Hello all!
Violet Garnets – Eeeee! Thank you ever so much! I'm glad you liked that bit about the winter, I was a little hesitant when I wrote that bit, it didn't really seem like it fitted in with any thing, but I'm really, really glad you liked it enough to point it out : ) And with all that talk of candy… you're making me hungry XD –runs off and gets breakfast-
ShadowRat – Thank yoooouu!!! Nice to know some one else gets all these depressing thoughts once in a while : ) Hope you enjoy chapter threeee!
Uhh… the disclaimer-thing… yeah: How ever much I wish I did, I do not own D.N.Angel… though I do own the strange, twisted, out of character story… I think… : )
And THANK YOU all so much for your nice words about the home work and stuff –bursts into tears and hugs every one- You're all too nice: )
------------------xXx---Enjoy---xXx---------------------
He was going to get out of here…
Do some thing big…
He glanced at Satoshi. He didn't really want him here, but it felt reassuring to have some one by his side.
Satoshi caught his gaze, "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Daisuke replied honestly.
They neared the front door of Daisuke's house when Emiko stuck her head round the kitchen, "Dai, where are you going?" She sung.
Daisuke sighed, every one was always asking the same question, it seemed pathetic – he knew he shouldn't be annoyed at them, but it seemed as if every one was always on his tail, always asking him what he was doing, where he was going, was he okay, always giving him orders…
Daisuke rearranged his features in a smile, "I'm just going out for a bit with Satoshi."
"Ooh, where are you headed?" Emiko came out of the kitchen and joined them in the hallway.
Satoshi folded his arms across his chest, looking away, "Not sure."
Emiko's beam faltered for a second, "Oh?"
Daisuke nodded, his smile slipping.
"Oh, well, be back by four, honey!"
Daisuke glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, it read half past three. "That only leaves about five minutes to do what ever we're going to do."
"Dai, it is a school night… and in winter, night comes very quickly!" Emiko ruffled Daisuke's hair.
"See you, Mum," Daisuke said coldly, his icy voice shattering Emiko's smile.
Daisuke and Satoshi slipped out the door, leaving a confused and sorrowful Emiko in the hallway.
Daisuke suddenly felt the brunt of the bitter coldness that winter brought, and immediately regretted not grabbing a coat.
Daisuke, what exactly are you planning to do? You're out with the Creepy Boy, it's started to get dark, the suns already beginning to set, you haven't got a coat, you have no money, and you're not thinking straight.
Daisuke rolled his eyes uncharacteristically, he had enough voices in his head without Dark adding to the fire blazing in his mind.
Why don't you just go home now? You can think things over, you can relax, it's safe and it's not here. What do you say?
More orders. More people telling him what to do, when to do it, where to go, what to say – Daisuke just wanted a some time on his own, time without any one telling him what to do, bossing him around, giving him orders that he felt obliged to follow – no, this time, right now was his time. Time to be himself, where he didn't have to worry about opinions or school or home work, he wanted a time where he didn't have to think, didn't have to worry about any thing, where he could be free, where it was dangerous, where he could get that thrill of adrenalin pumping through his veins, where he could take risks without having to worry or without people telling him not to.
That was what he wanted.
He wanted to do some thing huge.
"Daisuke, you haven't got a coat." Satoshi commented.
Daisuke was jerked out of his thoughts, back into reality, "Yeah," He nodded.
"Aren't you cold?"
"Not really," Daisuke lied, "Any way, no time to go back now – we have to go now."
"Go where?"
That simple question fuelled the burning fire of freedom in his mind, pushing Daisuke closer to the edge, making him do the insane. "I don't know," He replied, annoyed, "You choose, you decide. I don't care." He said moodily.
"Dark?"
Daisuke looked back round at Satoshi quickly, "What?" Daisuke said, a glare firmly fixed on his face.
