Chapter 3: Nonverbal Communication

On a warm last Saturday of January 2018, my best friend, Emily Mistle and I met up with some more of my childhood friends Sarah, James, and Henri at their apartment in Oakland. "Hi, guys!" I greeted my friends. "Hi, Angel!" Sarah greeted back. Emily wrinkled her eyebrows, crossed her arms, and stamped her feet across the room. "Wow, what's the matter, Emily?" Sarah asked. "I'm so angry," Emily stated. "Why are you angry?" James asked. "I am trying to get a good, decent story for the Pittverse magazine, but I just can't find anything good," Emily explained. "What is the Pittverse?" Henri asked. "It's one of Pittsburgh's greatest magazines," I explained, "and it is the magazine that Emily writes for at the Carnegie Library in Squirrel Hill." "Wow, Emily, you have a very important job," Sarah remarked. "I don't see why you're so stressed about it." "Here, sit down and have a rice bowl and you will feel better," James offered. We then sat down at the table to eat lunch. "Can you guys help Emily?" I asked. "She is having a hard time, and I want her to be able to succeed at her job." "Wait a minute, before we do that, let's talk about nonverbal communication," James suggested. "Nonverbal communication includes things like kinesics, haptics, vocalics, proxemics, and chronemics," I added. "Nonverbals often work together, combining to repeat, modify or contradict the verbal message being sent," Sarah added. "Kinesics are the study of hand, arm, body, and face movements, including gestures, head movements and posture, eye contact, and facial expressions," I explained. Sarah noticed that Emily was playing with her straw. "Adaptors are touching behaviors and movements that indicate states of arousal or anxiety, like clicking pens, shaking your legs, scratching, twirling your hair, fidgeting with your fingers, and clearing your throat," Sarah told Emily, "but they can also indicate boredom, like playing with your straw, or looking at your smartphones." "Emblems have a specific agreed-on meaning, like hitchhikers raised their thumb or middle finger, indicating an 'OK' sign," James added. "Illustrators illustrate the verbal message they accompany and do not have a meaning on their own, like hand gestures to indicate the size or shape of an object," Henri chimed in. "Head movements and posture are used to acknowledge others and to communicate interest or attentiveness," I informed Emily. "If you nod your head, it is a universal sign of acknowledgement. A head shake means no. If your head is up, you have an engaged attitude. If your head is tilted, you have a submissive interest, and if your head is down, you have a negative or aggressive attitude," Sarah added. "There are many variations of the main four postures, which combined with gestures can express different meanings, like standing, sitting, squatting, and lying down," James added. "Standing with your hands on your hips means that you are assertive, while standing with your elbows out can show dominance. Sitting and leaning back shows informality, while sitting and straddling shows dominance." "Good," I agreed. "Now, can you tell me what eye contact is like?" "Eye contact regulates information, which signals to others that we are ready to speak," Sarah replied. "During interaction, we typically shift our eye contact while speaking, then we look back at the listener towards the end to signal we are finishing up, and listening maintains more eye contact." "We monitor interactions by taking in other's nonverbals, which can convey if people are engaged, bored, or confused, and then adapting," Henri chimed in. "Conveying information means that if you are deep in thought, you are looking away, good eye contact shows that you are actively listening, staring shows intimidation or flirting, meaning you do or do not want to connect with others," James pointed out, "but you should avoid eye contact in public settings." "Let's not forget about facial expressions, since our faces are the most expressive part of our bodies," I added. "You're right, Angel," Sarah agreed. "Smiles can communicate friendliness, openness, and confidence." "Smiles can indicate happiness, like smiling with your eyes," James added. "But most of them are made for others, like 'social smiles'," Henri chimed in. "Facial expressions can communicate many other things, too, such as tiredness, excitedness, anger, confusion, frustration, sadness, and confidence," Emily pointed out. "Haptics is the study of communication by touch," I continued. "They are necessary for human social development," Emily added. "They can be welcoming, threatening, or persuasive," Henri chimed in. "The most explicit advice and instruction on how to use touch than other forms of nonverbal communication, such as how to give a firm handshake to convene confidence and credibility, and inappropriate forms of touch result in legal punishment," James pointed out. "Several types of touch include functional which is professional, social which is polite, friendship which is warmth, love which is intimacy, and sexual which is arousal," Sarah added. "Functional and professional haptics are related to a goal are related to a goal or routine and therefore are expected, like with barbers, doctors, and security screeners," I explained. "Social and polite haptics help initiate interactions to convey inclusion and respect, like handshakes or a pat on the shoulders," James added. "Friendship and warmth haptics indicate relational maintenance and communicate closeness and care, but do not always match up," Sarah pointed out. "Love and intimacy haptics are more personal and are only exchanged between significant others, like your BFF, close friends, and romantic