Alex knew he couldn't tell them. He knew he couldn't tell the Washingtons about the problem he has. The problem was, unfortunately, the reason he hallucinated back there... Honestly, the hallucinations had stopped for a long time. Today was the first one in weeks...
The teen was sitting on his bed, back against the headboard. He took out his notebook again, figuring he should capture today's events while he still could... But, of course, that wouldn't last more than 10 minutes. And he needed much more time than that.
"Alexander! It's been so long!" Oh jesus christ almighty. First the panic attack/hallucination, and now he's back. It's been weeks, so why now all the sudden?!
"Alex? Hey, whatcha doin?" Said teen started curling in on himself, hoping that maybe if he ignored the person, he would go away. But, after the faint feeling of something on his knee, he decided that was not the case.
Alex muttered into his hands, "What do you want?" The person let out a happy chuckle.
"Well for starters, I haven't been able to talk to you in weeks!"
"Good."
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Aaaalex, come on..."
The teen finally snapped out of his previous position and glared at the man, sitting on the bed, in front of him. He basically looked exactly like Alex, except about 20 years older. And his name was Lin. Lin-Manuel Miranda, if we wanted to be specific.
"Everyone thought I was insane because of you guys, I mean hell, I probably am!" Alex hissed, trying not to be too loud. The Washingtons were just downstairs, in that little living room area. Sure, the door was closed, but still.
Lin let out another chuckle and said, "But Alex, we both know you aren't. You just have an illness caused by all the crap you've gone through. You're fairly normal, kid." Alex sighed. Damn it, why did his hallucination have to be so right? And so real...
"Hey, where... Where are the others? I mean, you can't be the only one here, right?" The teen asked quietly, a bit confused. Usually, they traveled with him in a group of at least two or more. That is, until a few weeks ago, when he was sent to New York. Then the amount of them started diminishing as Alex stuck to his rule of no speech.
Suddenly, it struck him. That's why they started going away. He stopped talking. And so only recently, when he started talking again, Lin came back. Just like how he was the first to appear, and the last to leave. Alex looked up at the person in front of him, who just happened to be nodding, saying Alex was right with his thoughts.
The teen tilted his head a bit and stated, "So that means, if I keep talking, they're all going to come back?" Lin nodded and smiled. "Yep!"
"Even the company...?" Alex added, frowning.
"Sadly, yes," The man shrugged and looked away, making a 'Tch' sound.
Sighing, Alex looked up at the clock on his wall. It read 5:26 pm. When were those kids supposed to come...? Ten? At the foster home, food was served at 6pm sharp. The teen wondered if it was the same here... But they probably wouldn't have the same rule of 'you come to dinner late, you get no food for the rest of the day.' But sometimes, Alex wondered if it was even worth it to eat their food. It had tasted fairly bad, and he should know.
At that point in foster care, Alex just started skipping meals altogether. He probably only weighed about 90 some pounds at this point... Heh. At least he was used to not eating for long amounts of time, so the Washingtons won't have to waste time and money on food for him.
"Hey, kid," Lin started, "You know if they offer food, you should take all of it, right?" He tilted his head slightly, raising a brow as well.
Alex nodded and murmured, "I guess... But what if I seem too greedy? What if they hate me because I ask for too much?" He looked up at Lin with worry in his eyes.
The man rolled his eyes and leaned forward to grab Alex's shoulder reassuringly. "Alex, they aren't gonna hate you. George even said, 'Anything for you is worth it,' remember?"
"Yeah, but maybe he was just being polite. He probably doesn't actually mean it," Alex responded, still set on the idea that the Washingtons are just being polite. Then they're gonna get mad at him and use him and kick him out and-
"Alexander. They are not and are never going to hate you. Please stop telling yourself otherwise," Lin stared into Alex's eyes, set on making him appreciate himself for once and not feel like a burden. God, he was so real... Could it even be that maybe he's just a ghost or something?
