One Big Happy Superpowered Family

Chapter 3

"My goodness, Sheila seems quite upset this morning" Hippolyta said the following morning as she and the JLA clan had breakfast in their usual spot

"Apparently Hush and his idiot brother Zsasz stole my Corvette and drove off all the way to New Mexico to see some stupid Kenny Rogers concert" Red Hood murmured grouchily

"what's stupid about that? I LOVE Kenny Rogers. His singing voice, his beard, his clothes…." Vicki said, daydreaming like a lovesick puppy

"Permission to slap her silly?" Red Hood asked

"Permission denied, juvie boy" Two-Face barked, slapping him up the head

"oh this is just GREAT" Robin wailed

"well morning Timmy dear. What on Hera is the matter?" Hippolyta asked

"you remember my homeroom teacher Mrs. Wsalowski?" Robin asked

"you mean the crabby decrepit old Jewish hag that keeps insisting everyone in her class must be naked?" Green Arrow piped up

"no, no, that's the librarian Ms. Gotheel. She's been long since retired" Robin replied

"oh I know! It's Mrs. Hawley" Kara said eagerly

"yes, Kara, yes it is" Robin exhaled in disgust

"well what kinda crap has she assigned you with THIS time, boyo?" Two-Face asked

"look at this; I have to do a complete essay on the foundation of the Gettysburg Address all night. And if I fail, I wont be able to get my GPA plus I'll be expelled" Robin whined

"oh pfft, that's easy as pie, bud. I'm sure you'll pass it somehow" Alex chuckled, giving her brother a playful jab on the shoulder

"hold it right there missy. Your mother and I are gonna go over to that school of yours and have a little chit-chat with the staff" Two-Face commanded

"Dad, this REALLY isn't necessary, it's just a dumb essay" Robin moaned

"oh really? You're just gonna allow all those greedy red-tape book carrying, mathematician or whatchamacallit dirtbags walk all over you? Son, there comes a day when a boy must become a man. As far as I can recall, you have had that day for the past 255 stories and… so far, no such progress" Two-Face said

"gee, what a nice way to encourage me" Robin said sarcastically

"you listen to me boy; I didn't want to have a son who was feeling miserable and mopey about everything bad, especially if that jerk in the bat suit is always pushing you around and makin you do all kinds of stupid stuff. I want… I want you to be successful, son. Be like your brothers and sisters. Lemme ask you something: are you REALLY happy where you are at North End Gotham Junior High?" Two-Face asked

"well… to be honest, no, no I'm not" Robin said honestly

"aww… why is that honey?" Hippolyta asked, stroking Robin's hair

"oh geez, where to begin? The principal's a lying crook, the teachers are all wrinkled and ugly, the kids are always taunting me and stealing my books, plus the food is awful, the homework is hard, the seats are stale oh yeah and the windows are always open which always has all the bees and stuff come in" Robin exclaimed

"ok, dear, ok. Your father and I will transfer you to Jade's and Barbara's school. Would that be alright with you?" Hippolyta asked sweetly

"yes, Mom. Yes, I would greatly appreciate it. Mom… you're the best. I mean, sure, you do kinda creep me out, and you do insist on giving me the talk over and over… but… I love you. I mean, you're always there for me, my brothers and sisters. I just wanna thank you for this" Robin said, hugging his mother close

"awww I love you too my sweet boy" Hippolyta cooed, kissing Robin's forehead

"ahh, isn't this great? Just us two manly men, out riding the highways, with no baggage or nothin' just two bros out seein' America" Zsasz said as he and Hush continued their drive to New Mexico

"yes it is Victor. Yes it is. Say, wanna stop at that A&W root beer bar and… you know?" Hush asked lewdly

"you read my mind brother" Zsasz grinned, parking the car as the brothers got out and headed into the root beer bar, forgetting the fact that they didn't lock the car nor did they put the tickets in a safe place

"I called the two road morons fifteen times and no response. What the hell could they even be doing?" Jade griped

"just chill, would you? They're strong men. Besides, I'm sure they can handle themselves" Kyle said, reading his latest issue of Cheeseburgers & Milkshakes Monthly

"oh really? Like the time Zsasz got his head stuck in the freezer and you, me and Croc had to do a three-man job to get him out" Jade replied

"hey, baby, it's nothin' like that" Kyle said sheepishly

"oh woe is me" Robin whined pathetically, slumping onto the couch

"oh gee, what's up with Mr. Mopey THIS time?" Hawkgirl asked

"the Board denied my request to join Jade's and Barbara's school" Robin moaned, turning on the TV

"oh… we're so sorry" Jade said, hugging Robin close

"well… THAT's not the problem" Robin said

"what is it, sweetheart?" Huntress asked

"guess who my homeschool teacher is?" Robin whined, the answer dawning on everyone in horror

"Uh-oh…" both Kara and Alex said in unison

"Lesson 9777: How NOT to be such a Lazy, Insubordinate Loser" Batman spoke

"help me" Robin sobbed pathetically as Batman dragged him away

"Mommy! Daddy! You said Timmy would go to school with me" Jade cried

"we tried sweetie, we tried, but Superintendent Thomason forbade it" Hippolyta said sadly

"wait a minute… Maurice J. Thomason III is the Superintendent of North End Gotham District?" Two-Face asked

"yes dear, we saw him at the meeting tonight" Hippolyta replied

"he said my suit looked like garbage…" Two-Face said, before it hit him and he felt his anger rise

"that's IT! I'm gonna sue that lousy pathetic excuse for a school so I can get my boy a proper education" Two-Face bellowed, heading into his office

"DAD! This really is NOT what I had in mind" Robin whined pathetically

"no time for takebacks, sonny boy. I'm calling the school tomorrow and we're gonna sue the living pants and whatnot off of 'em, no ifs, ands or buts" Two-Face barked

"ohhh… why me?" Robin whined as Hippolyta comforted him

"Tim…" Black Mask started just as Robin glared at him

"I know, I know. You're gonna yell ACT LIKE A MAN and slap me like from that Godfather movie" Robin said, slapping himself and walking off in pride

"...huh. He finally grew a pair" Black Mask said in amazement

"hey come on. After 255 stories, you'd THINK it'd be time for some of us to develop?" Robin asked

"what the hell are you kooky kids watching now?" Two-Face asked, poking his head into Kara's and Alex's room

"some musical called Cinderella 2000. It's very funny and the songs are pretty catchy" Kara said, enthusiastically bopping her head to the beat

"and apparently the songs are even more infectious than SpongeBob" Alex muttered, taking a swig of her A&W root beer

This chapter is in loving memory of Doris Roberts

Born 1925- died 2016

RIP Marie Barone. You will truly be missed