CULTURED

Life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. Sometimes you just follow a different path than you first planned to. But do you have to accept that path? Learn to live with it? Or should you do anything in your power to get back onto the path you first planned on walking?

xxx

I sat in my tent, my feet curled into a tailor's seat. The tent I was given was small and near the border of the camp, probably to emphasize I was still an outsider. They gave me a small bedroll and a pelt from some kind of animal I didn't want to imagine. I sat there, listening to the sounds of the Dalish; banter, chatter, children playing, a campfire crumbling in its own heat. I closed my eyes and imagined that I wasn't in the camp, I was in the forest, listening to its whispering sounds. The chatter of the crowd fell into the background and the sounds of the woods crept into my tent. The wind was blowing through the trees, making the leaves rustle. Birds were chirping, and somewhere deeper into the forest, I could hear a stream rippling through the mud and a deer stomping its feet. Why can I hear that? I shouldn't be able to? Don't panic.

I slit the flap of my tent aside to look outside. The elves were gathering near the centre of the camp, where they were making a big campfire. Some were already sitting beside it with a bowl of food. I squinted my eyes and saw the hot steam coming from what looked like a broth with some vegetables. I took a step outside. Maybe I should go and sit with them? Maybe I'll like them?

But boy, they didn't like me.

When I silently crept closer to the campfire, some elves stood up to stand somewhere else while muttering 'flat-ear'. I scratched the back of my neck. Well, isn't this awkward?

'By the Dread Wolf', someone muttered and pulled me back by my arm.

A female elf now stood in front of me, brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and big brown eyes staring angrily into mine. She had a strange pattern of curly tattoos on her face, they were black.

'Excuse me?' I muttered while pulling my arm away.

'You don't come here, alin,' she hissed, 'you already make the others uncomfortable.'

'Why?' I don't get it, it's not like I'm bothering them?

'We don't allow outsiders here, certainly not in our camp. The Keeper is already being resented by her choice, don't make it worse.'

'But…'

'I don't care.' She flipped her ponytail and walked off.

With my chin pressed to my chest, I trailed back to my tent, which seemed now further away than ever, certainly with all the angry eyes directed to me. I crawled back in and crept into the bedroll. It was too small, my feet peeped from beneath the furs and laid naked on the ground. Stupid small elves.
Suddenly, I heard someone's footsteps coming towards my tent. The person stopped and then walked very slowly to the back. I heard something rustling. They better not be peeing there. A small light appeared suddenly where the person was standing, but it disappeared as quickly as I'd noticed. Weird. This place is weird. The person moved again, slowly as to not bother me, and walked back to the camp.

xxx

Pickles purred as I patted her head. She peered at me with half-closed eyes and laid her head on the cushion. I smiled softly. I jumped onto my bed and let myself fall into the fluffy blanket laying on top of it and stared at my ceiling. There was still sticking a 'Team Jacob' poster on the pink wall from back in the days when I was really into that garbage. This is good, I thought while I was laying there. The sun was shining outside and I could hear my father mowing the lawn. A sweet smell was also entering my room through the cracks of my door. Mum was baking banana bread, my favourite.

'Goddammit Solas!' My brother screamed next door while slamming his console into what probably was his bean bag. I snickered. He should stop living in his games, and maybe go outside or something.

This was good. Everything was fine.

Suddenly, someone knocked at my door. I sat up and stared at it.

'Yes?' I prodded.

No answer. I could feel someone's presence.

'Hello?' I asked again.

Still no answer. I walked to the door and grabbed the handle. But it didn't matter how strong I pulled or how much I writhed, it would not open. The presence was still standing there though, silently asking to come in.

'I'm sorry, but I think the door is stuck?!' I yelled. Then I sank onto my knees and closed my right eye to peek through the keyhole. I had assumed it was my mum, but it wasn't a she or a he or an anything. Something dark was standing there, the contours of its figure smoking. The creature bent its head and looked straight into my left eye.

I woke up, sweaty. I'm still… no. I'm still dead. I'm not home.

I plopped back onto my bedroll, though I didn't sleep anymore that night, because every time I closed my eyes, two bright red ones stared back at me.

xxx

Day one with the elves.

Elgadira clicked with her tongue and looked me up and down. The clothes I was given, were so… elvish? I was given a long, forest green tunic with pointed tips going down and two slits at the sides, making my legs and hips slip through. I was also given thigh-high leather boots with footwraps attached to it. I kind of liked the feeling of my bare feet touching the damp ground. A leather belt also hung loosely around my hips, with a small pouch attached to it. It looked intricate, but also quite simple. I'd tied my hair up into a high ponytail.

Elgadira turned her back to me and yelled something. Was she cursing again?

'Nenhara, this is Saeris', oh Nenhara is her name, not a curse word, 'you probably know that already.' Elgadira said to the female now standing next to me. She was a little bit taller than most elves in this camp. She had brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and big brown eyes and black tattoos and wait. She was that elf who snagged me away from the campfire!