Alex sighed. It was a hard habit to break, constantly berating and thinking lowly of yourself. He snorted. Yeah, and of course it's just a hallucination telling him that he matters and is liked by others. Why couldn't he just be normal, why couldn't he have ACTUAL friends and ACTUAL people who cared for him like his hallucinations do? The Washingtons don't count just yet- he hasn't seen their true intentions.
But, unlike real people, the hallucinations will likely never leave him. As long as he's talking and alive, then they'll be here. No matter how annoying they get to be… But alas, sometimes their company is nice. Hell, even the Company is likeable at times. Not often, but at least they seem to care for him somewhat, helping him make decisions and helping him know what people's' personalities are before he even meets them.
Lin gave him a small smile, hand still on the teen's shoulder. "Come on Alex, you and I both know that there are people who care for you, and maybe even people you haven't met yet who WILL care for you in the future. It takes time, kid," He murmured softly, leaning backwards and taking his hand off of Alex.
Said teen shrugged and gave a tiny smirk and muttered, "But I don't like waiting." The man in front of him rolled his eyes at Alex and sighed, exasperated. The teen snickered lightly and tilted his head a bit.
"Sometimes, I wonder why I even try to help you," Lin scoffed, furrowing his brows and smiling brightly. He crossed his arms and sat with his legs crossed as well. Just in that moment, there was knocking at the door. The both of them turned their heads to look at it, and Alex slowly stated, "You can come in."
Honestly, Lin seemed so lifelike and real that the teen was surprised when George walked in and never mentioned the man. He did say though, "Alright Alex, dinner is prepared and set on the table, if you're ready to eat. And if you don't mind me asking, I swore I heard you talking to someone?"
Alex could literally feel his heart sink in his chest. Paling considerably, he murmured, "I… was just talking out loud, sir- George." His hands started shaking a bit, so he gripped onto the bed sheet as tightly as he could to stop them somewhat… though that didn't work out too well. George obviously noticed this and turned his head in confusion. Lin just sat patiently, staring at Alex's foster father. Even though he was the one trying to convince Alex that the Washingtons cared for him, Lin looked a bit suspicious of George himself.
"Are you gonna eat now?" Lin leaned over and whispered to Alex, who was still looking at George, who said, "Alright Alex, I won't push if you don't want me to…" Well, it was obvious that he didn't believe the teen. Alex cringed a bit, frowning at his reaction.
"Yeah, I'll come and eat," He stated, glancing at Lin from the corner of his eye. His foster father gave a small grin and turned around, heading out of Alex's new room, leaving the door open. Once the teen was no longer able to hear his footsteps, he whispered to Lin, "Like I said, I'm gonna go eat, okay? You can come, but please don't make it awkward for me."
Lin let out a bark of laughter, and held a hand to his chest. He was still smiling when he looked at Alex and told him, "Jeeze Alex, don't be so worried. I'm just gonna watch them… and you… to make sure nothing bad happens. And who knows, maybe some more of us will start to appear. In fact, I was talking with Daveed not too long ago…"
Alex pursed his lips and glanced away from Lin. In all honesty, Daveed was pretty cool. He could rap the speed of light and put on this funny french accent from time to time. The teen looked back up at the man in front of him and gave a small smile, then said quietly, "I'll be happy to have him back with me… At least he's funny."
With that, Alexander slid off the bed and reached for his ponytail. He adjusted it to where it wouldn't fall out at any moment it could, then he started towards the exit of his room. The teen glanced back at Lin, who was also just stepping off the bed. When he noticed Alex was watching him, he looked up and beamed at him, then moved to stand behind him.
Once Lin was following him, Alex went out of his room, down the stairs, and through the living room to get to the dining table he had seen earlier. Sure enough, George and Martha were already seated and eating their dinner. He gave an embarrassed smile, knowing he was at least 5 minutes or more late for dinner. Hopefully they wouldn't mind too much…
"Oh, George, Martha, I am so sorry for being late to dinner," He apologized quickly and took his seat at the end of the table. George shook his head, smiling a bit, and assured him, "No need to apologize, Alexander."
