HELLO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FOLLOWING MY STORY I LOVE SO MUCH FOR IT! but this one shifts from Cas's point of view and Dean's just thought i'd let you know that, also a very emotional chapter it was almost hard for me to write at some parts, hope you enjoy 3
Castiel walks up to his door and pauses for a moment before opening the door taking a deep breath in. He hopes Zachariah isn't in the living room, please don't let him be in the living room Castiel just thinks over and over again. He knew he was coming home late and had missed scripture and prayer and if Zachariah was there it would end very badly for him. He opens it quietly and looks behind him at Dean in his car and smiles a bit to himself, Dean was wonderful. He had never made friends when he was younger, he was an outcast everywhere he went, no one ever bothered talking to him and if they did his social anxiety would get the best of him, there was a time when after his father had died if anyone put a spotlight on him he would burst out crying causing everyone to be scared to even talk to him. But things were different when he was with Dean. He liked how he felt like himself around him, not just something Zachariah was trying to create or the facade he had at school, he felt safe around Dean and like he could trust him. And it didn't help that Dean was completely gorgeous, with his green eyes and square jaw... But there was no way Dean could have feelings for him, Dean was his friend and that was all, and Castiel was completely fine with that. He felt like that for once, he had someone that he could depend on. He was still going to be extremely careful around him though, he never was one for telling someone about his problems. He wants to tell Dean about them though, what he said about his dad, he had never told someone about that before. And Dean he had noticed his scars, no one had ever done that and if they have they chose to ignore it, not wanting to deal with someone broken like him, but he was afraid to tell Dean about them, he's afraid that once he opens up Dean will judge him and leave him.
Cas walks into his house and glances around quickly, there's no one there and so he hurries up his stairs that feel like their going on forever when he's trying to be unnoticed like this, he tries to hide and make the things he had brought home from the Winchesters as unnoticeable as possible, he's sure that he wouldn't be in too much trouble for the drawings, but the books, he must make sure that no one knows he has them. He reach's his room going as fast as possible without making any noise and opens the door and closes it as quietly. Then turns around and lets out a big gust of breathe he had been holding. He knew that avoiding his step father was pointless, he was going to be punished one way or another, either by his step father or himself, but he got scared. He goes over to his closet and hides the books in a pile of cloths, he couldn't wait to read them, reading was the only escape he really had in this house to get away from everything, he loved how they made him forget the pain, how they told him things and gave him things he wouldn't have had before, and they took him away, when he was younger he would turn to the books for almost everything until Zachariah took them away and forbade him to read anything that wasn't the bible and for the school. He was sliding the box of Dean precious drawings when there was a small knock on his door. He froze, muscles stiffening in fear. He walks over and opens its quietly to see Anna standing there looking up at him with wide eyes full of Sadness.
"Zachariah wants to see you." She says with sympathy basically pouring out from her voice.
Castiel nods and gulps, he should have known better than to think that his step father would go easy on him.
"I'll be there in just a minute," he murmurs. No matter how many times this happens fear always got the best of him. Anna looks at him with wide eyes.
"I'm Sorry Castiel." She whispers looking down. He runs his hand through her red hair, he had always liked Anna when he had to move in with her and Gabriel and he truly thought of her as a real sister not a step sister, that's why he let Zachariah do as he pleased with him, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her and Gabriel, he could barely stay alive now, he hated the thought of him doing something to the two of them before he moved in. And he wasn't going to let anything happen to them.
"Don't worry it'll be fine Anna. Will you go feed Muffins for me?" He says and actually smiles at her, hoping to cheer her up a bit, she shouldn't feel bad for someone as worthless as him, and his smile doesn't even feel fake, he had an amazing day with Dean. She looks up at him with her wide eyes and nods her head slowly and walks down the hallway calling out Muffins name. Castiel hurries and puts a few things in front of the box that is under his bed so that no one will find it, it wasn't just that he would get in trouble for having them, they were Deans personal drawings things that Dean hadn't shown to anyone before, Cas felt honored with just having Dean letting him see them, like it was almost bonding them in a more profound way.
