Chapter 3 - Something wrong
Something was wrong.
Hermione could feel it. She'd been friends with Harry long enough to know when something wasn't quite right. But however hard she thought about it, she couldn't put her finger on what was going on.
And that was really annoying.
She didn't want to tell anyone. Especially not Ron. Not yet anyway. Ron was a lovely guy who wore his heart on his sleeve and would probably ask Harry what was wrong in a very straightforward manner and Hermione just knew Harry would dismiss everything at once and not give any answers. No. She had to do it on her own for now.
And she would start by closely observing him.
Harry was trying very hard, but he couldn't get over the feelings that were completely overwhelming him, feelings he didn't quite understand, feelings that scared the shit out of him, feelings he never suspected he had before and feelings he really didn't want to have.
He was rather good at burying them deep during the day but it was harder at night. At night, in the privacy of his room, his brain and body were driving him crazy. He felt utterly exhausted.
The problem was that he had many lessons in common with the object of his... interest. And it was pretty hard to act as if everything was perfectly normal when the other boy was so close.
Especially when the stupid git kept doing things to torment him. Like right now during Charms, when he was discreetly putting a hand on his boyfriend's thigh and bringing it slowly closer to the other boy's crotch... God. That was driving him crazy! He couldn't stop his brain from thinking what it would feel like to have Malfoy's hand on his thigh like that. And that was doing funny things to his own groin...
He shifted on his seat a little to adjust the growing arousal in his pants. God, he was in agony. And he had absolutely no one to talk to. He was feeling so scared and lonely. But nobody could help him. Not even his friends this time. Nope. His friends would completely freak out if they knew. He was on his own on this one. He sighed heavily and tried to bring his attention back to whatever Flitwick was trying to teach them.
Hermione had been looking at Harry for a moment now and had come to one conclusion: he was acting weird. To anyone else in the room, there probably didn't seem to be anything wrong with the Boy-Who-Lived but Hermione could tell. She knew him so well.
And right now she could feel he was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Hell, she could see it. It was written all over his face. There was a flush creeping up his neck and he was shifting uneasily on his seat. And he kept stealing glances at someone.
But not anyone.
She followed his gaze and stopped on Malfoy, sitting two rows further on next to Theo Nott. She frowned. Malfoy? What was it with Malfoy now that made her friend squirm like that? There were no more reasons now for Harry to be obsessed by Malfoy the way he had been in sixth year, when Harry kept stalking him. In the end he had been right of course. But what about now? Nobody could believe for one second that Malfoy was indulging in illicit activities anymore! No. There had to be something else. But what?
Harry was so hot now. He had to get out of here. Luckily for him, the lesson - and his own little torture - were coming to an end. He rushed to the door as fast as he could.
In his haste, he didn't see Malfoy doing exactly the same.
He found himself stuck in the door with the prat.
Oh no.
What the hell was wrong with him? He must have pissed off the gods badly! He stood frozen in place as he felt Malfoy's body so close to him.
"Move Potter! Can't you see you're in the way?" Malfoy scowled. His face was so close to him now that he could see the little specks of blue in his beautiful grey eyes. Harry stood there, fascinated. He couldn't have moved if his life had depended on it. Which was thankfully not the case.
"What the hell is wrong with you Potter?" Harry opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. Instead he let his eyes drift down to Malfoy's sensual mouth and unconsciously licked his lips in one swift movement. God, they were so close he could feel Malfoy's warm breath on his skin, so close they could kiss... Harry shivered at the thought. Malfoy frowned and eyed him strangely, looking slightly puzzled.
A strong hand suddenly pushed him forward and snapped him out of his daze. He felt a determined Hermione urging him to move, hand firmly pressed on his back. She mouthed a quick "later!" to Ron who nodded briefly and she quickly walked Harry away. They moved swiftly and didn't stop until they'd reached an empty old Arithmancy classroom. She opened the door and gestured him inside.
Harry sat on one of the desks. Hermione checked nobody had seen them, closed the door and sat right next to him.
Harry was waiting for her to say something.