'Aneth ara, Keeper. And yes, I do.' Nenhara said while looking me up and down, like she was looking at livestock.

Elgadira turned back to me now.
'This is Nenhara, my First. She will help you around camp. If you have any questions, you go to her, understood?'

I quickly nodded my head. What's a First? Not going to ask, I think they're sick of my questions already. Nenhara huffed, turned on her heels and trotted back into camp.

'She's a little bit stubborn, but she's a good one. Very talented.' Elgadira explained. 'She's the one who set your wards last night.'

'Wards?'

Elgadira tapped her foot on the grass. 'Wards are spells, da'len, they keep demons from entering your dreams when you're in the Fade.'

'Oh.' I said that sounding like I understood completely, but I didn't.

'I'll teach you soon.'

'I kind of saw something yesterday, it was standing behind my door.'

'Did you let it in?'

'No'

'Good. Never let it in.' Elgadira now looked straight at me to make sure I understood.
Quickly I nodded again.

'Now, follow me.'

xxx

'Control your breathing, Saeris, feel the magic. You should feel it deep from within.' Elgadira sounded annoyed. We'd been sitting in the field for three hours by now, and nothing had happened yet. I thought things would be flying by now. Mages let things fly, right? I don't really know what mages do.

'I don't feel anything!' I sounded almost as annoyed as Elgadira.

The old elf lady sighed.

'Maybe, I should, like, get angry or something? That seemed to work last time?'

'No. You don't want to learn magic by becoming angry. Don't bind it onto your feelings. You won't be able to control the magic once you get stronger.'

That sounded quite logical actually.
'So I should just keep sitting here?'

'Unfortunately, yes.' She huffed again and leaned against a tree while staring into the sky. Thinking, she was thinking how to solve this. Solve me.

I closed my eyes again, controlled my breathing. I could fall asleep right here. No, stay awake! Focus, Saeris, focus! But after half an hour of nothing again, the focus was gone once more. I started thinking of home. Of my mother, baking the banana bread, of my brother, throwing consoles around in his room, of my cat, purring and sleeping all day long, and of my father, mowing the grass in the garden, carefully leaving the blue flowers mum loved alone. And then, it finally happened. A small flower sprouted near my right foot. And another one poked against my butt. Soon, a whole bouquet of flowers grew where I sat. I opened my eyes and looked at them. There were a dozen flowers, all pastel blue, curled up to my sides. They were small and looked like they didn't fit the field where I was sitting in. They were too perfect. Did I really do this? I looked up and saw Elgadira's eyes.

'How?' her mouth agape, she almost stuttered.

'I, just, thought of flowers.' I apologized.

'You aren't supposed to be able to do that? Creation magic is only for those who have mastered everything else, but you are elvar'las, untrained?' Elgadira shook her head. 'They were right…'

'Who?' I asked her, but Elgadira turned around back to camp. Seems like I won't get any answers from her.

I stood up to follow her. As I looked down to my flowers, they already withered. I went back to the ground and touched one of the pastel perfections with my hand. The withered flower almost responded, lifting its petals once more until it finally gave in to its nature, and died.

xxx

I dreamed that night that I was walking around camp. The sky was dark and stars were scattered everywhere. You don't see this anymore in my world, there were too many lights in the streets. The camp was empty, silent, like nobody was actually there. I walked to where the campfire was yesterday. The burned wood still felt warm. Strange. I was about to turn around, when I saw a light coming from Elgadira's tent. I moved closer.

'Is she an era'harel, Keeper?', it was Nenhara, her voice high and worried.

'No, esha'lin, she's not. She's eralin, like you and me.'

'Why are you keeping her here? We have enough mages.'

There was a silence. Then, I heard movement.

'Ir abelas, I cannot say.' Elgadira's voice felt directed to me instead of to Nenhara, as if she knew where I was standing.

And then I woke up.

xxx

Day seven.

Elgadira hasn't spoken to me much.

Now, Nenhara was helping me control my magic. Was Elgadira avoiding me? Because I grew some flowers? I didn't get it. She told me 'they were right', but who are they? Did she talk to her spirits? Does she know something more? Why won't she tell me then? Why can't she tell me? Something feels wrong here.

Nenhara sighed. 'Lost in your tiny mind again?'

I hissed at her, but then almost fell on my face. Nenhara looked coyly at me and burst into a laugh. It was the first time I saw her laugh. She stopped laughing though when we entered the border of the forest. Strange, when they'd first taken me away from here, it seemed so much farther away.

'Here you are, alin, go see your shemlen, I will wait here.' She ordered.

But I didn't mind what she said. I was back, back to where it had started. It had been a week. Daniel stood in the opening of the door, he smiled. Maybe I wasn't back home, but it felt like I was back to a place very close to it. Daniel nodded at me, signing me to come in.

I smiled right back.