He walks down the hallway and down the stairs to Zachariah's study where he knew he waited. He knocks on the door two times, something that Zachariah had enforced him to do whenever he was told to come down and talk to him.
"Come in Castiel." Zachariah says in his chilling voice. Castiel opens the door slowly poking his head in. Zachariah sits in his chair by his computer facing the door as Castiel walks in.
"Hello Castiel." Zachariah says with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes and gives Castiel the chills.
"Zachariah," Castiel says as he nods his head a little. Zachariah stands up and Castiel out of instinct flinches back a step, Zachariah's eyes light up at it and a small smile comes on his face when he sees Castiel's reaction to him.
"Would you like to tell me why you missed not only dinner, but scripture and prayer tonight?" He says in the creepy cheery kind of way, his eyes stone cold.
"I was at a friends house studying." Castiel answers half honestly, it was mostly just him and Dean hanging out and him trying to get Dean to understand what he was doing in his math class. Zachariah's head tilts a bit in curiosity.
"And who would that friend be?"
"Dean Winchester." Castiel says with a small brief smile at the memory of him. Zachariah doesn't miss it either.
"You know that it is strictly against the rules to miss scripture and prayer without a valid reason or without consulting me first." Zachariah says sharply.
"I'm sorry, we just lost tr-" Castiel was cut off in mid sentence by a blow to his face, taking him by complete surprise causing him to fall to the floor from how hard his step father had hit him. Something must of happened Zachariah usually had more patience and would at least let him finish his sentences.
"Don't you dare give me excuses you miserable idiotic, imbecile!" He yells at Castiel as he starts to walk forward. He hasn't been this angry in a long time, Castiel thinks to himself and crawls backwards at Zachariah coming forward at him at instinct even though he knows it will only anger him further and make things much worse. Zachariah reaches him and grabs the collar of Castiels trench coat and pulls him up and bends down to eyes level.
"You listen to me, you're even lucky i'm letting you live here with your mother in her condition, i should be kicking you out onto the streets, but do you see me do it? No, i don't think so you had better be grateful to me. You're a worthless and a pathetic excuse for a life form and don't you ever forget that or let anyone tell you otherwise." He says venomously at Castiel. A small whimper comes out of Castiel, he couldn't help it, he felt stupid, he knew that Zachariah was right, he was stupid for thinking that Dean could even like him, he was probably doing what he was doing out of pity, he probably found him disgusting just like everyone else did, just like he did, how could anyone like someone like him? No one could, and he was stupid for thinking that maybe for once, just once someone could have, especially with someone was amazing as Dean. He barely even feels the rest of his beating, he just feels emptiness fill him once again, just like before Dean, and he almost welcomes the pain so that he could maybe feel something instead of the nothing that he feels, and is. He wishes he was back at the Winchester home, even if they didn't really care about him.
Dean pulls into the school parking lot with his music blasting through the speakers, him bobbing his head and singing along, he even got Sam to sing a little with him, he was genuinely in a good mood, he enjoyed hanging out with Cas and was hoping that he would eat lunch with Dean today and then they had art together today which was by far Deans favorite class.
He parks his baby and quickly hopping out of the car wanting to talk to Cas before school started. He tries to find him over by where he was yesterday but he has no luck over there, he doesn't seem to be outside so Dean goes into the school and begins looking in there. He's walking down the hallway making sure to keep an eye out for the tan trench coat when he spots it at a locker. Dean smiles to himself and walks up to it, he taps on Cas's shoulder. Cas jumps at the touch and quickly steps back looking frightened. And then Dean sees them. Cas's face is covered in bruises with a split lip, Dean winces at the almost black colored one around his eye.
"Cas what the hell happened to you?!" Dean exclaims worry filling him over for his new friend.
Cas just looks at the ground and mutters, "It's nothing to worry about." Anger flushes over him at whoever did this to him, Cas looked wrecked, bruises aside, he looked like the most broken person in the world and all Dean want's to do is go get revenge on whoever did this to him.
"Like hell it's nothing! Dude come with me." Dean commands gesturing for Cas to follow him. Cas lowers his head to the ground, probably to hide what was showing on his face.
