CHAPTER 3

"Well, it's been four years…everything's different."

"Right." I look down at her hand still on mine and half smile. For some reason I had ignored -perhaps intentionally- that life also goes on for those you leave behind.

"I haven't told her yet that you're here." She says, pouring some more water into her glass. I look up and our eyes meet. "How are we going to do this?" she asks, expressing her concern, but before I can say anything she continues. "I'm sorry for Emily, but Rachel is definitely coming to the wedding; she is my best friend AND bridesmaid so Emily will have to cope with you two being in the same room." I grab her hand and squeeze it gently.

"Don't worry about it. I talked to her before coming here and she's okay with it. She knew it'd have to happen at some point," a gleeful smile instantly appears on her face. "Besides…it's been four years, if this hasn't been enough to convince her then I don't know what would."

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that." The enthusiasm in her voice is contagious and I smile. "So do you think I could invite her to the barbecue as well? I would really love for all us to be there." I inhale as I think for a second and then shrug my shoulders.

"If she wants to, why not."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"After what I did? I doubt she cares about me at all." I realize my chuckle has sounded rather cheerless when she tilts her head and grabs my hand again.

"I'm not going to lie to you…she was devastated when you left, we all were, but Rachel…she turned into a different person…" I can't help the deep guilt that her words make me feel. "But hey! she's happy now, she's moved on and I assure you she will be glad to know you're back." She squeezes my hand once again and I force a smile.

"I hope so."

Friday.

I had all day yesterday and this morning to try to get rid of this nervousness that's been eating me alive since Monica confirmed she was coming. However, I've failed dramatically. If anything, my deplorable state has done nothing but increase as the clock ticks closer to the agreed time. And to make things "less" awkward her fiancé will come too; her rich and successful fiancé, with whom she now lives in a large apartment in Park Avenue, according to Monica.

"Can I help you with anything?" I ask my sister as I leave my temporary bedroom, unable to stay any longer within those four walls.

"Nah, that's alright. I have everything under control here, thanks." She flashes me a brief smile. "Oh, why don't you go help out Chandler? He has already thrown three burgers out the balcony trying to flip them. I'm seriously worried we're gonna run out of food." I chuckle and make my way toward the balcony.

"Hey dude, need hel-?" I froze when he shushes me with his finger against his lips. I watch him while he tries to steady the spatula on his other hand and then throws the burger upwards. The meat flips a few times in the air before giving in to the force of gravity and falling, hitting the barbecue on the way down and landing flat on the floor. "OWW, Almost!"

"CHANDLER!" Monica scolds from inside.

"Sorry!" he replies, picking it up from the floor and putting it back on the grill.

"EW, dude!"

"What? That one will be for Joey." I pull a face of disgust.

"Are you seriously going to let him eat that?"

"The guy has eaten BOOKS. I'm sure he won't mind a little extra substance in his burger." I shook my head to erase the image off my mind.

"Anyway, give me that." I say taking the spatula from his hand "I'll show you how it's done." I put the burger that fell on a corner and cautiously flip the rest. I smile proudly, surprised that I haven't forgotten the technique after so long.

"Nice." He pats my back. "Beer?"

"Sure." he grabs two bottles from the cooler and hands me one. We take a long gulp at once and then smile in silence.

"So, nervous about seeing Rachel?" I glance at him. "I know I would be…if I were in your situation." He adds. I shrug keeping my eyes on the grill.

"A little…I have no idea what to expect. I'm just concerned that she might not want to talk to me and things will get awkward."

"Everything will be okay, you'll see." He rests his hand on my shoulder and rubs it reassuringly. "And if not, you can always count on me to make the dinner awkward for everybody." I laugh, well aware that he has an innate talent to do that.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, ask away." I take out the burgers that are done, put some more on the grill and turn to look at my friend, who is giving me a curious look.

"How is this guy? …Marco is it?"

"Yes, Marco." he quietly nods before proceeding. "He's….nice; he is this top executive at some very famous Italian clothing line-"

"So he is in fashion as well." I state.

"Yes. His father is the owner of the company and I'm risking my masculinity saying this but, the guy is stunning." I laugh even though I can feel jealousy growing back in me.

"Another Italian, huh?"

"Yup, can't get rid of them. But be aware, this one speaks perfect English."

