Pairing: Chuck/Blair, Blair/Nate, Chuck/OC
Spoilers: Up to 1.13 but then all bets are off.
Warnings: Swearing, sexual situations, mentions of abortion, bulimia and suicide. This warning counts for all chapters.
Word Count: 4086 words
Short Summary: Three months after the dethroning of Queen Blair Waldorf, ex-Queen B realizes that past indiscretions can never remain in the past. A Bass baby is on the way. The sudden realization leads to tragic confessions, abrupt breaks and heart aching hookups. But when her body starts breaking down…what will B do with the life she's been given? Will she return to the one she loves – the baby's father who isn't there. Or the one that's always there – the baby's godfather? It's the age old question: Chuck or Nate?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Really, I don't.
Beta: Artemis The Goddess
Authors note: This is from a RPG I'm playing –so mostly every post (with exception some changes I make) come from that site. I take no credit. Credit to Laura for writing Chuck and me for being Blair. Also, the summary has changed. Mostly to fit with the story.
Chapter 2 – Throw You Out
Chuck closed the door behind Blair and made his way to the bed where he sat down. He knew they needed to talk, but of course all coherent thoughts and sentences had left him once again. He didn't know what the hell was happening to him.
He indicated for Blair to sit down, hoping she would and maybe she could find something to say before this was declared very awkward, leaving her to walk out, out of his life again. Suddenly, a sweeping emotion swept over Blair causing the silence to become the most terrible thing ever. She sat on his bed slowly, springing up once again as she realized that this bed was part of the problem.
And it wasn't going to be part of the solution.
Blair stared at Chuck. "I can't just sit here all day, Charles." Yes, she mentally applauded herself, I need to take control of the situation - need to show him that I'm still Blair Waldorf no matter what happens, she thought. Yet sending him a look did nothing as she fell into silence once again. If he wasn't going to start talking she would leave - leave the suite, leave him, leave everything they had been and could ever be. Heck, for all she knew she would return to Nate. They could be happy if she really tried - if she pretended hard enough that Nate was somebody else - some boy wearing a scarf. The boy who stole her heart.
Chuck had this feeling that Blair was going to walk out again, and he couldn't help but think that he should be the one walking; he didn't like this feeling. This feeling of dread that filled him, he had to do something to convince her to stay.
He just had to open his mouth, and without realizing what he was about to say, he said, "I get it; you're going to go grovel to Nate."
After the words escaped, he wished he could take them back. Why did he have to act like that?
Blair's face was unreadable and he knew it had been a mistake.
She's sure Chuck didn't feel the slap until her hand left its mark on his cheek. Immediately, Blair pulled her hand back, shocked at exactly how far she had taken it. She just wanted him to take it back. She didn't want to hurt him.
"Take that back Chuck - you take that back!" she ordered in her usual Blair tone of voice. Blair Waldorf never groveled. Not to anyone.
Chuck jumped in surprise; he hadn't exactly expected her to slap him. Even if he did, he didn't expect it to be so hard. He knew he shouldn't have said it, he knew he should apologize, but once again his jerk side came out. It was like a defense; it was his way of dealing with Blair's future rejections, he couldn't handle them anymore.
Chuck smirked after recovering from the initial shock of being slapped, "Did I hit a nerve, B?"
The second he smirked at her, Blair felt the whole world stop. Of course, what had happened in the courtyard - how he had been so caring - it was all just some big scam of his.
This was the real Chuck Bass; he didn't care about anyone but himself. Yet, this was the Chuck that she had fallen in love with – the cocky, arrogant and party Chuck. Still, his reappearance was a shock to her.
But Blair wasn't easily beaten. "You tell me Chuck," she spoke his name with disgust, letting all of her feelings come out now. "How did it feel groveling for Nate's friendship after you fucked me?"
Chuck opened his mouth and closed it. Okay, somewhere down the road, they both had crossed the line, but it was so blurry that it was hard to tell where it was anymore. He didn't want to admit it, but Blair's comment stung. She very well knew that Nate wasn't talking to him no matter how much he hated saying the word groveled.
"He had it coming. What goes around comes around, remember?" he stated, talking about how Nate had slept with Serena and now his girl was sleeping with Chuck. He knew it was a lame come back, but at a short notice he had nothing better.
Of course, only Chuck would refer to Serena at this point. Serena - who Nate loved more than he did Blair. Right, they were way over any lines they had ever drawn before. For years they had always slammed each other with insults, and yet at that moment it felt like it was the first time hearing it come out of his mouth.
They were out to purposefully sting each other now - out to make it hurt like hell, to make the one feel what the other one was feeling. One way or another, it would have to end.
"At least Nate has people that care about him. What do you have Chuck? A few thousand local whores to bend over for you?" And, even as she said it, Blair felt guilty.
