Thank you so much for the positive words and encouragement about the story... to be honest, it is really difficult to write because I really don't understand Julian right now. This little exercise is helping me to possibly see his perspective, but it is hard because I'm with Brooke all the way on this! Hope you continue to enjoy and review! Thank you!!

Chapter 3:

This was the worst fucking idea ever... Julian was alone and sitting in a deserted shop class, no scratch that and correction: a chewed in half, delapidated car in a deserted shop class. The art benefit, gala, dance thing was still in full swing, but he just couldn't motivate himself to be out there. She was out there, his Brooke was with Crocodile Fucking Dundee.

I am the biggest, dumbest dumb ass ever... pulling at an unraveling thread from the torn seat cushion, Julian's mind obsessed over Brooke. His mind was picturing her at the bar walking away with Alexander, and away from him. He ran and hid like the dork that he was. He was never good enough to be with Brooke Davis... maybe that was why she pushed him away. Maybe Brooke knew on some level that he wasn't good enough... the thoughts in his head ran over one another for dominance.

He didn't know whether to thank Alex or to shake her. He wouldn't have been here at all tonight to feel completely inadequate and broken after seeing his goddess on a date with the Australian tool if it weren't for Alex. She was trying to make him relax and put him at ease before the biggest day of his career, but instead he felt even more uneasy and insecure. Alex was now not only one of his closest friends, but his only friend in Tree Hill following his breakup with Brooke.

Despite her recent suicide attempt, Alex was fun and she was easy. How ironic that the girl who had just tried to kill herself was drama-less, so transparent with her emotions and expectations. He could really tell a difference in her, and he knew that she was sincerely and honestly trying to change. She wanted to make amends for her earlier transgressions, and he could totally relate and respect her quest for redemption. He didn't understand how Brooke could hold this against him and not support Alex's transformation. The more he thought about Brooke's insecurities, the more frustrated he felt. Hell, he was fucking miserable at the moment, and he should just hurry up and scurry out of the dance before he ran into the new dynamic couple.

He didn't hear her footsteps approaching him. No, Julian could smell Brooke Davis and her unmistakable fragrance before he heard or saw her. His eyes looked up and was surprised at how close she was to him, and equally surprised to see that she was alone. He took a deep breath, not only to calm his sudden queasy stomach, but to savor and record this fragrant memory. Should he speak first or let her make the first move? He didn't have a lot of time to ponder his dilemma, and almost immediately decided that she should make the first move because she was the one who was on a date... not him.

A few seconds of silence passed between the two former lovers. Julian's eyes almost didn't make it to her eyes, as he longingly surveyed her body barely hidden behind her short revealing dress. The colored glasses that completed his Ducky costume gave him a small amount of coverage to admire her beauty. Brooke Davis was amazingly gorgeous and unlike any other woman he had ever met. He just didn't know how to tell her that. He also knew that she didn't want to hear those words. She wanted... hell, he didn't know what she wanted anymore.

Finally looking into her eyes, Julian saw a playful smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Her cherry lips were smirking, but her eyes were sad and lost, a mirror reflecting his own. "It's funny... I always had a thing for the guys in shop class."

He was relieved to hear the flirting words in her husky voice. But... her words were a charade and didn't match with what was happening with them. If those words were uttered a couple of months ago, they would have served as foreplay. But, tonight? Tonight those words were almost a lament, almost a plea, and for a moment Julian wanted to reach out and pull Brooke into his arms and make love to her in the front seat of the wreck of a car. He wanted to show her through his kisses and tenderness how much he missed her, how much he needed her, how much his soul ached without her.

But Brooke was on a date... even if she tried to deny it, she was with another guy, and that cut him to his very core. "What happened to your date?" He said it as an accusation, and meant it as a challenge for Brooke. He regretted it once the words left his lips and hung in the air, because he knew what she would say and do. She would easily volley it back to him with more words and insecurities about Alex. The delicate and fragile facade the two were acting under would be broken because he had to be a dick and remind her she was with another man. The precious few instances of flirting banter would be gone, and the bitter Brooke would return.

"What happened to your date?" he swore there was an echo or Brooke had an instant replay flashing through her mind. He could literally see each word pass across her lovely features as her posture changed. However, her response was actually a little startling. Instead of fighting, Brooke rolled her eyes and quickly dismissed it as something obvious. She actually looked more relaxed and she reached for the door handle to join him in the car.

