Addicted

Slightly423psychotic

I own nothing but guitar picks and my baby guitar. Oh and the shiny penny sitting next to me. I do not own Gilmore Girls, nor am I affiliated with them at all.

T – PG13

WARNING: MAJOR REFERENCES TO DRUGS AND SEXUAL CONTENT.

I love my beta. You kickbutt!!!

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I've decided, that life sucks without friends. It really does. But not it's not that, that makes much of a difference. They wouldn't want to be my friend, anyway. I'm a mess up, a fuck up, and a loner. Well, Diana's been trying to convince me other wise. It's not working.

Sitting alone in your room is no fun either. When you have no one to call and those that you would call don't care about you anymore you start not to care about them either. The truth is, I don't know if they care about me. I'm too preoccupied with the looks they give me. Like I failed them. Well fuck them. I failed myself long before I failed any of them.

There's a knock on my door. I sigh and look around, making sure all alcohol bottles are concealed or put away. Nothing is in sight.

"Come in." My door opens and my mom comes. She's carrying a folder of papers. I notice her tentative steps. She knows what she's going to tell me will give me a reaction. That's usually how our conversations go.

"Can I, umm, can I sit down?" I nod. She holds out the folder for me. I briefly flip through it.

"What is this?"

"I went to Chilton today, and they agreed with me. Since they'll let you back in when you're clean, they want you to be caught up. This is your school work for the few weeks. I figured you needed to do something to preoccupy your time—in a different way." I give a disgusted look and hand the folder back.

"No thanks."

"Rory, you need to do something else rather then just sit here and waste your time!" I cock my eyebrow. I'm not giving her the reaction she expects. I know exactly why, too. I'm drunk. She won't notice until my breath hits her. I've become a practiced drunk.

"My time is not wasted. Or, no maybe it is. Considering most of the time, I really am…wasted." I inwardly smile at the pun I make. I let out a deep breath. Oops.

"I'm trying to help you Rory, I am! But you have too—" She pauses and gives me an incredulous look. "Are you drunk?"

"Nah, I'd like to think of it in more…positive terms." I give her a smile. Once again, oops. I see the disappointed look, the sad look. The one that breaks me more each time.

"Rory…I…don't know what to do. You've put me into a whirlwind of emotions, and I can't do this. Your father is coming tonight. I hope you chose something less…mind numbing." She shakes her head and leaves with the horrid folder. I sigh and run my hands through my hair. Fuck. I don't have meeting today, and I'm not sure what to do. Usually I'm out all day, with people just like me. People who do the exact opposite of what my group does. I contradict myself on a regular basis.

The bus stop is a short walk, and it's cheap to ride. Perfect. The driver knows me, he sees me quite often. Usually he gives me a disappointed look, but today I get off somewhere different, and for once, I see some sort of hope in his eyes. I wish my mom would do that too. I sit down at the round table as the coffee aroma fills around me, caressing my body. If I lived here, in this Starbucks for the rest of my life, I would die happy. Die happy? Who am I kidding?

As I'm drinking my coffee, a young man sits across from me. I look up. He's handsome and looks…new.

"You look pretty young to be here during a school day." He pops me a sexy smile.

"I am too young to be here on a school day. Luckily for me, I don't have to worry about that anymore." I pause. "Do you need something? The pity party is over that way."

"Sarcastic, eh? It's alright, I can deal with that. I'm Luke."

"And I care, because?"

"Because I'm going to take you out tonight." I stare at him. He's about 6' and his brown hair covers his forehead. He has nice eyes. Nice eyes?

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks. So, Ms. Witty, how about it?"

"I'd rather get piss drunk. Oh wait! I already am." I give him a sarcastic smile and get up and turn away from him. As I start to walk, someone calls my name.

"Rory!" Turning, I see Tristan. I'm surprised.

"Hey!" He smiles and walks over to me, giving me a small hug.

