Hey yall, I wanted to address something before the chapter involving Bellarke. Someone commented that they were hesitant to keep reading because they felt like Bellamy was going to chose Clarke as a second choice if things didn't work out with Echo. I get why they'd have the concern considering how the last chapter ended. However, if yall read my other fics then you know I wouldn't do yall dirty like that lol. I try to write as realistically as possible, even if it's not what people want necessarily. I just finished The Originals SPOILER IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT UP and I think it was totally unrealistic for Hayley and Elijah to try and pick up where they left off after the five year time jump in the beginning of the season (they reminded me a lot of bellarke actually with that time jump and Hope being like Madi). I don't have a problem with Hayley loving Elijah but at a certain point self-preservation kicks in and you have to think about yourself and your own happiness. I'm actually really disappointed in the show for not having her being at least a little happy on her own with Hope. At least she still had the chance to go anywhere and be around people. Anyway, back to the concern of Bellarke/Becho, I'm not a writer that likes to rush to put a couple together. And in no world that I write that's resembling canon would I deviate from how I perceive the show would actually do it, obviously some things are up in the air. It wouldn't make sense for Bellarke to jump into a relationship right when he comes down, no matter how much we want that. It would NEVER work. They've changed too much apart to suddenly be good to go together. With that said, I'm going to continue to write Bellamy as trying to make things work with Echo but when the time comes that he realizes that Clarke is who he wants it won't be by way of her being his second choice. I hope that makes sense and sheds some light on the situation. If you're still confused please reach out so I can clarify. The last thing I want is for people to stop reading because they think the story will go one way when it'll probably go another haha. Happy reading!
The song for this chapter is LP - Lost On You (Watch my galpal Aphelia's Bellarke edit on Youtube: Bellamy and Clarke: Lost On You by Aphelia Cupnen) And I'm going to keep recommending that yall that read my Scalia fic 'Til Forever Runs Out' to watch this James and Teresa edit because I will be diving more into them when I update (Teresa&James┃Loѕт oɴ yoυ by Kindon18). Fuck, I'm chatty today.
CLARKE'S POV:
We had only a small window to stop my friends from opening the pod door and killing themselves if they stepped too far left or right.
"Are we almost there?" Bryson asked.
I feared not enough.
"Keep running." I cut a left and they followed. "Careful."
A female scream cut through the air followed by the worry of a few.
"Bellamy,"
We headed for the direction of the distress.
Anxiety beaded in me. What if it was already too late and in their worry, they stumbled into more traps?
The chaos in the air grew as we got closer.
My hands smacked the low hanging branches out of the way, my heart thumped rapidly in my chest. Please be okay, I prayed.
"She's dead," An unfamiliar voice called out.
When they finally came into view, I didn't recognize them, they held sticks wrapped in cloth and on fire to lit their path.
Christina rushed forward. "No!" She went to the dead girl that was held in place by the spring of spears. She brought her face to her hand as she cried out.
I looked back at Bryson.
He went to her, placed a hand on her shoulder while she continued to cry. He pulled her to him for comfort.
Zeke stood by me. "That was her best friend. They went up together and everything."
Guilt washed over me. I should've never built those damn things. Why did I have to be so paranoid?
I saw another one of the prisoners backed up too far and set off a series of spears to fly through the air. "Down!" I ran for cover.
A few dashed out of the way.
Just as I jumped in the air I locked eyes with the deepest set of chocolate brown. My eyes widened at the sight.
He readied himself to catch me as I tumbled into him.
We fell the ground with the breath knocked out of us. For what felt like a billion seconds of the warmth I couldn't get anywhere else by just laying on top of him, I raised my head to look at him to make sure he was real. My hands pressed against his strong, dependable chest.
He stared at me as I moved up his body, he stared at me like I was a dream.
I imagined I gave a similar one back.
Every moment we ever had together flashed in my mind. Every touch. All the be careful's. Every lingering stare.
My hand went to his face, I reached my good hand up to touch the thick beard I'd never seen on him.
