Beth stared blankly at Rick, hoping to God that the words that just came out of his mouth weren't true. Carl wasn't dead, that couldn't be.
But then Beth thought to herself. She knew the kind of world she was living in. People died, and it happens often. Who else was dead that she knew before?
Rick ran his hand over his face and sniffled, but Beth didn't pay any mind to him. She just stood there, as rigid as a piece of stone, and her brain couldn't form any words to say.
She didn't know how to feel. She shouldn't have been surprised to hear it, considering the world they were living in, but still, she felt, broken.
She hadn't seen Carl since before the prison fell, and that was a while ago. She teared up thinking about the fun times they had together and even the times when they fought. He was like a brother to her and he was dead.
Beth sniffled and ran her hand over her arm, letting out a deep breath. Walking over to Rick slowly, she placed a hand on his bicep and he flinched away. She looked up at him to see new tears forming in his eyes, and her heart broke for him. He lost his wife and now his son, and who knew if Judith was even alive.
Beth grabbed his hand and pulled him into her, wrapping her small arms around his broad shoulders. He was taller than she remembered, but he still smelled the same. Like wood smoke and sweat, still with the disgustingly pungent smell of walker.
Rick cautiously placed his hands on the middle of her back, and put his chin on the top of her head. His heart was beating a million miles a minute, and he just hoped Beth couldn't hear it.
Rick was never a sappy person. Never one for hugs, or cuddling, or PDA of any sort. He was like Beth's father. He was a tough man with a heart of gold and he only let his guard down in front of people he loved or cared about.
And in that moment, Rick Grimes guard was down. This twenty or something year old woman was hugging him and he thought she was dead for the last eight months.
Rubbing her hands down his back, Beth pulled away and glanced up at him, a frown etched onto her face.
She could feel the emotion he was showing on his face. Grief. One she knew all too well in this world.
Rick looked back at her and half smiled, tears staining his cheeks, and Beth put her hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his stubble. Hands still on her waist, Rick leaned his face into her hand, and closed his eyes at the contact.
The door bangs open, and Rick and Beth spring apart to see Daryl at the door, panting.
"You need to come outside. There's some people here who wanna see ya,"
Beth smiled and walked to the door with Rick hot on her heels, and she had both fear and happiness in her heart. Who was alive and who wasn't?
The duo followed Daryl out to the courtyard, Ricks hand resting on her shoulder. She was feeling so many emotions, but she could pinpoint the strongest one. Nervousness. It had been so long since she had seen her family, and the last time they saw her she was shot in the head, presumed dead.
Beth's family was better than any she could've asked for in a world like this. They treated her like a child before, but she was hoping that they would have a new faith in her. Faith that she could survive this world and she wasn't just another mouth to feed.
She wanted her family to see the strong woman she had become. Those months with Daryl, the time at Grady, loosing her daddy. Beth wasn't just a girl anymore, she was a woman, she had been through shit just like everyone else but the difference between her and them was that she could survive.
She could continue finding faith in herself and the idea that one day everyone would be okay. That they would all sit down and have a meal together, Maggie and Glenn with their son or daughter, Judith, Carol, and Sasha and Tyreese and everyone and just be happy. It wasn't stupid or naïve to think that way, that's just who she was. She wanted her family to see that. See that when it came down to it, she would protect them as they always had protected her, but that she was still that girl who liked to sing, who had faith in this fucked up world.
Beth ran her hand down her arm, letting air out of her nose as she felt the slightly raised scar there. It made her angry. How she could be that way only a few years ago. Trying to take her own life, not trying to beat this world. Beth hadn't realized yet, but she already had.
Continuing the walk down the short path across from Ricks house, Beth began to feel scared. She hadn't seen these people in ages and was worried they would bombard her or scare her. She didn't have all of her memory back yet but she was grateful for that- there were a lot of things she didn't want to remember.