"We can't go anywhere Dean, we'll be late for class." Cas says dully.
"We're not going to class. Now come on."
"Dean i'm not skipping class. You know that i have to get good grades. And we would be marked truant."
"I have connections for the truant situation, you're going to get good grades no matter what because you're a genius, and do be honest Cas, do you want to go to class with your face like that?" Cas shakes his head to the remark.
"I really shouldn't..."
"Dude shut up and come on." Dean says while grabbing the sleeve of the trench coat and tugs it out the front doors to where his baby waits for them. He was scared for Cas, John has given him a few good slaps out of drunk behavior but that was nothing like this. Dean opens the door ready to get in but Cas just stands there looking torn and confused.
"Dean i don't think i can come with you..." He says sadly. He looks up at Dean and the look he has almost breaks his heart. He didn't understand these feelings he has for this boy he has barely even known for more than 2 days, but he has them and all he wants to do is protect Cas.
"Please Cas, you don't have to tell me anything just come with me." Dean pleads with him. Cas looks at him and cocks his head to the side a little making him look completely adorable, although Dean would never admit to thinking that.
"Where would we be going?" Cas asks quietly. Relief floods through Dean, knowing that Cas was most likely to be going with him and not stay at this hell hole.
"A special place that i know. Please come Cas, i just want to help you." Dean pleads again.
"I don't think that you could really help me Dean... But i suppose that i could come with you... For today at least." Cas says hesitantly. Dean wonders why he's being so careful around him after how comfortable they had been with each other last night at his house.
Dean drives fast but slow enough for it to be safe so he doesn't scare Cas. He seems so fragile and looks like one bad word or even a small gust of the wind would crush him and brake him up into a million pieces. They're getting bit into the mountains now maybe fifteen minutes away from where Dean was taking Cas. The change of scenery and fresh air is refreshing. Dean swallows nervously, he hadn't been up here in years but he still remembers the way to it and memories are flooding back into him, he's tempted to run away from this, not go back and hide all of his emotions tied to this place. But it was the only place that was coming to his mind where the two of them wouldn't be seen by anyone, and he thinks that maybe if he opens up to Cas, Cas would feel more welcome to do the same with Dean. But most of all, because he trusted Cas enough to share this with him. He glances over at Cas he's leaned over by the window staring out at the scenery, it was one of the best things up here, he loves the look of peace on his friends face as he looks at the tree's and a few streams with interest, glad that he was starting to look less broken and more relaxed.
"Dean why did you take me here?" Cas asks tilting his head to the side looking curious and Dean smiles at the adorableness from it and tries to ignore the bruises on his face that will enrage him.
"You'll see, just be patient." Dean chuckles at the pout that Cas does. "Don't worry just about another minute and we'll be there." Dean smiles at him. Cas sighs and leans his head gently against the window and closes his eyes. After about a minute of more driving he pulls up to a dirt parking lot.
"Hey we're here now." Dean reaches over and shakes Cas a bit, Cas reacts to the shaking fast by jumping and pushing himself against the door as far away from Dean as possible fear flashing through his eyes. Dean hold up his hands to let him know he wasn't going to hurt him.
"It's okay i'm not going to hurt you. We're going to need to walk a little bit to get there, okay?" Dean says reassuringly, Cas nods his head lightly and climbs out of the car as Dean does. The weather is warmer than yesterdays with the wind from yesterday being gone it feels good one way or another, but Cas was bound to be over heated in his trench coat if he wore it.
"You can leave your coat in the car, you'll probably be hot if you bring it." Dean says.
"I will be fine Dean." Cas says too fast. Dean was about to argue with him to leave it but decides to leave it alone, he didn't want to push Cas and if he wanted to wear it so be it. Dean leads them onto a small trail that looks like its been barely used, tree branches get in their way and Dean makes sure to lift them up for Cas so he won't be hit by any of them. He hasn't ever been so nice or careful for someone it shocks himself, how did Cas have the effect to turn him into some caring sap? It's something people had been trying for years, and no one else had the ability, except for Sam, but even with him Dean would have never taken him here.
