So here it is!:D The final chapter! I don't know WHY it took forever for me to actually sit down and write it, but once I started writing I couldn't stop. So enough with the apologetics. I think I'm happy with the way this story ended.:) I have a TON of other writing ideas but I can't guarantee updates a lot. Between school, volleyball, church, and work…life is pretty busy.:) But I wouldn't have it any other way. As always please leave me with your thoughts! And I do not own OUAT or the song (Matthew West's "Moved by Mercy). I know I said this once already, but a listen or two to the song before reading will give you the gist of Emma's emotions. Ok, I'll stop rambling. Enjoy!
Emma fidgeted under her mother's scrutiny. She knew that Snow wanted to be here. But that annoying, nagging voice told her differently. Accepting love was not something Emma Swan did naturally. Adding to the fact that her mother was in her nightmares, telling her that she wasn't good enough and could never be loved….it was reason enough for Emma to build up her walls all over again.
"Emma..." Emma came out of her musing, whipping her head up at her mother. Before she could look into Snow's eyes she ducked her head back down. Seeing remorse in her mom's eyes in dreamland was bad enough. Seeing them in reality was sheer torture.
"I'm fine. It's nothing." Came the blonde's swift reply. Snow raised her eyebrows, clearly seeing right through the lie. Why wouldn't her baby girl just open up? And it being nothing? "Nothing" doesn't cause you to thrash around screaming in bed. The brunette clearly remembered when this "nothing" happened the previous year. Mary Margaret had been too unsure about what to do, and left Emma alone to cope by herself.
I'm still kicking myself for that one Snow thought. Right now…Snow was no Mary Margaret. She was going to find out what was ailing her daughter, and she sure as heck wasn't going to leave her alone.
"Emma" Snow spoke more firmly now. "I don't know what is going on. But don't you think for even one moment that it's ok." She took a deep breath and waited for the blonde's reaction. But all Emma did was continue to stare down at the quilt. All that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall. For a full five minutes mother and daughter just sat there. Finally, Emma looked up to the opposite wall. She blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall.
"Do you…" Emma swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Do you ever regret becoming pregnant?" came the whispered question. Snow's mouth gaped open. How could she ask such a question? Where were these thoughts even coming from? Snow took Emma's chin in her hand and gently turned her baby's face toward herself.
"Emma…I could NEVER regret having you! I thought I knew joy when I married your father. But the day I found out that I was pregnant with you, I realized something." Snow smiled lovingly at her daughter. She gently brushed away the escaped tears that ran down the blonde's face. "I realized…that YOU Emma Swan. You're my happy ending." She finished softly. Tears flowed freely down both women's faces now. "The day you were born, and when I got to hold you in my arms for the first time" Snow continued "I never thought a person was capable of such love. I never loved anything more in my life."
Emma closed her crying eyes. Where had those tears come from? All her life she had cried one type of tear: the tear of pain, sadness, being alone, and shame. These tears now…they came from somewhere she thought was buried long ago. She opened her eyes back to her mother sitting in front of her. Love, compassion, warmth, and kindness radiated off this woman. And it was directed to her. Emma Swan.
"Emma…I need to know. Please, what was causing you to cry out like this?" Snow asked tentatively. For a moment she sounded like Mary Margaret, but Snow knew that now wasn't the time to be forceful. She didn't want her child to run. Now wasn't the time to be demanding. Emma sighed; she knew this was coming. While her roommate wouldn't dream of persisting the guarded Swan, her mother was a bit more insistent. And for that she was grateful. She had carried around this baggage for far too long now. Maybe letting someone in wouldn't hurt.
"I um, well I just kinda had a nightmare" There. That should satisfy her mother right?
Snow gave Emma a small smile. "Emma honey? I know that's not it. Call it maternal intuition but I know there's more to the story than that."
Emma bit her lip. Yea she wanted to tell her roommate-turned-Snow White-turned mother the truth. But what would happen when she learned about it? Would her reaction be like everyone else's? Would her mother still look at her with those loving green eyes? Snow's voice broke Emma's thoughts.
"Sweetheart…I don't care how bad you think it is…I want to know. Please tell me" she squeezed her daughter's hand in assurance. "I want to know what I can do to help."
For so long, I felt so unworthy
(But in my arms your shame is moved by mercy)
So here I stand, a child undeserving
(Take my hand, and let your life be moved by mercy)
Take me far away now
(I'll take you far away)
From this broken place now
(From every broken place)
Somewhere they can't hurt me
I wanna be moved by mercy
Emma took a deep breath. And looked Snow in the eyes. She spoke slowly, occasionally pausing to collect her thoughts. She told her mother every detail: the pain, the confusion, the heartbreak. The cold steel on her wrists as the cop cuffed her, how the dark damp night reflected her mood…everything. Snow listened without interruption, the occasional tear falling down her cheek.
"And then I just sat there crying…asking myself how come I wasn't strong enough to run. Normally that's where I wake up and all, but…" Emma looked studied the brunette's face. Could she really go through this? Telling her mom what "dream Snow" had told her? How all the things "dream Snow" had said were the same things that Emma had told herself her entire life?
Snow squeezed Emma's hand again. The blonde gave a little smile and took another deep breath.
"Well…this time I didn't wake up right away. Someone was talking back to me…telling me stuff that I believed for a long time." Emma bit her lip momentarily and continued. "They said I was...worthless, unloved…and that they wish I was never born." Emma's voice cracked as she finished. She slowly raised her eyes to her mother's face. What met her daughter her completely off guard. Snow's nostrils were flared, her face flushed, and pure rage dominated her eyes. Her jaw was locked in fury, and the hand that didn't hold Emma's was clenched so tightly her knuckles were white.
"WHO said that?! What rights have they to even THINK that you are any of those things?! Emma I swear to you, that when I get my hands on this person I'll—"
"It was you" Emma whispered. Snow's face dropped. Fury was replaced with distress. Rage was taken over by tears. Shock and pain overtook the brunette's countenance. Emma continued as her remaining tears fell.
"I thought…I thought that you hated me. For my whole life I had been basically called trash and I believed it." She sniffed, and then forced the rest of her words out of her mouth. "I thought I didn't deserve you."
"Oh Emma!" Snow cried. She came out of her revere and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Emma leaned into her. Thirty minutes ago she was flinching to be touched on the arm but now, she just wanted her mother's comfort. Snow kissed Emma's temple and ran her hand through her child's curly blonde locks. "Emma, don't EVER think that you don't deserve me! Baby, you deserve the world. I wish I could have been there to watch you grow up. To tell you what a wonderful person you are. Emma you will always, ALWAYS deserve me." Snow took a shaky breath. "And the truth of the matter is I don't deserve you."
Emma rested her head on her mother's shoulder. Nobody, not anyone in her entire life had ever uttered those words to her. To know that she was loved. That she was wanted. The last brick in her wall crumbled. Up unto this point, Snow had been the one holding Emma. The blonde hesitated, and then slowly lifted her arms to wrap around the brunette. She relaxed into her mother's embrace and sighed. She felt a peace that she had never had before. She knew this nightmare would never plague her again.
"Thank you for wanting me" she whispered. Snow choked back a sob. She drew out of the embrace and cupped her daughter's face in her hands. She smiled with adoration at the face that mirrored her own. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to her baby's forehead.
"Always my darling" she murmured.
I'll take you far away
From every broken place
