Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)

Episode 5: Imagination Constipation

Chapter 3: We're Not Just Sure. We're HIV Positive.

A/N: There was a problem with my document server. Um...after I had written chapter 3 of this, I thought I had posted it onto my story. But apparently, I didn't, and I only realized it a couple of days ago. So...I'm going to just give you a basic recap of the previous chapter right now. I don't really feel like re-writting the chapter because I'm pissed off with my home life as it is, and...because I'm just too damn lazy! So to make up for it, this chapter is going to be nearly twice as long as a normal chapter....or at least just longer than a normal chapter.

Basically, Bloo and Chris join up and go on a pranking rampage on all of the friends at Fosters. After they make a couple of corny cutaways, they notice that Peter has almost finihsed building his ride, which combines features from the fastest rollercoasters int he world, and the 'Catapult', as seen on 'Wipeout'. After Peter demonstrates his ride to one friend, the others get an enjoyment out of, but it turns out that the Catapult part of the ride actually launches them into Rhode Island and makes them crash into Cleveland's house. (But it doesn't break, though) Mr. Herriman notices and demands that Peter shut down his ride immediately. When he refuses, Mr. Herriman gathers everyone in his office and tells them that they need to get him to shut down his ride before he harms any more friends. Mr. Herriman plans to contact authorities, while Chris and Bloo develope a seperate plan so they can garner attention to themselves.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Again, I apologize greatly for this, please forgive me. And seriously, you better forgive me, because I'm not fucking around! I got so upset about this I threw a goddamn temper tantrum about it! Seriously, though, I won't hold it against you guys as long as you don't say anything about it. Just enjoy this last chapter while I go clear my head! I seriously hate my computer right now!

Disclaimer: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends and Family Guy do not belong to me. They belong to Craig McCracken and Seth MacFarlane respectively.

TV-PG-DL (Rated T on the site)


"Dialogue"

'Thoughts', Long-distance conversations (such as on the phone), song lyrics, or cutaways/flashbacks

"Voice-overs, either from a flashback in present time, or from present time during a Flashback."


Peter had begun construction on his ride after that, and it only took him a few minutes to do so in fact. It did not draw any attention to himself, but with each passing minute of his construction, the imaginary friends were growing more and more anxious to ride his ride. When he finally finished, it consisted of many twiss, turns, and even at the end, the 'Catapult', as seen on 'Wipeout'.

Peter showed one imaginary friend how his ride worked, and despite the fact that the friend was launched over 2,5000 feet across several states, right into a black man's house (Cleveland), the other 11 imaginary friends seemed too excited to resist, and began asking Peter frantically for a ride.

It wwas clear that his newest death trap had intrigued the 11 pre-schoolers despite the fact that the first one had probably already died from the impact. You could even say that it was a bigger riot on their part than that time Lois wanted to get Kevin Jonas's autograph.

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to Kevin Jonas and his longetime girlfriend, Danielle. Kevin is about to propose to his girlfriend, who doesn't see it coming.

Kevin gets on one knee, opens up a ring box, and shows her a beautiful diamond ring. "Danielle, will you marry me?" He solemnly asks her, to her absolute delight. Just as she is about to answer, Lois, out of nowhere, pops in.;

"Yes, a thousand times yes! I will marry you, Kevin Jona--"

"SECURITY!" Kevin shouts as some security guards come out and start tazering and beating Lois into a coma. Danielle and Kevin just look on, and then eventually leave once they realize the bodyguards aren't planning on letting up.

(End Cutaway)

And so while Peter continued to show off his newest creation to the little imaginary friends, Bloo decided to take matters into his own hands. He figured that if he stopped Peter before Mr. Herriman could, then he'd be a hero to the friends and he'd finally be recognized for all of the good deeds he's done (in case you've never watched this show, that tally is currently at a big, fat goose-egg).

