A/N: Back to Tallie's point of view. Also this takes place before the first two chapters, and even before the first kiss. I'll try to keep things somewhat linear but I'm writing/posting as I get ideas so it won't be in exact order.

Also I have an ask blog ( .com) if anyone wants to ask anything!

Talathiel

If one more messenger interrupted me I was going to pull my hair out. It had been like this for weeks now, as the Inquisition grew, the more attention we gained, and the more issues we became involved in. At first it was just issues actually related to the Breach, and Corypheus, and the mage and templar problem, but now we were just starting to get nonsense requests. Most recently a bard had contacted us about a rival bard making up rumors about them and when Josephine and Leliana are not present I tend to make poor decisions on these matters, namely sending Cullen to deal with the bard issue. I believe his exact response was "No. This is ridiculous." Anyways the issue was resolved, but I seemed to open the flood gates for more unrelated issues for the Inquisitions to solve.

I had found a new way to counter the messenger problem though: make myself scarce, luckily Skyhold had many good hiding spots. Recently I had taken to hiding out in some of the abandoned watch towers, taking books and snacks with me and sometimes spending the entire day in seclusion.

I made my way from the library on the second floor of the main tower, books and food in tow, clinging to the shadows and dodging anyone who might try to talk to me. I planned my route to the empty watch tower by the tavern. I could cut through the courtyard to the stairs, which would be the most direct route, but also have the most people. I could also sneak through the garden to the side stairs, there were certainly enough shadows to hide in, but Morrigan was usually out there and she would probably still see me anyways. I also could use the central ramparts, but that meant cutting through Cullen's office, and he was almost certain to be there.

Rationally, going through the garden and hoping that if Morrigan saw me she would not call me out was the safest plan. I bolted across the main hall and into the garden, hugging the wall and moving quietly. I had nearly reached the stairs when someone caught a hold of my wrist.

"And where do you think you're going?" came a voice.

I turned around, expecting to see a messenger or a general scolding me for avoiding them, instead it was Cullen, and he was beaming, apparently pleased to have caught me.

"You're not going to tell me are you? Not going to give away your hiding spot?" he asked.

I tried to play it off, "Everyone just needs some time to themselves"

"Yes, and apparently you need several weeks." His smile faded a bit.

I winched at being called out.

"You can either tell me where you're going, or I can drag you back to Josephine; she's been going crazy looking for you. Something about a soiree with an Orlesian noble" he trailed off.

"If there is any such thing as mercy in your religion you will not hand me over to Josephine".

"Fine, then I'm coming with you."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What? Everyone just needs some time to themselves" he was looking down at his feet as he spoke and I could see a blush creeping up the back of his neck as he rubbed it.

I tugged my wrist free of his grasp and begrudgingly began to lead him to my hiding spot. "Dread Wolf take you if you tell a soul about my hiding place" I threatened, meaning every word of it. I kept to the shadows, I did not want to be caught shirking off from my responsibilities, especially awkwardly sneaking off with the commander, least anyone got ideas about it.

Keeping hidden was easy for me, not so much so for the commander though. Between the armor, the ridiculous cloak, and the noisy boot he might have been the least subtle person in Skyhold save for Iron Bull.

Somehow miraculously we made it up to the watch tower without anyone really noticing us, or if they did they had the good graces not to point it out.

"So this is where the mighty Inquisitor hides out from her people? In a crumbling watch tower?"

"I could say the same thing about you." We reached the watch tower and I settled down into my makeshift study and began my newest book and Cullen sat down crossed legged on the floor across from me. It was not much, a few blankets and pillows on the floor on sit on, surrounded by a few books.

"You... come up here to read?"

I nodded without looking up as I leafed through the table of content. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Cullen watching me intensely.

"The Complete Orlesian Bestiary: A Guide to the Diverse Fauna of Orlais? You're reading about animals?"

"I don't like going into the field not knowing what to expect, things are different here" I answered without looking up.

"I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't know you could read."

I snapped up from my book. "Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" I hissed.

"It's just, well, I didn't think the Dalish would bother with that. I mean what use would a Dalish elf have with reading?" he asked. I did not know if he was oblivious or just rude, but apparently templars were not taught manners.

