Max: Hey, peoples. You may or may not know this, but officially, Matt's on hiatus.
No, not the one he was on in January. It's a new one.
That's right, he went back to updating and ignored this one.
He even WROTE THIS CHAPTER and STILL ignored you guys.
What a dick.
And so I hacked his computer and am posting anything I can find.
You know, try to encourage him to move along with this hiatus crap...
Anyway, here's the next chapter.
"YOU LEFT IGGY ALL ALONE IN CHEMISTRY?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Dr. M screamed at us.
I couldn't help but wince. Damn, this lady has a serious bee up her butt. Hell, who came up with that phrase? Who was dumb enough to stick a bee up their own butt? Why di-
"FANG! Are you even PAYING ATTENTION?!?"
I jumped about a foot in the air. "Yes, ma'am- Dr- Mrs- Max's- mom- uh- sir," I stuttered.
I saw Max facepalm out of the corner of my eye. Hey, whaddya know, someone actually facepalms... I always thought you just type it...
"So, if you were listening, can you remind me how long you two are grounded?"
Dammit. "Uh, yeah, sure, we're grounded for a month!" Please be right...
Dr. M smiled. "Well, actually, it was a week, but I like a month better. A month it is then!" She walked off happily, leaving me with a severely pissed off mutant girlfriend.
I took one look at Max and ran.
"FANG! Freaking OPEN the DOOR before I KNOCK IT DOWN!" Max pounded on the door, which was already about to fall down from the last few times Max had to force her way in.
"No thank you, I like being alive!" I called back.
Wrong answer.
You know, looking back, I never expected the door to actually fly off its hinges.
Because, I mean, if I had, I probably would have ducked, you know?
You know, I always expected the afterlife to be kinda like the top of a cloud, or maybe a grassy meadow, or something heavenly.
And if I ended up in hell, kinda like... Well, hell, I guess.
And maybe in the random wild dream I ended up in Hades. You know, the Ancient Greek Underworld? Which, for some unknown reason, has to be capitalized?
Yeah. One of the above.
Not freaking China.
FOGGY China. Do they even HAVE fog in China? I mean, I've never been there...
And no, this wasn't smog, it was more of a mist.
It WAS the afterlife anyway.
Right?
"Right!" a booming voice said.
"Who's that?" I asked, looking around.
"I'm your ancestor!" the voice answered.
"Okay, one, what? And two, where the hell are you?" I asked again, now seriously about to need new underwear.
"As in, my kids had kids who had kids who had kids, etc, etc, who had you. And I don't know myself..."
I sat there for a good five minutes trying to figure that one out. "Alright..." I began, "Problem numero uno. Nobody had me. I was born in a test tube."
"Ah," my Ancestor said, "but did you not spend half of the first trilogy searching for your parents?"
"THEY FELL IN A PLOTHOLE! DON'T REMIND ME!" I screamed.
"Sorry. Have a wonton. This IS the Chinese afterlife, after all!"
And just like that, a bunch of wontons appeared out of thin air.
"Fang!" Max's voice called out. I nearly dropped a wonton.
"Dammit Max! Don't tell me you're my ancestor too!"
"Fang! Wake up, man! FANG!" Max yelled.
"How can I wake up? I'm dea-"
I woke up.
"Hey, Fang, old buddy, that's it, come back now..." As the world un-blurred, I found myself in Max's arms.
Not complaining.
"Ah, God, what happened?"
"Just a little bump on the head..." Max grimaced. "Okay, not so little, but same idea. How are you feeling?"
"Like I just got run over by a truck driven by a certain blind pyromaniac..." I moaned. Come on, Max, I'm hurt, I need attention... hint hint... Show me why I picked you over...
Over who? Angel butted in.
ANGEL! OUT OF MY HEAD!
Over who?
I SAID OUT!
That Lissa girl? Seriously Fang? Really?
ANGEL! OUT!
Fine, fine...
"Earth to Fang, you need to stop zoning out..."
"Sorry, Angel invasion," I muttered. Suddenly Max froze.
Oh, s#$%... ANGEL!!!!!!
"Fang..." Max started.
I braced myself. I hoped I could go back to the Chinese afterlife. I like wontons...
"You know, now that we're grounded..."
Whoa, what? Suddenly I was all ears. And all something else too, but I'm gonna leave that out in case any young children are reading.
Let's just say I was standing at attention, heheheh.
"...you just got out of a date." Max grinned evilly.
Damn. "Oh yeah... Hang on..." I pulled out my phone (Yes, we had phones now) and fired off a quick "Sorry grounded no date" message.
I'm great with words, aren't I?
I was just about to say something to Max when Lissa responded.
I read it aloud.
Bad choice.
"Aw tht sux :( wait i kno! :) i cud com 2 ur hows! tht way u dont leave! :)))) XOXO Luv Lissy"
Max and I both stared at the phone.
Then...
Well, let's just say, if you like having a cell phone, keep it away from an angry Max, of you'll just have a pile of smoking metal.
FML.
Max: Okay... I think I can see why he was sitting on this one...
But whatever. I'll check to see if there's any more of this story stashed in the depths of "My Documents," and if I find any, they'll be posted.
Until then... Au revoir!
Thanks for reading! -Max
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