Part Three

WEDNESDAY

MAC'S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN

Mac had risen, dressed and gone into work, leaving Harm asleep in her bed.

At the office, she spoke to General Cresswell, informed him of Mattie's death and requested the rest of the day off so that she could be of assistance to the fatigued Commander Rabb in any way that she could while he made funeral arrangements.

After emphasizing that, if he could be of any help, to please call him and requesting that she notify him as to the date of the funeral so that he could make arrangements to attend, General Cresswell granted her request for leave for the rest of the day.

It was 0826 when she reached her apartment.

Mac had figured that Harm would've awakened and left her apartment, but she'd come straight home anyway. She wanted to be in comfortable civilian attire before going to Harm's apartment to see if he'd gone there to shower and change before she ventured out to Blacksburg to find him.

When Mac entered her apartment, she was pleased to find that Harm was still asleep in her bed.

Mac, not really giving it much thought, just acting on her need to let him know that she was there for him, sat on the bed, reached over and placed her palm against his cheek.

With her hand cupping his cheek, her thumb, as if it had a mind of its own, began to move. As her thumb stroked his cheek, Mac stared at his face.

His unshaven face wasn't the only thing of which she took note. In fact, the first thing that she noticed was how his worrying about Mattie and his lack of restful sleep had him looking like he'd aged ten years since she'd left for San Diego.

She felt guilty for not pushing him to tell her what had happened on the phone when he'd called the evening of the dinner, which had concluded the JAG conference.

"I can't change what happened. I can't make it stop hurting, but I want you to know that, if I could, I would," Mac said aloud, not knowing that the contact of her hand against his face had stirred him, and he was hovering between sleep and wakefulness.

Harm hadn't opened his eyes, but he heard her and knew from the compassion in her voice that she was being sincere.

Mac was caught completely by surprise when Harm's hand came up and covered hers.

He turned his head and placed a kiss in her palm before his fingers grasped her hand. Then he lowered their hands until they rested on his chest.

"Harm," she said in a whisper.

When she got no response, she thought that Harm was just reacting to her touch in his sleep.

She took a moment to wonder who he'd be dreaming about before pulling her hand away in preparation to get up and change. However, pulling her hand from his grasp caused him to become fully awake.

Harm opened his eyes. He saw the green of Mac's Marine uniform and sat up abruptly.

"You knew that I had things to do today. I can't believe that you let me sleep all day," Harm spat out angrily.

Mac hadn't made it to a standing position yet, and she turned back to look at him.

"You haven't slept all day," Mac said, confused by his assumption.

"I must have. You're in uniform -"

Realizing that he'd mistakenly assumed that, because she was in uniform, she was coming in from a day at the office, Mac cut him off before he could finish his second sentence.

"- Yes, I've been to the office, but then I requested the rest of the day off to help you. So, here I am. In the time that it takes you to get dressed, I can be changed so that we can go."

Mac turned to stand, but Harm grabbed her arm. Though he wasn't holding onto her tightly and she could've stood, she remained seated on the bed.

"You didn't need to do that. There's nothing that you can do," Harm said to her after grabbing her arm.

Mac turned to face him once more. "I may not be able to do anything other than drive you to Blacksburg or ride along with you to keep you from falling asleep behind the wheel, but I intend to do it," Mac stated firmly.

As Harm released his grip on her arm, he said, "Then I'll take my clothes into the living room and dress while you change in here."

Mac grinned inwardly. She was feeling particularly good about getting her way.

Once Harm was standing, he said, "Our first stop will be at my place. I want to take a quick shower and put on clean clothes before we head out to Blacksburg."

"We should get you something to eat, too," Mac said, hoping that she wasn't pushing her luck in getting him to do things her way.

"I'm not really hungry, but maybe some coffee," Harm said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Feeling like there would be more such discussions about him needing to eat or sleep in the coming days, Mac decided not to argue about him eating breakfast this morning.

Harm drove to his apartment without saying a word.

For Mac, it was a painful silence. She knew that he was hurting from losing Mattie and she wished that he'd talk to her instead of keeping it bottled up. However, she also knew that talking about his feelings wasn't his 'forte,' so she didn't feel like he was shutting her out. In fact, she felt that they were on better terms than she'd thought since he was letting her tag along and not going it alone - that was progress in her opinion.

HARM'S APARTMENT

BEFORE LEAVING FOR BLACKSBURG

Stopping to place his keys down next to his answering machine the way he'd done a thousand times before, the flashing light that indicated that he had new messages caught his attention.

"I need to call Mattie's friends and let them know..." Harm said, his voice trailing off.

Mac didn't know if he was talking to her and indicating that he'd be making phones calls before they left for Blacksburg or if he was simply adding an item to his mental check list of the things that needed to be done.

"While you shower and change, I could call Jennifer. I'm sure that she'd make the calls to Mattie's friends for you."

