn and Abraham. He didn't even look like a man that owned a lethal baseball bat.
He looked like Negan. This was the man she was in love with. She moved her hand down and caressed his beard covered cheek, tears coming too her cheeks. Why couldn't this be real.
Negan's eyes opened, his pupils honing in on Lilliana's hand, then Lilliana herself. A smile overtook his sleepy face and he reached his own hand up to her cheek, and she found she loved the feeling of his hand on her skin.
"I'm sorry."
Her eyes widnened, not expecting to hear that.
"I'm sorry that you're like this. I'm sorry you're here, with me. And I'm so fucking sorry I didn't kill you when I first met you, so then you would be happy, in heaven, and not here. With me."
Tears brimmed his eyes. "You deserve so much better than I can give you. And I shouldn't have killed your friends. I shouldn't have made you watch. I don't deserve you..."
Lilliana felt the tears roll down her cheeks, her emotions finally coming forward. She knows her mind couldn't, wouldn't, think of Negan to ever say these things, so he must have been talking to her unconscious body. She slid back into the covers and looked into his eyes as he spoke.
"I don't want you. I don't. I fucking need you. I need you so bad I would kill everyone just too keep you here. I would do anything to keep you here. With me. And I know when you wake up, you'll hate me, shit I'd hate me too. But I just can't let you go..."
Lilliana buried her head in his shoulder and wept, trying to convince her heart to give him a second chance.