He enlisted the help of Chris for their ultimate prank yet. With this one, they set up 500 mini firecrackers the size of a bolt beneath the ground in which Peter stands on. They were all connected to each other with a very thin line, and the last line connected to the last firecracker was the longest as it had to be so they could light it up and start a chain reaction of small explosions.

"Why are we doing this again?" Chris asked Bloo as they began to set up their plan.

"Because you heard Mr. Herriman. If this guy doesn't stop he's gonna get all those pre-school friends killed! Besides, if I do this, I'm finally going to be recognized as the d-gooder I always was. Nobody ever sees the good things I do. After all, I was the one who convicted OJ Simpson of those murder charges."

"Um, he was acquitted of all those charges, dude."

"He was? Then why is he in prison?"

"Armed robbery."

"Oh."

It wasn't easy to set up the 500 firecrackers beneath Peter. In fact, in order to do so, Bloo actually had to distract Peter with one of his idiotic and possibly retarded dances so Chris could lay them down. After he was finished, Bloo concluded his dance with a raspberry to Peter, and then took off with Chris. Peter was completely clueless to it all, but simply continued with his ride.

Meanwhile, inside, Mr. Herriman was making a phone call to the local police station. "Yes, police. Yes, I'd like to make a complaint. Huh? Well there is an extremely large 44-year old man building some sort of rollercoaster/launcher ride outside of my facility. Hmm? N-No I do not believe he has building permits or experience. Yes, he's giving rides to little imaginary friends under the age of 3. What? Oh yes, this call's from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Uh huh...yes, OK. Thank you. Thank you. Buh-bye." He hung up his phone, and groaned. He stepped outside where everyone else was waiting. "The police will be arriving very shortly."

"That's great." Frankie said. "So what do we do about the other friends while we wait?"

"Well it seems that his contraptions takes quite a few minutes to fully complete, so it seems that may buy us some time. But I'm not banking on it. I suggest in the meantime, we try to reason with Master Peter ourselves and hopefully we can convince him to stop before reinforcements arrive. That hooligan is going to regret ever coming here..."

"And speaking of hooligans...where's Bloo?" Frankie pointed out Bloo's absence. So they took a peek out the door and saw Bloo and Chris were hiding in a bush watching as their plan went into action. Chris took out a match and lit up the first fire cracker and watched as the detonation grew nearer.

The group, having no idea what they were doing, decided to investigate. They had no problem getting past Peter.

"What are you guys doing?" Frankie immediately asked in a sort-of obnoxious tone. Chris frantically tried to get her to shut up.

"Shh! Shush! What are you, stupid!? We're trying to prank this guy!" Chris whispered.

"Why?"

"Because if we get that fat dude to stop what he's doing, then I'm finally going to be recognized by you people as the hero I always said I was!" Bloo replied with a narcasistic attitude.

"My dad's so easy to prank 364 days of the year." Chris told them.

"What's the other day?"

"You're kidding, right?"

Meanwhile, by the ride, Peter had actually noticed on the ground the first firecracker that was going to be lit. So he picked it up...and ate it, because he had mistaken it for a piece of candy. (Similar to another moron we know...)

Chris and Bloo both saw this and slapped their foreheads.

"Ooh, a piece of candy!" They heard Peter shout for no reason, as he ate the firecracker, and the thin string he mistook for "licorise with cancer".

"Oh god, we are screwed." Bloo uttered.

"Wait for it..."

"Well, it serves you right, Master Blooregard. You should never try to use brute force to rid yourself of a nuisence." Mr. Herriman nagged, to the chargin of Chris.

"Wait for it...."

"I just don't understand why you guys would even go this far. I mean, everytime Bloo gets involved with something, it ends in disaster. Why don't you just let the professional handle this for once?" Frankie barged in, pushing Chris over the edge.

"I said wait for it, you fat bitch!!"