She remembered her daddy's head on that grass. The blood down the front of his white shirt, instantly staining the fabric. The yell of her sister next to her, the sound of bullets ricocheting off of aluminum, and the anguish she felt. The smell of the prison burning, the smoke burning her lungs and making her stumble. The walkers in every direction, coming from everywhere, cutting her off from her family. Running away with Daryl, looking back only long enough to see the prison being swarmed, and her home destroyed.
Her nose burned, the smoke lingering in the air bothering her in more than one way. She still wondered how this was happening around them and that everyone was just acting normal. Then she thought that they were just being how she was when things didn't go well. Try to ignore them and hope that they will go away; it was never the case. Some of the houses around her almost burnt to the ground while some were still aflame, and others obnoxiously perfect. It did look like a literal apocalypse.
She scraped her feet against the cracked concrete as she walked, tears burning her eyes at the memories. She almost wished she could've chose the ones she remembered. Her daddy dying would've been off that list.
She remembered Rick though. She remembered growing feelings for him at the prison, even when Lori was still alive. She couldn't help it, he was handsome and strong and cared about everyone. Beth fell for him and she still remembered all of it. She still remembered those feelings.
They walked into the courtyard and Beth's stomach grew queasy at the sight of all the people. Was this everyone? Where was Glenn, or Sasha, or Noah?
She knew she wouldn't see everyone from before. Everyone couldn't make it, but she was still confused and upset.
Her sister approached her and put her hands on Beth's shoulders, glancing at the scar on her forehead. Beth loosed a piece of hair in her ponytail, hoping to cover up the scar; Maggie sighed.
She was brought over to a bench where there were people around, and her eyes stung with tears. So many people she recognized, so many she didn't, and so many missing.
She looked to her sister, and Maggie made a look that said she knew what she was wondering.
Maggie sighed and sat next to her sister. She grabbed her hand in hers, and ran her tongue along her lip.
"Glenn, he's gone. I- I know you loved him Beth, I did too, but he's gone, and I'm sorry. There's this group, they call themselves the Saviors. The leader is a real prick. Killed my husband ten feet away from me..." Maggie explained, getting angry. It was still very fresh. It hadn't happened that long before.
Beth couldn't believe that. Glenn was like a brother to her. And now her sister was pregnant, and the father was dead.
She had tears in her eyes, but blinked them away. She couldn't cry anymore, she was all cried out.
Sniffling, she placed her hand on her sisters shoulder. She could tell Maggie hadn't grieved. She was too worried with something, clearly. Her mind was too preoccupied to even think about it.
Beth smiled sadly as people she knew before came to say hello to her. It was weird seeing all of them, but also good. She knew there were people who were dead, but she was happy in that moment that these people weren't. She was happy that for that moment they could try even just a little to put aside the bullshit that they had all faced and just be there together.
Their company was the first step to Beth's healing, and she was the first step to their rebuilding of faith.
The day had continued as normal as it could have, minus the looks everyone was casting her. She fucking hated it. They were treating her like before, like she was some weak little China doll and she was not having it. She had to make them see who and what she had become.
One person didn't see her the way everyone else did, and for that she was eternally grateful. Rick Grimes didn't look at her like she was a frail little girl, but a warrior. Also like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, but she tried to ignore that one- she had just come back to her family, she had enough feelings to worry about, let alone her misunderstood ones for the older man.
Rick came over to her house that night, a quiet one bedroom a few houses away from his, and Beth sipped on a glass of wine, the bottle given to her by her sister, insisting that she have it considering she was somewhere near legal age anyways and she couldn't have it.
She didn't like the taste, but the way it made her feel helped for the time being. She wasn't sure if the warm feeling in her stomach was from the alcohol or the man standing at the other end of the room, but she didn't care- she was already on her third glass.
That's why she didn't care when Rick sat next to her on the couch and grabbed her hand, linking their fingers together.
And that's why she didn't care when her body reacted differently than her sober self would, and she placed her face in the crook of his neck.
