Cautious

Piercing blue eyes surrendered mine as I stared into them, hypnotized. They watched mine from the shadows. I saw a lean figure suddenly ripple insanely until it was larger, furrier, wilder.

"Wait," I stammered. But the wolf walked forward with his grin.

"Renesmee," his voice curled around my ears delicately. "You came back." He sounded almost hopeful. I put a hand out to rest on his head.

"I need to know more." I said quietly, sitting beside the huge wolf. He sat beside me, his tail spreading behind him. I studied his huge paws, furry yet lethal. His claws gripped the earth suddenly but he noticed I was watching them, and they loosened. The wolf sighed.

"Renesmee, I am not here to discourage you from your family." He sounded sincere. "You just," he paused, "deserve more. I can give you more. I'll be by your side for every moment you wish me to. If you need me, I'll appear. I'll fight off enemies," the wolf snarled to demonstrate. I flinched. He had sounded so fierce, frightening. "I'll protect the ones you wish to live beside," another growl, "but what's more I'll protect you from everything possible. You won't have to live in fear of what's coming next. Never." I thought for a moment. There was always the possibility of the Volturi returning for me. They wanted me. They wanted Bella. They wanted Alice. They wanted Edward. They were going to come back. I opened my mouth and then out of nowhere the russet colour flashed before my eyes. This wolf was snapping his jaws at the black creature, who snarled loudly back. They got themselves in a fight and the russet wolf lunged, teeth bared at the other's throat. I screamed,

"Jacob, no!"

Jacob ran alongside me, his long pink tongue lolling wolfishly out the side of his mouth. I laughed out loud, the sound bouncing off the trees. He looked at me and grinned. His teeth glinted at me. We ran for miles through the forest, his sturdy legs pounding on the earth like a machine. My muscles screamed for me to stop, my vampire power now running low. But I felt the adrenaline pulsing wildly through my thriving heart and just sucked in more of the rushing air like I was about to die. Jacob watched me, warily this time but I stuck my tongue out at him and pushed further. His whine was whipped away by the wind as he sped ahead of me, his dog like sprint kicking up mud.

"Hey! Foul play!" I protested. He barked, laughing probably, and skidded childishly to a halt. My legs sighed as I slowed to a walk beside him and ruffled his fur like he was my very own pet. His eyes met mine and I lost myself for a couple of seconds. He whined again, more vocal this time. I sank to my knees and he lay beside me contently. "Jacob," I held my breath for a second. Jacob's eyes met mine again but I looked away. "Have you ever had nightmares?" My words were barely audible and he stared back at me then hung his head. I took that as a very shameful yes. Jacob then cocked his head to the side, questioning. "Yes." I answered, knowing he had asked me the same question. His wet nose nuzzled my skin, though his fur was burning hot. "Have they ever repeated themselves?" The wolf whined softly and frowned as much as a dog possibly could. I rolled my eyes at him. "Just answer my question." He huffed into the grass and then nodded his heavy head. "Were they really scary?" Again, Jacob's eyes flashed to mine worriedly but then seeing my annoyed expression, he shook his head. I put my hand out to him and he looked anxiously at it. "Please?" Jacob rested his head in my hands and I concentrated hard to look into his mind. I found the nightmare before I realised I was searching.

A pack of cold, white people in dark cloaks were moving swiftly across an open clearing towards Jacob. He snarled. I noticed a smaller figure behind him with curly brown hair. It was me. I stood with my teeth bared, with Bella and Edward alongside me. Edward stepped forward to stand beside Jacob and they snarled simultaneously. Bella pulled my hand but I stepped forward, further forward than Edward and Jacob. I growled so viciously that I didn't realise it was me.

Then, my lean body lunged for one of the figures. My snarl was audible from far away and Jacob growled in pain. He leapt forward to get to me but the cloaked people surrounded me and I was outnumbered. Edward, Bella and Jacob bared their teeth more and ran toward me. The cloaked figures fought them off without moving, and Edward and Jacob lay stunned on the ground. A younger smaller figure stepped out of the circle I was trapped in, her angelic smile making me shiver. Bella glared at her as the figure smiled harder. But Bella was unhurt and she lunged, like me, into the circle. Edward and Jacob scrambled on the floor, both wincing furiously in pain as the figure looked at them with smugness. I saw Bella vanish before my eyes and I too felt like I was about to disappear. A distinct howling pierced the air and then my vision went black.

