"Celebrity Jeopardy: Total Drama Style"
Rated T for Crude Humor
Disclaimer: Don't own Saturday Night Live or the Total Drama series.
Chapter 3: Alejandro, Heather and Justin
(Jeopardy! theme music plays.)
Alex Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy, If you're wondering why no one hasn't been killed in an atmosphere like this because the horse-crap from last time is still kicking in my mustache. Today's contestants are Alejandro, Heather and Justin, which I assume that he's looking at a mirror right now.
(Alex Trebek sees Justin looking at himself in a mirror.)
Alex Trebek: Justin, will you please quit looking at yourself? We are in the middle of "Celebrity Jeopardy" here.
Justin: As much I've been looking at you? Your mustache looks like someone ran your face over with a motorbike.
(Alex Trebek feels comfortable with Justin compliment.)
Alex Trebek: Thanks, this motorbike look burns my face apart. Okay let's go to categories...we have Potent Potables, Heather-
Heather: Wait a minute, there's a category named after me?
Alex Trebek: Yes, there is.
Alejandro: Ah, yes...that is an advantage to mi love. I promise that (holds Heather's hand) when I win, I will treat you like the fairest queen there ever is. No intteruptions, no boundaries...come be one with me...
(Heather swats her hand away from Alejandro.)
Heather: Ew! Get away!
Alejandro: But Heather, why swat away from me, you know you can't resist me any more longer...
Heather: Look, I don't know why in your pussy-footed mind why you want people to believe that I love you, when in reality, I don't! What happened on Total Drama World Tour is an accident! You're nothing but annoying!
Alex Trebek: I agree with Heather. So if I want my date with that Hooker on polio after this show, let's move on with the rest of the categories. Other than Potent Potables and Heather, we also have WWE, Characters from Naruto, Looney Tunes, and Animals. Justin, since you're the less annoying and more narcissistic than Reggie Mantle on Ganja...you start.
Justin: (puts his mirror up) I'll take WWE for $200, Alex.
Alex Trebek: Good, someone with pitch-perfect Speak and Spell. For $200, this wrestler is known as "The Shaman of Sexy".
(Justin buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Thank god...Justin?
Justin: What is Jim Morrison?
Alex Trebek: Justin, Jim Morrison is dead.
Justin: Why? You kill him?
Alex Trebek: No, I didn't. That's just the voices in your head.
Justin: That's "The Viper" Randy Orton. Why are you telling me crap I wouldn't know?
Alex Trebek: This is Celebrity Jeopardy, not "Password" on Hyacinth.
(Heather buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Heather?
Heather: What is Jim Morrison?
Alex Trebek: Don't come back here again. Besides, Justin already said that...
Heather: Well, I'm sorry. Alejandro wouldn't stop making those disgusting kissing sounds at me! It made me so hard to hear.
(Justin is laughing in a annoying fashion.)
Alex Trebek: May I ask what is funny?
Justin: Heather said "So hard"...
Alex Trebek: Oh...now I see...how friendly for a PG-rated show. The correct answer is "The Shaman of Sexy" John Morrison. Alejandro, since you didn't answer because you're being the disgusting Latin pig that you are, you choose.
Alejandro: (annoying) Fine...just give me "Characters of Naruto" for $200.
Alex Trebek: It's an Audio Daily Double. Just listen to this character right here, and tell me who it is.
(Choji's burp is heard over the studio. Heather is disgusted so she buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Heather?
Heather: What is-Hey!
(Heather swats away from Alejandro, who tries to kiss her.)
Alejandro: Oh, admit it. You can't get enough of me...
Alex Trebek: Heather, that is wrong.
Heather: It's not fair, he's trying to kiss me!
Alex Trebek: Of course we're not on LSD, you already like him.
Heather: It was a mistake! Damn!
(Heather pouts. Justin feels bad for her, but he starts to get annoyed by Alejandro.)
Alejandro: It's not a mistake. Just admit to me one more time...no one can tell...just tell those passionate words to me one more time...
(He holds Heather by the chin passionately.)
Heather: I...I...I..lah-lah...
Justin: Hey, Alejandro...
Alejandro: (Turns around to Justin) Yeah?
(Justin hits Alejandro in the face with his mirror. Alejandro goes down because of the impact.)
Alejandro: (covering his face) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Justin: You get what you deserve you b**ner!
Alejandro: You bastard! (to Alex) He broke my nose!
Alex Trebek: The answer was wrong. The right answer to that burp is Choji.
Heather: (angrily) Justin? You...you...(turns to delight.)...you're my hero!
(Heather hugs Justin, thanking him.)
Audience: AWWWWWWWWWWWW...
Alex Trebek: The only grunt I make when I take a shit. Let's just skip the questions and go to Final Jeopardy. The clue is...You know what, the hell with this, just "Write down what you think."
("Final Jeopardy!" theme song plays.)
Alex Trebek: It doesn't matter what you think. The Rock didn't think of this, he just came up with the whole idea. We'll just accept anything and it'll be right. Anything from a dead puppy to zombie Obama works.
("Final Jeopardy" theme song ends.)
Alex Trebek: Okay, let's start with Heather...who is making out with Justin now.
(Alex sees Heather and Justin making out heavily on the floor.)
Heather: Oh, baby...you kiss so good...Mmmmmmm...
Justin: Oh, baby...you ain't seen nothing yet...Mmmmmmmm...
Alex Trebek: Let's see what Heather wrote.
(Heather writes what seems to be Justin's 'sausage'.)
Alex Trebek: A penis...well, that's acceptable. And she wagers...11 inches. That's clean...Okay, let's see what Justin wrote down. He writes...
(Justin writes the picture of a cat.)
Alex Trebek: A cat. How odd for a narcissist. And he wagers...P***y. How the FCC will have my ass for this one. Let's go to Alejandro...
(Alejandro's eyes is still bleeding and screaming in pain.)
Alejandro: Helpo! Mommo! Lots of bloodo! AAAAAAAH!
Alex Trebek: Well, stating from the condition that Alejandro's in...I say a morgue is in order. From all to us watching, I say on first account...that every one of these three contestants are retarded. That's all for "Celebrity Jeopardy", I'm going to my hotel room and masturbate. Good night.
(Alex Trebek leaves while Heather's moaning sounds are heard offscreen.)
Heather: (moaning) Oh, Justin! Do me baby! Do me! Ohhhhhh...
Justin: Oh, baby! Who's the bitch? Who's the bitch?
(Spanking noises are heard.)
Heather: Ohhhhhh, yessss! Yesssss! Oh, Justin, spank me hard...!
Man, that was something else! next chapter will be Owen, Courtney & Noah! Read and review! It's gonna get good by the minute!