Alex looked down at the food for the first time, and jesus christ it looked good. Peas, roast beef, and mashed potatoes with gravy poured all over the top of it. At this point, the teen had never thought he'd have this good of food ever in his life. But now… Seeing it laid so casually out in front of him made him think that this was no extraordinary dish to the Washingtons. In fact, they probably eat this every week, considering the way they were eating it without relishing the fact they got to eat such a delicacy… Well, maybe it's not a delicacy? Just to Hamilton it is, then.
Well, there wasn't much talking during dinner. More like the Washingtons try to hold in laughter as Alex tries to wolf down the food as politely as he can… Which didn't quite work as well as he thought it would. After finishing almost all of his plate, he looked up slightly to see George and Martha on the verge of laughing while watching him. The teen could feel his face start to burn up, and he glanced to the right of him to see Lin snickering. Oh jesus christ, all eyes were on him… And he swore he felt someone watching him from directly behind his back.
Thinking back to what he and his hallucination were talking about before he went to eat, made him pale. If he was here, right behind him, and all eyes were on him… This was a recipe for disaster. And of course, not a moment too soon…
"EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR AMERICA'S FAVORITE FREESTYLIN' RAPPER! DAVEED DIGGS!" There he goes. 'And, if my calculations are correct…' Was Alex's final thought before he braced himself as his second hallucination vaulted over Alex's shoulders and onto the dining table, somehow not knocking anything over. He put put both of his arms in the air, his fists hitting the ceiling but making no noise.
Then he turned, looked down at Alex, and snickered, "Come on, you gotta admit that was pretty awesome. Also, I missed talkin to ya, kid." Alex wanted to slam his head down on the table, but then George and Martha would be very confused and maybe mad at him for doing that? So he didn't. But after looking past the man on the table and at his foster parents, he could tell they were a bit confused already.
"Uh, Alex, is something wrong…?" Martha asked, turning her head a bit in confusion. George was looking at the teen with a frown and furrowed brows. It was obvious that he thought something was going on and they didn't realize it.
The teen nodded and stated, "Everything's fine. Just… have the chills…?" He hated lying to his foster parents after they've been so nice to him and all, but honestly, it's probably best they don't know about Alex's schizophrenia. At least not yet.
Daveed was still standing on the table, watching the scene play out before him in amusement. Lin was standing by Alex's side, just gazing at the Washingtons with suspicious eyes. George looked at Martha for a moment and shared eye contact, then turned back to his foster son and murmured lightly, "Alright. But please tell us if there's anything going on that we should know about… at least when you're ready. Okay, Alexander?"
Nodding slowly, Alex looked away from everyone, rubbing his arm in nervousness. He shouldn't lie to them, but what if they reacted badly? What if they didn't want some secretly insane immigrant orphan in their home and kicked him out, leaving him to fend for himself? The best choice right now seemed to be to wait it out, as much as he didn't want to. Just wait for the right moment to tell them.
Looking down at his plate, Alex realized he'd finished everything. It felt like it'd only been a few minutes, but it was probably more like 20 or so. After a moment, he asked the Washingtons, "May I be excused?" To which they both nodded, giving him a small smile each. He returned the smile and turned around, heading towards the stairs.
Once he was safely back in his room, he closed the door behind him and turned to see Daveed and Lin sitting on his bed. He closed his eyes tightly and hissed, "What in the hell was that? What in the hell were you doing down there? Don't you realize they don't know about you and could kick me out if they do?"
He clenched his fists and stared up at Daveed, looking somewhat surprised at Alex's behavior. He opened his mouth to speak, but the teen continued. "I will not stand for this, you damned hallucinations. You can come back, but if you do, you better not fuck my new life up…!" He was red in the face, completely burning up at this point. He was just really pissed off at the hallucination for making a scene in front of people that don't know about him.