His eyes raked up and down my face. "Clarke," His deep, raspy voice left him.
A smile slowly found my face, the most real smile I had in a long time. "Bellamy," His name sounded like a love song on my lips. Hot tears stung my eyes.
He smoothed my hair out of my face. "Hey, Princess." He wiped the wetness from under my eye before it streamed down my face. His thumb trailed along my cheek, careful not to touch the fresh scar, leaving a trail of tingles in its wake.
"Of course." Someone said.
He stilled and I soon found out why. With my body on top of his, he must've gotten aroused because his cock poked into me a bit. His eyes widened.
I must've forgotten that we weren't alone because all I did was grin at him.
"Clarke," His voice strained as he grabbed my hips. "Get up."
I hadn't been touched in over six years, not by anybody that could start a fire in me anyway. Per his request, I pressed my hands to his chest to push myself up, then grabbed onto his arm the same time he grabbed onto mine.
Together we stood.
Monty, Harper, and Echo stood before me. Monty and Harper wore delighted expressions while Echo's wasn't as joyful.
Monty and Harper attacked me with a tight hug.
"It's so good to see you," Monty said.
Harper nodded in agreement with tears in her eyes.
Raven and Murphy came into view, he helped her get up the hill.
She smiled when she saw me.
I rushed to her with a hug but I made sure I was careful with her leg brace. Funnily enough, I had forgotten she had it. My mind chose to remember her how she came down the first time.
"You look good, Clarke." Her arms tightened around my neck.
"You too." Tears in my voice.
We rocked back and forth a bit before we pulled away.
Murphy and I looked at each other.
I liked his shorter haircut.
"Well, if it isn't Wanheda, Commander of Death." He held no malice in his voice when he said it, only a fondness I never thought possible when it came to him.
I grinned at him before I opened up for a hug. "Murphy, I knew you'd survive the end of the world."
"That's what cockroaches do, right?"
When we disentangled he grinned at Raven.
She rolled her eyes but there was something more there than that.
"Where's Emori?" I looked around, then back at him with a bad feeling.
He glanced at Raven. "Uh, she didn't make it." His voice in between struggling for control and being even.
I hugged him again, a bit longer this time.
When I turned back to Bellamy he and Echo were having a staring match.
His head shook.
She gestured to the tightness in his pants with irritation before she turned back to me. "Hey, Clarke." She moved for a hug.
It was a stiff, obligational hug at best. My mind connected the small dots as I looked at Bellamy over her shoulder.
He wouldn't meet my gaze and I knew for sure that they were together up there, I knew it from the acid that rose in my throat.
"Hi," I broke away.
We all turned to the loud cry of Christina.
I momentarily forgot that I had caused this unintentional death.
Bryson turned to me and shook his head when I took a few steps in their direction.
Zeke helped Vinson get Christina's friend down. Neither of them met my gaze.
"I'm really sorry, Christina." I went to her anyway.
She met me with malice. Her wet, brown eyes glared at me as she pulled her knife out and attacked me with a speed I wasn't aware she had, then she was on top of me with her knife aimed at my chest.
Luckily for me, I was fast too. My hands pressed into hers. My legs connected behind her back so I could flip us over. I grabbed the blade end and threw it from her hands.
Her fist knocked into my mouth.
I readied to do some damage on my own because I hadn't intended for her best friend to die. I hadn't intended for any of them to come down and throw me for a loop.
"Okay," Bellamy yanked me off of her before I could get a hit in. His arms held me tight to him.
Bryson grabbed her from behind and held her off the ground.
She kicked at the air as if I would feel it. A murder cry left her.
Of course, I didn't blame her but I wasn't going to let her kick my ass when I hadn't done anything wrong. I struggled against Bellamy's hold.
His mouth came to my ear. "Calm down, Princess."
Somehow his voice did just that, his hold on me wasn't bad either.
"You good?"
I nodded against his shoulder, my hand went to his unintentionally.
Echo and I locked eyes for a few seconds, she didn't look happy about our exchange.