"We need to talk," she said determinedly. "I... okay." Harry started to fidget uncomfortably. She put a hand on his thigh which made him jump a little. She frowned slightly at the odd reaction and thought about what to say next.
She took a deep breath, not wanting to upset him.
"Look. I know there's something with you and I know it has to do with Malfoy." Harry froze and shut down instantly. Shit. She softly took his hand in hers and looked him right in the eyes. "Harry... Listen, I know this must be hard, but we're friends and friends are here to help. Please let me help you." The last few words had almost been whispered. She felt him tense as he turned his head away, in an attempt to hide the tears that were threatening to form in his eyes. She put a hand on his cheek, gently inviting him to look at her again.
He slowly regained his composure and murmured: "I... I can't tell you Hermione."
"Why not?" She softly replied.
"It's..." He sighed again. "It's just... it's just too hard right now..." The tears were back in his eyes.
"I understand." She paused and looked straight into his eyes. "But please know that I'll always be there for you okay? No matter what you do, no matter what you feel, no matter what you think you are or who you think you are. Always Harry."
He nodded quietly. She gently took him in her arms and held him close. He put his head on her shoulder, feeling slightly better.
Perhaps he didn't have to go through it all on his own after all.
Harry was standing by the lake. It was a beautiful day and the sun was very bright in the sky. He was looking at the trees beyond the lake, when he felt two arms wrapping him from behind, bringing him close. He smiled and closed his eyes. A soft mouth started pressing gentle kisses on his neck and he shivered. He opened his eyes and slowly turned around, sending his arms around the Draco's neck, abandoning himself in his embrace. Draco gently smiled at him, his gaze intense. Their mouths came closer. Their lips slowly brushed together and soon they were kissing passionately. Draco's hands were all over his body, touching him where he had never been touched by anyone before. Draco slowly started to open Harry's trousers under his robes, his hand soon crawling under the fabric of his boxers as his mouth was hungrily assaulting Harry's neck again. Harry threw his head back and moaned loudly when he felt experienced fingers encircling his hardness-
He woke up with a start in his bed, panting heavily, an uncomfortable sensation in his crotch area. Shit.
Another wet dream.
Again.
It had been the third time this week. And every single time he had been dreaming about Draco.
Harry had voluntarily been ignoring his needs all of this week, not touching himself at all, which was quite a challenge when you were eighteen, because he knew it would take him to places he refused to go. The problem was, as he could see right now, his mind wouldn't let his body leave him alone anyway.
He sighed heavily, sat in his bed and grabbed his wand on the nightstand. He quickly cast a cleaning charm on himself and leaned back on his pillows.
It had to stop. He had to do something about this... this problem. But he was so confused... He didn't want to be like that! Once again, he felt tears forming in his eyes. Shit. He seemed to be crying a fricking lot lately.
Why couldn't he be like anyone? Why couldn't he be like Ron, or Seamus or any of those guys? Why couldn't he just find a nice girl, like Ginny, fall in love with her, marry her, have kids and live happily ever after?
Wait a minute.
He could. It was easy. Hell, he'd already done it before!
Ginny was a lovely girl and he liked her very much. He could spend more time with her and forget all the disturbing thoughts he'd had lately...
That was it! He could still make things right! He would go back to Ginny and everything would be as it used to!
Dead simple. Why hadn't he thought about that before?
Feeling much better than he'd been in days, he fell asleep almost instantly, a smile on his face.
He woke up feeling great. He took a quick shower, once again completely ignoring his throbbing erection and went down to have breakfast with his friends. After the thinking he'd been doing at night, he felt so good and oh so relieved!
He sat down next to Ginny and joined the conversations. Ron and Seamus were having a passionate debate about the Chudley Canons' new keeper ("Definitely NOT as good as Primus last year! The guy couldn't save a goal if his life depended on it!") while Hermione and Ginny were talking about the changes in the library after it had been renovated ("Much more cosy and much better organised.")
