Martha happened to still be in the pub garden in Devon and she was not happy, in fact, she was downright distraught. She gave a little sob and buried her face in her hands, unable to stop her mind replaying the last few minutes. Again and again she saw the Doctor dragged helplessly off into a cluster of nearby trees by a Dalek, again and again she saw the flash of murderous blue light and heard the Doctor's final scream. And as if her problems couldn't get any worse… the TARDIS had been stolen. She couldn't remember ever having felt so alone and scared.
She was startled out of her thoughts by a very familiar whooshing sort of noise. Frowning slightly in confusion she lifted her head and turned just in time to see the time-travelling box that had recently become her sole mode of transport materialising in the very place it had disappeared from.
Surprise making itself known in the widening circumference of her eyes she stood up and waited apprehensively for the TARDIS doors to open, unsure of what to expect. Nothing would have prepared her for the sight of a blue-eyed man in possession of a rather impressive mane of subtly bleached shoulder-length hair staggering out of the doors, wearing the Doctor's coat and blinking ponderously behind familiar black framed glasses.
"…Doctor?" She enquired hopefully, hardly able to believe her eyes. The man stopped reeling and fixed her with a sharp stare behind the lenses of his glasses, seeming to freeze for a moment before a wide grin stretched his mouth.
"I must say, that's a smashing blouse you've got on."
This non-sequitur, so typical of the Doctor Martha had come to know and love (unrequitedly of course), coupled with the winning, boyish grin convinced her that it was he. But why had his appearance changed so? He looked so… handsome. "What happened to you, Doctor?" There was an uncomfortable pause that left the distinct impression of someone thinking rapidly on their feet.
"Remember that thing I told you about?" Came the airy reply.
Of course, Martha remembered that talk now. One lonely dimension-stretching night the subject of death had arisen, as it is always wont to do after a few early morning Bicardis, and the Doctor had told her that if he were ever to undergo loss of life he would be able to regenerate, albeit into a new body. She nodded, moving closer to get a better look at his new form.
Rik blinked and grinned wider as the dusky young maiden who appeared to know him approached and placed a gentle hand on his face, closely inspecting it. He swallowed, looking deep into her dark eyes, although there appeared to be four of them, wavering in and out of proportion from behind his non-prescription lenses and it was giving him a headache.
It was at this beautiful moment that Ade emerged in search of his glasses and oddly enough with the mop-end of a mop draped over his head like a cheap wig. Scowling at the blurry scene before him, he batted Martha's hand away from his friend and hissed "I'll tell Barbara" in Rik's ear, making him flinch.
Martha's eyes narrowed, darting suspiciously between the two men. "Who's Barbara? And who's this?" She asked coldly, lifting her chin and ignoring the hand of friendship that Ade offered. Having been rebuffed so, he plucked his glasses from Rik's face and left him to face the music… or rather, the jealous accusations.
"Come on, who is that? Is she my new replacement? New body, new companion – is that how it works?"
Rik blinked. "I don't know what you're on about. That's Adrian… And no one's replacing you. I've never met anyone like you." He began edging back into the TARDIS, half dismayed when the woman followed him, now blushing proudly instead of glaring.
"Do you really mean that?"
"Of course, of course." He smiled his most ingratiating smile and waved his most non-committal hand – the right one. "…Do you know how to drive this thing?"
She gave him an odd look. "You're the one who drives it…" She supposed regenerating must have a detrimental effect on a time lord's memory, perhaps even resulted in temporary amnesia. It would explain why the Doctor seemed so confused and disorientated. She was about to say something comforting pertaining to her insight, but was distracted into giving a little scream of horror when she saw what her rival was doing – which was hacking at one wall of the TARDIS with a piece of piping, apparently fixing in a lavatory bowl.
"What are you doing?!" She gasped.
Ade turned and blinked at her. "I'm installing a toilet," he answered incredulously, wondering what all the screaming was about. "A Turdis wouldn't be a Turdis without a toilet now, would it?" Noticing a spreading leak, he hurriedly lifted the mop from his head where he had stashed it for safe-keeping and swiped ineffectually at the floor with it.
Another gasp of mingled surprise and weary confusion contracted Martha's throat. "You're not a girl?! This means I won't have to be jealous of you and pull my 'hurting-inside' face at the camera whenever your name is mentioned."
The de-mopped man continued to stare at her, starting to worry about her sanity. "Of course I'm not a girl! Girls can't do plumbing… And don't you worry about it, they call me dab-hand Eddie… I mean Ade. Addie."
"Shut up," snapped Rik. "Our ratings will fall if you keep drabbling on like that."
"Our ratings fall because of your fat, ugly sweatiness," Ade countered with not inconsiderable skill.
The time lord impersonator's eyes flashed angrily and he raised his fists, dancing in agitation from foot to foot. There was madness in his eyes, pure madness, for what is madness but to be nothing but mad. "So it's a bloody fight you want is it?"
"Yeah it is." Ade hefted his piece of piping and wielded it like warriors of old used to wield their foam Gladiator clubs on that television programme.
"Bloody right," The other man danced forwards, swinging his clenched fists blindly. Miraculously, one twotted his part-time enemy on the nose and in return he received a pipe in the face and a kick in the knackers. All in a day's work really... Except this time Rik appeared to have fallen unconscious to the floor, something that rarely ever happened. Grinning demonically, Ade hefted the piping a little higher, polishing his boot against the back of his leg as he prepared for a finishing-off attack. Was this to be the end for the Doctor?