As if he realized it himself he let me go and moved the necessary distance to make it platonic again.
I wanted to laugh at the notion. We had never been platonic.
"Who are you?" He asked.
Bryson handed Christina off to Zeke. "We just landed today from the Gagarin ship."
Raven stepped forward. "With the Eligius Corporation?"
He nodded. "We've been in hypersleep for far too long. We had no idea that Earth had come to this." He gestured to me. "We've had some interesting interactions with your friend Clarke here all day."
"Interesting is one word for it," Vinson added with the body in his arms. "She went all Terminator on our asses."
All eyes went to me.
"Wait, what's Terminator?" Monty asked.
He stared at us in awe. "I suppose there wasn't much time to watch it with the end of the world and all. It means she tried to kill us." His made no effort to hide his dislike of me.
I cleared my throat. "It's been a while since I had company." I defended.
Vinson started to say something but Bryson held up his hand. "How about we regroup for in the morning? The day's been a little tense. We could all use some rest." His blue eyes met mine. "I'll ready our people for your rescue mission."
I nodded once. "Greatly appreciated." I headed for Christina but Zeke's eyes told me it wasn't a good idea so I said, "Keep going east and you'll be okay."
They filed out quickly.
A sigh left me.
"What was that about?" Murphy asked.
My head shook, I rested it in my hand. "You don't want to know."
"Clarke, what happened with them?" Harper came to my side, her hand rested on my arm.
I lifted my face to look at her. "You want to know what happened? I became the big, bad, scary grounder." My gaze went to the bloody trap that tipped Christina over the edge of definitely hating me. "If you want to stand here all night be my guest. Otherwise, follow me. And don't stray." I started for my camp with their judgment weighed on my shoulders.
There was a collective mumbling but I blocked it out. I didn't want to hear how primitive I'd gotten or rough around the edges I'd become. I was well aware.
Within a few feet of my home, Murphy came up to me. "You know, we're not judging you for anything you've had to do to survive down here by yourself. I couldn't imagine how you stayed sane all those years by yourself."
I glanced at him. "I wasn't alone."
His forehead creased.
Madi saw us arrive and stilled.
So did the others when they took her in.
I went to her. "Guys, this is Madi. My daughter."
She stared at me with big eyes. "Woah. That's really them?"
"Yes, they finally made it down."
We looked at my group of friends.
My eyes drifted toward Bellamy's.
Confusion laid in his.
"Okay, I'm just going to say what we're all thinking," Murphy started. "Is she like really your kid? Did you have a hookup we don't know about?" His eyes briefly slid to Bellamy along with everyone else's.
Madi laughed. "I was born before Praimfaya happened. Clarke found me a few years in."
Everyone relaxed a bit as if Bellamy was off the hook. I wasn't sure why. If we had slept together I think everyone would've known. Plus, what time would we have had? And as beautiful as Madi was her fair skin didn't scream Blake genes.
"Oh," Bellamy muttered.
I cleared my throat. "Alright, how about we get some sleep?"
"Wait," Madi moved forward. "You're not going to introduce me to them?" She walked closer to them.
I started to speak but they did their own introductions.
Bellamy was the last to greet her.
She stared up at him like he was a giant, I supposed to her he was. "So you're Bellamy," She surveyed him. "I've heard a lot about you, an annoying amount really."
His eyes met mine, then he grinned down at her. "Really?"
"Yeah. 'Bellamy helped me do this, Bellamy got me out of that.' It's no wonder she never shut up about you, you're hot."
My fingers pressed into my temples. "Shof op, Madi." (Be quiet, Madi)
Raven laughed. "Cute kid."
She grabbed Bellamy's big hand and towed him toward me.
He followed, completely amused.
"Klark, I've found what you've been looking for." She beamed up at me proudly.
As much as I loved the kid she really put her foot in her mouth a lot of the time.