My hands whipped from underneath Jacob's chin and it thudded on the ground. I stared at him horrified. His eyes looked at me sadly.

"Jacob, how the hell could you dream that up?" He barked at me and ran off. I knew he was only going to phase so stayed put on the ground. Jacob returned in his human form quickly, his bare muscled chest prominent.

"I didn't dream it up Nessie." His voice was harsh. I stared at him hurt. "What sort of freak do you take me for?" We both heard his words twice and burst out laughing. I stopped before him, gazing at him. He met my eyes and held my hands. His palms were boiling hot but I didn't flinch.

"I don't think you're a freak, Jacob." My words came out solidly. Jacob's teeth gleamed as he grinned.

"Same goes to you." His long fingers tightened around my hands.

"I like you a lot Jacob, you know that?" My voice wavered. Jacob digested my sentence before replying.

"Yes I do." Another grin warmed me. "I like you a lot too Nessie, half-leech and everything." A laugh grumbled down in his chest and I smiled.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Jacob." His name made my heart swell and I suddenly became aware of what I was feeling. No. No I wasn't. Stop being stupid, Jacob is like your brother!

My pulse quickened as he pulled me closer, letting my head rest on his burning chest. His heart was beating hard too.

"I'll never leave." Jacob finally murmured. I looked up to his face, which was looking down at mine. We met each other's gaze and smiled childishly. I snuggled closer and his arms wrapped around my torso.

"Do you promise?"

"Do you promise not to leave me?" His voice was questioning and my heart jumped jaggedly into my throat. He felt my muscles tense and let out a sigh, resting his chin on my head. "Forget that. It's difficult being…what you are."

"I'll never leave you Jacob." I finally decided. I never would. No matter what Bella or Edward or anyone asked me to do. I don't care if the Volturi came looking for me. I'm staying here.

"You don't have to say that." Jacob frowned. "Your family tends to travel." He chuckled half-heartedly. "I just don't think I could bear it if you left." Again, his grip around me tightened. I remembered Edward's warning to Bella. You know Jacob won't leave Renesmee. It's impossible to imagine the ways he would think of to be with her again. Whatever you are thinking, leaving Jacob behind is not an option. My hands curled around his locked palms.

"I don't know what I'd do if you left me." My voice cracked. No Jacob would be like having no heart. I paused mid-thought. I'd be a true vampire. Jacob growled loudly, so loudly I jumped and tore away from him instinctively. I didn't realise how far I had got away from him until my back hit a tree trunk, twenty metres away. He sat with narrowed angry eyes.

"I'll never leave you Renesmee." Jacob said forcefully. He raced over to me, leaning his arm above me on the tree. He was towering over me and my pulse quickened again. His eyes bore into mine. "Don't ever think I will."

"I never thought for one mo-" A force, such a hard force, came crushing down on my lips. Jacob's. I wound my arms as far up his shoulders as I could reach and pulled myself closer to him. My eyes closed and I couldn't get over his temperature, scorching down on me. His face pressed closer to mine hungrily, as if his wolf instincts were taking over him. Jacob's large hands wound around my waist and then he pulled his lips away reluctantly. I gasped breathlessly and stared up at in him in shock. Did we really just do that? My shaking hand touched my lips and he took a step back, bewildered at himself. I exhaled unevenly and turned shyly away from him

"Renesmee, I'm sorry." His voice was low. I turned back to him. His eyes were fixed on the ground and his hands gripped his jeans angrily. "I didn't mean to."

"Come away with me." I suddenly said. His eyes flashed up to mine.

"What?" Jacob exclaimed. "Are you out of your mind?"

"No." I closed my eyes. "I want you to run away with me."

Away from all the secrets. Me and Jacob.

"Renesmee," he laughed shakily, "you don't believe how tempting that death sentence sounds but I'm going to have to say no." My heart thumped and seemed to tear slightly. I winced, my eyes still shut. His hands unwound themselves from around my waist and held mine. "You understand right?"

"Mm-hmm." I whimpered, biting my lip to stop the tears. The impulse to just get away was too great, too delicious that it hurt to think it was only just a stupid dream. A stupid thing to even consider. I broke my hands away from his and turned to leave.