They finally reach where Dean had been planning to take them. Dean takes in a gulp of air, it hasn't changed a bit since he was last here, the small lake is still as peaceful looking as ever with a dock leading out to the middle of it, the beach area is dirt and grass grows where it could manage and wild flowers grow at some of the edges of it, the water glistens in the sunlight and looks clean and a beautiful blue, almost like Cas's eyes. Dean looks over at Cas who is taking in the scenery looking around him his face filled with wonder and curiosity.
"It's beautiful Dean. I didn't even know this was here." Cas whispers sounding amazed staring at the water.
"Most people don't." Dean grins over at him.
"How do you know about it Dean?" Cas asks turning his head to him doing his head tilt and Dean feels his heart thump in his chest, he's not sure if its from how Cas was looking at him with his eyes that could be burning into his soul, or from the answer of his question.
"My mom used to take me here all the time when i was younger before she died and take me swimming as something to do so that i wouldn't just stay home all day doing nothing... She would take me out to the dock and read stories and sing Hey Jude to me...It's been years since i was last here." Dean says telling the back round story to Cas, he can feel tears welling up in his eyes, everything about this place just screamed his mom and it was making him realize just how much he missed her, he can almost hear her soothing voice singing Hey Jude, the song he avoided completely now afraid of braking down when he heard it just like he did the last time he heard it.
Cas puts a hand onto Deans arm, and wraps his other arm around Deans arm, so that he can pull himself close latching onto the arm, and snuggles his head against his shoulder. Dean knew that this wasn't something that normal guy friends do but it feels so comforting to have someone be there for him and Cas was different from everyone else so he rests his head onto Cas's.
"Thank you for bringing me here Dean, it means a lot to me." Cas thanks Dean.
"Of course Cas, thank you for coming. We should go over onto the dock, its a much more nice view over there." Dean says, he takes his head off from Cas's and Cas latches off from Dean's arm but Dean quickly intertwines his fingers with Cas's not willing to part with their contact yet. Cas looks up at Dean and gives him a soft smile, and Dean can feel his heart flutter inside his chest, Cas has the most amazing smile, he grins back to him, glad that he brought him here, glad he had Cas to have him comfort him, he wonders how after knowing Cas for so little he already can't imagine not having him here.
They walk over to the wooden dock and go to the end of it in the middle of that lake. Dean sits down right by the edge and crosses his feet and pats beside him to reassure Cas to sit with him. Cas smiles yet again and takes his seat next to Dean closely so that his shoulder touches Dean's and pulls his legs up to chest so his chin rests on his knee's and peers out into the clear beautiful water with the sun reflecting off the surface of the water. Cas almost looks beautiful sitting out in the sunlight with his eyes reflecting the water the sun making his messy hair look shiny, his bruises standing out with the sun making his skin look paler. Dean reaches over and brushes his fingers lightly over Cas's bruise that outlines his eye. Cas stiffens at the touch flinching and begins to tremble and whispers Dean's name.
"Cas tell me what happened." Dean says worry clear in his eyes. Cas lets out a shaky breathe.
"Dean... I don't think i can..." Cas whispers.
"Like hell you can't. Did someone in my family do this to you?" Nothing comes from Cas just a blank look, Dean continues to stroke Cas's face just a bit lower than the bruise softly.
"I don't want you to have to worry about me Dean... I'm not worth the effort."
"Cas how could you even say that you're not worth the effort? I'm no good with all of this emotional stuff because I've never cared about anyone as much as i do with you, please just let me help you." Dean begs. Cas's eyes widen in shock at Deans confession of admitting that he cares about him.
"Why?"
"I don't know Cas, i don't even know if i could help you at all, but i can promise you can always talk to me, i'll always listen to you and be there for you, i can at least promise you that much. Because you're worth it to me and i'm not just going to sit back and let you go through this all alone."
"I'm scared Dean..." Cas whispers.
"What are you scared of?"
Cas sits there for a moment looking like he's deciphering his answer, "I"m scared of getting hurt, that i'll finally trust someone and then you'll leave me."
