Woohoo! I got to go upstairs with the pretty guy. Although there were so many stairs but I don't care. It was fun. He abruptly stopped in front of a door. A very big door, like a door for the room of someone very important. Since when was he holding a stack of papers? Whatever. Let's go in Mr. Pretty!
"Now Alice, remember. You must behave. This is my boss and the owner of this tower." Boss? Okay. I swear to be good and not pee on his floor—well. I can't really promise that. I promise not to… erm…. Let's just go in then. He opened the door and went in first and only held the door open long enough for me to go in with him. He nearly shut it on my tail…
"Lord Nightmare, I have more papers for you." He said, talking to a man sitting at the big desk in the room. That guy was actually really scary. He had an eye patch over one eye and blood dripping from his mouth. Is he like a vampire or something?! Or is he going to eat me?! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME, SCARY GUY! I'm not eatable!
"Not more papers." He moaned. What is wrong with papers? I love to pull them onto the floor and roll on them. You can make it like a leaf pile and jump into them and, if you are lucky, not get a paper cut. Or you could eat them. It actually helps me poop better. But Lorina would always yell at me when I got them on the floor. She would complain about the mess. It was not a mess. It was a work of art. And—Oh hey! What is that?! I looked outside the window in the man's room and just what do I see? BIRDS! WOOF! I WANT THE BIRDIE! No! Don't fly away little birdie!
Oh no. EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I gotta find someplace to hide. But where? Where can I hide? Duh! Under the scary man's desk! Before I knew it I was hiding under the desk with the man's feet. Ugh. Feet. Feet stink, like seriously. I only lick feet to hopefully make that horrible smell go away. But wait. This guy's feet don't stink. Oh thank heavens this guy's feet do not stink. Note to self. Kiss this guy on the face. He deserves it. Now… what was I doing? Oh yeah. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
"Alice, what are you—Oh my god! ALICE!" pretty guy said. It wasn't me! I swear it wasn't me! My beautiful body does not make smells like that. It must have been scary guy- wait, no. Scary guy smells really good. Well if it wasn't me and not scary guy then it must be you, you tall handsome beast. The man above me was stifling his laughter. What's so funny, scary guy? I wonder if the smell is gone. There was a gap at the bottom of the desk that I put my nose through just to take a few wiffs. Seemed mostly cleared to me. But I think I will stay under here and smell this guy's feet. It's quite pleasant compared to the usual smells I find around the house.
"Alice, get out here. You're bothering Lord Nightmare." Gray scolded. But I'm not bothering anybody. See. I'm—This guy really does smell good. You know, the best place to sniff people is their crotch. And this guy's crotch is simply amazing. Erm… Why is this guy wailing with laughter? I mean, it's like he is going to die. He is so pale. Breath man, breath!
"L-Lord Nightmare, are you alright?!" Pretty guy asked as the laughter turned to coughing. I said don't die scary guy! You smell really good! Although dead things can smell good I like the way you smell now! All I could do is stare at him in concern as pretty guy tried to help him. Eventually the coughing stopped and blood trailed down his chin. Is he sick? Is that why there is blood? QUICK! SOMEONE TAKE HIM TO THE VET FOR A STOOL SAMPLE!
"Stool sample? That's a new one." He wheezed slightly. Is this guy psychic. Because I totally thought of stool sample first.
"Gray, where did you find this dog?" Dog? I have a name you know. I am Alice, got it?! A-L-I-C-E. "Fine. Where did you find Alice?"
"I found Alice outside in the snow." Mr. Big and Tasty said. "Why?"
"She isn't like other dogs. Her thought process is more complex and easier to follow than the random thoughts of dogs. She actually thinks logically." Well of course. I am like the most awesome dog ever. I can—OH MY GOD! IT'S ANOTHER BIRD! WOOF! Woof woof woof! Okay, you were saying?
"I finished what I was saying, Alice." He pointed out. No you're not. You forgot to say that I am the smartest and prettiest and most wonderful dog in the entire world. Lorina would say it all the time.
"I'm not Lorina."
"Lorina, who is Lorina?" Gray asked. Lorina is my owner. She would brush me and feed me and love me and read to me. She was the best. I wonder where she is now… I miss her… I whimpered slightly because I missed my master.
"Lorina is Alice's owner." The eye patched man relayed. Lorina, I missed Lorina. With her golden curls and teal eyes… scary guy gulped heavily. What is wrong, scary guy?
"It seems Alice is not from Wonderland." He grumbled sadly. Wonderland? What is that? Can I eat it? You know what. I am hungry. Wait, no. I gotta go outside like now. I looked at Gray who stared at me. Outside. You will take me outside.
"Gray, take her outside."
"Why?" Because if I make a puddle on the floor we both know who will clean it up… And we know it's not me or the boss man here.
