Disclaimer: For the third time, I said I do not own Skip Beat. Ugh, this is getting tiring.
Three. The same night her friend confronted her.
Japanese sushi truly is an excellent Japanese cuisine. Tasting such food brings a person to a traditional paradise, and such a unique taste is perfectly suitable to the unparalleled world of Japan.
Mogami Kyoko couldn't help but to savour each bite and to admire the craft of how such food was created. Unfortunately, all thoughts about sushi disappeared in an instant when the raven-haired woman in front of her dropped a bomb at her face out of the blue.
"What exactly is your relationship with Tsuruga?"
Her dear tamagoyaki almost fell when the number one Love Me member heard the words "relationship" and "Tsuruga" in one sentence. Such sentence construction did not make sense and she almost had the urge to call a grammar Nazi to reprimand her friend for making such an unthinkable mistake. Before she could almost fall off the pit, she managed to pull herself up and calm her nerves. It was a simple question with a simple answer. Why would she be vexed about her relationship with her sempai? But most of all why would her best friend ask such a demented question?
Kotonami Kanae watched the series of expressions that played on her best friend's face. From devastated surprise to nervous panic to raged confusion and finally to peaceful serenity, the raven-haired actress was impressed on how her friend was capable of executing a myriad of emotions. But she also knew then that she had hit the mark. Something was fishy between Kyoko and Tsuruga. She already had a feeling what it is and it did not amuse her a bit.
"Where did you get the question Moko-san? We're sempai and kohai of course. What else would it be?" The orange-haired actress laughed and she worried if her laughter was too fake or not. She returned herself to thinking how interesting the sushi train was as she refused to look at the female beside her.
With her eyes narrowed, Kanae scrutinized the behaviour her best friend was exhibiting. Kyoko was trying very hard to act calm and if the raven-haired actress may say, she was utterly failing it. Kanae felt like a predator ensnaring her prey and she knew very well how close she was from catching her best friend. As Sun Tzu had said, 'Know thy enemy and know thy self,' and Kanae knew which buttons to push and which things to say to fish the truth from Kyoko.
"Well the scene that welcomed me at LA Hearts was far from sempai-kohai to me. If I didn't know the two of you I would have thought that you two are lovers." As soon as Kanae dropped the word 'lovers,' a tamagoyaki fell from the hands of the number one Love Me member. Still, Kanae continued to add fuel to the fire. "What the hell were you two doing, telling that you missed each other? It looked like a scene taken out from a romantic drama for christ's sake! It chills me!"
Did we really look like that? Kyoko asked herself desperately, not knowing whether she was happy at the thought or not. She can't believe that she allowed herself to become used to her sempai's company, to his touch and kisses, and mostly to the closeness that they shared. She mentally slapped herself to wake up and to remind herself that only Setsu was allowed to feel that way. How can she allow herself to exploit such affection that was only reserved for Cain's sister?
Kyoko completely denied the assumption of her best friend, saying that Kanae must have misunderstood the atmosphere. Besides, her sempai probably does that to everyone else, he is a playboy after all. Once again, Kyoko cursed herself for falling for a playboy. Cupid truly is cruel for making her fall to such guys each and every time.
Kanae did not want to bite Kyoko's lame excuse but she gave up anyway. The raven-haired actress decided that she would rather not hear the truth after all because it will bring nothing but irritation from her. The image of her alone in the Love Me section was definitely not a wonderful sight. "I was just checking Kyoko. Who knows, maybe you've already fallen for him and you're just hiding it from everyone even to yourself."
Unbeknownst Kanae, she had just exposed what was inside Kyoko's heart, that which the number one Love Me member desperately tried to conceal. Kyoko couldn't believe how transparent she had become but she was not yet ready to admit anything even if a gun was pointed at her head.
