A/N: I would like to thank SPEEDIE22, cursedgirl, and 0megaprime for their wonderful reviews. (Edited)


He has changed. I can't tell if it's for the best or not. No one has spoken of him or to him in over eight months, and it is all my fault. I didn't intend to say anything about us to the others. It just slipped out during a fight we were having.

It was about three weeks after I told him we couldn't be together anymore, when we had the fight. Xander had gotten sick. At first I thought it was just a cold, but then his scent started to change (Just because I told him that I didn't love him like I loved Buffy, doesn't mean that I didn't care about him). When I first noticed he still smelled the same as before, the only problem was he was coughing, sneezing, and I caught him vomiting a few times. After the third day of his illness his scent changed. I assumed it was because he was sick and taking medication, but after he got better his scent still hadn't changed back. He was always pale when I saw him and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked very ill and I was the only one who noticed, so I couldn't help but think that it was worse than a cold. Life threatening worse.

I can still remember that day in the library with perfect clarity. Xander was sitting alone on the other side of the library against the window with an open book in front of him. He wasn't reading it. He was looking out the window with his right hand across the book and his head was leaning on his left. He was deep in thought. I waited for the perfect moment to ask him how he was doing and now was the time.

Xander didn't even look at me when I took the seat across from him. He just kept staring out the window not even acknowledging that I was even there. "Hi Xander how are you feeling?" he ignored my question with one of his own. "Have they found the demon that was terrorizing the grave yard last night?" He never moved; he just kept staring out the window. "No…that's not," he cut me off. "Why are you over here then?" Why was I here? I was here because I cared about him and wanted to know what was wrong. "Well you don't look very good and I was wondering if everything was ok?" Why won't he look at me? "Not that it is any of your business, but I am recovering from the sickness I had last week .Why are you even asking me about my heath? It does not concern you". How could he say that?

I know that he must be upset that I couldn't love him like I love Buffy. "Xander I know you are upset about what happened between us, but I do still care," I was cut off by his bitter laugh. "No you don't. Get real Deadboy you never cared about me. I was just a means to scratch an itch. A willing body to use to get rid of the sexual tension between you and Buffy. Don't pretend that it was anything else. If you cared about me at all you wouldn't have ended it the way you did".

Now I was pissed. He was wrong. At the time I got together with him I thought that I loved him. Latter on I realized that I still loved Buffy. I never noticed that I started to shout at him. "Just because we are not sleeping together anymore does not mean that I never cared about you Xander!" That's when all hell broke loose. Everyone started yelling at him. Buffy yelling something about sleeping with her boyfriend, Willow yelling something about sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend, and Giles yelling about being selfish and irresponsible. In the end Buffy told him to leave and not come back because they were no longer friends; she said that he was useless anyway. Giles said nothing and when Xander looked at Willow she was nodding her head in agreement with Buffy. He didn't say anything. He just got up and left. He was right about one thing. I should have ended it better. I broke it off with him the day after we last had sex. I could only imagine what that must have felt like.

At the time I couldn't bring myself to care that everyone had just kicked him out of the group. I was mad at him for thinking that I used him. I do love him. I just loved Buffy more than him at the time.

I had only seen him in passing (which was very brief) since that night in the library. Today is the first day that I have gotten a good look at him. I want to talk to him, but he is outside and the sun is shining, plus the only reason I am even here at the school during this time of day is because of the Mayor.

Earlier today Giles found out that the Mayor had left town and would not be back until tomorrow afternoon. Giles called and asked me to come to the library so we could go over a plan. When I got there everyone was there including Spike. I was shocked when he came to me after Dru was dusted, but he proved that he was willing to help us out with the Mayor.

They have decided to break into his office and steal any information we can on those that are working for him and maybe get our hands on some of his plans. We have been working on the plan all morning trying to work out exactly how it is going to go down. I was fine until the lunch bell rang and everyone ended up back in the library. I was sitting in the shadows as far away from the window as possible, when I saw him.

He was sitting under a tree about fifty feet away from the window. Xander had changed so much that I had to look twice before I was even sure it was him. He looked smaller then the last time I saw him. He was wearing a slightly baggy white shirt that had sleeves down to his elbows, baggy blue jeans and white and orange sneakers. His dark brown hair was longer and looked like he didn't bother to run a comb through it, giving it that 'I just been shagged look'. I can't be too sure, but I thought I saw the light reflected off of his ear, so he might have a piercing.

He was alone. He was alone and reading a book. The Xander I know never read anything unless it had superheroes in weird costumes or it was for demon research. It looked like he was reading Stephen King's Pet Sematary. I tuned out everyone else around me and just watched him read. I watched him for about seven minutes, then some girl showed up.

I wish I could hear what they are saying. His face is blank showing no emotion and his eyes are empty. It's disturbing to look at. He stood up and said something to her that has caused her to start crying. His face is still blank. She now saying something back then punches him really hard in the face. He's bleeding. I think she split open his lip. Xander doesn't even move he just continues to stare blankly at her as the blood slides down his chin and drips onto his white shirt. She covered her mouth in shock then turned around and ran away. He continued to stand there for a couple of minutes staring emotionlessly in the direction she disappeared. When he did move it was to wipe the blood of his face with his already bloody shirt. Then he slowly licked his bottom lip. I watched as his tongue moved slowly back and forth over his bottom lip. Holy shit! I was getting turned on by this. I was grateful when he bent down picked up his book and walked away still licking his lip.

I look around the library and notice that only Giles, Wesley, Faith, Spike and I are the only ones left. I can't believe that I didn't hear the bell ring. "Havin' a problem 'here peaches?" stupid Spike. I know he can smell my now diminishing problem. "No… I just got lost in my thoughts that's all". He's now smirking at me, "must have been some pretty interestin' thoughts". Damn him. Thank the PTB that the others are preoccupied with something else.

"Seein' as you didn't pay attention I guess you need an update on the plan". He better tell me or I will make him suffer. "That would be nice, and no I do not want to put up with any of your games right now so you better just tell me". It took him the rest of the school day to go over it. He could have just summarized it. It was easy all he had to say was: Willow was going to hack into the security system and make sure it was down as Buffy and Faith went in to search the office. You, me and Oz are going to be look out and backup in case anything goes wrong. Then we are going to bring whatever information back here and go over it.

Once it was dark out we set our plan in motion. It was surprisingly easy. Buffy and Faith found some Files in the Mayor's office. They didn't have time to check them by the time they got them, because time was running out. They took the files and now we were on our way back to the library to go through them and see if they were of any use.

There were seven files, so while Buffy and Faith were off practicing on the other side of the library the rest of us took a file. The others were making themselves comfortable by grabbing snacks and something to drink, while Spike and I just opened our files and started to read. The guy's name was Garrett Marshall. He is a member of the Sunnydale Police Department. He… I was pulled out of my thoughts by a very loud "Bloody Hell" which came from Giles.

I wonder what has set the normally well spoken man off. I look up at him just like everyone else to see a mixed look of worry, shock, confusion and disbelief. He set the file down on the table and opened it so everyone could see. It was so quite you could hear everyone's heart beat and tell the difference between them. If I had been alive I think I would have had a heart attack. There smiling back at us was a photo. A photo of one Alexander LaVelle Harris.

Xander was working for the Mayor.