Even though kayweston will never admit it, she's the brains and talent behind this chapter (and most of this story). You should give her some love in the reviews cause this girl is shy about writing but damn I hardly have to work hard when I write with her xx
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The next few days are sunny and beautiful, but Alison barely has the time to even realize that. Things between Emily and her got really awkward, and it felt like the girls were giving her questioning looks and like Emily was avoiding her presence at all costs. But what was the brunette really expecting? They're just best friends and she clearly wanted nothing more than to teach Emily. Right? At least, that's what she keeps telling herself. Because that's just the way it is, it isn't anything close to love and it's not gonna be different.
The thought of being in love with Emily keeps crossing her mind and it scares the living shit out of her. How could she possibly feel that? Emily even has to be confused. There's no way the kind brunette feels anything more for her than puppy adoration. That's what she keeps telling herself. Because if she lets herself fall for Emily, if she lets herself be that person, she's not so sure what will happen to the rest of her.
As she struts down Rosewood High corridors on a Monday morning, she hears weird conversations and strange whispers, and it confuses her. She loves rumors and secrets, but this time it feels out of place, and odd. The bits and pieces that she hears send weird chills down her back, and her mind can't fully process why.
When she's taking books from her locker, two guys from the football team walk past her and she would never actually notice them otherwise (those immature morons), but it's the things they say that catch her attention.
"Dude, I'm telling you, they went all the way this weekend!" one of them, the shorter one, exclaims.
"No kidding! Damn, Ben got lucky, I bet we can too," the taller one answers. They walk away and their crude laughter follows, and Alison flinches and freezes, trying to process what she's just heard.
She quickly connects the dots and slams her locker door shut. But there's gotta be another Ben. They can't be talking about Ben fucking Coogan. But then again – he could definitely cheat on Emily, of that she's sure. A douche like him would probably get tired of Emily not giving it up.
As she meets the girls in the cafeteria later on, Hanna looks at her expectantly. She furrows her eyebrows and looks at Emily, whose gaze drops on her own hands the moment Alison lays eyes on her. She's still avoiding her.
"Have you heard?" Hanna finally bursts, no longer able to control herself. Alison wears her indifferent mask and decides to play along.
"Heard about what?" she shrugs and does everything to look uninterested. Besides, if Ben's cheating on Emily, she'll tell her herself. She deserves better.
"Ben's telling everyone him and Emily had sex," Hanna chirpes back.
"Hanna!" both Spencer and Aria scold the cheerful blonde, and Emily fiddles with her fingers and continues looking at her hands, as if her life depended on it.
Alison's face darkens. How dare he spread such lies about her girl? (Wait, her girl?) "And he's still breathing because?"
"Because it's true," Aria chimes in quickly.
"I can't believe Emily lost her v-card before the rest of us," Hanna obnoxiously adds.
Something is boiling in Alison's veins, and something hot is tearing her chest apart, it feels as if somebody is putting red-hot irons inside her ribcage. She hopes her face doesn't show anything. She gulps and looks at Emily, whose eyes are transfixed elsewhere.
"Is that true, Emily?" she tries to sound casual, she truly does, but she can't help her voice from cracking slightly. She can hear her heart pounding furiously.
Emily takes the courage to look at her for the first time and she manages to smile a very small, almost sad smile. She just nods gently and blushes.
She slept with him. She slept with him. She let his hands touch her, undress her and she let him kiss her and lick her, and she let him…no.
Alison offers a venomous smile and says, her voice dripping with fake sweetness.
"Wow, Em. Congrats on a great decision. Now if you'll excuse me, I forgot I have something else to do."
She stands up rapidly and leaves the cafeteria, never looking back and not caring about people's curious glances. Not caring about anything.
As she enters the quiet hallway, she hears the cafeteria doors open behind her and footsteps behind her.
"Ali wait…Ali come on!" Emily's timid voice comes through and Alison ignores her, marching towards the music room. She knows Noel spends his lunch there, she knows Noel will give her what she wants but can't take from Emily.
