Thanks for the reviews! Does anyone else think it's strange that Ryohei is actually shorter than Hibari...? Also, rather than go the manga way as I usually do, I've decided to write the Hibari part from the anime, because past the animation, it's more fun.

I dedicate this chapter to my Guin, because she hates it when I write really long chapters and I'm just a mean person.

I don't own KHR.


Chapter Three: Camcorders, Cows and Caffeine


Dear Mama,

I.

HATE.

YOU.

Yours,

Lucrezia


Tsuna woke up to surprising quiet the morning that school was back in. Instead of the usual late morning wake up by Reborn or any of the others, it was the soft buzzing of his alarm clock that lulled him out of his slumber.

The second wake-up call he got half an hour later wasn't so nice.

"Tsuuu-kuuuun!" Nana's voice floated up the stairs, "You're going to be late for the first day back!"

Blinking his bleary eyes, he cast a glance towards the clock that very clearly told him that school would begin in about twenty minutes. "Mom! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"I thought you were already awake, maybe," the brunette said as her son rushed by her on the staircase, pulling on his uniform as he went, "Do you want anything to eat?"

"No time!" He shouted back, "Just save it for 'Crezia and everyone when they get up!"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Asked his mother surprised, "Lucrezia's already gone. She left, earlier this morning."

Blinking in surprise, Tsuna whipped around. "What? She's gone?"

"I thought she would've woken you up," Nana said simply, "Oh well. Have a nice day Tsu-kun!"

Tsuna walked the street, somewhat stunned. She left without saying good-bye...? Why did she do that? He even missed her, seeing how out of the four people that had been staying with the Sawadas during the summer, she was the closest to sane. A sigh escaped him.

"Why'd I oversleep for the first day of school? I'll still be tardy no matter how much I rush."

"You won't know until you try, right?" Reborn popped up beside him on the wall with a gun in hand.

"Huh? You? Wait a minute-!" A loud bang cut him off mid-sentence, only to restart him with no clothes and fire on his forehead, "REBORN! GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME WITH MY DYING WILL!" Barreling forward, he didn't stop until he reached the schoolyard wearing only his boxers. "Damn that Reborn, "moaned the spiky-haired boy, "I made it in time, but I'm going to be shamed again!"

A voice came from a lump of clothing beside him. "You're definitely the real deal." It said, gripping onto to Tsuna's arm.

"I hooked someone along the way? Are you alright?" Exclaimed the young Vongola boss as the white-haired boy next to him got up.

"You have greater power, stamina and passion than I had heard! A true once-in-a-century prospect!" He placed his hands on the younger boys shoulders, "Join our club, Tsuna Sawada!"

Stuttering, Tsuna managed to get out a question, all thoughts concerned with Lucrezia's departure dissipating from his mind. "Why do you know my name?"

"Because I've heard about you from my younger sister!"

"Y-younger sister?"

From behind them, a girl's voice called out, "Brother!

"What's the matter, Kyoko?" The white-haired boy replied.

"Kyoko..?" Tsuna murmured to himself, "That's an awfully familiar name. Kyoko, Kyoko..."

That was when the girl of his dreams ran up to them, holding a large bag and scolding her brother for dropping it.

"THAT Kyoko?"

"Oh, good morning Tsuna." The orange-haired girl greeted him happily before noticing something, "Why're the two of you together? Brother, you're not causing Tsuna trouble, are you?"

"No, I'm not!" Her brother objected.

WHAT? They're really brother and sister?

Kyoko turned to Tsuna with a smile, "You can just ignore my brother's boxing stories, alright?"

"Boxing...?"

"Speaking of which, I haven't introduced myself yet." Kyoko's brother pulled himself up straight, "I am Ryohei Sasagawa, captain of the boxing club! My motto is - 'To The EXTREME'!"

The younger male stared in shock as Ryohei clapped him on the shoulder. "Welcome to the club, Tsuna Sawada!"

"No, brother, you mustn't force Tsuna to join..." Scolded the younger sister.

"I'm not forcing him! Right, Tsuna?"

"Uh-huh," whimpered Tsuna, What should I do? I can't box at all, but I don't want Kyoko's older brother to hate me...

Grinning cheerfully at them, Ryohei waved goodbye, "I'll be waiting at the gym after school then!"

"Um, wait, on the second thought-!" Protested Tsuna weakly but it was already too late.

"He can be crude, I know, but he has a gentle side you wouldn't expect," Kyoko said fondly, "But you're terrific Tsuna. I'm glad, too... It's been a long time since I've seen brother look so happy.

It just became a lot harder to say no!


Inside the classroom, Tsuna gazed around, a heavy feeling lying in the pit of his stomach. With Kyoko looking so happy because her brother was happy because he was supposed to join the boxing club, he didn't feel like it was possible to reject. He prepared for another bad day as the teacher entered the classroom, but found himself surprised when he looked up.