Heart thumping and filled with his own insecurities, Julian unlocked the door to allow the love of his life to sit with him. "You know I wasn't trying to make you jealous right?" She actually sounded incredulous that he would think anything of her being with Alexander. He knew it was ironic, and cruel, and that he had absolutely no right, but he did feel jealous and he did feel that Brooke was at least enjoying this on a subconscious level.

"You said you weren't coming... why did you?" She was so fucking vulnerable. Was he responsible for this? Was he actually responsible for doing the one thing he vowed he would never do? Was he responsible for breaking Brooke Davis? He wanted to assure her that he came for her, that he thought there was a possibility that she was reaching out to him... that they could work past everything and go back to the way they were. But what good would that do? She was with Alexander, and he was still working with Alex. Being together now would only prolong the inevitable split if neither could trust and understand the other.

So he decided to tell her the partial truth for his attendance, that he was seeking clarity before his first day of directing. He wanted to tell her what he could tell Alex. He wanted to tell her that he was afraid he was going to fail, and that failure was not an option with this film. He couldn't let his father down, and he was scared to death to let Alex down. This wasn't just any film, this was the film that he had put everything he could into making it happen because this was the film that destroyed his relationship with Brooke... and that meant it had to be a fucking masterpiece... a classic... somebody's favorite film.

He knew she was disappointed, and he almost added a little P.S. to his explanation. How could he be so cruel to the woman he was so desperately in love with? He couldn't say what she wanted to hear, his pride and his head wouldn't let him say, "I came for you, and only you, Brooke Davis." He could be heartless, because he no longer was in possession of his... it was either sitting in Brooke's tiny purse or it was scattered into the abyss following their breakup.

What would she do? Julian honestly had no idea. He wasn't sure how Brooke would respond. Her voice was raspy and low, but her tone held promise as she proclaimed, "Nothing boosts the geek's confidence like a kiss from the cheerleader."

What the fuck?! Did she just say what I think she said?! He had no idea what to do or what to say, so like the geek that he was, Julian sat there. He attempted to flash his self-assured grin that he knew made her weak in the news, but he couldn't physically make himself grin. His grin projected confidence, and that was something he was genuinely lacking, especially in his lovable loser costume. All he could do was sit and wait, and hope to hell that his ears did not deceive him.

Dreaming. That's what this is... how else can you explain the piece of shit car and the hideous clothes?! He was dreaming and of course he was dreaming of Brooke moving closer to him, almost in slow motion like from one of his favorite cheesy, but classic 80s films. He watched her move in closer, and at the slightest of contact when she reached for his tie to pull him towards her he knew he was awake and this was real. She was so gentle and generous, and he only hoped that his eyes could express the intensity of his gratitude and love for her. Heaven only knew there wasn't a chance he would be able to produce words or sounds.

The kiss itself was chaste and possibly on the same level of a kiss one would give to a friend or relative. Lasting only a fraction of a second, the tingling sensation on Julian's lips fortunately remained. Maybe this was a dream, because he couldn't open his eyes. He couldn't move or speak because this was what he needed and Brooke not only knew, but she gave when it so obviously hurt her. How could he have not seen or remembered that this is who Brooke Davis is?

Breaking the spell she had casted, Brooke calmly voiced her own confidence in Julian. "You're going to do great." Her affirmation rang in his ears and mingled with his own expectations for the next day of filming. As much as he needed to hear her reassurance, the thing that made him smile with a tinge of sadness was her promise to see him tomorrow. Not just see him, but see him at work tomorrow. He was so busy dealing with his own shit, he finally saw how much of a sacrifice it was for her to work with him again. This wasn't just any film and it wasn't just any actress... this was the movie and the actress that robbed her of her trust for him. It finally dawned on Julian Baker just how much of an asshole he was to her.

"Hey Brooke?" Julian finally found his voice, and he had to stop her from leaving just yet. He needed to let her know that he got it, that he understood that this was an enormous request for her, and that she was an amazing woman for being able to do this. "This isn't going to be easy, is it? You and I being friends?"

"No." He wanted to kick himself when her voice wavered and almost broke. "But it's better than not being in each other's life at all." Her red lips were pursed in a brave but despairing position. You couldn't call it a smile or a grin, but maybe the expression for resignation. She turned to walk away, and Julian was torn. Brooke's behavior was completely out of character from her actions the past couple of months, and yet this was more true to her than anything he had seen her express since the days after they first met.

Brooke Davis was a complex mystery, and he suddenly realized that instead of already having her figured out he was just beginning the journey.