The man, instead of looking guilty, gave a smirk and sneered, "Even more feisty than when we last talked, it seems. I can't quite help it, Alex. Plus, if I'm just a hallucination, doesn't that mean that I'm just something your own mind has made to fuck with you? Technically then, you're ruining your own life."
Alex only snarled in reply, scowling at Daveed and glaring at him with fire in his eyes. Sometimes, he couldn't stand these people. They're all assholes. Annoying assholes who just wanted to ruin his life. Lin on the other hand, did seem somewhat upset with the other hallucination sitting next to him. He could obviously tell that Daveed was being more of an asshole today, and it was not the time to be fucking with the young Hamilton.
The teen glanced at the clock on his wall, still red with anger. 6:32 pm. He'd have the pass the time however he could for about three and a half hours until those kids came over. Honestly, he hoped they liked him. And that his hallucinations wouldn't get in the way of him making possible new friends… To survive, you at least need allies, if not exactly friends.
Lin softly asked Alex, "Hey, kid, are you alright?" Said teen whipped back around to face him and he scoffed, "No, I'm not fine. Daveed could have just ruined my chances to being free of any questions from the Washingtons. Now they're all suspicious of me, probably that I'm insane or some shit like that, so no, Lin, I'm not alright." He growled all of that so quickly that he slurred some of the words, finally exploding from not talking for so damned long.
The man frowned a bit, lowering his brows in hurt. Alex simply clenched his teeth together and looked away, not standing to look at the hallucination. Either of them. As helpful as they could be, his life would be much better if they weren't in it. If they didn't even exist. And they wouldn't exist if his father hadn't left, if his mother didn't die, if nothing bad at all happened on Nevis- Hell, he was even content with being poor and hardly seeing his mother, the difference was, though, that he would still GET to see his mother. The hallucinations could never fix the hole that found its way into his heart when she passed away. No one could.
He thought all of this in just a few short seconds, growing slowly from angered to sullen. He knew he couldn't change anything that had happened back on the island. It was just how things worked. Tragedy after tragedy, but sometimes there was just a small bit of hope that shone through. Maybe in America he would find that feeling. The feeling that everything was going to be okay. Honestly, Alex could only hope at this point.
Maybe these thoughts were what left him to mumble an almost inaudible, "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." He still had his back facing them, not wanting to let anyone see himself right now. Especially them.
He felt a hand gently pat his back though, which made him jump slightly, the sudden touch shocking him. Turning his head just the slightest, he saw Daveed there, and not Lin, which genuinely surprised him. "Yeah, I'm sorry too, little guy. I… I don't really even have an excuse. I just wanted to make an entrance and didn't think about anything else," He sighed, lips pursed together.
Alex was still frowning as he gave a quick, "S'okay," meaning he at least somewhat forgave the hallucination. Somewhat… Looking away again, he rubbed his arm in guilt and sadness. He could feel Daveed squeeze his shoulder then let go, moving back to sit with Lin on the bed.
The teen sighed and turned his head to his new desk, looking specifically at the laptop on the top of it. "Hey," he started, breaking the long moment of silence, "How about we figure out how to get that new laptop set up?" Lin smiled in response and Daveed said cooly, "Sure."
About an hour or more had passed since that argument, and now the teen and hallucinations were gathered around the laptop, just making the finishing touches to his personal profile. The laptop was a Windows 7 computer, and after looking up what Windows 10 looked like, he knew 7 was better. Daveed thought otherwise.
"You could always just download a 30 day trial and see if you like it or not…" He suggested, tilting his head and looking away. Alex simply rolled his eyes and sighed in reply, "No. It looks stupid and I'm not going to use a stupid thing like that." Daveed just huffed at that comment.
Looking at the time again, it looked like it was 8:14 pm. Just about two more hours until the other teens come! For some reason, Alex was actually rather excited about that. He really wanted to meet some other people his age, and hopefully become friends with him. But then again, what if they hate him? What if they don't like his ideas and opinions, or his habit of talking all the time? Do they even know that he's going to be here?