And so they waited...until finally, Peter was in searing pain. But if wasn't from a heart attack or a stroke or cancer or Hepetitis or any of that...it was from the firecracker that he had just eaten. It had exploded in his mouth with meant the entire inside of his mouth was then lit on fire. In pain and hot as hell, Peter suddenly started screaming and running around like an idiot, and then in moments, his entire body was lit on fire. Now scared he started running like crazy and screamed even louder than before.

In fact, after his whole body was lit on fire, he actually started making the remaining 499 firecrackers on the ground explode one at a time. After he realized this he stopped running and tried his best to avoid the tiny explosions.

Chris, Bloo, and even everyone else couldn't help but laugh. "See, I told you to wait!" Chris yelled in both enjoyment and resentment towards the others. "Now this is how you prank my dad. This is even funnier than that time he mistook George Lopez for Johnny Depp."

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to a celebrity convention where Peter is about to get George Lopez's autograph.

"SO...uh, hey, I loved your worked in 'The Chocolate Factory'." Peter told George Lopez as he handed him his picture. Once again, he was mistaking him for someone else; this time for Johnny Depp.

"I'm sorry?"

"You made a great Willy Wonka."

"Uh, dude, that wasn't me."

"It's j--wait, what?"

"Yeah, that wasn't me in Charlie in the Chcolate Factory."

"It wasn't?"

"NO, that was Johnny Depp."

"Oh. Really? 'Cause-Cause I thought, you know, because of your skin disease..."

"I don't have a skin disease."

"Oh...well in that case," Peter took back his picture before George could finish signing it. "Go f#ck yourself."

(End Cutaway)

Everyone watched as Peter continued running like a maniac both because he was on fire and because he was trying to avoid the exploding firecrackers. It was truly a fun sight to see...that is...until they all saw police cars coming and heard their sirens.

"Oh crap, the police!" Bloo shouted.

"We've got to put out that flame before they see it!" Chris added as everyone went to grab the big hose that was behind the house and turned it on to frantically hose off Peter and put his flame out. "Come on, damn you! Work!" He started yelling when the nozzle became jammed. He quickly fixed the nozzle and it began squirting out water fiercely, drowning out the flame at a break-neck pace, and just in time before the police arrived.

Said officers quickly exited their car and made their way to the scene, which calmed down quickly enough so the officers wouldn't have any immediate suspision.

"What's the problem here, folks?" He quickly asked them.

"Ah, officers, nice of you to come." Mr. Herriman approached the officers.

"Are you the one who called us?"

"Yes."

"So what's the problem?"

"Well, see, this man," Mr. Herriman pointed to Peter. "Built this ride and has been putting these little imaginary friends on them and launching them to who knows where."

"Yeah!" Peter idiotically called out, no idea that Mr. Herriman was trying to get him into trouble.

"Really? Well, sir, do you have any building permits with you?"

"What now?"

"Nevermind. Sir, is this ride safe for the young ones?"

"Of course it is! I mean, you'd be an asshole to not think that a ride that goes up to 400 mph and goes through dozens of loop-de-loops and twists and upside-down parts and then eventually launches you off a catapult out of the city is unsafe. Look...look, I'll even demonstrate for you." Peter took the empty seat in the ride, and fascined himself in it, to everyone's concern. They all believed he was about to die, though nobody but Stewie could be more glad.

"Oh boy, if there's one thing I love watching...it's Peter getting hurt. I look forward to this more than I do watching the news."

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to Stewie sitting on the couch in the family living room, ready to watch the news, anxious to find out how many people have died today.

"Tonight on the news, an 8-foot long Pthon strangles the life out of an infant,"

"Oh, that's nice. I like pythons."

"A deadly plane crash kills over 200 passengers on board,"

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"

"And a young boy helps captures a FBI top ten most wanted murderer."

"Oh come on! Haven't I suffered enough?"