"Cas," Dean puts his hands on both sides of Cas's face, making sure not to touch any of the sensitive bruises, and turns his head to his so that Cas is looking at him with wide blue eyes. "I would never leave you, believe or not, but you're stuck with me now, whether you want me or not, i will always be here for you, no matter what happens between us, or if for some reason we stop talking, and its completely out of the blue that you're talking to me, i'll be there to listen, even if i hate you, because i don't give up on those i care about Cas. We're stuck with each other. You won't ever have to be alone again."
Dean stares into Cas's eyes after telling Cas how he was always going to be there, he had meant every single word, they are flickering with emotion and he can see tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
"Thank you Dean... Thank you for everything... I-i d-don'n't know how to react to s-s-such kindness, I-I-I've been alone for so long... I don't know how to tell you-" Cas manages to say when tears start pouring from his eyes. Dean wipes the tears from softly from Cas's beautiful eyes with his thumbs.
"Shhhh it's okay, you can take all the time you need. I'll always be here, remember?" Cas nods his head and then wraps his arms around Deans waist and buries his head into the crook of Dean's neck, Dean can feel his hot breathe and lips against his neck and Cas's tears as he begins to cry hard against Dean shaking and trembling. Dean wraps his arms Cas and embraces him holding him closely, and traces patterns onto his back trying to sooth him and just lets the boy cry the tears he's probably been holding back for so long, hands reaching up to play with Cas's messy hair running his hands through its soft silkiness. He vows to himself that he was never going to let anything happen to Cas again, and if somehow something did, he was going to be there, he would always be beside him.
Cas cries for a good half hour before his tears begin to slow down and he begins to stop shaking in Dean's arms, but stays in the hug because it's been so long since he's had someone hold him like this and he loved the feeling of being in his arms how safe and protected he felt, so different from him feeling vulnerable and scared . He can't believe Dean convinced him that he cared, especially with all that Zachariah had said to him last night, Dean must be a gift from the angels. He whispers thank you into Dean's ear, he wants him to know how much this means to him, and Dean just shushes him and runs his hand through his hair giving Cas yet another set of goosebumps. And then the tears stop all together.
Dean's slightly disappointed when Cas pulls away from him looking into him with those damn eyes full of raw emotion his disappointment goes away when he see's Cas's face put on a full on smile that even reaches his eyes, which causes Dean's heart to go warm and beat like crazy, how was Cas having this effect on him? They sit in silence for a bit, taking in how close they had just become in such a short amount of time.
"Do you want to go swimming?" Dean asks once he see's Cas is completely calm and he a peaceful look in his eyes. Cas looks up at him as if he were insane.
"Swim? Now?"
"Yeah it'll be fun." Dean says with a smirk.
"Dean we don't have swimming suits or anything." Dean just rolls his eyes at that.
"You gotta live in the moment more Cas." Dean teases tugging on Cas's trench coat.
"Will it be safe?" Cas asks getting another eyes roll from Dean.
"It was when i was four." Dean says as he stands up and starts stripping off his shirt. Cas stares at Dean for a moment as he takes off his shirt looking nervous but stands up anyways. Dean is unbuckling his belt when Cas speaks.
"Dean... Promise not to judge?" Cas asks looking worried. Dean nods his head and wonders what Cas is talking about. Cas takes off his tan trench coat and suddenly Dean understands. Cas's arms are covered in red cuts and mixes of the bruises covering almost of the skin on his arms, Dean feels his stomach drop this was much worse than seeing the bruises because those were from someone else, these were done by Cas because of whatever reason he felt he needed to hurt himself, and that drove Dean insane.
"We'll talk about those later, okay?" Dean says and Cas nods his head. Dean goes up to Cas and gives him another hug embracing the smaller boy once again and Cas clings on until he pulls apart from Dean. Dean grabs a hold of Cas's arm looking at the gruesome cuts, some of them still have dried blood stuck to them and runs his thumb over them softly and then lets it go, falling to Cas's side. He would make sure to talk to him later, he doesn't want to push Cas to tell him anything yet, he's probably opened up a lot more than he's used to already, Dean knows that he has.
Dean finishes stripping down into his boxers and waits for Cas to finish up. Cas's body isn't bad, it's lean with slight muscles building up, his hipbones sticking out insanely a few dark bruises cover his stomach Dean wants so bad to make Cas tell him about them and embrace him and tell him things will be okay, but he thinks that some fun would feel nice to him.