"Attention, class," the teacher declared, "Starting today, we have a new student in our homeroom. Lucrezia James is joining us from Saint Mary's Academy For Girls in New York."

Coughing lightly, the duck-haired American girl clarified, "That's New York state, not the city, just to pre-empt any questions."

Tsuna's jaw-dropped. So that's what his mother had meant - that she'd gone to school, not back to the U.S.! But wasn't she only supposed to be have been there for the summer?

As she walked by to her seat, Tsuna caught her eye. "'Crezia!" He whispered, "It's September! Aren't you supposed to be going home?"

"I don't know!" She hissed back in irritation, "Why don't you ask my wretched mother!" Sitting down with a loud thunk, not another word peeped out of her until lunchtime, which found her sitting with the regular three on the roof.

Putting down his carton of milk, Yamamoto glanced up at her innocently. "Weren't you going back to America when the summer was over?"

Glaring at him as she swallowed the remains of a rice ball, Lucrezia pulled out a cellphone and began texting someone. "Yes, I was. But apparently my parents, Lambo's grandfather and my grandfather decided to go behind my back and enroll me here so that they know someone is keeping an eye on the little twerp." With a heavy sigh, she laid on her back, "So, here I am, stuck with you all until I earn my freedom."

"Tch. We're stuck with you, too." Growled Gokudera as he lit up a smoke.

"Maa, you two know that we're not allowed to smoke or have electronics here, right?" Asked Yamamoto as he glanced between them.

"Shut up."

"Don't care." Pausing in her reply to her friend Jasmine, the only girl among them picked up Tsuna's distress. "Hey, Tsuna, what's the problem? You're not, y'know," she waved her hands over her head, "Spazzing out like you usually do."

Silver-haired head snapping up, Gokudera stared at his boss with an absurd amount of worry, "Tenth, I didn't even notice!" Standing up, he struck his scary pose, "Whatever the problem is, I'll deal with it for you!"

A shining ray of hope gleamed in Tsuna's mind. Maybe Gokudera and Yamamoto could help him out of this mess! "Actually there is something..."

"What? I'll destroy anyone who is bothering the boss!"

"You don't need to destroy him!" Shouted out Tsuna, "It's just that, there's this guy, and he's trying to force me into the boxing club, and I don't want to say no because he's Kyoko's brother, so maybe you could-?"

Yamamoto suddenly burst into a wide grin, "You got scouted by Sasagawa, huh? Good to see you're making friends, Tsuna!"

"The boxing club?" Gokudera smirked triumphantly, "Looks like someone's finally recognized your greatness, Tenth!"

"You're so sweet, Tsu-kun!" Cooed Lucrezia, "Throwing yourself headlong into failure and misery to make me feel better! Way to be a man!"

All the short boy could do was stare in shock at the people he considered to be his friends. "IS EVERYONE OUT TO GET ME?"


Standing outside the boxing ring with Gokudera, Yamamoto and her new best friend Kyoko Sasagawa (whose gullibility might be useful in the future), Lucrezia smiled brightly in sadistic glee as she watched a nervous Tsuna dressed in boxing gear prepare to take on the powerhouse that was Ryohei, Kyoko's older brother and another potentially useful idiot (with sexy muscles - if he wasn't so dumb, she totally would've made him her man-bitch). Over in the corner was the mysterious Coach Pao Pao from Thailand, who looked suspiciously familiar, though she couldn't place where she'd seen him before. There was just something about those curly sideburns that peeked out from under his elephant hat, but oh well. She'd ponder the possibilities another time; more importantly, Tsuna was about to totally get his ass kicked, and who'd want to miss that?

"Here I come, Tsuna Sawada!" Roared out Ryohei, "I won't hold back!" The instant the match bell clanged, his face fist slammed into Tsuna's face. Lucrezia giggled maliciously and held up a small video camera to catch the event - she would totally have to post this on the internet!

Ryohei had been yelling at Tsuna to keep his guard up when a loud bang echoed through the room and knocked Ryohei off his feet, sending him flying to the ground, a small hole in his forehead trickling blood. Only in replaying the video later did Lucrezia realize where the shot had came from and exactly why she recognized the strange Thai coach. But in the meantime, all the half-Italian could do was stare in awe as the elder Sasagawa stood up, a strange, sparking yellow flame burning brightly on his forehead.

"What's the matter Sawada?Can't you get up?" He asked, almost calmly before he returned to normal, "If you can get up, let's continue!"

"What?" Tsuna appeared shocked, "He hasn't changed at all!"

That's a weird thing to say, reflected the American as around her flew whispers of why Ryohei had just fallen. Before anyone could think too hard on it, another loud bang was heard and this time, it was Tsuna who went down. But in an instant he was back up and raring to go in the same manner that he had been when dealing with Bianchi and older Lambo fighting weeks before.