"Renesmee," Jacob murmured. It reminded me of the soft voice he had whispered whilst I had rested my head contently on his chest, only a few minutes ago. Before the wild, aggressive, stupid stupid kiss.

Kiss? Was it really a kiss?

My teeth sank further into my lip, the tears brimming, tainted with a little anger. Surely it was more of an attack. Not a first kiss. A first kiss should be gentle, tentative, cautious. These words did not fit the previous mauling I had just endured. Gentle, I thought. I laughed silently without humour.

Cautious. A first kiss.

I ran. I knew he wouldn't follow me. He understood me too well.

"How's it looking, Alice?" I heard Bella ask as I went to open the cottage door. The tears that were streaming down my face were slowly stopping and my edgy rasps quietened.

"I don't see any life-threatening trouble." Alice replied, her voice thick with concentration.

"Is Renesmee safe?" Bella asked more urgently. Trust them. They were always terrified of loosing me.

But to what exactly? It's only us out here.

Alice moaned as she tried to see.

"It's hard!" She protested. "I can barely see her!" Bella laughed at Alice's whines.

"Look harder." Edward's cold voice cut through the air.

"I am." She retorted sharply. Silence overcame the cottage and I inhaled deeply. Alice whipped her head around when I entered. Edward looked up at me, his face instantly softening.

"Renesmee." He breathed with a dazzling smile. Alice looked at me curiously, causing Edward to do so too. I tried to erase my thoughts as hard as I could. He didn't change his expression to anything shocking and I smiled, pleased with my efforts.

I walked into the bathroom and took a look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were pink and darker tear stains were faintly recognizable. I turned the tap on and threw the cold water on my face. My mouth gasped for air as I repeated this harshly several times. My top was dripping wet by the end and I quickly darted into my room to get another dry one. I had got my top pulled half-way off, my arms in the air, when I noticed someone enter the room.

"Oh, sorry." Alice apologized but didn't leave. I couldn't see but I imagined she had turned around. I yanked my top off and noticed she was facing my closed door. "I need to speak with you." Her voice wasn't too dark so I opened my wardrobe casually, searching for another t-shirt. Alice appeared in front of me and pulled a green shirt out, thrusting it to my chest. I put it on silently and looked up at her,

"What about?" She rolled her eyes.

"Your hazy future." Her voice sounded exasperated at the inability to see. "I think you'll spend too much time with Jacob." Her golden eyes darted to mine. I pulled a face at her,

"Why is everyone saying that?" I looked down to do my buttons up. She flopped nimbly and gracefully onto my single bed and closed her eyes, her hands over her face.

"You don't know how frustrating this is, Nessie. I've walked on this Earth for years and years and never had I had a problem with my visions. Now," she paused, "now Bella has come into the equation, well at first it was difficult but I tuned into her. It's so hard to tune into you. When Bella was having you, you made me stop seeing at all." Alice sighed, a long intake of breath. "I used to sit outside with Jacob, no matter how much he smelt, so my sight would come back. Neither of us enjoyed it but it made me feel less…useless." I contemplated this and felt extremely sympathetic for her.

"I'm really sorry Alice."

"Both of you together," she continued, "makes me not see either of you at all. Well I couldn't see Jacob in the first place, but I hoped that I was slowly getting on your wave length. Can't you just spend less time with him? Help me out here."

"I don't know what it is, we just have this friendship." Alice snorted suddenly and I frowned at her. She pulled a face at me and grinned,

"Friendship?"

"Yes." I said sharply. The memories of our kiss suddenly began poking into my head. Alice didn't remove her smug grin and I became childishly embarrassed.

"Oh come on Ness, Edward and Bella might not know but I do." She whispered. "He's so into you." I pushed her hard, so hard she very nearly fell off the bed, which sent her off into fits of giggles. I frowned. "I'm…sorry…" she gasped, "but…your…face!" She mimicked a comical version of my angry face and I couldn't help but laugh. Edward opened the door and raised an eyebrow. I whipped my head around to look at him.

"Are you ok?" His rhetorical question amused Alice. She let out another burst of sniggers. Her legs kicked crazily in the air and she clutched her stomach. I shoved her again and this time she came off the bed. But her amazing reflexes cause her to stand up a second before she was about to crash on the wooden floor.

