OK, so I couldn't resist the Pixar reference in this. Go ahead and shoot me, I would do it all over again if I had the chance.
The nightmares were back. Well wasn't that just fantastic.
Rose was sat bolt upright in bed, jerked from her awful dream and back into the dark familiarity of her room in a matter of seconds. The clock on her bedside table told her that she had only been asleep for about 20 minutes. She flopped back onto her pillows, dragging tangled hair off of her face in an effort to clear her head.
The nightmare had not featured the normal elements of Bad Wolf Bay and the Doctor's hand slipping through her fingers. It did not even have the more unusual replay of the things she had seen in other universes, the death and destruction and the Doctor lying on the ground, sightless eyes staring up at the stars. No, this one had been different. Still, if she was going to be terrified and wake up screaming, it was nice to have a bit of variety.
This time it had been her mum who had been slipping away from her – she had been jumping from dimension to dimension, alone and cold and forgotten by everyone. Familiar faces had turned away and not recognised her, and at last she had began to run towards the distant figure of the Doctor, only to see him shot by a Dalek and turn to ash just as she was about to reach him. That was the point at which she had woken up.
Knowing that sleep wasn't going to be returning to her for a while, no matter how tired she was, Rose sat up and swung her legs around so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Her mind whirled around in a series of different thoughts that all seemed to be vying for her attention, before settling on one. The Doctor had a daughter.
The oddest thing was that he had seemed so calm about it. Yes, he had had Jenny for a couple of months, and she knew that he hid his emotions well, but this was a man who had been terrified of living somewhere with carpets. Rose rested her head in her hands for a few minutes. She meant no offense to the Doctor's offspring – in fact, his daughter seemed absolutely lovely, and Rose was sure that before long they would be thick as thieves - but the fact was that it would have all been so much easier if Jenny weren't there. It was never going to have been truly easy of course, what they now had to do – getting used to being with each other again, living a life, repairing a relationship that had been ripped apart so suddenly years ago. And now all of that was coming second to Jenny and her life and happiness and relationship with the Doctor.
Rose winced at her own thoughts. Now that was selfish.
Was she feeling jealous of a toddler? Of course she wasn't begrudging Jenny a good life and a loving parent, but there was still something niggling at her. Was she resenting the fact that she was no longer the most important person to the Doctor?
"For once, you're not the most important man in my life!"
The words came back to her immediately. They had been spoken in the heat of anger, to a different looking Doctor what felt like a lifetime ago, but that didn't make them any less true.
She sighed and rolled her head side to side on her neck, trying to work out her own feelings.
The problem was that she had been focussing on this moment for a long time. This was it. She had finally accomplished everything she had set out to do. Find the Doctor and be with him again, travel the universe. That was that. Forever.
The trouble was that, after getting there, she had not planned what to do next. She had not thought about her relationship with the Doctor and where exactly she wanted it to go (well, there had been some thoughts about where she wanted it to go, but there were a little less relationship focussed and a little more concerned with physical gratification) much less how they were actually going to accomplish it.
As always, everything had gotten a thousand times more complicated than it should have been, and Rose decided to just go and find the Doctor before she thought herself into a deep dark pit and didn't have the energy to crawl back out.
Luckily, she remembered to put of a few more items of clothing before she went to scout around for the Doctor's whereabouts. It did cheer her up though; the idea of what the Doctor's facial expression would be like if Rose had turned up in the console room in just her knickers.
She pulled on a t shirt and some pyjama bottoms from her wardrobe. She had not worn them in years, and just the feeling of them against her skin brought back a flood of emotion and nostalgia and confusion about the future that she could not really handle at that moment. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to just focus on the things she was certain of. Her name was Rose Tyler, she was 23 years old (around about – the time travel made it hard to tell exactly), she was on the TARDIS, she was with the Doctor, she had made her choice and she was happy with it. Once she knew that she was in control again, Rose ventured out into corridor barefoot, leaving her bedroom door ajar.
She did not fancy wandering around for an hour or so looking for the Doctor – and it could be way longer than that, the Doctor had once told her that the TARDIS was infinite. Whether he had been joking or not, she did not really want to find out. In the end, Rose decided to ask the TARDIS for her. It felt a bit silly talking out loud, asking the ship to tell her where the Doctor was, but after she had said it and continued walking, she came to the end of the corridor, with one last door staring her in the face. She grinned, thanked the TARDIS, and yanked on the door handle.
