Natalia looked at her reflection in the mirror, unsure how she felt about what she saw.
Ivan had agreed to let her go out tonight, probably assuming the "friend" was Maria.
Agreed to let her go out…for a price. Natalia expected no less, it was the usual price she had to pay for a few hours of freedom. The bruises on her lips throbbed, turning them from pink to purple. Fresh cuts traced up and down her arms, a bit of blood still trickling from one.
I had to, she thought. Cutting was her release, an escape, a relief.
Now that Ivan was in the shower, she could safely leave the house without him seeing Alfred. Although her brother had never said it, one rule was clear.
No boys. Not as friends, boyfriends, or anything. He wanted to be the only boy in her life. The control was sickening.
Natalia heard the doorbell ring and tried to put on a smile. Tonight will be fun, she tried to convince herself. At least I hope so.
She hurried downstairs, not wanting to keep him waiting. Her sister stood in the doorway, happily babbling away at the teenager. Alfred nodded absent mindedly at her words, adding a fake response here and there, while truly focusing on the marvel of chest before him. Even that concentration was lost as soon as he saw Natalia, perking up and smiling warmly.
"Ready?" he seemed to burst with enthusiasm.
"As ready as I'll ever be," she replied with a smirk. Giving Katyusha a hug on her way out, she then started towards the car with Alfred. "You're lucky she's so naïve. Otherwise she might've been hurt."
They had reached his car. Alfred cocked his head at her, "What do you mean?"
She opened the passenger door and stepped inside. "I noticed you staring at her chest. Don't deny it."
He turned bright red, visible even in the sun's quickly fading light. "Oh…heh, sorry about that." Now in the driver's seat, the car roared to life.
"It's not me you should be apologizing to. But don't worry, you're not the first and certainly won't be the last." Natalia's phone vibrated in her pocket, as she pulled it out she realized it was a text from Maria. Ever since she had told Maria about her plans for tonight, the girl hadn't left Natalia alone.
"Something wrong?" the American questioned.
"No," she said flatly, as her tone had been for the entire day. "Just Maria freaking, as usual."
"Isn't she that dude Gilbert's sister? They're so much alike!"
Natalia groaned but then chuckled. "Trust me I know, and their little brother is crazy!"
Alfred laughed obnoxiously. "I know! Kiku always talks about how strange Ludwig and Feliciano are."
She flashed him a sweet smile, their eyes locking for a moment. "So what do you have in mind for tonight?"
"Just wait! You're gonna love it!"
…
The two stood in Alfred's bedroom, which he had cleaned just for her visit. Still, leaning towers of comic books and video games dominated the room.
Natalia didn't know quite what to make of it. "We're going to be in here…alone?" The concept was shocking to her, seeing as sometimes she wasn't even allowed to be alone with girls in her room.
"Yeah, that won't be a problem, will it? Mattie's home too if that makes you feel better. He's probably wondering who's over haha." His laugh was nervous and he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly self-conscious.
"That will be fine. So, uh, what are we going to do?"
"Wait right there!" he ran out of the room, coming back a minute later with arms full of junk food and snacks.
After a bit of protesting from Natalia, the two settled down and began playing some of his games. Natalia turned out to be an excellent gamer, proving a close match for Alfred. There was much laughter in-between gulps of soda and bites of pizza.
All was well until Alfred's character received a new weapon, a knife. Abruptly the image of the cuts on Natalia's arms flashed across his mind, causing him to cease playing.
"Ha! Did you see that, Alfred? I shot you, you died! Wanna play another round?" The smile on her face faded as she saw the expression on his. "Alfred, are you ok?"
He said nothing but slowly lifted her sleeve, heart sinking as he saw even fresher cuts than earlier today. "You never answered my question. I asked how you got these."
Natalia suddenly felt guilty, although she had no reason to. She looked down, avoiding his gaze. "Well some of them are from me and others…." her voice trailed off, not wanting to divulge too much. This was enough already. Hell, here she was, sitting in the room of the boy she had secretly admired, longed for.
"But why?" Natalia was taken aback by the amount of grief in his voice, how much he seemed to care. "Why would you do this?"
More guilt. "Life at home isn't exactly perfect- we aren't much of a 'model family'. And there's also school, as well as the person who inflicts the marks I didn't do myself."
Alfred's mood shifted from sorrow to rage, his voice expressing it. "Who? Who does this to you?"
Silence. Natalia squeezed her eyes shut, knowing this was going too far. "My brother."
"Ivan?" Alfred had never liked him; the boy was big and creepy, dominating.
Natalia nodded hastily. "Please, please don't tell anyone. And don't mention a word to him."
This would be a hard promise to keep, but he would do it for her. "Fine. But please tell me why you self-harm. Please, I want to help you." Alfred's eyes burned with compassion, kindness, sorrow, and something else. Something pure and beautiful.
"He abuses me." She rubbed off her lip gloss, revealing the bruises underneath. She pulled her shirt down, showing another bruise on her collarbone. "Mentally and physically. He says I am worthless, everyone hates me, and I should die. He rapes me. And my sister is of no help. I doubt she even realizes what goes on behind my closed bedroom door, where I am gagged so as not to scream." The words tumbled out of her mouth, too fast to catch. This was her deepest secret, the true horrors of her life.
Alfred wanted to stand up, walk straight up to Ivan and punch him. Torture him, and see how he liked it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the broken girl, cradling her to his chest. He mumbled phrases like "it's gonna be alright", and "don't listen to him" into her hair.
Natalia did not pull away and found herself hugging him back, cherishing the embrace. Soon tears streamed down her face. When at last they broke away from each other, she saw a tear in his eye as well.
"You can't go back there. Not tonight."
"But-"
"No. You can stay here, no one has to know."
"He will notice that I am gone. He will punish me."
"Not if I have anything to do with it."
Natalia realized arguing with him was pointless; Alfred was stubborn and would not budge. It was getting late, almost 11. Have I really been gone that long? she thought. Dead. I am dead. Yet for some silly reason, she believed in Alfred, believed that he would not let Ivan ever harm her again, although she didn't how he could pull through with that plan.
He offered her some pajama pants, many times too large for her small frame. He left the room to change, and to speak with Matthew. The timid boy would have a heart attack if woke up in the morning and saw Natalia wandering around if he had not been informed.
She lingered in the room, waiting for him to come back and direct her to where she would sleep. When at last he arrived, Alfred climbed into his own bed nonchalantly, and waited for her.
"We aren't…sleeping together are we?" Ok, this was taking things over the edge. Yet Natalia could not deny her desire to cuddle up next to him, warm and cozy. She scolded herself for thinking such thoughts.
"I think you deserve a comfy bed to sleep on, and this one is just right."
Without further hesitation she climbed in next to him and turned on her side, facing the wall. But soon after dark thoughts flooded into her mind, causing more tears. Not knowing quite what she was doing or why she was doing it, Natalia rolled over, burying her face into Alfred's chest, using him as a pillow.
The boy's eyes fluttered open and he almost gasped, but held it at the sight of the tears. Content, he began stroking her hair, using his free hand to pull her closer. It wasn't long until they both feel asleep, to sweet dreams of a blissful romance.