"Hi, I don't believe we met. I'm Luke." I turn and there he is, standing right next to us. God, can't he take a fucking hint?!

"Tristan." He says curtly.

"So your name is Rory." Luke said turning to me.

"Oh, so you're smart! Well, that's a whole 'nother story! Of course I'll go out with you now." I give Luke a look. Tristan looks confused.

"Tristan, this is Luke. He's been hitting on me since I sat down." Tristan smiles widely.

"Well that's a shame. I really didn't want to break up quite yet. So, just tell this nice man that you have a wonderful boyfriend who really wants to take you back to his place and have hot sex, because baby, we haven't done it in a week and I'm going crazy!" I give him a look, before grinning.

"Luke, I'm sorry, but I have a wonderful boyfriend who I haven't had sex with in a week and we're both incredibly horny. Thanks for the offer tonight though. It was sweet, but I would've probably been drunk anyways. Tootaloo." I give him a small wave. He looks dumbfounded as I leave with Tristan. When we leave the building, he takes a pair of sun glasses out of his pocket and puts them on his face. He turns to me and smiles.

"So, what are you doing in the broad daylight? I thought drunks preferred the night." I roll my eyes.

"What were you doing in a Starbucks? I thought they didn't serve LSD enhanced coffee." He smirks at me.

"Well, I enhance my coffee on my own." I smile.

"Thanks for that in there, by the way."

"Yea, no problem. You helped me out."

"I did?"

"Yea, I was being hit on too, and then I claimed I saw you."

"Well you're welcome then." We stood there silently for a few seconds.

"Are you up to anything right now?"

"Nope." I shake my head and he grabs me hand.

"Come on, I'll show you something." I give him a funny look.

"Just, come on! You'll like it, promise."

"Okay, but first, would you mind letting me use your sunglasses?" He was right; hangovers and sun do not mix. He laughs and hands them to me before we make our way to the mystery place.

-4-2-3-

I can feel the alcohol wearing off, as I come back into reality head first. Literally head first. He brought me to a nearby fair and the ride we're on makes me feel like I'm plummeting to my death. I scream. As the ride goes back into the loading station, I glance at Tristan who is just as nauseas as me. Wobbly, we get off and leave the ramp.

"Wow, I haven't been to one of these for a while." I said, somewhat sadly. I curse myself for being weak. He smiles and nods.

"The last time for was when I was 10. Right before Sara's and my 11 birthday." I turn to him.

"We missed you yesterday at the meeting." He shrugged, playing it off as nothing.

"Didn't feel like going." I nod, I want to know why.

"Too many girls to fuck?" I asked, bluntly. He laughed and turned to me.

"Not anymore."

"But there were?" He shook his head.

"Just one, but uh, nothing happened. I was still 'tripping'. She left before anything happened."

"'Tripping'?"

"LSD." I nod.

"Maybe you should've gone to the meeting then." I pointed out.

"I don't give a shit about it. I'm perfectly content with the person I am." I nod. It's weird being completely sober. I don't know what to do with myself.

"But Sara does?"

"She's determined to beat our mom and to be better. I mean, she was a good mom, don't get me wrong, but we're all fucked up because of her drug use. When me and Sara turned 18, our dad hightailed himself to Europe. I haven't seen him for a little less than a year."

"That must suck a lot."

"Not really. It's better this way." I nod, not sure what else to say. "What about you? What's your story?"

"Umm, I go—went to Chilton and they suspended me until I 'clean up my act'. Summer before sophomore year my boyfriend introduced me to the wonders of alcohol. I happened to like it too much. I started Chilton sophomore year, and it's really then that it all went downhill." I look around as we continually walk slowly, aimlessly around.

"So that's why you're in the program? To go back to school?"

"I'd rather be there, than school."

"Amen." I look at Tristan.

"You didn't like school?"

"Nah. My teachers hated me. I often came to school already spent, and I always referred to it as a 'school trip'. Telling them I did it that morning with school in mind. Annoyed the hell out of the principle. But they couldn't do anything, they couldn't kick me out so they dealt with it."