"REBORN! I WILL TURN DOWN THE INVITATION TO JOIN THE CLUB WITH MY DYING WILL!"

"Wicked," whispered Lucrezia admiringly, zooming in on Tsuna's face. Weird, she thought, His flame and Sasagawa's are totally different. I wonder why...?

Ryohei just raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Well, I won't ask you why..." He struck a dramatic pose, much like Gokudera had earlier, "Because I believe two men tell everything with their fists." With a sudden flying punch, he attacked, "Join the club, Sawada!"

"NO WAY!" Was the reply as Tsuna easily dodged.

As Ryohei and Tsuna traded blows, dodges and manly taunts, the boxing club members exclaimed in shock and admiration on how Tsuna was able to dodge their captain's EXTREME attack. But Yamamoto and Gokudera appeared to notice more.

"The way Tsuna is dodging those attacks is incredible, but..." Commented Yamamoto, "That's no ordinary fighter's attack..."

"It's a-"

"Space station!" Lucrezia excitedly cut him off.

Gokudera glared at her. "I was going to say 'an assassin's', you idiot!"

"You're the idiots. All my cunning pop culture references are wasted on you people."

"I REFUSE!" Was the final roar as Tsuna's fist landed on Ryohei's face and sent the older boy flying out of the ring and into one of the clubroom's windows.

Whistling lowly, Lucrezia watched as Kyoko rushed to her brother's side in worry and panic as Tsuna's flame died out and left him looking as though Christmas had come early but Santa had gotten hit by an airplane on the way to his house and all that was left of the big man and Rudolph splattered to the ground in front of him.

"I like you all the more, Sawada!" Declared the boxer as he struggled to his knees, "You have platinum boxing instincts! I'm going to recruit you yet!"

"Oh, you look so happy, brother!" Kyoko giggled joyfully.

Coach Pao Pao walked easily over the wires to the post closest to the group. "I like what I saw, Ryohei Sasagawa. Want to join the family?"

Tsuna stared in shock. "H-Hey! Now you're scouting him?"


Dear Mama,

Yes, NOW I've been to school. Math is still my favourite and I'm slowly learning kanji. Slowly. English class is fun because I can give out bad advice when everyone comes to me for help. I despise Literature, as usual. Send games, tech, and my shiny things. Lambo sends his favourite Nonna love and asks for candy. He is, as usual, irritating me -

"Zia 'Crezia! Guess what I have in my right hand!"

Her eyes flickered briefly to him before returning to the screen. "A grape."

"Guess what I have in my left hand?"

"A piece of candy."

The little boy in cow print stared up at his aunt in total wonder. "How did you know?" He whispered reverently.

"Because you're holding them both out towards me!" Snapped Lucrezia, "Go play in the kitchen with Bianchi or something!"

Sniffling, Lambo threw himself onto the keyboard of her laptop and began banging on the keys and wailing, "But I wanna play with Zia 'Crezia! I WANNA PLAY WITH ZIA 'CREZIA!"

"GET OFF MY COMPUTER YOU LITTLE IDIOT!" Shrieked the older Bovino as they squabbled loudly, attracting Nana's attention.

The brunette poked her head into the traditional room. "Oh, good, you're still here. Could you two do something for me?"

Pushing her nephew off of her computer and checking it for any damage, Lucrezia nodded, "Of course we can. What is it?"

"I need you to pick up a few groceries for dinner. I'd send Bianchi, but she can't really pick out what's ripe and what isn't, and Tsuna went out with Yamamoto and Gokudera, and I need to start cooking quickly..."

Wiping a few folds out of her shirt, the strawberry-blonde reached out a hand. "Sure. You got a list?"

Happily, Nana handed one over. "I wrote it out in hiragana for you."

"Thanks!" Tucking it into her pocket, Lucrezia waved her hand at Lambo, "C'mon, you annoying small child, let's get this over with quickly for Nana."

'Getting it over with quickly' is not something that happens with Lambo. After insisting that they go into every shop along the way, attacking the shopkeepers and possibly knocking everything over, it took the two of them thirty-five minutes of Lucrezia apologizing and possibly paying for damages to reach the grocery store in what should've been only fifteen minutes. Inside the grocery store, the child made a nuisance of himself by jumping into bins, tackling the store attendants and asking other shoppers to buy him candy, resulting in Lucrezia finally just finding some string, purchasing it and tying it around Lambo's ankle to drag him away from doing idiot things.

Walking home with the bag of groceries in one hand and the make-shift leash in another, Lucrezia was not in a happy mood.

"I'm not going to take you anywhere ever again!" She hissed, "Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to constantly apologize for you? To pay for damages you've caused? You're disgracing the family name!"

Lambo walked beside her, blubbering, "I-I'm s-s-sorry, Zia," whimpering, he attached himself to her leg, "I won't do it again, I promise!"

"Yeah right!" She snapped, "And I'm deleting the part of my e-mail to Mama about asking for candy!"