Again, it would probably be best if he didn't talk. Just… stay quiet. At least for a while? Or maybe not come out of his room. That would be another good solution. Just… never meet them. Yeah… He could do that…
"Alex, you know you can't do that," Lin said, eyes squinted. 'Fuck.' The hallucination rolled his eyes. "Come on kid, you've gotta at least /meet/ them. Otherwise, how will you know if they like you or not?" The teen in question shrugged and murmured, "I guess…"
"Alex, little guy, come on man. You never know about these kinds of things. Plus, I'm sure they'll love ya, you've just got to believe in yourself!" Daveed spoke next, grabbing Alex's shoulders from behind and shaking him just a bit. Alex hated it when people did that, and Daveed was very aware of that fact.
The teen sighed and ignored him as best as he could, turning his attention back to the laptop on his lap. He was about to look at a few of the already installed programs when there was a sudden sound of a doorbell. It was rather loud, considering he could hear it from upstairs with his door closed. Who could that even BE at this hour? It's only 8:20… Unless…
"Hello, hello, Mister and Miss Washington! Thank you so much for letting us stay with you!" The voice had a french accent, and, well, he was speaking in french. Luckily, Alex was fluent in french so he could understand it… Said teen was focusing only on the voice, not paying attention to Daveed or Lin who were sitting next to him and trying to get him to look at them.
Next, a softer but gruff voice spoke. "...I didn't understand much of that. But thank you, Mr and Mrs Washington. We both really appreciate you letting us stay over for the week," They said, with what sounded like a smile on their face. Maybe if he could at least sneak out into the hallway and hope they didn't see him from the top of the stairs? Honestly, these two were sparking his curiosity greatly, so if he could just see them…
George let out a chuckle, "Why Laf, Hercules, come in! I didn't think you'd be coming til later?" He shut the door, so it sounds like they're inside now.
"Oh, monsieur George! I am so sorry for that, we just were so bored and so he suggested we head over straight away," The french one apologized, going into english now.
"And Laf insisted they bake something for you guys-" The gruff voice was interrupted.
"SPECIFICALLY, for the arrival of your fils adoptif, monsieur Alexander! Ever since you told moi about him, I have been dying to meet the nouveau venu!" The one supposedly named Laf exclaimed, voice dripping with eagerness and curiosity. So they knew about him… How much, though?
Alex's foster father let out another small chuckle and replied, "Alex is in his room right now. Though it may be best to wait just a bit…" He trailed off, so it was obvious he was saying something quietly about Alex. Definitely something bad, that was for sure. And with his behavior at dinner, it was pretty obvious he needed the judgement and most likely harsh words. He was probably telling them about how annoying he was, or how weird, or… Or anything that the teen knew was a big flaw in him. And he has way too many of those to even count. The teen felt a gentle hand land on his shoulder, and he assumed it was Lin trying to comfort him.
He heard a loud gasp and then, "Oh, poor Alexander! Oui, that is absolutely fine. We can wait. I would still love to meet him as soon as possible though, monsieur George." Well now Alex was struck with a pang of guilt. He didn't want to keep the other people waiting… but at the same time, what if they didn't like him? What if their expectations were set too high, and so they'll be disappointed when they meet him? Oh god… that would be the worst. So many things could go wrong, so many things could screw up… and he's only been here one day!
"Hey," it was Daveed, "Alex, it's gonna be fine. They're gonna love you, man! Just go out there and make some friends, kid!" And somehow, with that, Alex closed the laptop and placed it to the side, sluggishly dropped off his bed, and trudged to the door. He paused, looked back at his two hallucinations, who were directly behind him, and turned the handle of the door. He was as quiet as could be, which was even easier because of the carpeted floor, as he approached the top of the stairs. Cautiously, he sat down, able to see into the living room where George and the two teens were seated. They didn't see him yet though, which was a plus.