Satoshi shrugged, trying to maintain his calm composure, but Daisuke acting all edgy and angry – it unnerved him, scared him. This angry, sharp Daisuke was so different from the Daisuke he'd known… Not that he'd known him that well. Satoshi suddenly felt so stupid for assuming he thought he knew Daisuke. "Sorry, just thought, because you were acting a little… differently… I thought it might be… Dark…" Satoshi trailed off, realizing he was saying exactly the opposite of what he wanted to say. Digging himself a deeper grave.
"Oh," Daisuke felt his voice grow louder. He stopped walking down the darkening street, turning to face the blue haired boy, "So just because I act a little differently, some thing's wrong, right?"
"No, it's just – "
"So I'm not allowed to just have an 'off day', am I? I've always got to be smiling, otherwise some one thinks I'm ill or depressed? What am I allowed to do, Satoshi?.!" Daisuke steadied his voice, lowering his volume, not wanted to draw too much attention from bystanders.
"That's not what I mean, I was just…" Satoshi trailed off yet again, not meeting Daisuke's gaze.
Daisuke, stop! Think about what you're saying –
"You know what? Forget it." Daisuke shook his head, turning to go.
"Daisuke, wait," Satoshi started, but Daisuke was already gone, lost in the crowd of people surrounding them. Satoshi bit his lip, his hands forming fists beside him. He moaned at his own stupidity. He really was stupid, letting himself say those things without even thinking them through; Daisuke probably hated him now. Satoshi felt his heart sink in his chest as the feeling of exhaustion over whelmed him.
Daisuke stormed off, his frown set firmly on his normally beaming face. He glared at the road ahead of him, his feet leading him home.
Daisuke, what happened back there? I mean, he is Creepy, but you didn't have to say those things like that… No one deserves to be put down like that, Daisuke… It was… Dark paused, So unlike you. He finished, a growing worry building up inside of him.
"…'So unlike me'?" Daisuke muttered under his breath, "So what is like me, Dark?"
Daisuke never got an answer, Dark sunk into silence, pondering his Tamer's sudden mood-swings, his thoughts, every thing.
Daisuke suddenly realized where they were. He was standing outside his front door. How had he got here? A moment ago, he had been out on the street, out, ready to abandon his rigid, annoying life and experience freedom. Now he was back where he started.
And he didn't like it.
Didn't like standing here, he didn't like the idea of entering his house, and having to apologize to his Mother, didn't like the thought of laying down on his bed and letting his thoughts take over, hated the idea of worrying about what he'd done, what he'd said to Satoshi.
He needed to get away.
He couldn't go back there, at least; not yet. He didn't think he could handle the worry, the guilt. He didn't want to think about it.
And going home would mean he'd have to think about things, have to worry.
Daisuke… Dark sounded exhausted now, Daisuke, just go inside…
Daisuke felt the fire of anger ignite in his heart again – there it was again: Every one pushing him to do what they thought was best… Every one wanting him to do some thing 'sensible', every one wanting him to do the 'right' thing… It was madness…
Deep down, he knew going home was the 'right' thing to do. He knew he'd have to do it in the end, he'd have to look disappointed in himself, he'd have to apologize, he'd have to make excuses for his actions… but he didn't want to. There was simply no excuse, no nothing, no specific reason for these actions, these mood swings. He wished there was a reason. Then he might be able to understand it – understand him.
He knew, deep, deep down that he should really go home right away.
The longer he stayed out, the worse it would be.
But the longer he stayed out… the more excitement it was…
The longer he stayed out, the longer he prolonged having to go back, the longer they'd have to wait…
As long as he was out, he didn't have to think about any thing; about what he'd said to Satoshi, about how he'd acted to his Mum, about these constant thoughts, about life.
He just wanted to get away from the guilt, the bad thoughts that would come eventually… But they would only come when he'd calmed down, when he had time to think…
He swayed where he stood, on the door step of his house, feeling hot headed and dangerous. He didn't like that feeling of unsafety, of the risks, but at the same time it some how made him feel excited, it made him feel like he was living his life, making the difference he craved all the time. His head was rushing, his heart was pounding, his palms were sweating… and still he was experiencing one of the best times in his life.
Strange.