Dean's the first one to jump in canon balling in and splashing Cas standing on the dock. Dean pops out of the water and shakes his head around and looks up at Cas standing in his under garments already wet from Dean's jump and laughs at the pout fixed on his face.
"Dean I believe that I'm supposed to be dry until I choose to jump in the water too." Cas pouts causing Dean to burst out into laughter from how adorable he looks with it. Cas blushes and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Dude, come get in the water! It feels great, and then you will supposed to be wet!" Dean calls out to him starting to swim on his back. Cas shakes his head at him wondering how Dean could be so carefree.
"I'm wet enough thank you." Cas teases turning his back away from the water smiling to himself.
"Cas, get in the water!" Dean demands splashing the water a little.
"Nope, too late now Dean." Cas teases his friend again giggling a bit. Dean smiles at Cas's giggle and swims to the edge of the dock.
"Cas, I will throw you in myself!" Dean says loudly throwing his arms in the air dramatically.
"Come and do it then." Cas says confidently. Dean swims up quickly to the side of the dock and climbs up the small latter to get out and jumps up onto the dock now facing Cas. Cas's eyes are filled with entertainment and has a small smile on his face.
"What're you gonna do now Cas?" Dean says darkly having Cas cornered between the edge of the dock that leads to the water and him, and smiles evilly.
"Dean, you wouldn't." Cas says seriously now.
"Never underestimate me Cas." Dean says with a sinister smile and runs up to Cas and grabs him around the waist and hoists Cas up so that he's draped over his shoulder causing Cas to yelp from Deans sudden strength and begins to thrash in his arms laughing.
"Dean!" Cas cries out laughing and trying to brake free from his strong hold around his waist.
"You should have just jumped in!" Dean yells and slides Cas into an iron hold grasp in his arms making sure not to drop him with all of Cas's thrashing. Dean looks at him for a second seeing him laughing and smiling, yelling his name in his arms.
"Never!" Cas shouts back. Dean smiles and tosses a screaming Cas into the water and then jumps in after him. Dean comes back out of the water and whips his head around to find Cas, when he finds him only half of his head is out of the water his blue eyes sinister staring at him and then submerges back into the water with an arch of his eyebrow. Dean shivers and then twists around in the water trying to find Cas before the attack, he's looking down into the water hoping to see him when something grabs his ankle from behind and pulls him into the water.
Dean whips around in the water and shoots back up taking in deep gulps and hears Cas laughing from behind him, Dean swirls around and is delighted with the sight of Cas laughing his head off and Dean can't help but to laugh along with him, Cas's laugh is contagious. Dean swims over to him.
"That was uncalled for." Dean says.
"That was justice. he says Dean rolls his eyes at that. They swim for awhile splashing each other laughing and giggling, Dean hasn't felt this free in so long.
They climb back onto the dock laughing, tired and worn from playing in the water. Dean flops onto his back and Cas lays next to him and they lay there letting the sun dry them off. Dean looks at Cas, he looks like he's contemplating something serious
"Dean?" He asks.
"Yeah Cas?"
"I think i would like to tell you what happened now..." He whispers. Dean takes Cas's hand in his stroking it and gives him a reassuring smile. Cas takes in a deep breath before speaking.