(End Cutaway)

Peter was geared up for his ride, and after a couple of minutes of waiting, the ride finally took off, and the 15 minutes of pain began. Peter went through so many loop-de-loops, twisters, turns, uprides, downrides, and upside-down rides at one point that it would make a normal person throw up. But, like we said, Peter is no ordinary person. So he enjoys the ride with what little dignity he has remaining, all the way up to the Catapult part of the ride. As it slowly takes him back and loads him into the catapult, he starts giggling like some f#cking idiot.

The catapult launched Peter in the skies and took him all thewway out of the state and into Rhode Island (again). This time, he was launched so far he had actually crashed into Cleveland's house, and it was so fragile from all of the other hites (see above for details), it actually collapsed.

The entire front of Cleveland's house was destroyed, and when it was, the debree from his house fell. He was in the bathtub when this happened, and as Peter fell to the ground like the other imaginary friends, so did the debree that was holding up the floorboard.

The floorboard slowly started tipping downward and the bathtub started sliding off. "No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!" Cleveland yelled as his bathtub slid right off and fell to the ground, breaking on impact. Cleveland looked around to see what had happened, and had noticed all of the imaginary friends along with Peter on the ground. "What the f#ck is going on around here!?" He called out as Peter stood up.

"Um...I think I did this." Peter replied calmly, though finally realizing what he had done.

Menwhile, back at Foster's... "Um, where did he go?" One of the police officers asked Lois.

"I don't know, but he's probably realized by now that what he was doing was putting those friends in danger." Lois plainly replied back.

"I hope he's OK." Frankie expressed concern.

"He's not hurt. He does this stuff all the time." Lois again replied with a plain & dry tone, sounding like she didn't exactly care.

"Jeez, and your son thought I was a bitch." Frankie took note to this and took the opportunity to strike at her.

"Well, it's obvious what needs to happen." The other officer interveined. "Since this man did not have any building permits at all...and these structures are highly dangerous and unsafe to riders of all ages...this ride needs to be taken down."

"Thank you!" Mr. Herriman let out a sigh of relief.

"OK, let's get going."

"I say we have at least 6 hours before Peter gets back from whereever he was launched so we need to work fast."

"OK...let's do this..."


We're sorry. Due to contractual agreements, we cannot show you the part of the episode where they tear down Peter's ride, for it has been deemed too graphical by the producers...which is kind of strange because of producer is gay. Luckily, we do have a clip to show you to pass the time.

So while they get started on tearing down Peter's ride, please enjoy this clip of Quagmire wigging out when he realizes Bernie Madoff stole all of his money (AKA a clip I meant to use for my other chapter but accidentally deleted)

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to Glenn Quagmire in his airport office with two of his bosses. They are negotiating Quagmire's raise.,

"Look, you two cannot sit there and tell me that there's not enough money in the budget for a raise when I clearly saw you guys writing out a check for your mother." Quagmire argued.

"Well you don't know how much it was for."

"Dude, I have been eating carrots for over 50 years! (Referencing to the episode "FOX-y Lady" where Quagmire reveals that he is actually 61.) I saw you write out a $30,000 check! What do you take me for, some kind of idiot!?" Quagmire's cell phone began ringing, and he saw it was his brother-in-law, Blaine, calling. "Oh I'm sorry, fellas. I have to take this." He answered his phone. "Blaine, baby. How's my favorite marathon runner? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just slow down." Quagmire's brother-in-law on the other line was becoming frantic. "Huh? What do you mean all my money is gone?" Quagmire could not believe what he was hearing. "F#CK! Oh f#ck! F#ck! F#CK!"

It was a shock fo Quagmire that all of his assets were gone. "Who's they!? What the hell does 'Madoff's Made Off With Your Booty' mean anyway?" Quagmire groaned and cupped his eyebrows. "OK. OK, so-so what's left?" Blaine on the other line was telling Quagmire that had had only $78 left in his bank account. "Are you sh#tting me? How is it possible to go from $360,000 to $78 in less than a day? Where were you!? Wait a sec, you've been out of town for 2 weeks and you only realized today that your phone was dead? Ugh, you must be dumber than Lou Ferrigno."