Daisuke, you're the Phantom Thief, you experience danger almost every day. How can you say you haven't got excitement in your darn life? Now just go inside. Dark seriously sounded annoyed now. If he hadn't been angry before; he was now.
Again, that feeling of danger, that feeling of… 'accomplishment' welled up inside of him…
He liked pushing the limits, he liked seeing how far he could go, how much he could do without being stopped.
Daisuke, I'm stopping you now. Get inside the house.
Daisuke felt a smile unfold across his lips. He flicked his red hair out of his glinting eyes and turned around, hands in pockets. He strolled up the street, still grinning at the thrill of danger making his pulse rocket and the strange feeling of light-headedness grow.
Daisuke, where do you think you're going? Dark asked, attempting to control his voice.
Daisuke's eyes flickered from side to side, his heart beating like crazy, but an uncomforting, inevitable doubt clawing at his heart. "Don't know," Daisuke replied, his voice low and uncertain.
It's night now, it's late, you don't know where you're going, don't know what you're doing, you –
"Dark…"
Daisuke hissed under his breath, "Stop – "
I'm not
telling you what to do, Christ, I'm just putting things in…
perspective, Dark sighed dramatically … It's going to be a
long night…
Daisuke felt the feeling of doubt leave him immediately as Dark's words played again and again in his mind.
He let his feet lead him, hoping he'd end up some where better than where he was.
Daisuke… You idiot… Dark mumbled, What if Emiko wanted us to steal some thing tonight? You know, she's probably really worried. And Satoshi – I know he's an idiot, but even idiots don't deserve that. You could just sort it out by going home. Dai, whatever's going on inside your head, it'll work itself out. So just go home, you'll be with people who care about you, who want to take care of you, and you can relax and figure whatever's going on in your life out then, okay? Dark sighed again; this was his last attempt at getting through to Daisuke, every thing else only seemed to enrage the red haired boy.
"Dark," Daisuke sighed heavily in annoyance, "I really don't want to listen to you right now. You don't understand. Aren't I allowed to just get out once in my life?" Daisuke whispered, fuming with rage.
What ever. Dark said, trying to make his voice sound casual and aggravated, I just wanted to get things in order, make sure you know what you're doing. I'm not telling you what to do or any thing, just making sure you understand what you're doing.
"Do I look like I understand what I'm doing?" Daisuke moaned in annoyance and guilt, the unsettling thoughts of reason settling in his head.
What am I doing?
I'm getting out.
Where is 'out'?
Any where but here.
Is that what I want?
Maybe. Maybe not.
When
would he get back to the safety and warmth of his house?
Do I
care?
Do I?
What will I say when I get back home?
Does it matter?
Does it?
Will I be able to handle the guilt when I get home?
Do I need to think about that now?
Do I?
What will I say to Satoshi?
I don't care.
What will I say to Mum?
Any thing, don't think about that now, not now, this isn't the time for that.
What will I say to Dark?
Any thing, any thing, don't think about that, don't think, can't think.
Rage, rage, rage, happy, happy, happy, sad, sad, sad, guilt, guilt, guilt, help, help, help. Help.
... Help…
Daisuke snapped out of his thoughts, his eyes brimming with tears. The dark, unfamiliar street suddenly looked so much more daunting than it had done a minute ago.
His eyes darted around, from person to person, from streetlight to streetlight, from shop to shop, from sky to ground, from back to front…
Where was he?
… Help…
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Hello!
Gah, that was a weird chapter to write! Fun, though… but weird.
Hope you enjoyed it and hopefully don't think Daisuke is too out of character or insane…
Half the time I had depressing music on and the other half I had really happy music on while I was writing this… So that might be one of the reasons it's a little bit crazy…
Any way, enough about the insane chapter – sorry it's been a little while since this was updated – the mountain of home work only seems to be getting taller – but I've finished it all so I could write this! Eeeee! It was so fun… in a strange way…
Yeah… so… Umm… hope you liked reading this blob of crazy as much as I liked writing it!
Next chapter coming soon!
Please leave a review on your way out!
Love yoouuuu! Thank you again for reading it!
