Welp, I wrote this kind of quick, so forgive me for how short it is, and if it seems kind of rushed :I


I unwillingly woke up to my alarm, rolled over to my side, quickly found out that was a bad idea by the sharp pain from the self inflicted wounds. I really did not need the loud music that had been playing all night to ring in my ears, so I got up, snatched my ipod off the dock and set the device on the table. I spent who knows how long staring at the drawer that concealed the thing that could end my life in a second before I rubbed the sleep out of my drooping eyes and trudged out of my room quietly in case my mom was still at home, which I doubted, but hey, I had been wrong before. I walked to the bathroom and began to strip down, I surveyed the damage in the mirror, ok, it was a lot worse than I remember. A small bruise touched my cheek from where I had been hit, and angry red lines covered from the bottom of my ribs to my upper thigh on my right side, I may have gone a little bit overboard. Now here was the part I hated most, I grabbed the rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball.

I rolled the piece of fluff in my hand for a moment before I decided to stop being a little bitch and actually get rid of any infection. I wet the cotton ball with the rubbing alcohol and testingly pressed it to the cuts. A sharp hiss of pain emitted from my mouth when the cool liquid came in contact with the still partially open wounds. The liquid may have been cold, but it burned like fire. Biting onto the knuckle of my other hand, I rapidly whipped down my side, fighting back the urge to scream. Fuck fuck fuck fucking damn it all to fucking hell. I quickly tried to finish up the job, using up to other cotton balls, when the one before had become too red. When I looked in the mirror again, my entire side looked red. I then stepped into the shower, washed, dried, and then got dressed for school. Looks like today was a long sleeve red plaid shirt and black jeans kind of day. I blow dried my hair until it was mostly dry, and tried to change it to something other than my usual spiky mess. I sprayed on my cologne and walked downstairs.

I walked past the entrance to the kitchen hesitantly peeked around the corner like a little bitch in a scary movie. My ahem 'Mother' was sitting face down at the table, bottle of vodka still clasped in her hand tightly. I almost walked past her and left her there, but I just couldn't. I walked over to her and lightly tapped her shoulder, then shook her slightly, then sharply. I was about to give up when she started to stir. She looked at me with bleary, bloodshot eyes, her lip curling up in distaste as if she had smelt something vile. I took a step back as she vomited on the floor, trying to hold myself down as well. I did not do good with puking. After she apparently emptied her stomach of anything it may have contained, she sent me a sharp glare, well as sharp as you get when you are fighting the urge to heave. "Whatt tha hell do you want?" she growled out, her question punctuated by another heave of bile onto the floor.

"You can't friggin sleep here, at least move to friggin couch." We exchanged glares until I eventually won and she let me lead her to the couch. I eased her down and grabbed a blanket and pillow from the spare bed room and the hall closet, and covered her up, trying to prop up her head so she wouldn't choke on her own barf if she puked again. It was like dealing with a fucking toddler.

After I had got her settled, and I turned to walk away, I felt a timid grasp surround my wrist. I turned back to see my mother with tears filling her eyes. Fuck, I did not need her to start crying, I already was going to be late for school. "Ka-karkat, I want you to know that I love you, and I should never yell at you like that for no reason."

"Yeah, I get it."

"No you don't, ever since Kan-Kankri d-died, things have been bad."

"I know mom, just go to sleep." Please, please let me go.

She began to rub her thumb on the side of my wrist. "Never, ever, doubt that I love you ok?" She whispered pitifully.

"Alright mom, I won't." That seemed to satisfy her, because she released my wrist and laid back with a tearful smile. With a heavy sigh, I walked into the kitchen and started to clean up the floor, putting the bottle of vodka in the cabinet where my mom kept things like that, and whipping off the counter from where the vomit had hit on its descent. After I had tidied things up and sprayed some Fabreeze, I went back up stairs and sprayed a bit more cologne so I wouldn't smell like puke. Luckily none had gotten on me. Then I proceeded to leave the house, locking the door behind me and beginning my twenty minute trek to school.