"NO, NO, NO!" He wailed back, "Why're you being so mean?"

Trying to fight her temper from boiling over, she glowered at him, "Because you're being an idiot!"

"Well, well, what do have here?" Growled a voice from a dark alley way they were walking by. A teenage wanna-be gangster walked out with a few friends behind him, swinging around a half-empty bottle of beer and obviously trying imitate the look of Western rappers.

"It's a little Yankee girly!" Giggled another one nasally, switching into a sing-songy voice, "Yankee girly, Yankee girly, Yankee girly-!"

The main guy smacked him the face, "This is what happened when you drink half the case of beer! Do you know how hard it was to sneak it out of my parent's house?"

"What," Lucrezia drawled sarcastically, "Too stupid to get a fake I.D.? Dumbass."

"What'd you say?" He shoved his face into hers, "What'd you say, huh?"

"That you're a dumbass and would be way more impressive if you looked like a real Japanese gangster, rather than some weird American rip-off."

His meaty fist grabbed her upper arm tightly as his friends looked at her menacingly, "I can't forgive you for that, Yankee bitch," a knife suddenly gleamed in his hand and he held it up to her face, "Unless, of course, you give me a nice little kiss~!" Puckering his lips, his friends laughed and wolf-whistled, while Lucrezia tried to maintain her unimpressed demeanour, which was quite a bit harder when there was a knife pointed at you. She was regretting her lack of muscles from only lifting computer parts around when a weight landed on her shoulder.

"Stay away from my Zia 'Crezia!" Shrieked out Lambo as he jabbed a finger at the boys, "You stupid meanie-heads!"

The gangsters stared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing. Lambo's eyes narrowed as he reached up into his hair, "Lambo-san warned you!" He whipped out a grenade and pulled the pin before tossing it at them.

"Hey, is that-?"

BOOM!

The Bovinos and the leader of the gangsters were knocked backwards by the blast. Whipping his head around in the smoke, the boy glowered down at them as he lifted his hand with the knife into the air. "You!" He seethed, "I'll kill you both!"

Cheerfully pulling out a pistol, the cow-print wearer pointed it at the boy, "I don't think so!" The gangster looked shocked before whimpering and dropping the knife, running away as fast as possible.

Lucrezia blinked slowly, trying to process what had just happened. "Umm...wow? Way to go, Lambo...?"

The little boy proudly nodded. "Yup," he nodded, "Because Lambo is going to marry Zia 'Crezia someday, he's got to protect her."

Shaking her head at the boy (how the Hell did he just kick those idiots collective asses?), she gathered up the bag of groceries that had managed to remain intact through the whole thing. "Don't count on it, kid, it's illegal," tugging on the leash, she started walking home, "Anyways, what kind of candy should I get Nonna to send you?"

"MARS BARS!"

Back at the house, after giving Nana the groceries, Lucrezia settled in at her computer again and finished off her letter to her mother. But strangely, the computer was acting very slow, until finally, as she clicked the send button, a different window than usual had popped up:

'Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage. Most likely causes: You are not connected to the internet. The website is encountering problems. There might be a typing error in the address.'

Panicking, she glanced into the corner and there it was. That little icon that said there was no internet connected to her computer.

"DAMN YOU, NAMIMORISKYLARK!"


Dear Mama,

I do not appreciate your snark and I seriously doubt that yoga would've helped me out in that situation. Maybe ninjitsu, but not yoga. Seriously, what would I do, greet the sun with them or something?

Yours,

Lucrezia


"WHAT THE-?"

And with that scream, another fun event in the life Lucrezia James began.

"Now what's he doing...?" She muttered in irritation as she pulled herself off the floor where she'd been playing on her Gameboy Advance and meandered out into the hallway, pausing at the stairs. "Tsuna? Is something wrong?"

As she was about to go up to check on him, the doorbell rang. Figuring it to be Gokudera after his spidey sense told him that his boss was in trouble, the duck-haired strawberry-blonde pulled open the door.

"If it isn't little Lucrezia~! My, how you've grown up!"

The door was quickly slammed shut, "Bianchi!" Cried out Lucrezia, "There's a creeper at the door! Help!"

The young woman came out of the kitchen, an ominously smoking cake in hand. "Let me handle this," she said smoothly, turning the door handle.

"And Bianchi too! This is my lucky day!"

Both girl's eyes twitched. "Shamal!" Bianchi growled, trying to hit him with the cake.

"Stop it!" The doctor called out playfully as he dodged her.

"Die!" Finally, Bianchi managed to slam to cake into his face, causing a loud crash as he fell down.

"You killed him!" Gasped Lucrezia, "We've ridden the world of him at last!"

The quickly thumping of footsteps alerted them to Tsuna coming towards them. "Who... who's there?"

Smiling brightly, Lucrezia waved him off. "Nobody important! I'll go get a tarp to help hide the body with!"