"Me, in love with Tsuruga-san? That's nonsense!" The orange-haired actress struggled to speak as she laughed like there was no tomorrow. Her tone however, suddenly became somber. "Tsuruga-san will never think of me that way Moko-san. I'm his one and only kohai and most of all, I'm dull, boring, and just not suitable for him. Besides, I'm the number one member of the Love Me section and I don't even think I'll ever be able to graduate."
Wide-eyed, Kanae stood shocked at her best friend's answer. Kyoko's response was different from what she had expected. The typical reaction would have been shouting exaggeratingly that such thing between her and Tsuruga was impossible. Instead, she calmly denied it as if she had already fallen for him and accepted that there is no chance between the two of them. Kanae already suspected and prepared herself for this, but hearing her best friend say it personally still surprised her.
"Kyoko, don't tell me…"
"Moko-san, try this toro, the tuna tastes like heaven!" The oranged-haired actress interrupted as she happily placed a sushi on her friend's plate. Kanae recognized the strange behaviour of Kyoko, that of fake happiness. It was the same expression when she talked to Kyoko before the Dark Moon party. Kanae arranged the pieces of the puzzle and discovered that ever since then, her best friend had fallen for him long ago.
"I can't believe you Kyoko. I thought I was your best friend but why are you hiding these things from me? Do you know how deeply hurt I am?" Kanae asked with hurt and disappointment evident on her face.
The friendship card was what it took to break Kyoko's barrier. Kanae saw the actress panic, who was looking at her with pleading golden eyes that begged for understanding. The expression of Kyoko implied with utmost vividness, Please don't make me say it. However, Kanae stood unwavered and determined to know everything, even if it means causing a turmoil in her friend's heart.
There was no escape and Kyoko feared it. The music must be faced and she prepared herself to expose her feelings for the first time, to someone other than herself. She drank some water and bit a sushi to stall some time and calm her nerves, but still, she just did not know how to say it.
"It's happening all over again, Kanae."
Upon hearing her best friend use her given name, the raven-haired actress knew that Kyoko was finally serious.
"I fell." The number one Love Me member did not elaborate. With her eyes cast down, she sat lifeless in front of her best friend. Admitting things like this was consuming all of her energy. It was just too difficult to pour her emotions out after burying the feelings that she promised never to have once again.
The raven-haired actress went silent. Her usual scowl deepened as she fell into deep thought. After minutes of long suffocating silence, she spoke.
"Are you saying that you're in love with him?"
"I don't know." Kyoko whispered, looking at nothing in particular.
"Maybe you're just infatuated. Perhaps you just admire him because of his skills in acting or his looks. Possibly, you're mistaking crush for love. If it is, you shouldn't worry because it will pass."
Kanae didn't want her friend to fall in love with Tsuruga. She did not trust the man and she fears that Kyoko would only end up being hurt. In fact, she did not even think that there's a man on earth who is great enough for Kyoko. But after having such thought, she heaved a sigh as she realized how possessive she had become of her best friend.
"Kanae, I'm confused. How do you distinguish between the two?" Kyoko raised her head in miserable confusion, desperate to find some answers and Kanae felt how she wanted to help her friend in anyway that she could. Kyoko truly was innocent of love and not to mention, pretty much ignorant at the same time.
What am I, a love guru? Kanae thought. However, she sighed and explained what she knew anyway.
"In infatuation, crush or whatever you call it, you like someone but you'll get over it. You don't expect anything in return and most of all, you don't expect that you'll end up together in reality. It's mere temporary attraction - there are things that you like about the person. We crush on a person who is unlikely to reciprocate the same feeling. It's like crushing on you teacher, a superstar, a fictional character or a stranger." The raven-haired actress paused for a while and she couldn't believe that she was actually saying this. But upon seeing how her friend listened to every word that she said, she reluctantly continued.
"Love on the other hand, is more intense. It's having affection on someone in spite of who they are, whatever they may be in the the past or in the future and no matter how many flaws they have. You accept them completely as they are.