Chuck had enough; he had nothing left to say and was not about to let what Blair said effect him. Or so he was telling himself. He grabbed her arm, not thinking; he wasn't thinking by this time.
"You know what? Get the hell out and go back to your fucking prince," he said with detest and shoved her to the door.
Was he truly shoving her out? Chuck Bass was shoving Blair Waldorf out, she thought incredulously.
That was impossible.
Blair turned, throwing all her anger and fury at him. "You know what - maybe I will, Chuck! Maybe I'll go back to Nate and be happy and get married and have everything. But what will you have Chuck? A hotel? Your father's money? What the fuck will you have?"
Some part of Blair hoped he wouldn't close the door on her; fighting was better than nothing at all, wasn't it?
Chuck stopped the door before it slammed. Now she had done it; he wished there was a way to stop what was happening, stop and rewind it but this was no TV show, this was life and it was happening right now.
"Go ahead and enjoy your fucking fairytale, but don't be surprised if you find Nate fucking your supposed best friend," he snapped back.
Chuck knew this was going too far but he really didn't want to slam the door, then he'd know they were over and he was still holding onto something; something that was unexplainable, some kind of small piece of what they once had.
"Fuck you, Bass. Fuck you for ever making it feel like you were anything other than a pathetic bastard. You're too easy to criticize me for wanting to be loved, but at least I stand up for what I want. You don't do a fucking thing about it. You just let everything pass you - hoping to God that something will come your way." She took a deep breath, ready to continue what she said but she found only one more thing she wanted to add: "And who the hell are you to tell me what my fucking fairytale is?"
By this time Chuck had blocked out the harsh words. Words couldn't hurt you; that's what he kept telling himself anyway. Chuck had closed his door and walked closer to Blair, blocking her from leaving one way or another. He knew the effect he had on her and was using that knowledge to his advantage.
"You can't, won't, stay with him," he whispered dangerously close to her, but being this close was intoxicating and he couldn't pull away even if he wanted.
Blair didn't know how to react. Suddenly, they were past screaming at each other and now he blocked her way, whispering into her ear and yet not touching her. Blair could feel her whole body react to it - but strained herself not to.
She wasn't going to show any sign of weakness.
"And what," she stumbled over her words trying not to look him in the eye or react to his body, "what makes you believe that?"
Chuck could hear her heartbeat and he knew she was like putty in his hands. He touched her arm barely, a mere light graze, a tease that sent a curse of electricity through his body and he forced himself not to react to it. He had to keep himself under control. "Because you want me, you always do," he whispered, a touch of arrogance in his voice. He knew he was right; he knew she wanted this as much as he wanted her.
Blair felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. Just that one simple touch - so light it had barely grazed her - was sending every single nerve in her body into overdrive.
Hope was starting to fade, but Blair clung to the last strength she had.
"You-You're wrong," she said softly, shaking her head to show him that she was trying to mean it.
Chuck smirked; he knew she was lying, that she was trying to convince herself of that fact. He fell silent and the only sound was of both their hearts and their shaky breaths as they attempted to breathe normally.
"That is a lie and you know it," he stated, not moving from his spot. He wanted to touch her, but he waited, enjoying driving her wild.
"No."
She wasn't even sure she heard her own voice when she tried to deny him the fact that he was the only one that had that effect on her. Once upon a time, Blair would have fought back - fought harder against him. But truth be told, she was tired - tired of everything, and tired for other, more complicated, reasons.
Still, she didn't let her eyes move to his, choosing instead to stare at the floor and repeat her soft no again and again.
Chuck was getting frustrated. How much longer was she going to deny this? Deny them? He wanted her and what Chuck wanted, he got. Except for this, except for the one thing he really wanted - her. Yes, they had exchanged some heated words, but right now, none of that mattered.
"Are you sure about that?" he leaned closer. He could feel her breath, as he grazed his lips against her cheek, but it was only a whisper of a kiss, a tease.
She could feel his frustration, feel it mix with her anticipation and for reasons that completely were out of her control, she stopped denying it, stopped denying him. Of course, she said nothing, couldn't find the words to explain to him as to why she was trying to keep them at a distance. That little problem she would deal with later.
Instead, Blair finally let herself look up into his brown eyes and remained quiet for the world to end around them.
Chuck saw Blair look at him and decided, Screw the consequences, he didn't think about anything but her as he leaned in, kissing her. The electricity, once again, sparked, and this time he just gave into it.
Now this was how it was supposed to be like.
Blair felt herself relax into Chuck, falling deeper and deeper into his embrace as she intensified the kiss. At that moment she couldn't understand why she had denied herself this - this feeling of being absolutely home. It was absurd to think that she was willing to give it all up. Nate would forever be out of the question after this, no matter what happened.