God it was good to have normal conversations again and not be distracted by inappropriate thoughts! He had been agonising over his unwanted desires those last few days but hopefully it was all in the past. He could now focus entirely on his future, and his future was the beautiful girl next to him. He gently took her hand and smiled at her.
He moved closer to her and softly murmured in her ear, "Would you like to meet me this afternoon by the lake?"
Ginny seemed a bit surprised but replied with a smile, "I'd love to."
He kissed her hand. See? No problem. He could do that, it wasn't so hard! He saw Hermione frown at the tender gesture but she said nothing. He went back to discussing the latest exploits of the Chudley Canons with Ron and Seamus, remaining close to the red-haired girl.
As Ginny was talking to him, he couldn't help throwing a glance at the table at the other end of the room and caught a certain blond Slytherin staring at him intensely. He quickly looked at Ginny again and tried to focus his attention back to whatever it was she was telling him.
Draco was utterly confused by Potter's behaviour lately. Like what had happened in Charms the other day. Potter had had a strange look about him that had made him uncomfortable. It wasn't the way they dealt with one another usually and for some reason, he couldn't stop thinking about it. There was something that he couldn't quite understand about it all, something that didn't fit, but he couldn't exactly put a finger on it.
He was sent back to reality by Theo's warm hand on his thigh. It was nice being with the boy. He was pretty and they had good fun together in bed. True enough, their relationship was mostly physical and Draco knew there wasn't much beyond that but it was pleasant and a good distraction from the crazy amount of work they were given and the constant pressure of the upcoming NEWTs.
Draco's eyes drifted again as he watched Potter once more. He frowned as he saw the stupid Weaselette giggling dumbly at whatever he was telling her and looking at Potter with googly eyes. What the hell was Potter doing with her? He saw nothing remotely attractive in her. And it wasn't because he was gay. He knew a pretty girl when he saw one and the Weaselette wasn't even remotely appealing. And Potter was definitely out of her league.
He finished his breakfast lost in his thoughts and left the Great Hall followed by his friends.
Harry was standing by the lake, waiting for Ginny. On the whole it had been a good day. He'd managed to go through it without thinking too much about the blond prat.
Everything was going to be fine from now on, he knew it.
He felt two arms wrapping him from behind and winced at the sensation of déjà-vu. He turned around and placed a chaste kiss on Ginny's lips. It felt kind of odd and he couldn't help thinking about the kiss he'd shared with Malfoy in his dream. Of course it had been a dream and dreams always felt different from real life. In dreams, the sensations were enhanced and things always looked much better than reality. So much better than in reality. Hey, that was why they were called dreams after all.
"Harry, is everything alright?" He blinked as he realised he had been daydreaming again.
"Yes, of course! Everything's fine!" He leaned in to kiss Ginny again but she stopped him by pressing a finger on his lips.
"So, have you been doing some thinking? About us I mean?" She inquired.
"Yes, I have. And... And what we had before the war was good Ginny, and I want that back. I want to be with you." Harry said in a breath.
She looked deep in his eyes, searching for evidence of what he was saying.
She must have found something since she came closer, pressed her body flush against Harry's and kissed him full on the lips. He closed his eyes and let the sensations flood him. "God I've missed you!" She murmured in his ear, breaking the kiss. She started trailing gentle kisses on his face, along his jawline and down his neck, her hands resting on the small of his back. Harry's mind started drifting away and he was soon completely lost in the moment. He was enjoying the light kisses of the boy now, feeling the soft touch of his hands all over him. He threw his head back and whispered, "Ummm... So good Draco..."
"What?" Ginny said shoving him hard.
Harry violently came back to reality and opened his eyes, the weight of what he'd just said slowly dawning on him.
Ginny took a step back but was so shocked that she couldn't say a word. She was gaping at him, eyes wide open and slowly put a hand on her mouth.
Harry stepped forward. "Fuck, oh fuck Ginny, I'm... I'm so... so sorry, I... was... Shit... I..." Unable to form a coherent sentence, he turned away and ran back to the castle as fast as he could, tears ragingly running down his face, blurring his vision, all the while wishing he were dead.