" I guess you deserve a good explanation so i'll start from the beginning. My mom married Zachariah when i was 8, thought i needed a father figure in my life, with my father being gone now, and he had the money that we needed and did not have. Zachariah was tough on me, forced me to work hard in school, and dove me into religion and if i didn't get the grades he expected it would result in me loosing privileges, one time i tried to stand up to him, that's how i got banned from reading, said it was corrupting Lucifer into my mind. I was trained to do exactly as he said and if i didn't things would end horribly," Cas looks down at his bruises, "The beatings used to not be bad, if you could even call them that. But it got worse through the years. He had to change jobs, my mom was falling ill and lets just say my step brother Gabriel is one for trouble and then there was Michael's moving out and becoming a lawyer despite Zachariah's protests, he wanted him to come and work for his company. And then my mom fell into a coma 3 years ago. That's when it got bad, my mom was no longer there to stop to stop the beatings before things got bad. I don't want anything to happen to Anna or Gabriel i wouldn't be able to live with this world if anything happened to them, their too innocent and don't deserve it. And last night when you dropped me off i had missed scripture and prayer. I tried to go in unnoticed but i was unsuccessful and he called me to his office, just like he always does. And he was angry from something else too and he told me i was lucky he hadn't kicked me out on the streets, that you didn't really care, that i'm useless and nothing..." Cas trails off not even noticing that he had stopped talking, Dean was about to say something but Cas continues. "After you've been told that your life has no meaning over and over you start to believe it Dean. I stopped seeing the point in everything, i don't even know if i'm alive most of the time... It doesn't feel like it. And i can't help but to feel like its still all my fault he does this, i wouldn't want to have to take care of a lowlife like myself, i'm just there, and the only way... The only way i even feel anything anymore is with the cold hard edge of a razor. Dean i don't even know why i'm telling you this, maybe it's because you're the only person to even invest a dime into me, maybe its because you're the first person to make me feel something other than emptiness and loneliness in a long time, you made me feel happy, but something about you, i trust you, i feel safe, I've only known you for a couple of days and yet you've gotten to me to do what would have normally taken years of trust development with anyone else. I just, i have a hard time believing that someone like me would even deserve to be happy, all i can see in my reflection is an empty shell that has been torn apart, and its too much Dean. Everyone leaves, my father died rather than stay with me, Micheal left, my mom left in her own special way, i'll always be the one thing people need to get away from." Cas finishes still laying on his back eyes looking up to the blue sky as tears slowly falls down his face.
Dean can feel his own tears starting to go down his face. Cas has been through so much and he can see all of the pain and anguish that he's been through in his eyes that are cast upward to the sky.
"Cas, its not your fault, and don't you ever say that you're worthless again, or that you don't deserve happiness, because you're not worthless and I've never met someone more worthy of happiness. You do have meaning in this world, you're just taking all of the pain now, even though you shouldn't have to, no one should have to go through what you do. You have to stop thinking that you're not worth it because you are Cas, you are and i wish i could show you but i don't know how. Zachariah is a moldy bag of dicks who doesn't know how to control his anger, you're a solider Cas, and you can't stop fighting because that would mean that you let him win and do you want that? Your going to come up stronger than everyone else. " Cas shakes his head now still looking to the sky. "Just let me know if there is anything i can do Cas, i'll call the police if i absolutely have to, i'll do anything." Cas just shakes his head again and shifts over so he can curl up to Dean and wraps his arm around his waist cuddling up to him pulling himself close.
"Just be here for me Dean. That's all i could ever ask for. Sorry for making you cry." Dean puts his arm around him and pulls him closer so that Cas's head rests on his chest and their legs are intertwined together. Dean strokes his free hand through the broken boys hair, trying to decide what to do. If he were smart he would call the police right now, all the evidence he really needed was the bruises on Cas, but knowing Cas he would probably deny it and Dean didn't want to rush Cas into something he doesn't want. It takes a few minutes for him to realize that Cas has drifted off into sleep breathing heavily onto his chest with a small smile on his face. Dean closes his eyes and is asleep in just a few seconds holding Cas protectively to his chest.
Cas wakes up cuddled up to Dean and smiles to himself, he was smiling again, this must be a dream. But yet everything is staying and Dean is still here and he feels happy, and soothed. He knows he's braking the friendship boundaries with this, but he quickly raises his head and pecks Dean's check with his lips. A secret thank you to him for everything Dean has done for him in past couple of days. Cas gently rests his head back onto Deans chest and listens to Dean's slow but steady heart beat while watching him sleep. He seems so peaceful in his sleep, like the weight of the world has been taken off his shoulders. Cas snuggles his head into the crook of Dean's neck and he feels Dean's arms tighten around him. Cas loves the feeling of being held like this, he never has been before and with Dean doing the holding it makes his feel safe, like life may not be so bad after all. Dean moans in his sleep and Cas can feel his body tightening as it stretches out.