It was easy to guess which one was Hercules and which one was Laf. The supposed Laf looked basically like Daveed, black with what could be like an afro if their hair wasn't pulled back. They wore more like what would be considered feminine clothes, though had the looks and voice of a male, so Alex didn't want to assume genders straight away.
The one Alex assumed was Hercules was of a darker skin tone, and he seemed fairly muscular… You wouldn't want to be on bad terms with him. He had a gray beanie on, so it was a bit hard to see what his hair looked like.
It sounded like Martha was in the kitchen, washing dishes maybe? But back to the newcomers.
They were discussing something, though the teen had missed what it was. After about a minute, George asked, "So what did you bake for us?" Laf smiled widely.
"Oho! Well, I decided to bake some brownies, since I know how much you love them. Plus, It seemed like a type of treat no one could resist. Oui, I hope notre cher, Alexander, likes them…" He paused, frowning just slightly, though it immediately went away as he continued, "Oh, I am so excited to meet him! Ahah! I cannot contain my excitement, Je m'excuse!" He looked and sounded very giddy as he said this, and it was obvious he was simply dying to meet Alexander.
George simply chuckled at this, while Hercules started cracking up. "Oh Lafayette, you are hilarious. If you would like, I could try and see if he wants to come down and meet you?" Lafayette nodded vigorously, and Alex's foster father added, "Just remember what I said, and please don't bug him too much, okay?" Hercules and Laf both nodded at this. George started to stand up, and that made Alex realize he was still seated on the top of the stairs.
Oh crap. What if he got in trouble for eavesdropping? Then they would hate him and wouldn't talk to him and-
"Alexander? Well, it looks like our new family member is already here!" The man smiled warmly at the teen, who had gone pale in nervousness and shock. "You want to come meet Lafayette and Hercules?" As he offered this, Alex could see Laf's grin widen even more somehow, and Hercules was now beaming up at the stairs. It was dark up there, so it was fairly hard to see all of Alex's details. However it was easy to see that he nodded, albeit hesitantly.
The teen stepped down the steps and very slowly made his way into the living room, standing right by a single couch/chair. Gulping, he sat down at stared at the boys in front of him, who were sitting on a full sized couch. Lafayette was grinning like and madman, while Hercules was observing the teen carefully.
"Well, I'll leave you boys to it, then," George chuckled, walking out of the room and into the kitchen to help Martha clean up a bit.
Lafayette was the first one to begin speaking. "You are Alexander, I presume? Oho, my dear friend, I have been dying to meet you ever since George told us about you on Wednesday! Are you liking it in New York? Any difficulties thus far? Don't the Washingtons make the most spectacular of foods? Oh, and where are my manners? Yes, yes, I am Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, but you can call me Lafayette or Laf for short!" He exclaimed in almost one breath, as well as in french. Hercules nudged him in the side and whispered, "English, Laffy."
The frenchman was about to apologize profusely, when Alex cut in and murmured, "Yes, my name is Alexander Hamilton. As to answer your questions, New York is nice so far, I… Can't state anything yet, and I agree, their food is very nice. Pleasure to meet you, Lafayette." He gave a small smile, and Lafayette giggled, giddy about finally meeting such a legend.
Hercules was frowning slightly, however. Alex noticed this straight away and quickly stammered, "S-sorry, didn't mean to ramble, or-or speak in french. Really sorry, about that."
The teen sitting beside Laf looked confused for a moment, and then let out a bark of laughter. "No need to apologize, Alex. That's completely fine. Now I have another person who can teach me french. Anyway, my name is Hercules Mulligan. Really nice to finally meet you, man," He was smiling brightly now, no longer quite eyeing Alex and noticing anything out of the normal. Hercules prided himself on that, easily able to pick up on things such as emotions, physical things, etc. It was pretty easy to tell the teen in front of him was extremely out of it currently. Hands fidgeting just the slightest, a forced smile, eyes darting to the sides every few seconds…
It even looked like he was seeing someone that wasn't really there.
A/N: can this chapter tide you over for a while...
