Hello again.

Thanks for reading.

Once again, italics indicate Kaidan's thoughts.

Takes place a week after the last chapter.

Enjoy.


The Alliance didn't skimp on comfort for war heroes.

The room that Anderson booked for Kaidan had a bed with a mattress.

Suppose that's supposed to make me feel better.

The funeral was tomorrow. That much he knew. Since being rescued a week ago, Kaidan had spent all his time in this room, drinking. Sure, being an L2 meant he didn't get a hangover, but he still felt the effects of alcohol

It didn't numb the pain.

Nothing could.

Anderson had tried to talk to him.

Kaidan was the highest ranking officer to survive. Kaidan didn't want to relive it. Anderson said he understood. He set Kaidan up in this hotel which overlooked the citadel's gardens, which had miraculously survived the attack from Sovereign.

Anderson sent four different psychologists, including Dr. Chakwas.

Kaidan still didn't talk.

The only time he did talk was when he was alone and drunk.

He talked to Naira.

He knew it was wrong but it felt right.

Nothing felt real to him anyway.

He took another drink from the fridge, and opened it biotically.

Since the accident, his biotics had been erratic. Maybe that was why he preferred to stay indoors; to keep others safe from his uncontrollable outbursts.

Those outbursts had already claimed the room's sofa.

Kaidan sighed at the sight. He had gotten rid of his armour- it lay in a corner of the room, discarded as soon as he had entered. He couldn't look at it, nor could he throw it out.

It was the last thing she saw him in.

He had removed his shirt and resided in his pants only. The necklace remained, including the engagement ring.

At times Kaidan had felt like throwing the ring out the window but he couldn't. It was his only connection to Naira.

At night he lay on the floor, not the bed. He lay like he did in the hangar bay, except surrounded by empty bottles.

There was a knock at the door. He ignored it.

I'm not talking to anyone today.

"Kaidan, open up!" the voice yelled. The voice was somewhat familiar, so he decided against better judgement to open the door. He didn't care that he had no shirt on.

Or that he hadn't shaved since that terrible night.

"Kaidan, you look terrible." It was Joker, with a smile, dressed in his dress blues and holding another set. Kaidan hadn't smiled since going to sleep that night.

"What do you want?" Kaidan made to close the door. Joker is the reason Naira is dead. I can't talk to him.

"A drink." His blunt reply caught Kaidan by surprise.

"Really?"

"No. Anderson sent me." Kaidan made to close the door, but Joker held out one of his crutches to stop him.

"Do you know what today is?"

"November 27th."

"No, November 28th." No, it can't be. "It's Naira's funeral. Thought you might wanna go."

Kaidan sighed and fell onto what remained of the sofa. Joker followed, taking a seat on the unused bed.

"It's her birthday Joker."

"I didn't know that."

"Nobody does. It's a secret. Growing up on the streets, she didn't celebrate it much. Didn't want people knowing in the military. SO she gave a fake birthday," Kaidan took another drink.

"Are you…" Joker started, but Kaidan cut him off.

"I'm fine, no matter what anyone says. I'm fine." Maybe if I keep on saying it it'll happen. Joker gave him a funny look- disbelief.

"Right."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. It was quite a sight: Joker in his dress blues, Kaidan in pants unshaven.

Joker got up and got a drink out of the fridge. He couldn't open it. Kaidan almost laughed at the inability of Joker until he took pity and opened it for him.

"Thanks." he took a drink. "Are we gonna go?"

"How can I joker? I'm supposed to be an officer. I won't be an officer at that funeral. She's not Commander Shepard to me. She's just Naira. She's…I'm not sure how I can go on Joker. And I shouldn't be speaking to you! It's your fault; it's all your fault!" Kaidan was now standing up, crackling with uncontrolled biotic energy. For joker's part, he sat completely still, relying on his ability to calm Kaidan down.

"Kaidan, please don't do this. Will killing me bring her back?"

"It'll make me feel better."

"No Kaidan it won't. I've been beating myself up since that day. You've just gotta get moving in your life. Do you think Naira would want to see you like this?"

Kaidan sighed.

No, she wouldn't.

He has a point.

For the first time since before the attack, both sides of Kaidan were in agreement. Kaidan raised his bottle, which was almost empty.

"To Naira"

"Joker raised his bottle. "To Shepard." They drank in silence.

"I'll go."

"If you're gonna, please have a shower. You smell worse than Wrex after a battle." That brought a smile to Kaidan's face.

Maybe I just need to say goodbye.