"Did he fall victim to poison cooking?" Tsuna cried in a panic.

"It's been a long time since I did a hit that benefited society," mused Bianchi.

"Bianchi! Don't go killing people in my house!"

As a pair of hands pulled off a handkerchief that had protected the man's face from the poison cooking, he began to speak. "You were always a tomboy," he said perkily over Tsuna's shocked exclamations that he was alive, "That's how girls should be. I love you even more now!" Leaning over, he placed a kiss on Bianchi's cheek.

Her foot collided with his face. "DIE!"

Wobbling backwards, he almost hit Lucrezia. "And you, little 'Crezia!" He cooed, "You're no great beauty like your mother or sister, but you're still kinda cute! Can I get a kiss from you~?"

"I'm underage and can rig my Blackberry into a taser in less than three minutes!"

"Back off!" Another cake landed in his face.

Over on the side of all the action, where Lucrezia scuttled off to so that she could hide behind Tsuna, Reborn explained the doctor's actions, "I summoned him from Italy for you. Meet Dr. Shamal."

"How did he get here so soon?" Pointed out the American.

"I figured we might need him, so I called him over awhile back." The three watched as he was rejected by Bianchi again, "As you can see, he's a womanizer and an incorrigible kisser."

Worriedly, Tsuna leaned in towards his tutor. "Is he even a real doctor?"

The toddler nodded. "Yup. He's even helped me before too."

"You contracted an incurable disease, too...?"

"A what? What disease?" Lucrezia was feeling very out of the loop.

"It was Shamal who delivered me at birth."

"When were you born?"

Tapping her chin, Lucrezia thought back. "Well, he was around twenty-seven when-"

"Finish that sentence and you won't live to see the next five minutes." Reborn threatened her before calling over Shamal.

"Hey, Tsuna," Lucrezia whispered, "When did you get a disease?"

He whimpered, his eyes turning doe-like, "Apparently I got it because I've been shot with the Dying Will Bullet ten times! And now all of my most embarrassing secrets are going to show up on my body and I only have twenty-five minutes to live!"

"Oh... Can you will me your gaming system?"

"'CREZIA!"

Shamal wandered over to them. "Sorry about that. I tend to have a one-track mind and forget about everything else."

"Nice to meet you..." Smiling happily, Tsuna realized he wouldn't have to die.

"Pardon me," Shamal placed his hands on Tsuna's chest before pulling them back, "Sorry. I don't treat men."

"WHAT?"

The fedora wearing toddler cocked his head. "Oh, that's right."

Lucrezia poked Shamal in the arm. "Do you check only the attic before you buy a house and not the basement? Maybe Tsuna's a flat chick."

"No way am I feeling down there!" Shamal growled. Behind him, Tsuna cried out about how the doctor would let him die just because of his gender, "What do you mean 'just'? It's a huge difference."

"Not really," pointed out the American, "One can only tell the gender of a human skeleton by their pelvic bones."

Although he was about to latch on to Lucrezia's point, Tsuna noticed that Skullitus had infected his arms, "Please, Dr. Shamal! Help me! I don't want to die!"

While they bickered, Lucrezia sidled back over to Bianchi. "Poor boy," the older girl said before beginning to giggle.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Cried out the dying boy.

"Kiss me, Bianchi! Once again ignoring the one he'd been called out to treat, Shamal pranced over to her.

Eyes narrowing, the older girl turned to the younger. "'Crezia, go get me that pizza I was cooking," ordered Bianchi. Saluting, Lucrezia ran into the kitchen and open the oven, only to be stunned by the fumes and ended up siting on the floor dazed for five minutes. It was only when Bianchi came in to see what was taking her so long that she snapped out of it. Mostly because Bianchi had realized what was happening and slapped her.

"Ow!"

With a well practised roll of her eyes, Bianchi shooed the other girl out of the kitchen and back into the hallway, where Tsuna instantly ripped his shirt off, roaring about protecting Kyoko with his Dying Will. That is, until Kyoko pointed out that there was 'paint' all over him. Leaning over, Lucrezia read one out loud:

"'Taunted and called a saiyajin'? That's not embarrassing. Dragonball Z is cool."

Wailing, Tsuna tried to cover himself up. "It is embarrassing! Baring my secrets and going to Dying Will mode!"

"Tsuna, you really are a loser with no guts." Scolded Reborn.

"That's right! I'm just a loser. A loser! I'm going to die a loser! Leave me alone already!"

His wail of wimpery was cut short. "Okay, okay, I'll cure you." Interjected Shamal, "We don't have much time. Put your shirt back on."

As they went upstairs to Tsuna's room, Lucrezia turned to Kyoko. "Want to stay for dinner?" She offered.

Shaking her head, Kyoko just smiled and held out the books. "No, thank you, I ought to go home. Just give these to Tsuna, please."

