(AN Thanks so much for the reviews and follows! This is my first ever fanfic so I really appreciate all the support! Intending it to be at least 10 chapters, so keep with me through the slow burn ... promise I'll deliver with some romance, drama and sexy times! ;) just trying to make it a vaguely realistic journey for them! )

"Finn, Rollins, you take this one. I want you at the scene 5 minutes ago" Liv's voice rang out across the squad room and Amanda reached for her coat, following Finn out the door.

Thankfully, after that first awkward encounter work got in the way, as always, and things sunk back into normalcy between Amanda and Olivia. If Amanda hadn't caught those few lingering looks in quiet moments she would have almost thought she got away with it.

But she knew better. This was something that a 'in touch with her emotions' 'post therapy' Liv would be determined to discuss. The question was just when.

Amanda didn't even know why she was so loathe to discuss it. That was a lie. She knew exactly why she didn't want to discuss it, she just hated even admitting it to herself.

Firstly she wasn't very good about having conversations about her sexuality. Call it a Southern Hangup, or in the words of the lesbian activist she'd briefly had a fling with in college 'internalised biphobia', but although Amanda had known for a long time that she enjoyed sleeping with both men and women, she didn't think she owed the details of it to anyone. It just made things more complicated than they needed to be. Men fetishised it, women were intimidated by it.

Which brought her to her next concern. Now Liv knew she liked women would she connect the dots and realise Amanda' s big crush on her?

It was easy to fly under the radar when everyone thought she was straight. It's not like she thought anything would happen in a million years of working together… sometimes after a long day it was just nice to run her eyes down Liv's back, taking in every curve. It's not like she was obsessing. She'd had a pretty hard crush when she first arrived in SVU that was true, but then after her vicious dressing down from Liv and time spent withering under her disappointed glares after the gambling fiasco she'd put it to the side. It definitely wasn't something that seemed worth dwelling on when she was hooking up with Nick. That was distraction enough at work. But now Nick was gone, she was lonelier than ever, and all she had to think about lying alone in bed at night was Olivia's pert posterior.

On that thought she turned bright pink… there was that one time she'd done slightly more than lie there thinking about Liv's bottom in pantsuit. Although as small comfort she'd bet a whole lot of money she wasn't the first one in the department who'd done that at least once. Ah, if only that was something she I actually win money betting on.

"You been awful quiet lately."

Finn jolted Amanda from her thoughts.

"oh, really, ya miss the sound of my voice now?" Amanda retorted teasingly. "Judging from the Ambulance I think we're here now."

...

Olivia sighed as she clicked off her monitor. It had been a straightforward day if not untraumatic day for once, and here she was actually leaving slightly early. Good thing too, as she had a dentists appointment.

As she rummaged through her bag to check she had everything, she noticed a light flashing on her personal mobile indicating that she had a message. Her dentist appointment was cancelled.

She paused a moment. She'd booked Lucy to stay with Noah until later on that night, and she could really do with a glass of wine. She stuck her head out into the squad room.

"Anyone up for a drink? First ones on me tonight."

"Sure" Of course Carisi wasn't one to say no.

"Don't you have law school or something?" Finn's sarcasm always cut him down a peg. Carisi wasn't fast enough with a comeback and Finn turned back to Liv.

"I'll come for one, what about you Rollins, you better be joining us so I got someone talking sense."

"What about me" Olivia pouted in mock offence.

"you talk too much sense" Finn's eyes sparkled.

"fine, 5 minutes guys, anyone who needs longer we'll be at the usual place. "

When Olivia, Finn and Rollins walked into their usual bar the seats along the bar were taken, but after they ordered their drinks, they discovered a booth towards the back was still free.

"Man, Carisi's never gonna find us in here." Finn moaned. Carisi had been held up by a last minute phone call.

"Someone should wait out front for him." Olivia heard the words come out of her mouth and silently cursed herself for sounding like a mother hen so much lately. "Or not. after all we do pay him for his detective work."

Amanda chuckled and Finn rolled his eyes.

"ok, you ladies hold the table and I'll wait out front for Carisi."

