OOOO

Part 3

Harm tossed and turned restlessly in his bed, as the sky began to brighten, just an hour and a half before dawn. He'd only managed to fall asleep twenty minutes before and already he was in the throes of a nightmare. It had begun peacefully enough; he was out in the fields behind the house. Even as he had slept, he'd marveled at just what a marvelous thing the mind was. Since they had come, he'd spent no time looking outside through the windows. He'd thrown himself into helping get the house all set up. It was a welcome distraction from the tatters of his life. And even though he'd never studied the fields around the farmhouse in any detail, his dreams held details that awed him. It was beautiful; the flowers were all in bloom, being fussed over by tens of butterflies and bumblebees. The air was alive with the sound of a westerly breeze, of the birds and the insects and Harm was even able to pick out his Godchildren playing somewhere behind him, perhaps in the fenced yard in front of the house.

Harm turned in a complete circle, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in, through his mouth and nose.

"How can everything smell and even taste this real?" he quietly asked himself.

Eventually, the fact that it was all just a dream left him completely and he was just enthralled by everything around him that was treating his senses.

As he turned a full circle, once more, he saw her; the woman who'd been haunting him since his departure from DC. Hell, even Harm knew that she'd made a place in his heart and had haunted him long before that…

She was walking peacefully through the fields and didn't appear to even notice him there, staring at her. She was running her hands through the grass and plants, watching the insects take-off out of the vegetation at the disturbance.

Harm unconsciously held his breath, taking in her beauty; the glow of her skin, the natural movement of her hair in the breeze and the graceful sway of her limbs as she unknowingly walked towards him.

Harm let out an audible gasp as she looked up at him, seemingly right into him and from her expression on her face and in her expressive eyes, it seemed she really could see everything in his heart.

Suddenly, his reason kicked in…

How could she look this perfect? How could this moment feel this perfect? She was right in front of him, completely whole and unharmed and as alive as he had ever seen her. But the General had told him she'd died in the fire…had been burned so badly that they'd need to identify her through dental records and DNA testing… How could he see every thing in her heart, everything that was in his, like she was mirroring him? He so desperately wanted to believe that she was right here, to run and embrace her, but he was glued to the spot. Any second now, he was going to move and she'd disappear like some magical vision…Like as if…as if she was a dream….

Harm sat up with a huge gasp, his heart pounding in his chest.

This was just like when she and Webb were in Paraguay. He had dreamed that they had died and it had turned out that their lives were threatened…But now…She was dead. But if she was, then why did he feel such a connection to her. Why did he feel her, right there in his soul?

OOOO

Webb made his first visit (of what would turn out to be of many,) the next morning. Everyone put down whatever they had been doing, aside from the children and walked out onto the front porch to greet him. The look on Webb's face soon told them that this wasn't a social call and the words died on their lips.

"What is it, Agent Webb?" Sturgis finally asked.

Webb turned his gaze to Harm, who had frozen and dropped the hammer he was using as soon as he'd seen Webb pull up.

"We got the results of the DNA and dental comparisons, this morning," Webb began, tentatively, "I came as soon as I got the call…I knew you'd all want to know…"

"Please say it's not her," Harriet shook her head, tearfully and Bud put an arm around her, comfortingly.

"I…I'm sorry…I can't tell you that…" Webb eyes told them all how sorry he was, but the JAG staff misinterpreted exactly what he was apologizing for.

They had all tried to prepare themselves for this, but it cut even deeper than they had ever imagined it would.

Harm didn't think his heart would ever feel whole, again.

OOOO

"Sir…Harm…Can I get you anything?" Harriet approached the man who had become like an older brother to her. She could see that he was in so much pain and it really hurt to be unable to help him.

Harm just shook his head and turned back to gaze at the sun, now low on the horizon. He was sitting out on the porch swing, surveying the quiet fields that surrounded the safe house.

Harriet made her way back indoors, shaking her head as she caught her husband's questioning gaze. Bud seemed to deflate a bit, then perked to. He made his way over to the bottom of the staircase and called for his eldest son. Little AJ came storming down, sounding like a troupe of baby elephants.

"Your Uncle Harm's not feeling so good, just now, son. Why don't you go out there and give him one of your extra-special-big-hugs to make him feel better?"

Little AJ didn't hesitate a second before hurrying out the back door, his pace eager, yet sensitive to how badly his Uncle seemed to be feeling lately.

"Hey Uncle Harm," he greeted his Godfather, stretching up to get his arms around the big man.

"Hi buddy!" Harm tried to sound unaffected, but didn't quite pull it off.

"Are you feeling bad, Uncle Harm?" AJ asked, with childish innocence.

"Yeah, kinda, buddy," Harm nodded, settling the little boy on his knee and holding him close, his head tucked under his chin.

"You've been feeling bad for a long time, now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Is it because we had to leave home, Uncle Harm?"

"That's part of it, buddy."

"Maybe Mommy and Daddy should take you to see the doctor, Uncle Harm. The doctor always gives me something to help me feel better, when I'm not well…and purple, sugar-free lollipops!"

"I don't think the doctor could help me, this time, buddy, but that's very thoughtful of you. Thanks."

"Uncle Harm? Are you sick because you're missing Aunt Mac?"

"Yeah…That's mostly what it is…"

"I miss her too, Uncle Harm…But I know that she wouldn't want me to be unhappy."

"No, no she wouldn't. You're a very smart little boy, AJ."

"Thanks…When I used to feel sad, she'd tickle me until I started laughing and then I couldn't be sad anymore. She always made me feel so happy…"

"Me too, buddy. Me too…"

"And when I go to sleep at night, I dream about all of the times we went out and had fun. It's kinda like she's still here."

"That's great AJ…"

Harm was so close to losing it, so he gave the child one last hug, telling him, "You've helped me so much! Why don't you go inside and tell your Mom and Dad all of what you've just told me? I'm sure they could do with some cheering up, too!"

AJ dutifully ran inside to do so and Harm walked out and into the fields, so that he could let his walls down in privacy.

OOOO

Sturgis found him, a couple of hours later. The sun had long since set and it was getting a little chilly.

"Harm?" Sturgis gently touched his shoulder, when his old friend didn't seem to hear him.

Harm jumped, before realizing who it was.

"I'm sorry," Sturgis apologized, "I didn't mean to surprise you…You doing okay?"

"Yeah," Harm dismissed, looking away so that Sturgis wouldn't see the tears that were again pooling in his eyes. But Sturgis could hear them in his voice, even though Harm had only spoken one word to him.

"Harriet wanted to know if you wanted her to put together a plate for you? The rest of us had dinner an hour ago."

"Nah, I'm not hungry, Sturgis…"

OOOO