The argument between Quagmire and his brother-in-loaw was heating up quickly. "Oh, oh, I'ms-I'm sorry. I thought my own brother-in-law could protect my own assests, the money I need for my car! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you-Do you have any idea what that's going to do to my credit!?" Quagmire's cell phone beeped again, indicating another call. "Oh, I'm sorry." He put the first call on hold and answered the second call. "What!? I'm very busy right now!!" This time it was Cleveland on the line, asking Quagmire what he wanted for lunch, as he always brough Quagmire lunch. "Oh. Well whe--well where are they going? Oh. Alright. Uh, just get me a turkey club. Uh...cold slaw, I guess. I'm not even going to eat it. Well-Well-Wh-What are you getting? No, see, I-I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye -- Wait, wh-what? Oh, uh, Cherry Coke. Thanks." He hung up his second call and returned to his first one.

"Sorry about that." He groaned. "Oh, oh, oh 'Just take another shift'? Oh oh real f#cking original! I've got a payment on my car due tomorrow, and who's gonna loan me the money, jackhole!? You!? You got an ATM in that fancy mansion of yours!?" He was getting angry now, even shaking his cell phone around in the air. "Now get your 6 foot 8 marathon runner's ass back here or I'm gonna tell all of your friends what a whiny bitch you were about Patricia or Penelope or whatever the hell her name is!"

Quagmire stopped when he realized his brother-in-law on the other line was crying. "Oh jeez. He's crying." He whispered to his bosses, who were starting to play along. "He-Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on, now. Don't do that. Just -- look, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap, right now. You know, all of my assests stolen by a f#cking Mormon. I didn't mean to snap. Ok-OK, just get back here. OK. OK, bye. OK, I-I-I love you too." With that, he finally hung up the phone and returned to the meeting he was having with his bosses.

(End Cutaway)

We now return you to your original broadcast.


It took over 6 hours for the ride to be torn down, and that's with everyone pitching in. Luckily, though, that's also how long it took for Peter to make his way back to Foster's from Rhode Island. He ended up taking abus, a plane, and a camel from Rhode Island back to Foster's, and he got back just in time to see the last of his ride go.

"And that should do it." The officer said as they got rid of the last of the ride. A bus pulled up in front of the home, and Peter stepped off of it and saw what was going on.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell's going on here!?" He asked.

"Sir, we had to tear down your ride." The officer replied. "It was putting everyone in danger. If you had put anyone else on that ride, you probably would've killed them."

"Yeah, I could tell. I got flung right into Cleveland's house. I saw those other imaginary friends and they were in pretty bad shape." Peter was finally beginning to see that he was doing more harm than good with his ride. "But I still think you guys are overreacting."

"Peter, you launched yourself into who knows where and it took you 6 hours just to get back here.' Lois pointed out.

"Oh yeah. Look, I'm sorry about all of this. All I was trying to do was show these friends a good time, and I thought I knew exactly how to do that!"

"Well, Peter, you might be good with kids, but you're not good at taking care of them."

"What do you mean, Lois?"

"You don't need fancy rides or fancy stuff to make friendes with children. All you need to do is show them compassion and understanding. You just need to treat them like they're your own and love them. And you don't need a fancy ride to do that."

"Says the woman who left me at the mall while she went out with my dad."C hris uttered, remembering said time.

"Oh, one time, Chris! One time!" Chris and Lois started getting into an argument and no one could understand why. well, actually, Frankie, Mr. Herriman and the others didn't want to understand, so they just left the scene while the cops arrested Peter and took him downtown. Stewie was in delight and Brian couldn't care less.

The End

A/N: Sorry if the ending was rushed. I apologize for the inconvinience, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Next Time: The gang head over to San Fransisco where they meet the Tanner family, and a war breaks out between the Griffins and the Tanners.

Expected Update: July 18th.