Finn's back turned and Olivia looked up at Amanda.

"so Rollins, How you doing lately?"

...

There is was again, that slightly off tone. The nonchalance was too feigned. The intense expression in Liv's eyes didn't match her small smile. She may have had her faults, but Amanda was trained to read people.

"Look Liv, lets cut to the elephant in the room. You saw me out the other night, and clearly you need to talk about it." Typical Amanda, no holds barred.

Olivia managed to look both relieved and uncomfortable at the same time. Clearly that was what she did want to talk about but she didn't really know where to go next.

"so are you…" Liv paused.

"Dating women now?, A lesbian?" Amanda filled in the space, but her tone came out a lot more vicious and sarcastic than she intended. Liv looked obviously taken aback.

"Look, Amanda. It's none of my business what you do in your spare time. But this was just so unexpected that I felt as you boss, well more than that, as your friend" Liv paused again and looked Amanda right in the eyes. "I should check that you're ok. And if there is anything that you're going through, or experiencing that it's coming from a positive place and not from something dark."

Now Amanda was just confused. Something dark? What was Liv talking about?

"I know this job is very dark, and that the majority of the horrific things that we see are inflicted by men. But that doesn't mean there aren't still good men out there."

As Liv continued to speak it suddenly clicked with Amanda where she was headed, and why she had such a worried crease on her brow as as she spoke.

"No no no" Amanda felt it was better to interrupt now than wait. "Liv, this isn't some side affect of the job, It isn't even something new. Trust me."

Liv was looking at her, straight on. Amanda sighed

"I'm Bisexual. Well at least thats the word I know that is closest to how I feel. I've always been attracted to both men and women. It's just not something I'm real comfortable talking about."

"okay" Olivia kept looking at Amanda. She seemed a bit relieved, but was obviously waiting for more. Amanda took a swig of her drink and continued. Why stop now she supposed.

"I've been hooking up with Women since college, but never a serious girlfriend, so it never felt right to bother with a big coming out if the next person I dated was going to be a guy. Besides, theres a lot of negative connotations, guys automatically think you want a threesome, girls think you're experimenting. It's just a hassle to try and explain to anyone. And you know Atlanta, it's not the most female friendly environment to begin with. "

"but we all kiss our girlfirends in college Amanda. You're sure this recent exploration of it isn't triggered by something. Nick leaving, watching a constant stream of the worst men in America go through central booking? Amanda I know how it feels to get home at the end of dealing with these predators all day and just crave something softer… I know I'm not the best role model for functional heterosexuality… but it doesn't mean a man can't be there for you with that."

"Seriously Liv, are you listening to me? The job hasn't turned me gay. I swear to you."

Olivia nodded

"I haven't given up on men for relationships. But to be honest, these days when I just want some casual sex it does seem easier to find it with a woman. You're right, after day after day of dealing with rape, I can relax a bit more in a lesbian bar than somewhere with 10 sleazy dudes trying to hit on me. But sleeping with women did not start with SVU. I promise you."

Olivia sighed and seemed to relax a bit. "Ok, I believe you. I almost envy you actually. I don't know I trust any man enough to be in my house for casual sex now I have Noah. "

Amanda sensed the cloud had lifted a bit, so dared to say with a wink "so, we .. uh… all kiss our girlfriends in college then, lieutenant?

Olivia flushed unexpectedly and broke eye contact, but was saved from replying as Finn and Carisi pushed through the now crowded bar to the table.

"Good thing I was waiting, this one would get lost even finding the right bar." Finn shook his head

"I knew where i was going, I was just looking at something i the window there"

Their argument cut through the moment. Olivia looked up again, smiling at them.

"Well Carisi what kept you so long?

Amanda quietly sipped her drink as her colleagues bantered. That last moment, she hadn't expected Liv to actually get embarrassed. Was there actually something in it? She shook her head softly to herself. She should learn to keep her trap shut.

'You're still being quiet Rollins?" Finn nudged her.

"Well Carisi can talk enough for the both of us." She grinned and joined the banter. She would analyse her conversation with Olivia later.