"It isn't her job!" Harm snapped at Mac.

"No, it isn't, but neither was having Mattie live with her!" Mac shot back. Harm's posture stiffened. Standing with a straight spine to his full height, Mac realized that her tone had been accusatory and harsh. Her voice softened as she continued, "...but because you entrusted Jennifer with Mattie's care at night or when you were away on investigations, I'm sure that Jennifer feels the same need to be doing something as you do."

"Feels? Coates knows about Mattie? I didn't call her," Harm admitted.

"I didn't know that you hadn't told her -"

"So you told her?" Harm questioned.

"Not exactly, but she suspected when I asked Cresswell for the day off, so I did confirm it for her."

Harm's shoulders relaxed back to the tired and defeated stance that he'd had all morning. "Let's wait until we have the date and time for her funeral first, and then we'll call Coates to have her help make calls."

"Okay," Mac agreed.

"I'm going to shower. I'll be ready in a few minutes," Harm said.

Mac didn't respond to his statement. She simply nodded her head and watched him as he moved slowly up the stairs to his bedroom.

Harm returned to his desk to retrieve his car keys fourteen minutes and thirteen seconds later, clean-shaven and in clean clothes.

In the car on the way to Blacksburg, Mac informed Harm that General Cresswell had sent his condolences and extended the offer that, if there was anything that he could do, Harm wasn't to hesitate to call him.

After Mac had delivered the message from Cresswell, the car fell silent and stayed that way until they arrived at the funeral home in Blacksburg.

Once Harm had parked the car and turned off the ignition, Mac asked, "Do you want me to come inside with you or wait here?"

"I don't know how long I'm going to be. You can't wait here," Harm replied while unbuckling his seat belt.

"I don't mind waiting here if you feel that you need to do this alone. I mean, I understand. When my father died... " Mac stopped talking. She couldn't believe that she'd just said the word 'died' out loud. Mac knew that she hadn't said the word in relation to Mattie, but she still didn't know how Harm would handle hearing the word.

"See, there's another good reason for you to come inside with me. You've done this before," Harm said, trying to ease her obvious discomfort with the subject matter.

After getting out of the car, he moved around to the passenger's side and opened the door for Mac.

With Mac at his side, Harm entered the funeral home to make arrangements for Mattie's funeral.

MAC'S APARTMENT

AFTER RETURNING FROM BLACKSBURG

Though the silence in the car on the way to Blacksburg had been unnerving to Mac, she welcomed the silence on the return trip. It gave her time to try to figure out a way to get Harm to spend the night with her again so that she could keep an eye on him.

Though she'd tried, she hadn't come up with a plan of action to get him to stay, and now that he was parking the car outside her building, she'd run out of time.

"You haven't had anything except coffee all day. You are going to come up and let me fix you a sandwich, aren't you?" Mac asked suddenly.

"No, but I am going to walk you to your door," he replied.

That didn't work, she thought as Harm made his way around the car.

Neither of them said a word until after Mac had unlocked her apartment and stepped inside. Realizing that Harm wasn't following her into her apartment, Mac spoke.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked.

Her eyes were dark and sad, making it hard for him to refuse her invitation, but he had to leave. He was feeling lost and he wanted to cling to her to keep himself from drowning in his sorrow, but his need for her made it the wrong time to stay with her. They were getting closer, and he couldn't risk doing anything out of need that would ruin the progress they'd made in rebuilding their relationship.

"I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't be great company," he began.

"We don't have to talk. We could watch a movie...have popcorn. I think I have some chocolate ice cream if you'd prefer."

"Ice cream for dinner, Mac?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's dairy...that means it has calcium for healthy bones," Mac said with a small smile.

"It's a tempting offer, Mac, but..."

"...But you don't want to spend the night with me," Mac said sadly.

Harm got choked up. He mostly certainly did want to spend the night with her, but not watching a movie and eating popcorn or ice cream. No, he wanted to spend the night holding onto her, but he knew that it wasn't what she'd meant.

"I just need some time alone to absorb what's happened," Harm offered in explanation.

"I can understand that, but promise, no matter what time it is, if you need me, you'll call or come over."

Harm nodded.

"No, promise me," Mac said, demanding a verbal response.

"I promise," Harm said softly.

Mac stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. This time, his arms came up and wrapped around her.

"I'm worried about you, so don't get upset with me when I call tomorrow to check on you, okay?" She said it so softly that it was almost a whisper.

"Okay," Harm said as he took in a deep breath, his nostrils taking in the scent of her shampoo.

He found that smell quite relaxing, apparently, since he'd inhaled it while his head had rested on the pillows on her bed last night and he'd had to be awakened this morning.

Afraid that further contact would have him changing his mind about staying, Harm released her.

After bidding her a good evening, Harm made his way to the elevator, trying to make a hasty retreat to his car before he changed his mind and rushed back into her arms.