"There's this guy at my school. Greg. He makes it his business to harass me."

"So hit him."

"Not that easy, he's a football player. Plus, I'm scared of him. He threatens me."

"I could take care of him for you." I smiled sadly, a tear fell down my cheek.

"He raped me last year. I never told anyone, he…convinced me I wanted it too. He held a knife by my throat and said he wouldn't tell anyone about my drinking problem if I obeyed. So, of course I did." My head shoots up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this." I look at him. Being sober sucks. His eyes are full of worry. He shakes his head and takes one of my arms in his hand.

"Did…umm, did anything happen?" He asked. I shrug. I don't know what he's talking about. "Did you get pregnant?" My eyes widen.

"Not then," his curious eyes prompt me. "He's raped me many times. One time I did, but I didn't even know until…it came out. I had a miscarriage." I shiver as his eyes bore into mine.

"So you don't want to go to school." He stated. I nod slowly, I don't even know. Being sober for this long confuses me. He noticeably swallows and then unexpectedly, wraps his arms around me and a tight hug. My tears fall freely onto his shirt. I'm crying in the arms of a boy—man—guy who I barely know. Who barely knows me. Yet, I just told him something I haven't even mentioned since it happened. Never even wrote it down. Slowly he pulls away and tucks my hair behind my ear.

"You don't need alcohol, Rory. You need someone to listen." I cock my eyebrow and wipe my eyes.

"What about you?"

"I don't need any of that shit. I do it, because I can. I do it, because it feels good." His eyes drop. "I do it, because I want to be like her, and I want to know what happened to her to make her feel that defeated." I look stunned. "And now, I can't stop."

"Sara's the exact opposite."

"Yea, we've realized." I shift my weight and notice that his hand is still by my neck. I savor the feeling. He realizes it too and starts to move his hand. I quickly place my hand over his, keeping in place. He gives me a quizzical look. Biting my lips, I remove his hand and hold it against my chest.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really." I say, shaking my head. He pulls me closer, resting his other hand on my waist.

"Tell me."

"I don't want to get better, I don't want to go back to school, I don't want to be raped, I want to be better, I don't want to never see you again." I said in one breath. I look up alarmed. Yea, I definitely said that out loud. He tilts his head, scrutinizing me. He pulls me closer and rests his forehead against mine. I can hear his labored breathing.

"I want you to get better, because you deserve it, okay? Don't not get better because of me." He said softly. I shrug and sigh, shifting my gaze.

"I can't help it. You're the first guy I've ever been with who hasn't taken advantage of me. It feels good." Looking back into his eyes is the most mesmerizing thing I could ever do. I try and look away, but his gaze holds me. I feel his face shift slightly and my eyes flutter closed. My lips tremble as he places a soft kiss on them, gently sucking my bottom lip. He continues with soft, delicate kisses down my jaw and to my ear, kissing me just behind it. Traveling back, he barely touches my eye lids, and then again settles on my lips. I let out a whimper. My body is trembling from the gentleness. Leaving a lasting kiss on my lips, he pulls away. Still trembling, my eyes open again to look into his eyes again. He rubs my back to ease my trembling.

"You okay?" I shudder and close my eyes, nodding. I reopen them and take a deep breath. It's one of the only times I'm not worried about breathing deeply, because I know I have no trace of alcohol on my breath.

"Thank you." I say very softly. He gives a tiny smile and nods, kissing my forehead.

"Come on, let's get some ice cream." He says, grabbing my hand. I smile, fully. Maybe being sober isn't that bad.

A/N: Wow, that was FAST!! Yea, well my bazillion page history paper was due today so…yay!! Actually, it was 10 pages, but still. Anyway, this ones a bit longer, and dealt with her life outside the meeting. Don't be fooled though, not all chapters will be this happy or fluffy. Anyway, I hope this one was satisfactory. Thanks everyone!! Love, Emilie