"I honestly think that the thing you have for Tsugura is simple admiration, a happy crush to be exact. You feel happy when you see him. Perhaps you're just attracted at his acting skills. You're just there for the inspiration and nothing else." Well that was what Kanae hoped that Kyoko felt and she could only wish for herself to be correct.
Like a student, Kyoko raises her hand and comments. "Moko-san, I'm really surprised. It's like you're speaking based on experience. I thought we were comrades who have resisted the power of love?!" She placed her hand over her heart and spoke as if she had been betrayed. Kanae could only roll her eyes at the silliness of her friend. She was thankful though that Kyoko was back to her normal self.
"Are you forgetting that I'm in Love me because I lack in love for family and not romantic love?" Kanae simply retorted.
Kyoko's eyes lightened in understanding but after that she reverted back to her misery and depression. Instead of helping Kyoko, her friend's explanation threw every doubt and uncertainty there is, however, it is for the worst.
"Oh no. Kanae, this is terrible. It's not a crush, not even a happy crush. I don't feel happy. I'm troubled by him. I keep on thinking about him and it's even worst whenever I see him. He's consuming me. I'm attracted to every part of him down to his flaws and up to his skills in acting. I want to see every side of him, no matter how ridiculous or funny he may seem. I just… waaaa he's making me crazy! This is bad Kanae. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless!"
Kyoko felt the tears form around her eyes and she tried so desperately to prevent them from falling. She buried her head to her palms, not wanting her friend to see her at her weakest state.
Kanae on the other hand, could only offer words to comfort her friend. Seeing her friend fear the feeling of love like this hurts her more than anything.
"It's because you expect him to love you Kyoko. You want him to love you back the way that you love him. You crave for his affection and his company. That reason why you're troubled is because you fear that things like that can never happen. That's how ugly the feeling of an unrequited love." But hello, her's is definitely not an unrequited love, the raven-haired actress thought.
"Aggh! I don't want this. I just want this to stop! Out of all of the people out there, I fell for the country's number one bachelor! I'm really looking for some heartbreak. What am I, a masochist?! Or perhaps a martyr even?! Next time, why don't I hold a sign in front of me that says, 'Go on, hurt me and fucking break my heart!' Kanae tell me, why am I so stupid? Why don't I ever learn?" Kyoko demanded to her best friend, flinging her arms up in the air. She looked like she was about to cry and her friend was silently thankful that they were seated at the isolated part of the restaurant. Thank god no one would be able to witness the breakdown of the actress who played Mio and Natsu.
"It's all because of the monstrosity that God created called of love. Love makes you stupid and it throws out rationality. That's why I don't bother myself with it. Love may make you happy but the compensation between love and hurt is just not equal. It's sacrifice. It's reckless. When you open yourself to love you open yourself to hurt. It's not the sugarcoated love that everyone's been celebrating about.
"You don't stop it either. It has a life on its own. You don't command it to disappear. So whether you want it or not, you love him and that's it." Kanae looked at her bestfriend who becoming more miserable by the minute.
Does she tell Kyoko that her sempai likes her? But what if Tsuruga isn't what he looks like? Kyoko is just too nice that Kanae is afraid that her kindness will be abused by anyone especially that man. She only wants to protect her best friend from hurt, but at the same time, she is also aware of how selfish this reason is. Kanae is just afraid that Tsuruga will take Kyoko away from her but she knows very well the happiness that the man brings to her best friend. For the sake of Kyoko's happiness, perhaps she'll do anything for that.
"What if I tell you that Tsuruga is in love with you?"
"That's the second time you said that Moko-san. I may believe in fairies but I'm not foolish enough to believe in those kind of fantasies." Kyoko answered without second thought along with a miserable laugh. With the state she was in, she didn't even have the energy to be shocked.
"Kyoko, when did I ever lie to you? Am I not your bestfriend? Why is it so damn hard for you to believe me?" Truly, she just wanted her best friend to be happy but Kyoko is pretty much preventing herself from having such happiness.
