Hans von Hozel: Tommy

Disclaimers: Bill Compton belongs to Charlaine Harris. Tommy belongs to Alan Ball.


Tommy, an alligator, was making a creeping on the bayou.

"Wah, wah! Mama! Wah!" Tommy was crying for his dead momy that he kilt.

All of a sudden, Vampire-Douchebag!

The Vampire Queen, Bill hovering through teh woods. She was going fast to cockblock sexing at the house next door.

"No sexing the telepath! No sexing the telepath with a big wang!" she cries.

Tommy watche Bill's big white head.

"Marshmallow!" Tommy cries. Happy, he laugh, loving to eate mashmallow.

The Queen make a scary face, red blood tears. Then she sees Tommy.

Chompy chompy bitey bitey. Tommy bitey down on teh Queens' giant white head.

"Yeek!" she cries. "Ah'm being eaten by a warm-blooded alligator!"

Tommy bites down on the vampire douchebag's flacid neck flesh. He gases and pukes.

"No marshmallow!"

Tommy crying he goes into water. He sees for real marshmallows.

"Yummy! I loves marshmallows!"

Tommy eats the marshmallows and laughing.


AN: Again I ask: WTF is wrong with me? I toyed with kiling Tommy but I couldn't. OMG, since he offed his disgusting parents, he may just be my favorite character on True Blood.