"Damn it!" I joke to hide my discomfort. "So it seems Rachel hit the jackpot with this guy..."

"Certainly."

"Ross!" a familiar voice puts an end to our conversation. I glance at the window and spot Joey coming out.

"Joey!" I imitate his tone. I put down the spatula and meet him in a manly hug. "Nice to see you again man." He was the last one to visit me in London seven months ago and perhaps that is way it doesn't feel awkward.

"Same here, it was about damn time you visited us!"

"Yeah, I know." I look down to hide my shame. "Hey! I heard you're back on Days of Our Lives! Congratulations!"

"Thanks! It's awesome, right?!" he says with a smile of pure joy.

"Beer?" I offer.

"Do you even need to ask?"

"Here." I hand him one with a genuine smile.

"Thanks!" I grab the spatula and flip the new burgers. "So, how are the burgers going?" he asks eagerly.

"They'll be ready soon, you hungry?" Joey stares at me.

"Have you forgotten ME? I'm always hungry!"

"Here, this one is for you." Chandler intervenes, putting the one that fell into a piece of bread and giving it to him. Joey immediately takes a bite at it, which makes my stomach turn.

"Thanks man!" He says, chewing hard. "This is awesome! The three of us together again, ah? ah?" he says, effusively wrapping his arms around our shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah, enough with the touching, Joe." He shots him a stare.

"Why so manly all of a sudden? feeling ashamed of what happened the other night?" we both look at him intrigued.

"What are you talking about?"

"Monica told me you shed a couple of tears the day Ross arrived." He teases.

"I did not!"

"Oh yes you did."

"Alright, so I did, where is the problem? Ross has been my best friend since college and I've missed him." He reproaches. I smile, flattered by his words.

"I've missed you too, man." We smile at each other and join in another hug. Out of the blue, someone begins to hum a ballad and when we turn there is Phoebe standing by the window, accompanied by some stranger.

"You guys are so cute." We all greet her at once. "Ross! So good to see you."

"Hi Phoebe." We hug with a wide smile. I'm still surprised at how natural it feels to be around them again. I look at her as we break apart "You look beautiful!"

"Well, obviously." She says with a roll of eyes that makes me chuckle. "I'm so happy you're here!" the honesty in her voice makes me happy to be there.

"So am I, it is nice to be back home." She strokes my left arm and suddenly the smile on her face fades.

"um….is everything okay?" she frowns and I follow suit.

"Yeah everything's great. Why?"

"You sure? I sense some negativity around you." She gives me that special look of hers that seems capable of going through your skull and reading your thoughts without your consent. I clear my throat and force a smile.

"I am sure. You may be sensing my lack of sleep. I can't seem to get rid of the London time." She gives me an unconvinced look "You're not going to cleanse my aura, are you?" She smiles.

"Nah. Give me another hug, I've missed your geeky ass, Geller." I chuckle loudly and we hug again. The stranger, who came with her, clears his throat obviously to draw her attention. "Oh sorry! Ross, this is Mike, my boyfriend. Honey, this is Ross, the friend I told you about the other day?"

"Ow, you're the one who said the wrong name at the altar?" he says amused, extending his hand towards me "That was hilarious!"

"Yup, that one. How are you?" I shake his hand reluctantly.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Anyway…the burgers are done." I announce. "And we should probably go back inside because it is getting crowded out here."

"Yeah, let's go in."

As we are walking inside, the door to the apartment opens and she walks in, holding hands with a tall, blonde, green-eyed man.

"Hi everybody!" there it is, her beautiful voice. I stand still by the fridge, my heart beating unreasonably fast, while the rest walk over to greet her. "Are we late? The traffic was a pain today." I manage to hear her tell them. I take advantage of my apparent invisibility to observe her. Her hair is shorter, just above her shoulders, but other than that she looks exactly like four years ago.

Her eyes finally find me and I freeze, until she sends the warmest smile my way. "Hey, Ross." She says in a sweet tone that throws me off completely. I'm so taken aback by her reaction that it takes me a while to reply.

"Rachel…Hi." I want to walk but my feet prefer to stay glued to the floor so it is her who approaches me and to my surprise, she wraps her arms around me. The scent of her hair inundates my nose and it is enough for my mind to bring back amazing but equally painful memories from the past. I want to squeeze her into my body and kiss her hair but the embrace only lasts a couple of seconds.