Kyoko looked at her and saw her friend's expression. She did not know what to believe. She thought about it and it confused her. She analyzed if there were any chances that Kanae's statement was correct and she hated how a fire of hope lit in her heart. Yes, she desperately wished that Kanae was correct. The actress wanted everything to be true but believing in this would only be fooling herself. Yet, she allowed herself to settle for 50 percent that Tsuruga Ren may like her back. And 50 percent was already being too full of herself.
"Assuming that he did like me," Kyoko cringed at the thought. It was just unimaginable. "I don't know. I don't think it's as easy as that. Even if I did like him and he likes me, it's not automatic that it's a happily ever after and that everything will instantly work. What if both of us would like to focus on our career first? Or what if I become a hindrance to his career? What if Tsuruga-san realizes that he doesn't love me after all? I have so many of these 'what ifs', so much that I don't even know where to begin."
Kyoko imagines the happiness but she is worried about the sacrifice. Yes, she will be happy but she is not sure if she can guarantee herself that she will not be crying in the end. One thing that Kyoko does not want is to jump in before feeling the water. If ever what her friend said is true, she doesn't plan to grab at the opportunity. She has been there and done that and the last time she remembered, it did not end well. She's not stupid to get hurt twice and never will it happen again.
Kanae was surprised that Kyoko was actually this pessimistic. She thought how stupid her best friend was, depriving herself of the happiness that was already within her reach. Kyoko should think about now, the present, and not tomorrow. Seize the day as they say, because if she worries too much and blinds herself with what may happen in the future, the happiness will only slip from her fingers.
Oh god. The raven-haired actress thought of how she's more of a hopeless romantic than her best friend.
While Kanae was having her daunting revelation, Kyoko continued with her relentless rant. "And if Tsuruga-san did like me, why hasn't he made a move yet! That only shows that sempai isn't really interested in me." Kyoko's analysis reverts to 25 percent.
"Well it's because the man's a coward and you're the number one Love Me member Kyoko! What, do you expect that he'll go running around proclaiming that he likes you when all of us know that you're afraid of love?"
Kyoko went silent because what her best friend said was entirely correct. Maybe she has been putting her sempai to the same category as Sho - among those who will soon break her heart. Tsuruga-san and Shoutaro are not the same. Maybe her sempai won't hurt her. But that's all a maybe.
Kanae saw for the first time how frightened Kyoko was of love. Her best friend did not want to assume anything. Kyoko did not want to get hurt all over again because she doesn't think that she will be able to go through another heartbreak again. Kanae could only think of how badly he wants to kill Fuwa for doing this to her bestfriend and for giving Kyoko this trauma of love.
"So what do you want to do know?" Kanae asked. It seems like their conversation did not really help Kyoko with her problem.
"I just want this to stop. I want these feelings to disappear."
Kanae sighed. "You know it's not something you can turn off like a light switch."
"The least I could do is to try. If I don't do anything, I'm afraid that the feelings that I have for him will get worse."
"Is that what you really want?"
"Yes. I think."
"And how do you plan on doing that?"
"Distancing myself from him?" Kyoko said unassuringly. Even she herself didn't know if what she was about to do was right.
"By? Elaborate Kyoko." Kanae was beginning to be impatient. She didn't like the sound of this.
"I just took two drama offers."
"And how exactly will that help you from un-loving Tsuruga?" Kanae asked with a raised eyebrow. Her best friend on the other side of the table, breathed in deeply as if preparing to unleash a bomb. And a bomb it truly was.
"I need to be in Hokkaido then in Kyushu for half a year." Kyoko said in one breathe, and Kanae almost had difficulty catching what she said. Before the raven–haired actress could even react, Kyoko finished her sentence.
"At a minimum."
Proceeding that was the sound of chopsticks breaking and the number one Love Me member shrunk in her position as she anticipated the growing rage of the woman opposite her.