"Hey Cas..." Dean mumbles voice filled with sleep. Cas looks up so he can look into his friends green eyes. The eyes that are so beautiful but seem so sad to Cas, They spark out different shades of green sometimes making them appear as hazel, but looking at them like this you can see just how green they were, almost like a moss green surrounded by a dark ring of green tree's. Most definitely beautiful but they seem sad all the same, like the world had sucked most of the light out of them.
"Hello Dean." He says back with a sudden of realization. He has told Dean just about everything, what if Dean is going to judge him now? Dean was so kind before and he had believed him when he told him that he would always be there for him, but what if he changed his mind. What if Dean saw him for the freak he was and didn't want to be apart of him anymore? Cas doesn't think he would be able to take it anymore if Dean did, not just because he would be rejecting him after telling him about his problems and that would hurt no matter what, it would also be because he liked Dean. He felt at peace you could say with him.
"You okay?" Dean asks concern flicks in his beautiful eyes. Cas nods his head and for once means it, he hasn't been this 'okay' in so long.
"Dude I am going to starve if we don't get some food or something." Dean says sitting up fast causing Cas to roll off and land on his hands and knees before he realized what had happened.
"Shit, sorry man, you know my hunger always gets the best of me." Dean apologizes. Cas nods in understanding.
"Dean I am concerned on how often you are hungry." Dean laughs at that knowing that he probably should be concerned too but is too hungry to care. It's about one in the afternoon as they drive down and Dean starts rambling on about how lucky they were to wake up when they did because his father would murder him if had had forgotten to pick up pick up Sam and take him home and despite Dean's protests he decides to go home, not wanting to push how late he stays out again. Dean drives up to Cas's house but stops Cas before he can get out.
"Cas wait." He says as his friend reaches for the door handle.
"Yes?"
"Give me your phone." Cas pulls out his phone and hands it to Dean. Dean takes it in his hands and types his number into the contact list quickly, Cas blushes, besides Anna, Gabriel, and Micheal, Dean was going to be the only one in it.
"There now you have my number and you can call me anytime Cas, and i mean it, don't ever be too shy to, even if its just because your lonely or really need help just call me, because chances are i'm going to be doing nothing, or not important stuff. You won't be a bother because i want you to. Understand?" Dean says as he hands it back to Cas. Cas nods his head and reaches for the door handle again.
"Oh no, one more thing Cas." Cas slouches back into his seat and Dean chuckles. And then looks down at Cas's wrist and then grabs it and pulls the trench coat sleeve up.
"No more of this Cas. Promise me you'll stop." Cas looks at Dean, he doesn't know if he can stop so he just nods. He can tell Dean's not convinced in the slightest.
"I mean it Cas." He says before letting go of his wrist. Cas sets it back into his lap gently.
"Thank you everything Dean, it means a lot."
"Sure thing, i'll talk to you later."
Cas goes into his house and finds his cat Muffins, no one is home yet so once he finds Mittens curled up on the coach he picks her up and takes her to his room and set her on the bed so he can reach under it and grab Dean's precious drawings. He pulls them up and sits on his bed, Muffins curls up into his lap and starts purring begging for attention, Cas strokes her soft fur as he observes a drawing.
A few hours go by and its getting pretty late, everyone has come back to the household. Cas sits in his room alone abandoned by his cat who left to go get fed by Anna. He looks at his phone wondering if it would be okay to call Dean. Dean did say it would be okay... It takes Cas a few minutes of courage but he goes to Dean number and calls it. It takes a few rings but Dean eventually answers it.
"Hello?"
"Dean?"
"Hey Cas, is everything alright?" Dean says sounding concerned, Cas smiles to himself at that.
"Everything is fine... I just got... lonely..." Cas says the last part more quiet.
"Well i'm glad you called me Cas, Because i am the perfect cure for that." Dean says sounding satisfied. They talk for a couple of hours until they fall asleep still on the other line, phones pressed to their faces. They wake up still on it being the first things they listen and talk to and they talk again. This becoming the new routine for them, to call each other every night and fall asleep and wake up to each others voices.