Of course, that was her thought until Chuck's hands skimmed over her stomach and she pulled away in shock.
Chuck was confused at Blair's response, and felt her pull away; he didn't want it to end. He couldn't speak; he had to catch his breath because as cheesy as it sounded, Blair took his breath away. Finally he was composed enough to ask: "What is it?" The question sounded suspiciously like concern, but he ignored that; he just wanted to know why she pulled away.
"Nothing, nothing."
She could hear the lies in her voice; hear her lying to Chuck about his child. But she had to hold out a little longer - just a few days and it would all be over and they could go back to normal.
"It's nothing really," Blair gave her best impression of a smile but knew it was lacking in power.
Truth was, when his hands had skimmed her stomach she had felt more alive than she ever had. Thinking that it was their -
No, she couldn't think of it. It was impersonal. It was from hell.
It was theirs and she was going to kill it.
Chuck knew it was not "nothing" and something went off – the light bulb flashed on. He remembered the conversation he had with Claire; he still thought, previously to this moment, that Claire was bullshitting him but now...
"It's true isn't it?" he couldn't make himself say 'you're pregnant.'
Blair shut her eyes, trying to block out Chuck's face as he figured it out. She should have known. She should have known that Claire had told him.
"Can't believe that little slut..." she stopped mid sentence, realizing that with just that one part, she had already confirmed his suspicions.
Oh shit.
Chuck knew it was true then. He was in shock and pulled away, "So, you're really..." he couldn't even finish a coherent sentence. So, Claire was telling the truth. "Holy shit."
Suddenly, Blair was scared. This was why she wanted to abort the child - so she wouldn't have to see this reaction. Even as he sat down, she made no movement toward him, crossing her arms over her stomach self consciously.
"Please Chuck -" she didn't know what she was asking for, but she knew it has something to do with him saying anything other than 'oh shit.'
She was scared, more scared than she'd ever been.
Chuck was scared too. He hated that feeling, the feeling that nothing was going right; that he wasn't in control, it scared the shit out of him. He couldn't just sit there. "Is it mine?" he had to hear the confirmation from her, even though Claire swore up and down it was. Up until then, he was in denial, but now it was staring at him, taunting him; Blair was pregnant.
That one sentence was enough to make her want to cry. But Blair had to be strong - had to show him that she could be strong. But when it came time to answer him, she found no words. Instead, she merely nodded. This so wasn't what she was planning.
Chuck knew for sure it was his. The baby was his. He had to take a second to breath, to take it all in.
"Ok, so what, you planned on getting an abortion without telling me?" he asked. He might be a jackass at times and self-centered, but whether he liked it or not, the baby was his.
She knew this would come.
"Yes," she said, finding her voice even if it lacked any strength. "I was going to get it the day after tomorrow actually. You don't have to worry about anything Chuck - it's all sorted out: payment, making sure nobody knows our real names. Nothing to be worried about."
Of course she knew full well that the answer would not make her feel any better or satisfy him. But at that moment it had been the only thing she could think of.
Chuck was silent. He had a million thoughts running through his head; how was he supposed to reply to that? He knew he didn't want a kid. Knowing his track record, Chuck would probably screw it up, but he couldn't just do nothing.
Chuck finally found his voice, "I'm going with you." Even he was surprised by what he said. This wasn't like him, but he wasn't sitting back and doing nothing; that's not what a Bass did.
Even though the words made her soar, she shook her head and looked down in defeat. It wasn't that she didn't want him there - it was the fact that having him know, and him being there, would ultimately be something that would somehow end up forcing her to re-evaluate her choice. And though she had wanted to keep the baby right from the start, she wasn't living the fairytale.
"No, I'd rather you not," she stated firmly.
Chuck fell quiet. He didn't want to admit it, but it hurt him that Blair wouldn't let him in. He needed to find the right words to say, but at the moment, he had nothing. Why couldn't he think of anything?
Finally Chuck found his voice. "What? So I have no say in this?"
She sighed as she sat next to him, wanting to take his hand and yet not being able to work up the courage. "No Chuck - it's not that."
Blair didn't know what else to say. Instead, she slowly reached for his hand and moved it to her stomach, placing it on the nearly non-existent bump. She didn't look at his face, choosing to stare at their intertwined hands on her stomach, as she spoke.
"Do you feel that Chuck? Underneath that there's our child growing. Ours - mine and yours. At the appointment they're going to take scans, hear if the baby is okay before they start. Don't you understand Chuck - can't you see how much it's hurting me already to know I'm killing our child? I don't want you to feel that hurt Chuck. I'd rather go through it all alone than have you feel that hurt I'm feeling."