Once I had gotten my tardy slip from the office, I walked down the empty hallway to my locker, then to Mr. Hussie's class. As expected, when I walked in, all eyes were on me. I looked to my table and almost did a double take, with all the shit this morning, I had kinda forgotten about John who was smiling at me like a dope, but then seemed to have a worried look on his face. I sat down quietly, trying to ignore all the whispers. I got to my table ad sat down on the stool, shifting back slightly so I could but my head down. At first I kept my face turned towards the side, but then I got a face full of Eridan asking me what happened. Not dignifying the twat with an answer, I just crossed my arms and laid my forehead against them, letting my eyes fall shut. Then a slender finger poked me in the side, the dull pain from my cuts intensified when they were unknowingly pressed against. I lifted my head and prepared my best 'Fuck off before I kill you and your entire family' look.

"Hey, hey Karkat, what happened to your face, are you ok?" If he was afraid of my best glare, he didn't show it, instead he looked even more worry, his usually smiling lips hardened into a thin line. His eyes were soft, and I wanted to punch him in the face and hug him at the same time. Fuck I hated being pitied, but when John it seemed like I just wanted to release all of my pent up frustration, even though it would probably make him never want to talk to me again. I felt my glare fade away, and I probably just looked pathetic and tired. When I didn't eventually answer him, and laid my head back down, I heard him tear out a piece of paper, scribble something down, and slide it under my arm. I lifted my head to give him a curious look, only to find him looking intently at Mr. Hussie and the chemical equation on the board. I looked at the note to find that it had his name, number, and a short not telling me to call him if I ever needed anything written down in neat hand writing that my scribble couldn't hope to compare to.

Class ended rather quickly and I proceeded on with the rest of my day. I ate lunch with Gamzee, Tavros, Nepeta, and Equius, but I couldn't keep my eyes from drifting over to John's figure a few tables away where he sat with Jade, Rose, Strider, and surprisingly Vriska, who seemed to be trying her hardest to keep John's attention. I don't know why, but it irked me to see her so shamelessly flirting with him. Why would a bitch like her be interested in John of all people, and why did it seem like John was shyly flirting back. I didn't know anyone had been trying to talk to me until a hand slapped in front of me, jarring me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see the pointy nails of Nepeta, she really needed to clip those, it was kind of scary, like claws almost. I shot her a glare and a mumbled 'what'. Her eyes had that mischievous look to them that I had grown to fear.

"Kaaaaaarrrrrrkitty, are you upset because John and Vriska are talking?" she asked, wiggling her brows suggestively. I stared at her light brown eyes and childishly poked out my tongue at her, only to see her squeal and giggle. "I KNEW it, your jealous aren't you Karkitty?" she asked bouncing up and down in her seat, it seemed like Equius who was beside her was beginning to sweat as he reached for the hand towel in his back pocket and began to dab his forehead. Fucking weirdo.

"No way in hell, I barely even know him, you do realize that right?" I asked, my voice dripping like acid, but her smile only widened. Practically the whole school knew I was gay, or atleast bisexual thanks to my short relationship last year with Sollux, it was awful, we were either cussing each other out or threatening to kill each other most of the time. I do kind of miss it though, not screaming at the top of my lungs at the jackass, just the warm feeling of his hand, and the feeling of his lips pressing softly to my forehead when ever he would bring me home from one of our few dates. I was completely over him though, that relationship was way more bad than good, and we both decided to remain friends after those three weeks. I asked him why he never actually kissed me, and he would just shrug and say 'I don'th know KK, it justh didn't feel like the righth time' and then find a way to end the conversation. After we broke up, it wasn't long before he got with Aradia, they were still together, and even I had to admit that they looked good together, they made each other happy even though one was obsessed with death and the other obsessed with computers.