"No problem." Waving good-bye, Lucrezia shut the door behind the other girl and pulled out her newly modified Blackberry and watched a little electrical charge spark out of it.

In her world, there could only be one doctor. And that was the Doctor.


Dear Mama,

Shamal will be fine, he wasn't burned that badly. There was no need for you to apologize to him, he deserved it. And I won't stop stealing namimoriskylark's internet, damn it! Though the virus he set up to infect my computer upon taking down the firewall was cleverly conceived and a total bitch to remove, his attempts are futile. Also, I need a new Blackberry. The one I modified kind of... exploded.

Yours,

Lucrezia


"Excuse me? What did you just say?"

The member of the Student Disciplinary Committee who stopped her on her way up to the roof held out his hand. "There is a 'no electronics' policy at Namimori Middle. As such, I am confiscating your cellphone."

"Ahh..." Lucrezia nodded, "But, you see, this isn't an electronic."

"What?"

Holding the cellphone up, she pointed at it cheerfully. "See, it runs on solar power, not electricity."

A pause lingered between the two of them. Though it was irritating that this guy was insisting on stealing her phone in the middle of a call, the fact that he looked like a proper Japanese gangster pleased her enough that she hadn't decided to pull out her technobabble and stun him into submission so she could run away. Instead, she gave him a chance to give up.

"No cellphones of any kind are allowed."

That chance was running out.

"I'm currently talking to my grandmother. Can you wait until I'm finished?"

Though he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her, he nodded curtly and Lucrezia turned away to continue on her conversation.

Over the phone, a voice snapped at her over the static. "Did you just call me your grandma?" Demanded Jasmine.

"Sorry, dollface, but I'm awaiting my chance to escape," answered Lucrezia, "How's that virus coming along?"

"Good, good, it should be done in a day or two, with school. Then I'll send you it."

A devilish smirk crossed over the half-Italian's face. "Yes. And then he shall pay. I had to delete a third of my movie library, did you know that?"

"You've only repeated it six times."

"You're so sweet for putting up with me!" Movement in the corner of her bespectacled eye caught her attention, "Found my escape. Call you back later."

"Roger roger."

As she hung up, Lucrezia called down the hallway to two boys carrying another. "Yamamoto! Gokudera! What's wrong with Tsuna?" Pushing her phone into her pocket, she bolted before the committee member realized what had happened.

Gokudera glared at her. "Oh, now you care about what's happening to the tenth?"

"Not really. It was just a convenient way to keep my cellphone. But what did happen?"

"A giant chestnut hit him and knocked him unconscious. Now we're taking him to the reception room to rest," answered Yamamoto.

The blonde looked at him skeptically. "...Okay, seriously Yamamoto, how many times did the baseball hit you in the head before you learned to catch?"

"What does that mean?"

"She called you an idiot."

A giant chestnut walked by them. "I think you're all idiots. Now lets keep going."

"...There was seriously a giant chestnut?"

Luckily for Lucrezia, Reborn took off his costume by the time they'd reached their destination, resulting in significantly less confusion. Standing outside the door to the room, Gokudera raised an eyebrow. "Is it here?"

When Reborn confirmed it, the five of them went inside the room to find green leather furniture, a desk and chair and a fantastic view.

"Ooo, a spinny chair!" Grinned Lucrezia as she sat by the desk and spun around, "Whee!"

"Wow, I never knew there was a room like this." Yamamoto smiled happily as he checked it out after putting Tsuna down on the sofa.

Reborn filled them in from his armchair, "The reception room isn't used much," he told them, "The furniture is nice and so is the view."

"Nay," objected Lucrezia, spinning around again, "They are fabulous!"

"It's also in a convenient location."

Apparently Yamamoto was the quickest on the uptake. "What about it?"

Decisively, Reborn declared, "This is going to be the family's secret headquarters."

Lucrezia's hand shot into the air. "I'm technically part of the Bovino family; can I still hang out here?"

"If you promise to do computer work for us."

"Yaaay!" Another celebratory spin.

"Wow, sounds like fun!" Cheered Yamamoto, "A secret hideout!"

Snarling, Gokudera approached him, "Are you a kid or something?" Turning away, he rubbed an imaginary beard, "It sounds good though. There definitely needs to be a headquarters for the family."

"It's decided." Reborn was cut off by the doors being thrown open and more Disciplinary Committee members entering the room, including the one who had tried to take away Lucrezia's cellphone. Damn.

"You there," he demanded, "What are you doing here? Who told you to come here?"

The current occupants of the room narrowed their eyes at them. "Huh. What do you want?" Growled Gokudera.

"Don't act cocky," one of the members said as they moved forward, "This room was given to us, the Disciplinary Committee."

Their apparent leader and stealer of cellphones stepped forward and glared at the sofa where Tsuna lay. "Who the Hell is he?" He demanded as he kicked it.