"How are you?" she asks as we break apart. "What a surprise you gave us!" I open my mouth but I have no idea what to say. This is certainly not the hostile encounter I had pictured in my mind.

"I'm good…thanks. You?" I ask, but before she has the chance to answer, the attractive man she came with approaches us.

"Honey, aren't you going to introduce us?" he whispers near her ear, resting his arm on the small of her back.

"Of course, Honey, this is Ross Geller…an old friend." He looks at me as if never having heard my name before. "He is also Monica's brother."

"Oh hi, nice to meet you Ross, I'm Marco Bellini." His honest smile is enough to prove she has not told him about me and I cannot help but wonder why.

"Nice to meet you too, Marco." I smile politely and we shake hands. "Monica told me you guys got engaged…Congratulations."

"Thanks," they say at once, gazing into each other's eyes. I look down uncomfortable.

"Okay okay, enough with the talking. Everybody, please take a seat, the food is ready and I do not want it to get cold." My sister says. I take the closest seat to the fridge, hoping to be far enough from them but to my luck she ends up opposite me.

(…)

"So Ross, how come Emily didn't come with you?" Phoebe asks a few minutes into the dinner. All eyes focus on me. I put down my cutlery and clear my throat uncomfortably.

"She…couldn't take so many weeks off work, but she says she will see you guys at the wedding and she sends regards to everybody." Everybody smiles, except her, who is giggling and whispering something into her fiancé's ear, both totally oblivious to the conversation.

"And how is life going in London? When can I come over again?" Joey asks with enthusiasm.

"Anytime Joey, you're always welcome. And it's going well, we recently moved to a house in East London."

"Does that mean there are babies on the way?" Phoebe asks teasingly. I smile.

"Yeah, brother?"

"Nope, no babies on the way. To be honest we haven't actually talked about it yet…these past four years have flown by"

"Well, talk about it. I want a nephew with a cute British accent."

"I already gave you Ben, when are YOU guys going to give me a niece or nephew?" I ask staring at Chandler to make him uncomfortable and I know I have succeeded when he almost chokes on his burger.

"Freak out all you want. It is going to happen." Monica tells him firmly. Chandler mumbles something incoherent, which makes everybody laugh. I sigh relieved that their attention has shifted to somebody else.

"Let the guy breathe, Monica, you don't want to scare him before the wedding is over," Phoebe's boyfriend comments. They laugh and continue to share anecdotes from their engagement party but I can't pay attention because all my energy goes to trying to suppress the temptation to look at her. However, it isn't long before I give up and look her way.

As if having felt the weight of my eyes on her skin she looks back at me and a weird sensation settles at the pit of my stomach. She holds my gaze and suddenly their voices die away and it is just she and I looking at each other. She smiles and I melt, until her fiancé comes into scene to kiss her cheek. I immediately look down, feeling embarrassed.

"So Rachel, Marco, what about you guys, has you set a wedding date yet?" Monica asks, I grab the fork and knife again and concentrate on my plate.

"We've been considering a couple of dates, but nothing official yet." Rachel says.

"I want to elope but the miss here wants a traditional wedding."

"I'm sorry honey, but rushing a wedding is always a mistake." Although she probably didn't mean to, her words hurt me a little. "Besides I want to enjoy the process of planning my wedding."

"I agree with her. Planning a wedding can be stressful but also very rewarding."

"See?"

The sound of my phone startles me and I cannot be more thankful that it rang on the right moment.

"Excuse me. I'll be right back." I head toward the balcony and pick up the call. "Yes? Oh…hi. Yup I'm here. I don't know. I'm pretty sure I left them in the mailbox. Well, check. Alright. Bye."

I hang up the phone and rest my forearms on the balustrade, trying to make time. Although our relationship ended long ago and I moved on, I can't bear the pain of going back there and listen to her plan her life with another man.

….

That's the end of chapter 3! This fic is just beginning. Do you think is it going too slow? What's your opinion on this chapter? Let me know please :D

Also, I want to clarify something. In the previous chapter Ross said he didn't keep in touch with them but what I truly wanted to express was that he didn't see them as often as he had promised. He saw each of them (except Rachel) a few times here and there during the four years.