"What? You'll be gone by how many months?! Are you that desperate? You do realize that you're leaving me behind to?!" It was amazing how the raven-haired actress was able to shout in a silent manner, to prevent drawing attention from the people in the restaurant. But Kyoko intensely felt the wrath of her best friend and she rapidly bowed her head to ask for merciful forgiveness.
"Forgive me Kanae, I actually didn't have the chance to think this through. I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't do anything. My chest feels like it's going to explode and it literally and figuratively hurts. I'm just that desperate to do anything just to stop myself from loving him more than I already have."
The orange-haired actress raised her head to face her best friend whose face was beginning to soften upon witnessing the excruciating distress present on her best friend's expression.
"Moko-san, you know how much I love you. I hope that you can understand why I'm doing this because even I am losing myself. I can't understand whatever I'm feeling anymore."
Kanae couldn't make herself be mad at her anymore. Somehow, she understood why Kyoko was going through such lengths just to escape everything, but what upsets Kanae is her helplessness in erasing Kyoko's distress.
"Okay, Kyoko. Just… don't you ever forget to keep in touch with me or else I'll drag you back to Tokyo. When will you leave?" Kanae tried to hide the sadness in her voice but she failed as soon as her friend said that she'll be leaving after two weeks. It was so soon and Kanae imagined what will happen after her departure. Surely, she could survive, but she didn't know if the lover boy could. Actually, Kanae wouldn't even be surprised if she discovered Tsuruga making up an excuse just to go to Hokkaido or Kyushu.
The two actresses returned to their sushis and they ate in silence. After the dreading conversation, they just ran out of words and the energy to speak. Truly, love problems can make a person go hungry. Their silence however was interrupted by the sound of the television in the restaurant. With the mention of 'Tsuruga Ren', Kyoko's head shot up towards the screen to see once again the smiling face of Japan's number one actor being interviewed in a late night talk show. The screams and cries of the female audience roared from the television and the actor's dear kohai wanted to screech like a banshee in madness.
"See! Everywhere I go he's present! It's as if I'm haunted by his malignant presence! Curse Tsuruga Ren! Curse him!" The dear kohai almost swallowed the sushi in her mouth as she yelled. Her best friend on the other hand glanced at the television unperturbed and resumed eating.
"That's what you get for falling for Japan's most sought after bachelor you stupid girl." Kanae said, handing her a glass of water.
Kyoko drank her glass and she couldn't tear her sight away from the television. Her sempai was as godly as ever as he wore his gentleman smile, and an ugly feeling rose in Kyoko's chest when she witnessed how the sultry host openly flirted with the actor. Reluctantly, she returned to her forgotten sushi and she tried to shut herself off from hearing the interview. However, no matter how hard she tried, she ended up listening to every word of the whole show.
"So Ren-kun, do tell me, with all of the women throwing themselves at you, do you really think I would believe that you don't have a love life at this moment?" Anyone can clearly see from the television how the sultry host batted her eyelashes at the actor, with her hands 'accidentally' touching him in places. The actor however was unflustered by the act and he remained professional, as if nothing unusual was happening on set. But his gentlemen smile seemed to intensify by a fraction which did nothing but encourage the host more.
"Honestly, I'm too busy to even have the thought of being in a relationship. It's not one of my priorities right now. I would just like to focus with my work, improve my skills in acting, and perhaps try more various roles that will challenge me as an actor."
Liar, Kanae thought, but when she glanced at Kyoko, she saw her friend's poorly hidden despair.
"You are aware that that's the generic answer?" Kanae said, thinking that her best friend would be utterly foolish if she believed what Tsuruga replied.
However, despite her friend's assurance, Kyoko's hope just dropped to zero percent.
A/N:
This is for the unrequited/one-sided lovers out there! Let us brace ourselves for the lonely February 14! Fuck love. Truly, fuck love! Yes, I'm a bitter single lady right here. Haha. Anyway, sorry for the late update, I just got out of my midterm exams like a madman. Please let me know what you think! Reviews, reviews! And thanks for those who favorited, followed and reviewed this story. Love you guys and see you on next chap!