"Bastard," drawled Gokudera and he walked menacingly towards the group, "I don't care that you're some Disciplinary Committee. You're going to bite the dust." As the leader-guy exclaimed in surprise, the silver-headed boy continued on, "You're an eyesore. Get the Hell out."

The leader swore and tried to grab him, but Gokudera deflected him easily and backed up. As another one approached and tried to attack, which Gokudera easily blocked and turned back on him, knocking him back.

"Well, well. It can't be helped." Sighed Yamamoto.

"Actually, it can, but go ahead," chirped Lucrezia, plopping her legs up on the desk, "Defend our territory and my cellphone, brave Sir Yamamoto."

"...What?"

"Just go and kick ass, ya little bitch."

A committee member went at him with something he'd pulled out from a closet. "Mops are for cleaning," scolded the baseball player as he caught it and punched the other guy. Meanwhile, Reborn casually made coffee from a mysteriously appearing coffee maker and Lucrezia happily pulled her camcorder out again to record the whole thing.

Glancing away from the maker, Reborn asked over his shoulder, "Are you done?

"Yeah," they smiled from where stood in front of a pile of unconscious Elvis look-a-likes.

"That's my boys," congratulated the technophile as she put away her camcorder back into a messenger bag.

Holding up a coffee cup, Reborn grinned. "I've made some coffee."

"Oh, sank yew." Yamamoto said, making Lucrezia cringe at his Engrish.

As Yamamoto passed a cup to Gokudera, the other boy scowled. "You were totally unnecessary. I could've handled it by myself."

"Oh really? You looked like you were in trouble."

"What the Hell..." Hissed Gokudera.

"Oy, man-bitches! No squabbling in the ranks!"

As Gokudera and Lucrezia both accepted some coffee, a voice from the doorway interrupted their sweet caffeinated victory.

"These watchdogs are useless."

Another boy stood there, his armband matching the ones of those on the ground. "Who are you?" He demanded.

"He's Kyoya Hibari..."

"Hey, it's that scrawny little brat from a couple o' months ago!" Lucrezia cheered, "I thought those arm thingys looked familiar! Hey shorty! My man-bitches took down your man-bitches! What now, punk?" Sipping at her coffee and spinning in the spinny chair, her brain now rushing at a thousand miles an hour due to the caffeine (she had neglected to mention that she was only ever allowed decaf), she picked up on something, "Hibari, that's kind of familiar..."

Boredly, Gokudera rolled his eyes and started walking forwards again. "What? Is he one of these guys?"

"I just said that! Wheee~!"

"Gokudera, wait!" Yamamoto objected.

"Just now," the not-listening Italian declared, "This place has become the headquarters for the Vongola family."

Unimpressed, Hibari's face didn't change. "Family? What kind of crowding is that?"

"Crowding? Whatever, just get out-" The coffee cup in his hand was sliced off it's handle, causing Gokudera to jump back and Lucrezia to halt her spinning in shock, "What the Hell is this guy?"

A delighted look overcame Lucrezia's face. "Is that a shiny in his hand? Fetch it for me, man-bitch G!"

"I'm not your man-bitch!"

"I hate weak herbivores that crowd around," as Hibari spoke, Gokudera lit the fuses on his bombs, "If you come into my sight, I'll bite you to death."

"He said it!" Giggled Lucrezia hyperactively as she waved her arms around, "He said it again! That's awesome!"

His cold eyes landed on her, "You," he glared, "Although you have at least worn the proper uniform, electronics are not permitted in Namimori Middle."

"A cellphone isn't allowed, but my piercings are? At my old school, I had to fight tooth and nail to keep 'em! Scrawny brat Hibari is weeeeird~! Ga ha ha!" Irritatedly, Gokudera couldn't help but notice that under the influence of caffeine, Lucrezia's personality seemed to deteriorate to the same as her idiot nephew's.

As Hibari leaped forward to attack her, Gokudera intercepted him, getting knocked back easily and having his bombs fall out of his hands, fuses still lit, though Reborn easily put them out with Leon.

"One."

"You...!" Yamamoto growled, and Hibari struck out at him next. But apparently sports teams trained people better than the Mafia world did and Yamamoto managed to dodge most of the attacks.

Hibari picked up on a weakness, though. "You move well, but you're protecting your right arm. Are you injured?" As Yamamoto faltered, the boy smirked triumphantly, "Correct." With a kick, he sent Yamamoto flying into the sofa where Tsuna was laying, causing the boy to stir.

"Two. Is it over now?"

In her chair, Lucrezia had perked up even more. "That was so cool!" She squealed, "That was awesome! You're so strong!" Spinning around again, she jumped to her feet, "You should totally be my boyfriend!"

"..." The boy stared at her incredulously, "What?"

"I mean, c'mon! You're the brawn, I'm the brains, we totally fit! And Hibari means skylark, yeah? You have the same name as the guy I steal internet from! It's practically fate!"

A sudden look of sheer pissed off-ness crossed his face. "So you're the one stealing my internet."