"We're fine." She replied with a small grin. Edward raised both his eyebrows at her then closed the door. Alice turned to me, taking my wrists gently. "Just be careful with him, ok?" I looked at her, deep into her eyes, trying to decode her words.

"Why?"

"I can't see it Renesmee, but I just have this feeling. You're going to have to be careful around those werewolves."

"Shape-shifters." I corrected her. She let go of my wrists with a small smile.

"Whatever he is." Alice's eyes were slowly, very slowly turning a darker shade. She hadn't hunted for ages. She spent all of her time with Jasper, making sure he was ok, keeping the balance right. "Just promise me."

"Ok. I'll be careful." It was an odd promise to make, when I knew Alice had the power to see the future. Well not mine at this moment of time. She walked out of my room silently, her feet barely touching the ground.

Bella and Alice seemed very pleased with my efforts to reduce the amount of time I spent with Jacob. Alice knew I had taken her advice on board. I found it easier to be away from him after the awkward memory that still hung heavily in my mind. I saw him a couple of times, far away in the distance, through my window at night. He watched over me for a while but hadn't recently. If he had, he'd been watching whilst I was asleep. I didn't feel any hurt or pain when I realised his shadow wasn't lurking in the trees whilst I lay in bed. I felt half-relieved. I felt more part of my family.

Alice was a lot calmer about her sight, less worried about my time with Jacob and the shape-shifters. However, she and Jasper still had private conversations that were weirdly obviously about me.

I sat down in the Cullen's lounge, my legs stretched across the sofa dramatically. Emmett came in and used his little finger to move my legs so he could fit on.

"What are you watching Ness?" He stared at the screen. It was a girlie soap-drama and he groaned. "This has been on for centuries!" I threw the remote at him and he caught it agilely. Any normal person and it would have smacked them in the head. As if he knew what I had insinuated to do, he grinned and waggled the remote at me. I shoved my foot hard into his thigh but the huge decades-old teenager just rumbled his trademark laugh, batting my feet away. I stood up quickly, so quickly my head fumbled to get it's bearings for a second, and strutted to the door. "Where are you going Ness?" Emmett asked.

"To see some people."

"What friends do you have? Going to see wolf boy?" I looked at him with the most angered eyes and for a second I saw one tiny flicker of fear. It satisfied me to the end of the world. I was annoyed that he knew where I was going.

I was being weak. I couldn't help it. "Hello?" Emmett waved. However, I didn't answer him; I just turned on my heel swiftly and walked out into the cold, moist air.

My heart began to ache, as if to tell me to stop, as I raced to find him. My sense of smell was burning with his scent, pulling me wildly to him. My legs pumped into the ground like a turbine, down, down, down. I flicked my brunette hair out of my eyes and it lashed into the fierce wind behind me.

I saw his eyes between the bushes, my eyes focussing obsessively onto him. I stopped almost at once and realised he was crouching so I wouldn't see him. My heart, pumping dramatically, seemed to crack slightly. Either he was hiding because he didn't want to see me or he was…scared. My breath came out in gasps and I sounded vulnerable. Surely this would convince anybody I haven't come to eat them? His low stance stretched out tall, his wolf tail springing out.

The bark of the tree he now stood against complimented his coloured fur beautifully. His dark, glowering face just invited me in more, which it shouldn't. I concluded I shouldn't move. He looked as if he was now going to eat me. I reasoned this in my head and realised I actually didn't care if he did. Then his eyes softened and he disappeared from sight. I didn't panic, he was phasing. My mind seemed to tune into his actions quickly now as he walked out to be only a few feet away from me.

"You are an awful person." Jacob told me, a grin begging to paint his face.

"I'm sorry." My smile was too strong to be held back. His large hand gripped my forearm and I gasped. His temperature was boiling. I had been so accustomed to the cold, what with all the immortals around. "But you never came to see me."

"I did, every night." His voice was firm and I knew not to question it. Another large hand gripped my other forearm. I knew he was beginning to make my previous anger surrender. He needn't have worried; I was crumbling at his feet inside.

"You liar." I tempted his calm presence. Another awful grin overwhelmed me as I felt him tighten his already half-bone-crushing grip.