I playfully pulled her hat down over her face. "He's spoken for, natblida." (Nightblood)
She quickly shoved the hat back into place, a solemn look on her face. "Oh." She looked up at him. "Is that true? Are you spoken for?"
He didn't answer right away which made me second guess my own instincts, then he said, "Yeah, I am." He gave a convincing grin.
Behind us, Echo fought her own grin.
I scooped Madi up. "Come ona, goufa." (Come on, child)
She pouted. "Ai laik nou a goufa." (I'm not a child)
My eyes gazed down into her eyes. "Yu laik ai goufa." (You're my child). "En ai hod yu in." (And I love you)
Her pout turned into a look of awe. "Ai hod yu in seintaim." (I love you too)
After I tucked her in I made sure everyone had something to keep them warm. We had quite a bit to build our home over the years, it was our own little village for the two of us. Now it looked like we might have to expand.
I brought Bellamy and Echo a fur blanket. With her eyes on me, I grew unsure. "Uh," My eyes went between the both of them. "Do you need another blanket or...?" I looked off to the side briefly for some relief before I met his eyes again.
"No, one's enough." He took it from my hands. "Thanks."
I gave a nice enough nod and turned back to my sleeping area with a release of breath. I didn't know what was wrong with me. In the back of mind, I always knew that if Bellamy did make it back down and we crossed paths again that some of my feelings would be dredged up but I hadn't expected to feel a kick in the gut at the sight of him with someone else. The nausea that it brought on hadn't left yet and that worried me.
With my back turned, I covered myself under the warmth of the hide I made and tried to check out of the night by falling into a dreamless sleep. But that proved to be impossible.
I caved and turned to onto my other side to see the two of them cuddled up and assumably asleep. With that confirmation, I flipped onto my back.
"Alright," Raven said. "I can't sleep."
I looked over at her to find the others sat up as well.
We stared at each other, grinned, and gathered around the campfire with our blankets. I gathered Madi because I knew she hadn't fallen asleep yet, she was a snorer.
"What was it like up there?" I asked, willing to hear anyone's answer.
No one jumped at the chance to say anything.
Harper leaned forward. "Some of us had harder days than others."
It became obvious they were trying not to look at Bellamy.
Madi got us the skewers from earlier, uneaten, and passed them around.
"It was no picnic down here either, trust me."
"So you haven't heard anything from the bunker?" Bellamy asked.
My head shook. "Not a peep." My voice saddened. "When the Deathwave hit it buried them under a bunch of fallen wreckage. Bryson seems content on helping us getting them out."
"Do we really trust them?" Raven asked.
"No, but I-"
I didn't think I could tell them what I did. With all their stares on me, all I could think about were the times that first year and a half of my one woman journey. The days I searched for something alive, anything. The nights I either cried myself to sleep or talked myself into a conversation. The paranoia that set in that caused me to build the traps. The loneliness that drove me insane. The isolation that made me want to end it all.
Overwhelmed with emotion, I shot up from the fire.
Madi stood. "Chit ste foto?" (What's wrong?)
"Ai laik ku. Ste hir." (I'm okay. Stay here)
I walked a ways to a nearby cliff for some peace. Who would've thought after six years of nothing but peace that I'd crave a little solitude?
Footsteps notified me of a presence.
"I said I was fine, Madi." I turned to give her a reassuring look but it wasn't Madi who I made eyes with.
Bellamy came to stand by me.
I faced forward, unsure of what to say.
He pushed his hands in his pants pockets.
Awkwardness filled the air. One that had never been there before, not in this way.
"How is that we spend all this time trying to get back to each other and now we have nothing to say?" He voiced.
My face grew hot. "I didn't think you were alive. I-I," I took a deep breath and faced him. "I left you messages..." I said, as lame as it sounded.
He stared at me, not having the words to stay. "I didn't know, our communication system was down."
"For six years." I turned my eyes on the endless woods. "Looks like you found something to pass the time by." I didn't mean for the jealousy to seep out.
His gaze burned a hole in the side of my face. "Clarke, I tried-" He cut himself off and begun once he gathered himself. "Echo and I are trying to work things out now that we're down on the ground with other factors playing a part."
