Chapter 3

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The credits roll on my second movie of the day. Usually, due to the ultra-cold air conditioning system, my nipples would be protruding through my striped polo like tootsie rolls. But thanks to the hotness of Anthony Masen and Bradley Cooper, my core temperature is surprisingly normal.

Fuck. Bradley Cooper is yum. I mean, he's no Anthony Masen, but I'd totally use my celebrity exception on him. I think it's time for some Bradley pic-spam on twitter. I reach into my purse and feel around for my phone. I don't feel it and start to panic. I start dumping everything out in my lap.

Oh, hell no. It's not there. So I'm crawling around on my hands and knees looking under the seat when a throat clears.

"Um, ma'am? Can I help you with something?"

I look up and huff a chunk of bangs out of my eyes. I think there might be a Goober stuck in there. A young, good looking boy wearing the theater uniform is standing there. He looks nervous, like I might snap. He's probably not wrong. If I've lost my phone I might tear this place up. I'm still recovering from an iTunes update debacle.

Don't ask. It's still hard not to cry when I think of all the cock pics that I lost.

"Oh, you're the lady who was crying in the other theater. Are you okay now?"

"Yeah," I answer, "Thanks. But I'm looking for my phone. I lost it somewhere." I get back up because the floor is disgusting. I guess I should have thought about that before I put my hands into a puddle of...yeah, I don't want to think about it. I'm pretending it's cola.

"You must really love your phone If you were crying for it, huh?"

"Uh, sure," I reply, because I really don't want to explain myself. And I really do fucking love that phone. If there was app that turned it into a sex toy, I would marry it. "So, have you seen one around here?"

"Oh, the owner found one earlier. Does yours sparkle like the dude in that vampire movie? You know, the really hot one that all the girls like? I've heard some people say that I look like him," he offers casually. He glances up at me with questioning eyes.

I have to giggle at this kid. Jail bait is fishing for compliments.

"Yes. It's pink and sparkly. And you sort of look a little bit like Anthony in the movie." Sort of. If you squint and suspend all disbelief. I mean the kid is cute and all, but...no.

"Yeah? I'm trying to get my hair to look like his. Girls like that. I haven't washed it in a while, so I think that I almost have it right. You like it, huh?" He smiles and runs his hands through his hair. He seems to be contemplating...Oh no. He can't possibly be thinking about making a move.

Danger. Abort.

"Okay...so..." I glance at his name tag, "Seth, um, so where would I find that phone?" I mean, I can't sit around with filth on my hands shooting the shit about his lack of personal hygiene all afternoon and waiting for his pick up line. I have stuff to tweet. I knew I should have brought my iPad.

"Oh, sorry. Go to the manager's office. Mr. Cullen is in there for today. Mr. Hale is out."

"Thanks, Seth," I say as start walking out the door. He steps in front of me to stop my movement.

"Um, ma'am? I noticed that you're very hot and you're probably experienced. Would you be willing to coach a young man in the art of love?"

Oh my god, no. Why do I have to be friendly to everyone? I take a step back.

"Seth, I'm going to stop you right now. The answer is no. And you really shouldn't be asking. I mean, you don't even know me, and I'm a few years older than you. I could be a total psycho."

"I know. That's why I asked. My brother Jacob always says crazy cougars are the best. They love sex, pay their own way, and they don't mind if you hit it and quit it."

I don't have words. For any of that.

And when did I become a cougar? Fuck that. I'm only in my late...er, mid twenties.

"Uhh...okay...I need to get my phone now. It was nice to meet you, Seth. I hope you find many lovely ladies to 'hit it' with." I don't say that they'll probably hit him instead when he opens his mouth. Let him benefit from that experience. He did say he wanted me to coach him.

"Thanks, ma'am. And I'm glad you're not crying anymore. Though my brother Sam says that sad chicks are super vulnerable and easy to talk out of their panties."

Lovely. Both his brothers are royal douches. Poor kid. I shake my head and walk out, wishing I could tweet this whole exchange.

I need to get my phone. I'm starting to go through technology withdrawal.

Now to find this "Mr. Cullen." Wouldn't it be funny if it was like Edward's uncle or something and he helped us get back together? Snort. Yeah, right. That's ridiculous. This isn't a Lifetime Christmas movie.

I walk back to the concession stand to ask Alice to direct me to the office. She points up the stairs. "Mr. Cullen just went up there. Maybe he can show you how sturdy Jasper's desk is." She winks at me.

"Your manager is your Jasper?" I laugh. "I had no idea."

"Why the hell do you think I work here, Bella? Not for the free popcorn." She smirks. "During my breaks we try out all sorts of sex stuff I read in DD fic. Sometimes I read it out loud while he's fu-"

"Got it, Alice." I stop her before she goes too far. I mean, I write graphic lemons, but seriously...I head for the stairs.

"Hey Bella, there's a lot of room under the desk too, if you know what I mean," she calls out after me. Right, like I'm going to blow the owner that I've just met to thank him for holding my phone. I don't even think I'd blow Anthony if I met him.

Okay. I totally would. But that doesn't make me a skank.

But I realize that between Seth and Alice and Jasper, the whole movie theater is filled with pervs.

Who knows what kind of sexual fuckery is going on around here? And I didn't wash my hands after touching a questionable substance. It could be someone's...

FUCK.

Silent screams all the way to the ladies' room.

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After conducting a makeshift decontamination shower in the theater bathroom and questioning all my life choices, I'm finally ready to see the manager about my phone. I knock on the door and wait for him to open it. No response. I knock again. Still nothing. I take a peek inside to see if anyone is there. Nope. But I spot my phone on the top of the desk.

I bite my lip while I contemplate what to do. Fuck it. I'm going in.

"It's not stealing if it's mine," I mutter to myself. I quietly walk in and lean over the desk to grab my phone. Yes! I do a little ass wiggle to celebrate.

"I would know that ass anywhere. Though I usually saw it naked from that angle."

Damn it.

I'd know that asshole's voice anywhere.

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A/N: Okay. So I lied. I said this would be quick and dirty like sex with Rob. But we all know that we would never want it to end. So that's what took me forever. Or it could be the fact that I'm lazy and can only write when I'm in the mood. There's one more chapter and it's half written, so it will post soon.

Thanks for all the reviews and faves. I enjoyed reading about how all of you identified with this Bella in some fandom way.

Twilover76 and les16 preread this, but all mistakes are mine. They are awesome.

And all of this is for my Cosmo.