"I'm not lying." He said through gritted teeth, his gaze looking over me. I stared up like a young child; it delighted me to see him angry. No matter how dangerous this shape-shifter could be, teasing him was just too delicious. Then, his eyes fixed on me and I screamed.

I saw piercing, icy blue eyes glaring at me.

His teeth glistened with saliva and looked far too sharp for any creature. His grip was still like iron on my arms so I just closed my eyes and screamed some more. But behind the blackness of my eyelids, the darkened wolf was prowling teasingly toward me. My scream slowly seemed to translate into something crazy in my head; a howl.

"Renesmee!" Jacob's voice tore through me and my eyes flashed open. My scream suddenly silenced. The dark wolf had vanished and Jacob's stricken face was staring down at me.

I realised I was jolting backward and forward. Jacob was shaking me crazily and I twisted my wrists around so I could just about fit my hands around his chunky wrists. Having done this, I put all of my strength into releasing his hold on me and he continued to stare at me like I was a cannibal, escaping from prison.

No words seemed to want to come out of my mouth so we stood in a painful silence for a few minutes.

Jacob then took the first shot, "What the hell?"

My eyes looked down and my heart tightened. I couldn't tell him his face was transforming into my nightmares. Thank God this wasn't Edward. If he saw my thoughts, he'd lock me up. My breathing was irregular. I concentrated hard on evening it out, my forehead creasing. His burning hand touched mine and I looked up at him. "Renesmee, what was that?" My mouth fell open and I felt sick.

"I," I searched foolishly for words, thinking of what people normally say if this happened. But this never happens to people, so I wished myself good luck on screwing this all up. His perplexed eyes made my heart churn reluctantly. "I felt sick." My words sounded pathetic, more pathetic than having pathetic written a hundred times.

His bushy eyebrows furrowed at me, questioning. I tried to telepathically tell him that it was too frightening, too twisted for words. My attempts were unsuccessful as he sighed at me.

"Jesus, Renesmee, why do you have to freak me out all the time? One minute you run away from me kissing you, the next you cut yourself out of my life, and now when you decide to reunite with me you scream your head off."

"Thanks for the ever-so-intellectual summary Jacob. I think I'll buy you a pen and notepad for your birthday. I find your thoughts so valuable." I retorted. He clasped my hand and laughed.

"Gee, that's what I've always wanted." His grin stunned me briefly. His stare was looking over me again; maybe it was just because it hurt his neck looking down at me…I was never too sure. "It's nice to know you've inherited your mother's wit." We smiled. It was nice registering my defensive sarcasm as a talent.

"Best to keep the talented genes going." I told him. I heard his laugh build and then it flowed out of his mouth effortlessly. I soon realised my body was pressed against his, our hands clasped tightly. We were bound together. I felt his need for an explanation about my outburst but I thought better of telling him. I knew the craze it would cause; my whole family, picking at my brain like pigeons, attempting to decode my madness. Maybe I was just simply mad. I think I had all the right to be.

I heard his heart beating. Mine was faster than his. I smiled and sighed contently; it was satisfying to know something of me was working harder, maybe even better, than his.

"What are you grinning at?" Jacob asked me. I looked up at him.

"My heartbeat; it's faster than yours."

"And that's pleasing, how?" Another brief frown invaded his serene face, but it wasn't too confused.

"You wouldn't understand." I pulled myself slowly away from him and patted his chest like I was patting a dog.

"That's true." He grinned at himself. I let my heart quicken at this sudden happiness. His chocolate eyes fixed onto me, transfixing me. "This was nice." I could just about begin to imagine the words of his that were dying to burst out. "I like being with you." My mind told me where this was leading too. Another freak-out was highly possible so I tried to close the conversation in more of a friend vocabulary.

"This was nice, I agree." My hands broke away from his. A sudden cool breeze seemed to swarm over my body. "I'll…see you around?" The hint was lamely obvious and he seemed to be disappointed. I pretended to not notice, to be a suit of armour and ignore his feelings even though they seemed to be painted on a huge billboard behind him. It was like he was carrying around one of those signs that usually say 'Golf Sale'. He chuckled at me.

"Yeah, I suppose I'll…'see you around'." He turned and left. I felt a wave of relief flood me, it seemed better in my head that he walked away first. I turned like he had and jogged back home.