My eyes slid to his. "What other factors?"
"Factors beyond my control."
"Like me?"
The time for dancing around the subject of us had long passed. I had six years to come to grips with the fact that I had been in love with Bellamy and I had the time to get over that. Seeing him now, different and older, brought a lot of feelings back that I thought weren't ever going to resurface. I guess, I was wrong.
He stared down at me. "Are we doing this now?"
I nodded. "Why not? We had six years to mull it over." I stepped closer to him. "You and I, we had something." I said brazenly.
He nodded in agreement. "We did."
"Why didn't you tell me? Before it was too late." My eyes searched his.
A sigh left him. "I didn't think you wanted me." He looked away. "Not in that way." He brought his gaze back to me. "It never seemed like the right time between Finn, Lexa, the politics, and the end of the world."
"So you just loved me in silence?" The heartbreak in my voice hadn't escaped him.
He held his hands out. "What did you want me to do, Clarke?" His rasp turned thick with unresolved issues. "Tell you and ruin everything?"
"Forget it," I started back to camp.
He reached out for my hand to pull me back to him, his big, rough hand felt humongous around mine. "You wanted to talk about it. This is it. Do you want to hear about the real reason I was angry with you when you left Camp Jaha for Polis? When you wouldn't come back home or all the times you refused to see what was in front of you? That I was in love with you and I wanted something with you!"
"Bellamy, I didn't know what to do!" I admitted to myself and to him. "You were my rock, I didn't want to lose that. Even if I loved you back."
Before I could lie to myself and believe that I didn't start to love him in that way until after he was gone but with him in my face that wasn't so easy. Not with all five foot ten inches of him in front of me, breathing, in pain.
My hand twisted to grab his. "I knew you would be better off without me. I was messed up, bogged down with so much death and responsibility." My eyes searched his. "We wouldn't have worked, Bell."
He nodded after a few moments passed. "You're right, I know you're right." His hand let mine go. "Now things are different for the both of us. You've got a kid, I've got Echo."
I stared at the space between us. "Yeah. I've got a kid, you've got Echo." I turned a bit away from him. "Even if we didn't it probably wouldn't work, not after all the time apart." My eyes went to his. "We don't know each other anymore, do we?"
Instead of answering he came to me and wrapped his arms around my quivering body. We both knew that even if there was no Echo or Madi to consider that things would've been complicated anyway. You didn't start a relationship with someone you haven't seen for the better part of half a decade and expect it to flow effortlessly. We would always trust each other with our lives undoubtedly but there needed to be more than that between us for things to progress.
My arms tightened around him. I didn't want to let him go, especially because there had been a time where I thought this wouldn't be a possibility.
"I love you," I told him.
He rubbed at my back, his hand up to faithfully grab my hair. "I love you, too. I never stopped."
My cheek rested on his chest. "I'm kind of glad you didn't hear my messages. You didn't miss much."
"I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you."
I moved back to look at him. "It's not your fault."
The guilty look on his face didn't sit well with me.
"You guys are here now, that's all that matters." I pushed some hair behind my ear. "And we have the help of the prisoners. You'll get to see your sister again." A little bit of hope in my voice, hope that hadn't been there before.
He let that sink in, then asked, "And after that?"
My eyes read his. Uncertainty sat in me as I shook my head. "I don't know."
We stared at each other in the darkness, neither of us not quite sure of what would follow with the changes that the day brought. One thing we did know for sure was that we had the time to figure the rest out.
A/N: I wanted to add more to this chapter but I'm helping my sister move tomorrow into her house, my family is in town for the weekend, and with New Years on Sunday I wouldn't have had time to update considering I work at in a pour your own beer sports bar. Also, I do have a lot of Scalia (Teen Wolf) fics I need to update in rotation to this so please be patient. Please let me know your thoughts below. Also, yes. Bellamy flat out lied to Clarke's face about not being able to hear her while he was up in space.