"I can read just fine, thank you very much, and I can write too!"

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I was just surprised."

"You made that abundantly clear already" I growled.

"I'm sorry, I just have never met a Dalish elf before, I don't really know what to say."

"I'm an elf, how about you talk to me like a person and not some mysterious unknown being."

Cullen was staring at his feet again. Good, maybe he will learn to think before he speaks now. I went back to my book without much of a second thought. The August Ram is known for its blue tinted coat and fine antlers, prized for making hair decorations popular in courts and salons across Orlais. He still had not looked up from the floor. By the Creators, was he sulking? Was the commander that upset over this?

"You know instead of sulking over this you could try making it better since we will be working together." I said somewhat irritably.

"How?" he asked.

"Try learning about the Dalish, we might surprise you" I answered, still refusing to look at him.

"Like what?"

"Anything you're curious about"

Cullen remained silent for a few minutes and I seriously thought that he was just going to sit there sulking until he softly asked "Your tattoos. Is there anything behind them?"

I subconsciously reached up to touch the branching tattoos under my eyes and looked up to meet his gaze. "They're vallaslin, blood writing, we get them to honor our gods."

"But why? And how? Do all the Dalish get them?"

"We wear the symbols of our Creators to honor them, to receive their blessings and protection."

"Is it painful?" he asked, he was focused intently on me now.

"Well, it's not the most pleasant thing, but it's part of our tradition and it was a pain I was glad to go though, it is something I wear with pride."

"I see. So it's a big deal?"

"I suppose to an outsider it would seem more dramatic, but for us it's just another part of life. You grow up and devote yourself to one of the Creators and when you're strong enough to sit through the ceremony without crying out you receive your vallaslin."

"So some people can't handle it?"

"Well, not always the first time. If it's too much pain the Keeper stops and you can try again in a year or two."

"How exactly are they done if they cause that much pain?" he asked, looking a bit concerned.

"The tattoos are carved into the skin with a ceremonial knife, then the ink is rubbed into the cuts and the Keeper heals the cuts and the ink heals in the cuts, embedded into the skin."

"That sounds… intense. Did you sit though yours the first time?" He was now looking at me with much more concern.

"I did, I was sixteen at the time, that was nearly ten years ago now though."

"You said that you devote yourself to one of your gods, which did you chose?" he asked, and he actually seemed genuinely interested.

"Mythal, the All Mother and protector. She brought life to a barren world, she created the moon, and now she stands to protect all of her creations. I follow Mythal because that is what I want to do, I want to protect the ones I care about."

My mind wandered back to my clan. Creator's know I missed them. My gaze fell, but I was not reading, truthfully I did not even see the words. All I could see was my clan, were they alright? They had not written to me in a while. Creators, what if something happened to them? I started to panic. What if something happened and I was not there to protect them?

It started to get hard to breath and I could feel my heart racing. I closed my eyes and tried to gulp down air, but it felt like I was choking on it. Creators keep my clan safe I repeated over and over again in my mind. Whatever happens to me just make sure they're alright. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Inquisitor? Are you alright?" came a voice, it sounded so far away. I did not know how much time had passed. Seconds? No longer, maybe minutes, or even hours, I could not tell.

"Talathiel, say something!" came the voice again, but it sounded a bit closer this time. Someone was shaking me, was it Cullen? Was he still here?

Whoever it was reached out and was holding my hand now. It was calming, it was not a crushing grip or anything, just gentle, concerned. I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and I could feel my heart start to return to normal. I slowly opened my eyes and I saw Cullen kneeling in front of me holding onto my hand.

"Maker's breath, don't scare me like that" he said as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I answered a bit more shortly than I intended to as I yanked my hand away from his.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it" I mumbled. Humans would not understand I told myself, humans are only out for themselves, none of them would understand. I started to pick myself up, my legs felt weak and my head was spinning, but I needed to be alone. I forced myself to my feet and staggered.

"Let me help you" began Cullen. I shoved away his outstretched hand, I did not need help from a shem. I did not need help from someone who did not understand.

"You don't have to be alone" he pleaded.

"You don't understand."