I was kind of surprised that no one asked about the bruise, but a strangely serious look from Gamzee told me that we would have to talk about it later when we were alone. I had been best friends with him for so long that just one look told me that much. I argued with Nepeta for the rest of lunch, while I got angrier and angrier, she seemed to get happier and happier. Fucking bitch. After lunch I went to my next class uneventfully, and then headed to gym. I told the teacher I wasn't feeling well and sat out for the day while I took a zero for not participating. Running with kinda fresh cuts did not seem like fun, and also I would have to change in front of everyone or look like a prude by changing in the bathroom stall I did my homework while I waited for class to be over, and then listened to the music on my ipod, oh Of Mice & Men, you know me so well. I pulled my knees up, wrapped my arms around them and laid my head down, I must have had it too loud, because I didn't notice someone beside me until someone pulled out one of my headphones.

"Geeze Karkat, you are going to go deaf with your music that loud." I picked my head up to see John kneeling beside me, dressed in his normal clothes, class must be over I guess. "The announcements are about to start and I thought maybe you had fallen asleep so I cam to check on you." He said with a slightly buck toothed grin that was kind of cute, and I noticed that he had a deep dimple on the side of his face that made it even more cute.

I grunted in response and grabbed my books and heading out of the gym as soon as the announcements started. Fuck, Gamzee was probably going to make me come over to his house and tell him what happened. Gamzee was weird, he was all chill ninety-nine percent of the time, but when he got upset about something, it was kind of scary. I remembered when he snapped once in freshman year when some senior shoved Tavros down in the hallway for walking too slow. He had just gotten his new prosthetic legs, and still wasn't that graceful on them. When the kid started laughing at Tavros trying to get up like an awkward turtle, Gamzee stated beating the shit out of him. I finally managed to calm him down after he nearly killed the guy, he clung to me shaking after we had gotten Tavros up, Gamzee would have been expelled if I hadn't of explained the whole thing, because the other guy played victim and Gamzee just said he blacked out. He had to go to a therapist for three months after that to deal with his anger problems, but every one that remembers that day knows not to piss him off.

I got on the bus after I went to my locker and sat by the window in my usual seat. I watched John, Strider, Rose, and Jade get on, followed by a few people I didn't care about, and then finally Gamzee who slumped down in the seat next to me. "You're comin' over to my motherfuckin' house right?" he said more than asked, and I knew that I was going to end up there where I wanted to or not. So I sighed and nodded before looking out of the window again. We got off the bus and headed to his house, up the stairs, and it seemed as though as soon as we were in the room with his door closed, he had me pinned against the wall with one arm and was pulling up the side of my shirt with the other hand. "Mother fucker!" he swore loudly and punched the wall harshly beside my head, good thing his parents were still at work. I wrapped my hands around the extended arm and tried to calm him down. Gamzee had known I cut since from almost day one, he had been able to tell something was wrong, and wouldn't leave me alone until I told him. Every time I told him after that, he made me half heartedly promise never to do it again or to tell him right away, but I had never seen him get this upset about it, probably because those times had been small sections of skin, and this had been my entire side, plus it was deeper than usual, and it had been weeks since the last time

I couldn't look at him, though I could tell he was looking at me intensely, I bit my lip and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. My throat felt tight and my nose was starting to get warm. Fuck, was crying like a little bitch going to become a normal thing. He stepped back, but soon pulled me tightly into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. "Mother fucker." he whispered, his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. Here it comes, it was about to start. "Man brother, why didn't you tell me, why you gotta hide it from me? Outta everyone you should know that I got your back bro, thick and thin bro, that's what brothers are for." I succumbed to the feelings of being a little bitch and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face into his chest and sniffling like a little girl. He kept talking, but I couldn't really hear what he was saying. God I was such a bitch. If he cared that my tears got on his shirt, he didn't say anything. We stood there for who knows how long where I covered his shirt in tears and he tried to calm me down by rubbing my back and shooshing me quietly.