Chuck was quiet. There was a baby inside her, it was true; he couldn't deny it anymore and so many emotions were cursing inside of him; ones he couldn't even identify.
"Then why do it if it hurts you so much?" It was like this wasn't him talking, like he was watching from elsewhere and watching someone portray him and Blair.
"Because how could we make it work Chuck? Me and you and a baby? If I had any glimmer of hope, I would change my mind in a heart beat."
She paused; of course she was telling him the truth. The only reason why she had considered the abortion was because of the fact that she was uncertain about their relationship, about them being able to handle it.
Chuck was silent for a moment. He knew they couldn't do it; he definitely wasn't up to this; thanks to daddy dearest. He was still confused at what to do. "True, but you don't have to be alone in this." He didn't even sound like himself.
She was going to say no again - going to deny him of the pain - when the most aching feeling filled her body and she grabbed her stomach painfully. Of course, it had happened before, not so frequently as now but it was normal.
Within seconds she had slid off the bed and ran to the bathroom - emptying the contents of her stomach furiously as tears slid down her cheeks.
Chuck wasn't sure if he should follow her, if she would let him, but he did so anyway. He heard her in the bathroom; he was outside the door but couldn't make himself go in. He was still hesitant, she had been so independent and he felt guilty that she had to bare this on her own
He finally knocked on the door, "You ok in there?"
Blair washed her mouth with water until she was sure she couldn't taste the vomit anymore. Slowly, she let the water wash over her face until she was almost completely wet. Blair had never been more scared in her life.
The pains were getting worse and the morning sickness even worse. And she wouldn't let anyone see her be so heartbroken.
She wouldn't let anyone see her already mourn the loss of her child.
For now though, as hard as she tried to defend her decision, she knew that it would change her forever.
"I'm fine," she lied, watching the girl in the mirror give her a disgusted look.
Chuck was worried and that was saying a lot. The Chuck Bass everyone knew didn't get worried, but he wasn't that Chuck right now, he didn't know how long he could still be that Chuck.
"Now you're lying to me," he stated. He had always been able to spot her lies, and right now was no different.
Slowly, Blair opened the door to reveal her tear stricken face as she silently cried out, "No, I'm not fine."
A pause followed in which she once again looked everywhere but at him as her hands folded over her stomach protectively. "I can't do this."
Chuck saw her face and immediately took her hand pulling her close to him; he didn't like seeing her like this and he was sure she didn't like showing this side to him - the vulnerable side.
"Shh, it's okay. I'm here," he said.
The moment Chuck's arms surrounded her, Blair let herself break down and, for the first time since she found out she was pregnant, allowed herself to let all the emotions come out.
She pulled Chuck tightly to her as she sobbed, "I can't do it - I'm sorry. I can't kill it."
Chuck held her, his heart breaking for her; he knew they were connected, he couldn't deny it or party it away.
"Don't. I'm here for you," he whispered into her hair.
His words made her sob even harder. She was now unsure more than ever about what to do. Would they be able to sort something out? For abortion was now out of the question - she had realized that now.
There wasn't that much hate in her to do it - to cut away what was so much part of both of them.
She wanted him to give her all the answers and yet Blair knew it was impossible. But mentally she made a vow that if Chuck decided he couldn't take it - she would go through with having this baby alone.
She would do it, with or without him.
Chuck was quiet. He, of course, was scared. No that wasn't the right word; terrified was more like it, but he was going to be strong for Blair, he had to. She didn't need him falling apart on her.
"Whatever happens, we are in this together." Okay, that sounded too much like a cheesy chick flick, but he had to say it. Because he was in it whether Blair wanted him to be or not.
Blair smiled through her tears as she pushed herself up so she could kiss Chuck. That feeling of being home swept over her once again and she couldn't believe that it had only been a short while back that they had been screaming and cursing.
The tears didn't stop flowing but she knew it would be okay.
She pulled away only a fraction of an inch, "Thank you - thank you so much."
And she wasn't sure why she was thanking him, but she was sure it had something to do with him saving her from herself.
Chuck could only nod quietly as he wiped away her tears. They could do this, maybe if he kept telling himself that, it would be true because he wasn't sure how they were doing it, but they were in this together.
He just held her close, unable to find the right words to say again.
Blair pulled Chuck with her to his bed and with clothes and everything still in tact, she laid down and curled his arm around her, over her stomach.
She needed to be protected - if only for a night.
It didn't take her long to fall asleep - the words "I love you" unspoken on the tip of her tongue.
Chuck lay down beside her, his hand resting her stomach. He watched her drift to sleep. He, too, was exhausted, but he couldn't look away from her sleeping form.
Soon enough, his eyes became heavy and he finally drifted off, still holding her and their baby.