But a tiny hand wraps around her wrist and snaps her backwards.
"Ali what's wrong?" she finally faces Emily as she hears her feeble voice and she glares angrily.
"You have five seconds to let go Emily or I swear I will make your life hell," she snarls and the brunette's eyes widen in shock like a puppy that just got kicked as she drops Alison's wrist immediately.
"What did I do-"
"Sorry, I don't associate myself with easy sluts," Alison says with such venom that Emily can only gape and stare at her for a few seconds. And when she does, the emotion that pours out of her astonishes Alison.
"Why do you care?" Emily asks bitterly, her eyes pleading for the truth and her hands shaking. "You were just teaching me right? Wasn't that the point? Teaching me so I could end up with him?"
"Shut up," Alison growls and advances menacingly towards Emily She doesn't know why she's taking out so much of her anger on the brunette, but she can't help it. This gut wrenching feeling inside her is the worst pain she's felt in a long time. "You've got to be a moron if you think I was just teaching you that for fun."
It's funny, because that's what she's been telling herself from the start. As if she's yelling at herself to wake up and realize the truth.
But she watches as Emily's eyes narrow in frustration and she can only gasp as the brunette grabs her and pulls her into the closest bathroom, locking the door and facing Alison once she's made sure they're alone.
"I lied okay? Please don't tell anyone. I didn't sleep with him," Emily tells her evenly, albeit a little hesitantly.
"Sure you didn't."
"Alison I didn't," Emily begins to beg for Ali to believe her. "I couldn't. He wanted to but I couldn't…I couldn't even let him touch me without it feeling wrong."
"Did he touch you?" Alison demands an answer.
"I…he…"
"Where did he touch you?" Ali deadpans as she steps closer to Emily, backing her towards the wall.
"Um, just-"
"Did he touch you there?" Alison's gesture towards Emily's breasts and the brunette blushes deep red.
"Y-y-yes," Emily guiltily admits. The blonde frowns.
"And down here?" Alison gets out through gritted teeth as one hand drops down to point between Emily's legs.
"No!" she exclaims quietly.
"Did you want him to-"
"No!" Emily repeats, louder. Her boldness increases a little. "It didn't…it didn't feel as good as when you…when you touch me."
Alison looks at her through hooded eyes as she feels her own irises darken. But she can't give in though her face softens and she seems to calm down a bit.
"Oh, it didn't?" She tries her best to keep her voice aloof.
"It did not," Emily says once again, more forceful this time, and she takes Alison's hand in hers timidly, and plays with it, and it's so adorable that it takes all the willpower in Alison not to smile.
"And do you want me to do it?" Alison asks seductively, her voice husky and alarmingly low; she can't stop, she won't, and Emily merely nods, but her face- it's different, she could swear she sees desire drowning in there and she could get drunk in that look. But Emily shakes her off of that daydream.
"But...I don't know –" the brunette plays with her hair nervously, "I don't know who I am to you, Ali. I don't understand."
"Let's get out of here," Alison nearly orders, not willing to answer that question. At least, not here. Not now. Not in the school bathroom for Christ's sake.
"We can't skip classes Ali, it –" Emily's worried speech is interrupted by warm lips, as Alison kisses her lightly, reassuringly…bossily.
"Oh sweetie, of course we can." Alison winks at her and grabs her hand, pulling her along. They are out the school door before last period starts.
x-x-x
"What are we?" Emily asks, not sure of what to do with her hands, with her head, or even with her eyes. She's sitting on Alison's bed with the blonde standing in front of her, between her legs, facing her. Of course her parents aren't home, and of course Alison conveniently slipped into a revealing thin shirt.
"Shhh," Alison takes the brunette by surprise and places one finger on her lips. She observes as the brunette's eyes flutter shut at that sudden contact, and she notices Emily take a very deep breath.
"Let's enjoy the moment," she utters softly and throws Emily a provocative look.