"Enh?" She blinked in confusion, "You're namimoriskylark?" A look of anger that matched his appeared, "You son of a bitch! I lost all of my Tom Baker era Doctor Who episodes because of your virus! He was the best Doctor of them all!" She lunged at him, "Die!"

All he did was side-step her, causing her to slip and smack her head into the wall.

"Owwww... that wasn't nice! Now my happy's all gone..." Snorting at the blonde, Hibari walked away.

Tiredly, Tsuna's head peeked over the back of the couch. "Enh... eh? Yamamoto! Gokudera, too? And Lucrezia? What happened?"

"So there was another one." Said Hibari simply.

"Eh?" Tsuna looked at him surprised, "The Disciplinary Committee leader, Hibari?"

"We've already established that." Groaned Lucrezia.

Glaring at her, Hibari walked back over and kicked her in her stomach, "You can still talk?"

"OW! I could have a baby in there, you son of a bitch!"

Leaping over the back of the couch, Tsuna ran over to her. "Are you okay, Lucrezia?"

"HE KICKED ME IN THE STOMACH, I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY!"

Looking around, he saw the other two on the floor again. "Yamamoto! Gokudera!"

"They won't wake up," Hibari said, "I made sure of that."

"What?"

"Now, then..." The prefect walked towards the unconscious boys, making Tsuna scramble out of the way back to where Lucrezia was sitting. Grabbing them by the collars, Hibari dragged them to the window and prepared to throw them out.

Both Tsuna and Lucrezia shot up. "W-what are you doing?" Asked Tsuna nervously.

"I'm cleaning up. They're in the way."

"Ha ha!" Burst out Lucrezia before Tsuna whipped around to stare at her, "Oh, sorry. I shouldn't be laughing, huh?

"Wait a second!" Tsuna demanded, standing up, looking around the room, "You can't do that! D-do something, Reborn... Reborn?"

Rolling her eyes, Lucrezia rested against the wall. "Yeesh. Stand up for our man-bitches by yourself, Tsuna."

"You could help!"

"Like our man-bitches, I am injured."

"Stop calling them man-bitches! They're our friends!"

"Ha ha, you said man-bitches."

Ignoring her and screwing up his courage, Tsuna shouted out, "Stop it!"

The prefect turned around boredly. "If you can, do it."

In the armchair, Reborn popped out from under the cushion. How did he manage that? Wondered Lucrezia as she scrambled over to her bag and whipped her camcorder back out.

"Do it with your Dying Will!"

Turning around, Tsuna was hit right in the forehead with the bullet. Lucrezia grinned wickedly as she hid behind the desk. Jasmine's not going to believe this shit! It's like I'm in an anime! Japan is awesome!

"REBORN! DEFEAT HIBARI WITH MY DYING WILL!" Leaping into the air, Leon the lizard transformed into something for Tsuna to use as a weapon.

Is that a -? It couldn't be -! No way -!

"Idiot!" Whap!

A slipper! It's a bloody slipper! Yeeesss!

Unfortunately, the unforeseen consequences of that was Hibari dropping Yamamoto and Gokudera. Oops.

"I'll stop it!" Yelled Tsuna as he lunged out the window and caught them.

A strange grin appeared on Hibari's face as he pulled out his tonfa. "Is it alright... if I kill you?" Glancing to his left, though, he noticed someone else.

"Uh oh," Lucrezia pulled back instantly as the man his foot swung at her, "Hey, stop it! And to think, we could've been in love!"

A coffee bean flew threw air in front of him as he lunged towards her. "That's enough." Said Reborn from the windowsill. The American took advantage of the prefect's distraction, grabbing her bag and heading towards the door.

"I don't know who you are, but I'm annoyed right now," growled Hibari, "Could you lie down and wait?" He went after the toddler.

Uninterestedly, Reborn held up a strange weapon that Lucrezia only recognized from movies, catching Hibari by surprise.

"Wow, you're great." Apparently the prefect was impressed.

"You really are strong."

A strange bloodlust entered Hibari's eyes. "I want to fight you."

Smiling Reborn held up a bomb. "Save it for later."

Hibari blinked, shocked. "Eh?"

"Hey Reborn, what about me?" Shrieked Lucrezia as she dove for the door when it blew up.

Screw this. She was going home.


Dear Jasmine,

MWA HA HA HA!

Yours,

Lucrezia


Eyes twitching rapidly, Hibari glared, no, stared with total rage and bloodlust at his computer screen.

On it, a little duck with multiple piercings danced around on the screen with a flashing message underneath it:

WHO'S YO DADDY, BITCH?


Not far away, a half-Italian cackled maliciously as rewound her camcorder every ten seconds.

"Ha ha, pwn'ed by a slipper."

And all was well in the Sawada home.


Arrogance and incompetance are Lucrezia and Lambo's main traits.

Hope you enjoyed!