House heard every single and felt word uttered by Allison Cameron, he was stunned by her honesty. Everything she said were big truths that he already knew but refused to accept, he needed someone to speak them aloud in order to assimilate them.
"Now that I'm gonna keep you company, I refuse to hurt my back by spending all night sitting in this uncomfortable chair, so I hope you don't mind if I get this bed closer to yours" Cameron said getting the other bed closer to his, she took off her shoes and lied down in the same level as House. She took a look at him again. "Don't miss the job, maybe I do but I need, I must see if I'm a good doctor without your supervision, that's why I accepted working in the ER. I know I can do it. I'm capable of doing it, you've taught me well. I'm hopeful that one day I'll be heading my own immunology department." She smiled. "I miss you, yeah, I know, everybody lies, you included" She remained silent for a few minutes. "Good night, Greg"
House waited until he felt that Cameron had fallen asleep to wake up from his faking sleep and took a look at her sleeping figure. She looked so beautiful despite having her eyes still a little bit swollen of crying and her exhausted expression of having worked for too many hours. Suddenly, the room's door opened. Nurse Lydia came to check on him and House put a finger on his mouth to tell her to keep in silence.
"How are you feeling?" Nurse Lydia whispered.
"Read the chart" House ordered. "Better"
"Is there anything I can get you?"
"A blanket for... I'm a bit cold" Nurse Lydia got it for him and left.
House couldn't move much but he tried the best he could to cover Cameron with the blanket and took a strand of her golden hair off her face softly.
"You were hoping I was asleep so I wouldn't listen to you opening your heart. I was awake but I got my eyes closed. Sorry. You've forgotten I'm a bastard too" He paused. "You're not weak, not anymore; it's been a long time since the last time I called you that. You're caring though, way too much caring" House said with a little smile. "I've always liked it although I've always denied. Everybody lies. We're a good pair of damaged people. Your soul may be damaged but not your body, unless you hide me something, you are beautiful. I have a damaged body and soul. How could you have fallen in love with me? You women are really a mystery." House paused; he couldn't take his eyes off her. "I'd really like to know how to live with my imperfections but I can't. I'm scared. You say I'm a brave man, I'm not. I'm a damn coward. A coward who's willing to take risks for the others and not for himself. I'm tired of being miserable; I'm scared of being happy again. I dream to be happy but... I don't know. I'm afraid to jinx it again. I think I misunderstood your looks of pity, now that I think about it, maybe they were looks of worry and also some of tenderness. The day we met, we connected and yeah, there's something between us that goes beyond boss and employee. I've always seen you as someone who I could always count in whichever were the circumstances; maybe I took that for granted, not maybe, I did take it for granted and it's proven that they have always been bad circumstances. We have never had a lot of conversations but damn, sometimes you scare me of how you can read me like a book, not even Wilson can read me that well and we've known each other for ages. I don't sleep much at nights because I'm hunted with the "what ifs" of life, what if I have stayed at home like a good boy instead of going to that bar? What if the one who picked me up at that bar wasn't Amber but Wilson? What if Wilson was the one that was dead? What if I have kissed up during that non-date instead of holding a kiss I really wanted to give? What if I haven't told you all during our date? What if I stop denying that I feel something for you and that maybe you are the person that will make my fears go away and that will open my very locked door to happiness and inner peace? Sometimes I wish I could go back and mend the errors I've made. My life is full of errors, errors that I provoke because I'm idiot. I don't hate myself, I have inner conflicts with myself because of how I act. Death is always the last escape, we can always die, I've been giving myself a lot of second chances, why live if you don't have a purpose? I've looked for purposes all these years, even some were pointless. An interesting case, the next concert of Bruce Springsteen, my mom, Wilson or some lady who cries because centrifuges are not calibrated. I love life and I hate it too. Maybe someday I'll let you teach me how to only love life.
