Aligned perception
AN: I don't own Sherlock, its characters or any related property. I don't own the Sherlock books or its related property. I write to entertain and make no profit from this work.
Warnings: depression, eating difficulty, grief, reference to suicide, reference to male masturbation, slash.
Pairings: Sherlock/John friendship at start then Sherlock/John relationship
AN: This chapter does have sexual overtones but nothing detailed, more humour than smut.
START
Sherlock was stunned into silence. It was unnerving. The man was never without words…
Even if they were mostly brash ones.
His light pink lips were parted slightly. Enough for John to recognise the shock. His intense eyes stared at John, for once without that probing look that found all your secret hiding places. They were static, unsure.
Finally the detective spoke. "Are you sure? This could just be a reaction to seeing me...alive. You want to hang on to me." he said carefully, measuring his words as he spoke. "You don't want me to go. To die again." he finished. Was Sherlock afraid of the reaction his words could get? Concerned for him. Maybe even worried that he would hurt John with such an unconventional relationship?
John shook his head. He let the sting of his love's words fade before he spoke. He knows Sherlock's process. Sherlock is rational above all. Even when showing his care. "I have had lots of time to think. I know what I want. I know what I feel. This is how I feel. "John said confidently.
Sherlock was searching him again. "I believe you. You know how difficult I can be, that I don't understand relationships. Or emotions. You could never have a normal relationship with me. Isn't that what you wanted from those girls you dated before?" Sherlock asked.
"I thought I did. I wondered why I couldn't make it work with them. I wasn't happy. I was...bored. Not bored enough to leave or cheat but I was unhappy."John explained.
"You think I would make you happy?" Sherlock asked disbelievingly.
John laughed before he stop himself. "No. But I wouldn't be bored. I wouldn't be useless. That's close enough for this old soldier" he said honestly, carefully.
Sherlock was thinking, not exactly unsure...well not in the usual way. More processing the data and thinking of the most logical response. Of course emotions were not logical.
John was patient to let him think but still had a burning question. "Do you love me?" he asked softly.
Sherlock looked annoyed, at himself mostly. "I don't really know." he admitted just as softly, looking at the floor. "I guess I never had someone love me enough to find out. There are so many definitions of love...that's the problem I suppose. Love is what you want and need it to be." he finished.
John smiled. How very Sherlock! Always looking to science or books for an answer. "Your right of course. Like bloody always, you git!" he said, the insult playful rather than hurtful. "I'm happy just being needed. Being wanted. Just being around you." he said.
Sherlock smiled to himself. How very like John! "You know I won't ever say I need you. Or want you. I won't reassure you with" he paused thinking "hand holding or kisses on the cheek. I won't even notice your around most of the time. And sharing a bed? That will take some...work" he replied calmly.
"What else can I expect? I know you well enough! I don't want that romantic hand holding crap! I don't want to show the world my partner like they are merely a trophy. Frankly, constant reassurance would be annoying! The more pressing question is this: What would you consider love?" John said with candour.
"I don't know. I guess its...nice...solving crime together. Also that you leave me alone when I want to be! You are significantly less dumb too. Your thinking doesn't annoy me. I like it when you tell me I'm brilliant too." he said as if listing the pros and cons.
Most would have rolled their eyes at this statement. Maybe thrown in an insult of him being "full of himself", "ungreatful" or even just call him pig. Of course John knew better. There was many compliments there – being interesting, being intelligent, and being appreciative of Sherlock's skills.
"I'll let you think on it. No pressure. Nothing would change if you said no." John assured.
"What about sex?" Sherlock asked suddenly.
John blushed, trying to keep a joking 'What? Now?' answer in his mind.
Sherlock rolled his eyes. "John, you can be so immature. Of course not now! I mean, do you need or want sex with me?" he asked bluntly.
John shivered. The question was so forward, it should have been easy to answer. Still he was at a loss, what does one say to that? Yes I want to fuck you but no I'm not a slut. Say no and mean yes, hoping to ease the idea for Sherlock. Say no I don't want sex and wound his ego.
Still the images in his mind were...powerful. Sherlock pushing him down on the bed and – John pinched himself. Save that for his showers!
"Well?" Sherlock asked impatiently. "Are you done with your fantasy yet?" he asked annoyed.
John blushed again. "I wouldn't need sex, but if your comfortable enough...I...ah...wouldn't mind." he said carefully.
Sherlock snorted, clearly amused. "Clearly" he said, the smooth baritone not helping John at all. John once again pushed the fantasy away, reminding himself to take an extra long shower after this. "This would change the parameters of our relationship."Sherlock said, more to himself than John. The detective looked like he was figuring out a hard maths problem. Knowing him he probably was…
"I'll leave you to think about it" the ex army doctor said before leaving for said hot shower. If he didn't 'shower' soon, the talk was going to get awkward...damn his...lower areas.
AN: So will he say yes? Will the Baker St boys get together? Yes that was slightly leaning to smut but that's as far as I will go. I don't usually write smut.
