Hello people of Earth! It's me again, bringing the next installment of "My Life As Emmett" Yes I did change the name. Ooh! I keep forgetting to tell you to check out my profile. Now I have told you. So do it. When you're done reading. Also, WRITE A FREAKING REVIEW! Or else…
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the Fanny Pack song. I wish I owned the Fanny Pack song though.
Emmett's POV
When Rosalie and I went back inside, everyone was assembled in the living room.
"Hey everybody! Guess what? I just got a babysitting job! Tonight at 7:00!"
"That's great Emmett!" Esme said. Everyone was laughing.
"This is gonna be GREAT!" Jasper said.
"Oh yeah, Jasper?" I said "What's so great about it?"
"The fact that you will be corrupting some poor woman's kids to the point that said woman will go insane and have to be put in a mental asylum. That's what's so great."
Everyone looked at Jasper. "What?" He said.
oooOooo
I pulled up to the address Martha McAllen had texted me in my large Jeep, blasting the music really loud. I saw the curtains twitch. They could probably hear it inside the house. I parked on the curb and strolled up to the door and knocked. A few seconds pass by when suddenly, the door swings open and I am sprayed in the eyes with something. I was surprised to feel it tingling a little. Nothing hurts me… I focus my eyes to see an averaged sized woman with wavy red hair standing in the doorway, holding a can of… pepper spray? I mind immediately goes to Victoria but this is not her. This must be Martha.
"What the Hell?" I say. "Do you pepper spray everyone who comes to your door or just your babysitters?"
"I didn't hurt you?" She sounds annoyed.
"Psh, Naw." Martha looked at me with wide eyes. Oops… I think. "Maybe it's expired."
"Who are you?"
"I'm the babysitter. I'm Emmett Cullen."
"Wow. You don't look like a babysitter."
I look down at myself. I was wearing a tight black T-shirt that showed off my most of my muscles, and regular black jeans. I grunted.
"Well okay Emmett. Please come in and meet the children. I'm sorry I sprayed you with expired pepper spray."
"It's fine." La la la. This is a nice house. Wait a minute… "Did you say kidsss?" I put lots of emphasis on the plural in kids.
"Yes I have two kids." Two little boogers? Seriously? What in the world would possess a woman and a man to have two children?
This time I groaned quietly.
"Chloe, Lucas? Come meet Emmett!"
Two little kids, came running down the stairs. The girl, Chloe, looked about 7 or 8. Lucas looked about 5 or 6.
"Okay, well I'm leaving now. Bye. I'll be back around Midnight. Emergency numbers are on the fridge!" She slammed the door.
"She was in a rush." I mutter. "So kiddos, what do you want to – Hey!" The Smaller Booger had kicked me in the shin. It didn't hurt it was just annoying. He bolted up the stairs along with the Big Booger. I decided to chase them, even though that's probably what they wanted.
As soon as I got close to each of their little ankles I grabbed them and held them upside down by those ankles. They squealed and wiggled but I just laughed at them.
"Put us down and we promise we'll be good." Booger number one (Chloe) said, while Booger number two scoffed.
"Yeah, Right. I was a kid before too." I say "But I guess I'll have to put you down soon anyway. Do you guys want to watch a movie?" That'll kill two hours I thought.
"Yes but we don't have a DVD player."Says Chloe.
"Or DVD's." say Lucas.
"The malls still open let's go buy one." I say. "Put on your shoes."
"Aren't they expensive?" They both say. That was going to be annoying if they kept doing it.
"Naw. Besides, my family is insanely rich. I'll buy you guys whatever you want."
The boogers were wide eyed.
We got into the Jeep. I had to pick them up and put them in because they were so small. As we drove to the mall I put in a random CD. Not bothering to check the title. When I realized what song it was, I got pumped.
"Yeah! This is my Song!" I started to sing.
"Walkin' down the street and everybody's starin'
Just jealous of what I'm wearin'
That's right it's a fanny pack, bitches
Hot pink and matches my britches
You're thinking "that guy's insane
Damn, what's his name? What's wrong with his brain?"
I'm perfectly sane, just hear what I say
Everything I need's just one zip away
My fanny pack, my fanny pack is all I need
It's on my waist while I shower and while I pee
It holds my hairspray so I look good every day
It holds me tight and keeps the Boogie Man away
You can't mess with my fanny pack, I'm a maniac
It's a fact, you better watch your back
Packs more than a back pack
One time i looked inside and I found an iMac
Only tough guys wear fanny packs
Hulk Hogan, Chuck Norris and this guy…
Diss me and you better watch your back
I'll smack you with my 20 pound fanny pack
I've been attacked by a wild beast
I think it was a furry hippopotamus from Greece
I needed a weapon for the fight
What I pulled out was a stick of dynamite
Makes great gifts for the holidays
"It's my in a pack, babayyyy"
If you talk smack, I'll put you in my sack
What's this? It's midget in my fanny pack!"
I hear a chorus of "oooh's" coming from the back seat.
"What?" I say.
"You said like, a bajillion bad words just now!"
"Well older people can say bad words."
They grunted in unison.
We get to the Mall and I pick out a fairly good DVD player and a few appropriate DVD's. Some of them looked kinda interesting. I was excited to see them. We passed a toy store on the way out.
"Ooooh Emmett! Can we go inside?"
"Sure thing L-man"
We go in. Man was it large in there. The store was bigger than a house! The kiddos start to browse while I daydream about Rose. It was a while before I say "Okay Kiddos. Are we gonna buy something? Kiddos?" Awww Crap. I lost them… in this gigantic store. I was totally dead. Again.
Hahahaha! Great job Emmett! Can't wait to see how this turns out huh? Well school starts soon so I might not update everyday but I promise I will update often! Don't kill me! Review! Do it! I know you wanna! It's this button.-
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