They say time flies when you're having fun, but no one seems to be talking about how weird times moves when you're falling in love.
At first, it feels like everything stops. Nothing ever happens, it's just you and your stupid feelings. When this part is going on, it feels like it's going to last forever.
But then, of course, it doesn't. Because then, at least for me, things started to happen. At first, it's a date. Then, there's two, or maybe even three. That's when I started to feel like I lost all sense of time. I was on cloud fucking nine, and nothing else seemed to matter, and I seriously have no clue how I even managed to do my job, eat, sleep, shower and so on during this time.
I must have managed somehow though, because I'm still here, at the 99th precinct in Brooklyn, sitting at my desk, doing my job. Luckily, I was good enough at my job that I managed to do it on autopilot, because now I had hit stage three, and it was critical.
After the mindless bliss of stage two, this hit me like a wall of… well, not bricks, but maybe like a shitload of boxing peanuts? I didn't hurt, because nothing was wrong, but it was a small reality check.
After the first date, Rosa and I decided to keep things to ourselves for a while. She was a very private person after all, and she wasn't out to family or friends as bi yet, so for her it was a rather big deal to share this. And I got that, I was actually kind of relived.
I really like this job, and the people here, I even feel like most of these people respect me right now. So, I think sharing my love life, at least when dating a co-worker, would be a good way to ruin that.
That was working out fine, at least I thought so, but to be honest I still didn't feel like I could read Rosa and what she was thinking and feeling that well. I thought she was happy with keeping things on the low for know, but lately she's been acting… strange.
Even for her.
Since our first date, which is now almost three months ago (!), we usually hang out at my apartment after work a couple times a week, and try to set of either Friday or Saturday night for a more traditional date nights.
Traditional isn't really the right word for us though, but at least we try to go out, sometimes to restaurants, some times to pubs or diners, and then either catch a movie or a basketball game. It was nice. Perfect, even. We were happy.
Or at least, so I thought.
This last week, Rosa had been acting different. At least when we're at work. Just yesterday, during a serious murder briefing may I add, she first nearly shoved poor Charles through the wall when he made an attempt to sit next to me, before muttering some lame excuse that she needed my help after the meeting.
Also, when poor Amy asked me if I was interested in going on a date with this girl from her pottery making class, Rosa shattered a glass with her bare hands, ending up going to the emergency room to get stitches.
If I didn't know better I would say she was… jealous.
But that's crazy, Rosa's not the jealous type.
I think?
I raise my eyes from my computer screen to look over at her, just to see her doing the same thing, and I smile carefully, and feel a rush of relief when she did the same.
I quickly grab my phone and send her a text.
Me: Takeout from Joe's and Black Mirror at my place after work? x
Rosa: Sounds good.
I send her one more look over my computer to see her reaction, but she's talking to Jake, or at least rolling her eyes at him, so I just have to be happy with the text response.
Later the same day, at my apartment
It's just 8 P.M. and I'm already getting tired. I can tell Rosa's not though, as her eyes are fixated at the screen on my TV, a small smirk on her face.
I'm sitting curled up next to her, with my head on her shoulder, and I'm working on finding the courage to ask her what I know I need to ask her. But I still get so freaking nervous when I comes to talking seriously with Rosa, and she looks so happy and relaxed right now…
30 minutes later, and a about halfway trough "Hang The DJ", she reaches out for the remote and pauses the episode, and sits up straighter, forcing me to do the same.
"Okay, I can tell you're not even watching right now, and that's a shame because this is a kick-ass episode. What's up?" she asks, while looking me right in the eye.
I avert my eyes down to my lap and fidget a bit with my hands, while thinking about what to say.
"Uhm, yeah." I start, before taking a deep breath. "Is there something bothering you at work?" I ask carefully, tilting my head a bit.
Rosa raises an eyebrow, and looks at me funny.
"Why would you think that?" she asks.
"Well, for a start…" I say, and gesture towards her bandaged hand, "you did shatter a glass with your hand the other day?"
She huffs.
"That's not about work." She says simply and cross her arms across her chest.
I sigh.
"Well, what is it about, then?" I ask, looking her straight in the eyes. "Is it me? Don't you want to do this anymore?"
I try to keep my voice steady and cool like hers, but fail miserably.
Her eyes actually widen a bit, and to my surprise she takes my hands in hers, and squeezes.
"No, it's not you!" she says quickly. "…or, it's about you I guess, but it's not your fault. I just… I have a hard time expressing my feelings I guess, and then things like that happens…"
She trails off.
"Glasses explode in your hands?" I ask with a small smile.
She rolls her eyes, but let's a smile slip through.
"Seriously Y/N, I'm trying here." she says, and gives my hands a small squeeze again.
"I know we agreed to keep this to ourselves, but… I don't know, it kind of sucks?" she says, uncertainly.
Before I have the chance to say something, she raises her hands in front of her, defensively.
"I know it was my idea, but I guess I kind of regret it. No, I do regret it. But I didn't want to say anything, because it was my idea and also I'm not good at talking about this stuff."
When I'm sure she's done talking I put my hand on her arm, and smile softly at her.
"Hey, it was both of ours idea!" I say. "And, I'm glad we didn't tell anyone right away. But, if you want, I think it's okay to tell some people now."
She smiles at me and quickly leans forward to give me a quick kiss.
"Great." She says. "Tomorrow, at work, then?"
I look at her with surprise in my whole face.
"Tomorrow?" I squeak.
"Yes?" she shrugs. "No reason to wait anymore, if you're sure?"
I just nod carefully, and she gives me a peck on the cheek, before reaching for the remote and press play again.
As Amy and Frank have their fight on the TV, I sit back against Rosa's shoulder again, and smile to myself.
Being with Rosa is seriously like being on an intense rollercoaster ride, but at least for now, I wouldn't want it any other way.
But, I must admit, I was looking forward to getting to know her even better, and understanding the way she thinks.
If that ever happens.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading, I would be super happy if you left any kind of review!