She was in the flipping console room.
"That was the first place I was gonna look anyway," Rose mumbled to herself. She peered around, but the Doctor was nowhere to be seen. Thinking he might be tinkering with the console, and therefore lying down on the floor out of sight, she ventured further into the room.
The Doctor sat at the door of the TARDIS, long legs dangling over the edge into the emptiness of space. Jenny sat in between his legs on the floor, her little feet just able to hang outside into the open air. She was completely silent, staring out of the doors without even moving a muscle. The Doctor had wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and pulled it around his little daughter, so only her head and her feet poked out, keeping her warm. They were both staring out at the stars, entranced by the beauty that lay in the calm stillness as the TARDIS drifted on her way.
Rose walked up behind them. The Doctor heard her footsteps and immediately shuffled over, patting the floor beside him in welcome. Rose grinned and sat down, letting her feet hang over the edge in a way that felt exciting and also a bit dangerous. However, she was certain that the Doctor wouldn't let her fall, just as she was certain that Jenny knew it too. She trusted the Doctor's hands to hold her there and keep her from simply floating out into the universe.
"She likes the stars," the Doctor said. "She likes to watch them, it's the only time she's properly quiet and calm, I think."
"Well, she takes after you, doesn't she?" Rose teased him. "Not able to stay still apart from when she's pondering some sort of deep, meaningful thing. What's more deep and meaningful than having the entire universe laid out in front of you?"
The Doctor just looked at her, his eyes seeming to become a deeper and richer brown even as she looked into them. He understood what she said, a throwaway comment that meant more than it seemed, and the enormity of the universe seemed condensed into his gaze. It was making her feel a little bit light-headed.
They watched the universe together for a long while. Time passed slowly, the darkness shifted around them and the stars burned.
Jenny fell asleep after not too long, her little blonde head lolling back against the Doctor and one of her hands curled around his finger. Once the Doctor had picked her up and closed the doors, Rose trailed after him, wanting to know where Jenny slept and definitely not wanting to be alone with her thoughts at the moment.
After some twists and turns they stopped in front of a door. Rose recognised the door across the corridor from this one as the Doctor's bedroom door. Of course, he would want to be as near to Jenny as possible in case of any emergency. Jenny's door had some Gallifreyan writing on it just as Rose's did, but it was when the Doctor swung it open that Rose was all of a sudden transfixed. They stepped inside, together, the Doctor heading for Jenny's cot while Rose just gaped.
"Oh my god, no way!"
Her eyes were as round as saucers and probably almost as big. The Doctor turned to her with Jenny still in his arms, grinning.
"Knew you'd like it. Of course, the TARDIS can change the room according to Jenny's preferences as she gets older, but I thought this was a good place to start."
Rose stared around at the walls in wonder. The main colour was bright sky blue, dotted all over in a regular pattern with white clouds. It was definitely and unmistakeably the wallpaper from Andy's room in "Toy Story".
"Do you realise how much I wanted a room like this?" Rose was spinning around in awe, grinning her head off. "I mean, I was getting too old by that time and we couldn't really afford it, but do you know how much I would have given to have this room?"
The Doctor was lying Jenny down in her cot when he replied with his back to her. "I'm sure we can get the TARDIS to do your room like it if you want." There was a smile in his voice.
Rose laughed – she enjoyed laughing at the Doctor, it was always the most enjoyable type of laughter and she was sure that he sensed it too. "I think I'm OK. I like my room as it is, and besides, Jenny gets to have the real thing. Did you get her a Buzz Lightyear too?"
The Doctor span around with an indignant expression splashed across his face, sharply putting his finger to his lips. "Shh! Do you want to ruin her next birthday?" he whispered, but Rose could see the humour in his eyes and stifled a giggle, suddenly aware that they were now alone together properly for the first time since she had found him again. They tiptoed out of the room and the Doctor closed the door. Once outside, neither of them spoke. This would have been the time for the baring of souls and the discussion of problems and all that nonsense, if either of them were inclined to start the ball rolling. Unfortunately, Rose did not know where to begin, and the Doctor, helpful as always, was looking at his shoes.