It seems it takes everything Emily has in her to pull away, like she struggles internally and almost winces at the sound of her own thoughts.
"Alison, I don't...I don[t want us to be like that. I want to know who I am to you. I want to know I matter."
"You know you do, Emily, and –"
"No, I don't! Okay? I don't know anything."
"Let me prove," Alison comes closer, her hands land on the back of Emily's neck, her lips on Emily's earlobe, "just how much you freaking matter. You have no idea."
"Ali, p-please stop. If you don't want to talk about it, I'll just g-go," Emily barely mutters as she shakes Alison's hands off of her, and she starts moving, but the blonde stops her gently.
Emily gives her this doe-eyed look of hers, and there's also a trace of hurt and pain. Damn you Alison.
"You already said it yourself, you like it when I touch you," Alison mutters under her breath but looks affectionately at Emily. "You know you can trust me."
Whether Emily truly knows that is unclear- but what is clear is how that statement makes her feel. Like Alison will protect her.
"I want to be the first person you're with," she whispers with a smile that Emily can't decipher anymore- it's making her head spin to try and read into everything Alison does. "Sweet innocent Emily."
"Who was your first?" Emily manages to blurt out and Alison stops cold. She remembers that all the girls think she's lost it already. It's not like she dared to come straight out and say she was waiting for the right person.
"Like that matters," Alison tries to brush it aside but she should know better- it matters to the brunette who stares her down intently.
"Was someone teaching you too?" Emily asks curiously, trying to figure out the blonde.
"No," Alison simply says, pushing Emily backwards and crawling on top of the brunette who lies on her back- her chest heaving intensely as she stares wide-eyed. Alison leans down, her hair falling all around Emily's face and the brunette inhales deeply because, damn, she's addicted to Alison's scent. The blonde brings her lips once more to Emily's ear. "There was no first yet. You're not the only one lying."
She feels the brunette freeze beneath her.
"Really?"
"Trust me," Alison purrs but she kisses Emily softly and hums happily. "I'm waiting for the real deal."
"How will you know what that is?"
Alison looks lovingly at Emily- and the look haunts Emily for a long time. It's the first time she sees the queen bee completely unguarded, completely unashamed and extremely vulnerable. Like Alison really trusts her.
"Emily," she whispers, her voice dropping down to speak tenderly and quietly. "You'll know when it's right, you'll feel it."
She traces her fingertips lightly down over Emily's throat to her chest and outlines her heart.
"Promise me you'll wait until you feel that it's right. And I promise you, I will too."
"I promise," Emily finally dares to speak and her voice cracks nervously as she stares up into those dark, passionate blue eyes. Alison brings her hand up to cup Emily's face and presses her lips against hers gently, as if taking it all in. Her hand grips tighter as she deepens the kiss and her hips unexpectedly roll into Emily's, causing both girls to moan and pull apart.
"Em-" There's such hesitancy in Alison's face all of a sudden, and her voice is suddenly weighted with the burden of a heavy heart. "Does this feel right to you?"
Emily feels her heart still- she's not sure of what to say. She doesn't know, she really has no freaking idea.
"I…I think so. Does it feel right to you?"
"I don't know."
Alison's voice is ghost like, and she looks pained. But those three words break Emily's heart- she can literally hear it shatter. She sits up, and Alison quickly realizes how she's upset her.
"Wait, no, Emily-"
"Leave me alone, Alison, please," Emily begs and gets up, grabbing her backpack as tears begin to break through and roll down her cheeks.
"Don't walk out," Alison orders harshly, but Emily knows her better than anyone else- Alison doesn't know how to ask for things nicely under pressure. So she continues to walk out without looking at her unril Alison roughly grabs her again.
Emily whips around to look at her, tears falling, and she's surprised to see Alison fighting back her own tears with her mouth drawn tight and her fists balled at her sides in frustration.
They hold a silent stare. And then Emily shakes her head, turns, and leaves.