partners," Henri chimed in. "These include touching faces, holding hands, and hugs." "And, sexual and arousal haptics are the most intimate form," Emily concluded. "There are many other contexts to haptics, like arm wrestling during play, slapping during physical conflict, and getting someone's attention during conversation," I informed my friends. "What about accidental touch, like bumping into someone?" Sarah asked. "Romantic interest means tapping somebody on the arm when saying something funny, and crossing legs and leaning toward the person so their legs touch occasionally, and romantic disinterest means scooting back, crossing your arms, and not acknowledging the touch," James pointed out. "Let's not forget hugs," Henri stated. "Now, let's move on to vocalics, which are the study of vocal qualities such as pitch, volume, rate, vocal quality, and verbal fillers," I informed my friends. "Pitch conveys meaning like sarcasm, regulates conversational flow, and communicates intensity of a message," Henri chimed in. "Volume communicates intensity, like how being loud shows you are intense, and so does TYPING IN ALL CAPS!" James added. "Rate is defined as how fast or slow someone speaks," Sarah pointed out. "Slow speakers bore others, while fast speakers are difficult to follow." "Repetition reinforces verbal and nonverbal cue, like saying 'I'm not sure', with an uncertain tone," Emily added. "Also, complementing elaborates or modifies verbal and nonverbal meaning, like the pitch and volume used to say something like, 'I love sweet potatoes', using sarcasm or to a certain degree," Emily continued. "Accenting is emphasizing certain parts of a message, like 'She is my friend,', 'She is my friend, or 'She is my friend," Sarah added. "Substituting is taking the place of other cues, like saying 'Uh-huh,'" James added. "Contradicting is saying something like 'I'm fine', in a quick, short tone," Henri chimed in. "Proxemics are the study of how space and distance influence communication," I explained to my friends. "Public space is formal and the least personal," Sarah added. "Social space includes both professional and casual interaction," James added. "Personal space is reserved for friends and significant others," Henri chimed in. "And, intimate space can be used for the closest people in your life, which can be annoying or frightening to others," Emily pointed out. "Finally, chronemics is the study of how time affects communication," I explained to my friends. "Biological chronemics include the rhythms of living things and circadian rhythm, such as early morning vs. late night conversations," Sarah added. "Personal chronemics include the way individuals experience time, like how time flies when you are having fun," James added. "Physical chronemics include fixed cycles of date, years, and seasons, like seasonal affective disorder," Henri chimed in. "And, cultural chronemics include how large groups view times," Emily pointed out. "An example of chronemics is the promptness and amount of time that is acceptable for lateness," Sarah pointed out, "like how doctors making patients wait is acceptable, but how interviewees making interviewers wait is unacceptable." "Another example of chronemics is conversational turns and turn-taking patterns, like how people dominating conversations is annoying," James added. "Also, how we look, what we wear, and what our environment looks like sends messages and influences how others interact with us," I informed my friends. "Our physical characteristics include our body shape, our height, our weight, our attractiveness, and our hygiene," James added. "The artifacts we wear, such as our clothes, jewelry, body art, and hairstyles, how men with short hair have more conversation than men with long hair but men with shaved heads are aggressive, and the ring on the ring finger of our left hand shows that we are married," Sarah pointed out. "Also, our environments, such as books on our coffee table, fresh flowers, mints on the pillows, fancy chairs, and soft lighting," Henri chimed in. "Now, I will share a time when I read your nonverbal communication correctly, and when I misread your nonverbal communication," I told my friends. "James, I misread your nonverbal communication when you were learning how to juggle and it looked like you were having fun." "I wasn't really having fun, Angel," James told me. "The concentrated look on my face, my knees bent, the quiet environment, and me juggling balls in the air over and over again indicated that I was frustrated and needed to keep trying harder." "However, Sarah," I told my best friend, "I read your nonverbal communication correctly when you and your brothers wore all black to school one day when you were trying to concentrate in the black classroom with all black objects. However, you tripped and fell in your high heels, and you had very obvious body language to show it, such as your head was down, your fingers were clenched, you were leaning forward, and your arms were crossed." "Good job, Angel," Sarah remarked. "You read my body language correctly." "Do you want to play body charades with us, or not, Emily?" I asked. "No offense, but I don't think you should be talking about my personal problems at work with your friends, Angel," Emily pointed out. "Can you guys just talk about moments from your childhood and try to improve on those, rather than interfere with my personal life?" "Okay, Emily," I agreed. "Just ask Michael and Erin then. They can help you out with anything." Pretty soon, it was time for us to leave. "Thanks for a great afternoon, everyone!" I thanked my friends. "Yeah, and thanks again for lunch," Emily added. "You're welcome, Angel," Sarah replied. "Bye, guys!" "Bye!"