After my little bitch moment, I pulled myself together and pushed him off, trying and failing to glare at him. I wiped my eyes from tears with the backs of my hands, and we laid back on his bed and I told him everything that had happened, I left out the part about the gun, because I knew he would flip shit and take it from me or some shit like that. I would tell him if I decided not to do it, and if I did, well, he would find out anyway. After that, he let me fall asleep in his bed while he played some videogames. I didn't mean to fall asleep, I was just so tired. He woke me up later so I could go home, we didn't say much other than him making me promise to talk to him about this kind of stuff.

When I got home, the house was dark and empty, so I made some ramen and headed up to my room. I stripped out of my clothes, and while I was taking my pants off rather ungracefully, a folded note fell out and onto the floor. I picked it up and quickly found out it was the note John had given me. I entered the number into my phone, but didn't do anything else. I shoved a fork full of ramen into my mouth, before starting my Xbox and playing until it was almost three. No one had come home yet so I guess no one would be here I the morning, I preferred it that way. Turning off my Xbox, I got up and checked my Facebook for another thirty minutes and then found my hand reaching for my drawer. I picked up the gun, feeling the cool, smooth metal slide against my fingers. I sat it in my lap ant thought for a long time, how would I say good bye, who would I say good bye to, would I make a video so I could say my regrets or write it all down in a letter, what songs would I asked to be played at my funeral, and so many other things ran through my mind. When I finally snapped out of it, I looked to my clock to see that another thirty minutes had passed. I stared at the gun for a few more moments before letting out a heavy sigh and placing it back in the drawer. I obviously wasn't able to do it tonight. So I turned off the light, set my alarm, and crawled into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

My dreams were a blur of dark memories of Kankri and my parents, what would they say if they knew I wanted to kill myself? I tossed and turned for the next two and a half hours, what ever sleep I got wasn't really restful, so when my alarm when off, I decided that I didn't need to go to school today, it was a Friday anyway so it didn't really matter. I spent the day in my PJs, and played videogames most of the time. Mom never came home, neither did dad, but he wasn't supposed to come back until tomorrow. It was an hour or so after the time school should of ended when I heard the doorbell ring. I ran a brush quickly through my hair so it didn't look too awful, and then made my way to the door. It rang a second time, add I yelled at them to calm the hell down and that I was on my way. I opened the door with a grouchy look and came face to face with one of the last two people you would expect to be at my house, but there they were, John and Strider. John had that stupid grin on his face, and Strider wore that cool guy 'I don't really care' face. "Can I help you?" ok, that sounded pretty harsh to me, and John flinched slightly, a frown beginning to tug at his lips, and I instantly regretted my tone.

"Oh, um, I was worried because you seemed pretty upset at school the other day, and you didn't show up today, and Dave said you never miss school, so I got really worried and wouldn't stop talking about how worried I was, so then Dave brought me here to see you." He finished with a shy smile poking his two index fingers together, his eyes not meeting my gaze. I was kind of flattered really, not many people probably even thought twice about me not being there, except maybe Gamzee and Tavros, possibly Nepeta and Equius too. I invited them inside, but to my distaste, John aid he had to get ready for his date with Vriska, apparently she 'really, really liked' him, and was 'really, really pretty' too. I could of gagged, not that Vriska wasn't somewhat attractive, I just couldn't imagine sweet, adorable, what the fuck am I even talking about, John with bitchy, moody, and slightly scary Vriska. I waved as they finally left and went back inside to my waiting Xbox. But for some reason, I just couldn't get into the game like before, I was constantly distracted by a certain blue eyed boy kissing a certain bitch during a movie, and it was starting to piss me off, not that I had any right to be.

I sat in front of my computer for a long time, thinking about making a going away video before standing up and going to bed early. Maybe I would make it tomorrow or something. I kinda just felt like sleeping. Little did I know that tomorrow was going to turn everything to hell.


Sorry for the slight cliff hanger I guess.

I know only one person has been reviewing my chapters so far, and I love them very much (Really Callie982, you are awesome) 3 but I would still like to hear from other people. c: