Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Ok, chapter uh. . . Hey, Saphiraཀ

Saphira946: Yeah, Pink?

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: What chapter is this?

Saphira946: crap, I forgot . . . hold up I'll check. Looks in saved files. Chapter 3.

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Ok, thankies. Well, it's chappy 3. Enjoy and don't forget to check out my other story, Saphira's stories, and leave us a tip. Gosh, it takes a little bribe here and there to get us to update and think of this stuff.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and I'm not proud of it. I would like a little recognition from Capcom for creating such an awesome story and all, but when I called them. They told me no and to go play so more RE and to support their plans for taking over Nicaragua by means of public transportation. Oh, by the way. I don't own the box turtle or God of War.

Saphira946: Why public transportation? o.O

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Hmm, I don't know. I suppose they'll brain wash you and make you sell your SUVs. Leaving you no other choice, but to take buses, subways, and other public means of transportation. Which, would make you spend untold amounts of money a year just to get to Wal-Mart right up the street 'cause your too lazy to walk. And face it, cars now a days are extremely expensive. See, see. It all works out.

Saphira946: What would they do with all the money. Build schools in Nicaragua?

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: No, of course not. That would benefit the common folk that want to learn how to use a hoe. They want to raise enough money to start a world wide Beta farm and make even more money.

Saphira946: -Hey, that was originally our ideaཀཀཀ

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Yeah, I know. It's not right.

Both: Enjoy.

Ada Wong looked around at her surroundings. It was a carnival? Uh, ok then. Wesker must have given her the wrong coordinates. She felt around on her belt for her radio, but noticed it wasn't there.

"Shit."she said dully. She looked around on the ground for it and amazingly found it. It was being carried off by a Prairie Dog who was wearing a sombrero. It turned around and shouted, before speeding off.

"Andaleཀ Andaleཀ Arribaཀ"

"Wait Speedy Gonzalezཀ I want your John Hancock . . . Haha, I said cock."Ada laughed as she began to drool on herself again. This happened on the Grey Hound bus Wesker made her take because, the last car he let her take, which was a Lamborghini Murcielago, she wrecked into a Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Ohཀ Convention. 13 Psyducks were mauled by Clefairry and 3 Dark Magicians escaped with a bunch of Pokeballs. While all this was being explained. Ada was wondering around the carnival, trying to figure out why it looked so empty. But, she couldn't put her finger on it. Then, she saw it.

"Oh My BOBཀཀཀ"she yelled as she ran up to the game booth and gawked at the box turtle. It had the Kraytos look going for it. With the kilt thingy and the Blades of Chaos.

"Must have Kraytos the box turtle."

"Eat Cookieཀཀཀ"the Spanish man that oddly enough looked like a Ganado yelled while producing a peanut butter cookie. His name was Ganado #47 and he was wearing a jacket that looked oddly familiar.

'Wait. That looks like Leon's jacket. Is leon here?'

"Mum made them for the homeless chap down by the bridge, but I do say a fine young lass like you deserves them, really."the Ganado said. You see he was half British and half Ganado . . . ish. Blushing, Ada replied, while taking the cookie. "Oh, thank you, kind sir."she bit into the cookie, but spit it back out in no time flat.

"What's in this thing?ཀ"she shrieked

"Oh, I think mum puts olive oil, lemon casserole, 13 days past expiration date peanut butter with the oil on top, motor oil, saliva lovingly donated by one of the zombie dogs from Racoon City, and soil from where the sewer empties that is connected to a certain river that can't be named for fear of giving away Umbrella's secret location, and the other end of the sewer is hooked onto a certain Albert Wesker's toilet." Ada was shocked, she didn't know Wesker lived in Wyoming.

"Wow, I had no idea Wesker lived in Wyoming. Isn't that the dairy state."Ganado #47 looked at her like she was dumber than Ganado #23, who thought the mushrooms on cow crap was safe to smoke.

"Bow chica bow wowཀ"Ganado #47 sang as he did the pelvic thrust.

"Let's do the time warp againཀ"Ada song.

"So, you wanna play a game, lass?"he asked. Ada nodded her head vigorously, like that time Wesker asked her to retrieve the dead body of the Umbrella employee from the elevator shaft. Funny, story. Wesker claimed that the man just 'accidently' fell down and an invisible gun shot the cable cord and the elevator crushed the man. Problem was, Ada and Kruaser didn't see an invisible gun or gunman.

"Yeah, I'll play a game. What game is it?"

"Ring toss."Ada smiled she was always good at the ring tossing game, but then again she always had that one dude. What was his name again? Oh Yeah, John. She always had John to do all that stuff. But, now he's dead. Ada sighed and picked up the ring.

"Just toss the ring and if you land it around Ganado #40482948030's neck. You get Hitler's Little Pony(Sapphira946's creation, not mine). If you land Ganado #654684765132. You get a glass chest set complete with old geezers. And, lastly if you land the Ganado named Steve. You get Kraytos the box turtle."Ganado #47 said with a smile and his old Spanish accent. Ada smiled and tossed the ring. It landed, but not where she wanted it. It landed on a bottle across from the Ring Tossing booth.

"Uh, miss. The game is behind you."Ada turned around and smiled like nothing happened. She picked up another ring and tossed it, making it land on Ganado #40482948030, not Steve. Ada sighed and picked up the last one and threw it carelessly. Surprisingly, it landed on Steve this time, but she needed a tie breaker, though. Ada aligned herself with her target. In other words. She aligned herself with Ganado #654684765132, who was on the right. Steve was on the left. She focused and threw it, totally missing Ganado #654687465132, making it bounce off of Ganado #40482948030, it rolled around Steve's head like a basket ball on the rim and it slowly, almost agonizingly slid around his neck. Ada sighed in relief and took her prize.

Ada was walking down the street when she saw Luis on top of Leon. They looked like they were both asleep. Ada walked up to them and kicked Luis between the butt cheeks with the point of her high heel. He didn't move an inch. She kicked him again, this time harder and in the head. The only thing he did was bleed.

After hours of continuos kicking . . .

Ada sat on the ground next to Leon and a now bloody and bruised Luis. She looked around for anyone and nodded to herself. She laid on the ground and placed Kraytos next to her and took a nap, not noticing that there was a speeding horse coming her way.

Albert Wesker stepped out of the plane and looked around, seeing no one. He raised both hands and made peace signs(President Nixon).

"Uh, what are you doing, sir?"his assistant, Mike asked.

"Nothing. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, sir."Mike sighed for he had to put up with his boss who had too many creme brulees on the jet.

Stepping into the proximity of Weaselville, Wesker looked around. Nodding to himself as he took mental images of his surroundings. He saw nothing much, Ganados, farms, a few old looking automobiles. Beetles is what he saw. No, not the car. The band.

(A/N: No, I'm not making fun of Wesker by putting the Beetles in here, just because he was born in the 60's and the Beetles are from that general time.)

Wesker shuddered. He hated the Yellow Submarine. It gave him nightmares that involved indestructible combs and V05 hair products.

VRRRROM VRRRROM

Wesker froze in fear. It sounded like a chainsaw. He hated chainsaws when he wasn't the one wielding them. Ever since Pink.Ninjas played with him on The Mercenaries. She had taken out 3 chainsaw sisters, but didn't see the 4th sneak up and WHAM. He was headless. It took more than 5 times to kill them and she had cheats. All of that just to unlock Ada. God, that bitch haunts him even in 2 dimensional Spain.

Walking into what looked like the village square, there was a huge unlit bonfire with a postit note written in fine point neon pink Sharpie marker. He took the note and read it.

TO whom it may concern-

This bonfire is broken. It doesn't want to light up anymore. Fire go bye-bye. Oh, uh. Anyway. This fire doesn't want to produce anymore flame. So, there fore I have deemed it broken. I'll get the maintenance man, Ganado #54 to fix it.

Thank you- Ganado #1

"The bonfire is . . . broken?"Wesker asked himself. Bonfires can't really break. So, out of curiosity, he bent down and examined the contents. Which was on another postit note.

"Chocolate, marshmallows, graham crackers, human remains. Oh look I see a piece of liver. . . and many other unidentifiable materials.

"All night longཀ"a Spanish something called from a certain place in a certain Spain. Wesker whipped around and saw Dr. Salvador. Wesker was officially freaked out.

"Sorry, I'm married."

Somewhere in a random USA, sitting at her desk.

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: You tell 'em, Albie-poo

Saphira946: Yeah, get 'em Triple Hཀ

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: turns to readers Plz don't mind her. She's just watching wrestling. Go Triple Hཀ

(A/N: Saphira hates Wrestling. She spends her quality time playing video game and getting Wesker killed)

Anyway back to the story

We rejoin Albie-poo. Uh, I mean. We rejoin Albert Wesker on his search for anything Paranormal. Something hit him in the back of the headཀཀཀ

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: NOOOOOOཀཀཀ

"Ow. That hurt."Wesker said dully. Really it didn't hurt. He just didn't want the Ganados to get freaked out by him notbeing human. He had to catch a few of 'em in some rabbit traps bated withHamtaro plushies. Everyone knows Ganados love Hamtaro a little too much.

"All night longཀ"Wesker turned around and was about to yell at the Ganado for thinking he wanted to play Parcheesi all night. Boy, that didn't really work out the way he planned. He turned around and was met by a mob of Dixie Chicks lovin' Ganado.

"Crap."Wesker squeaked as he ran for it. He couldn't stand the Dixie Chicks. Not after THE incident that almost cost him dearly.

Saphira946: Flashback-san!!

Wesker was sitting in his swirly office chair playing Castlevania: Curse of Darkness.

"Crap! No, no, no! Dammit, Hector! Don't let Trevor beat you!"Wesker yelled as Trevor pulled some sweet moves with his whip out and totally kicked poor Hectors ass. He threw the controller.

"Ow, my eye!"someone whined in the next room.

'What the hell! Did Ada break the wall down again or something?'Wesker asked himself. He looked over to find no wall at all. He only saw 3 people. Some Mexican guy, Barry Burton, and poor little Rebecca Chambers, on the floor clutching her eye. Wesker scratched his head in confuzzlement.

"What is the meaning on this?"Wesker demanded.

"Shows signs of hostility to other parties in a 1 room radius."Barry said like he was Lance Bass or something.

"Yes, quite so."the Mexican guy said.

"I think it lodged itself in my brain."Rebecca whined, then stopped a minute. "Yes, quite an angry little bugger."she said then went back to whining again.

"Krauser!!"Wesker yelled. The door opened a crack and Krauser's head popped in halfway.

"Yeah."he asked calmly, too calmly.

"Did you knock down this wall and let these weirdos in?"he asked.

"Nope. Did you try Ada. I saw her smuggling a couple of body bags in earlier this week."with that Krauser left. Wesker thought a moment.

"Come to think of it. Ada was in here, but I didn't hear her tearing down the wall."no one knows how he couldn't of heard. People on the other side of the world called President Bush complaining of someone sawing a wall a little too loudly. Plus, Wesker's office was usually pitch black. Was in no need of the lights. So, Sherry sold them and used the money to get a hamster. Wesker wouldn't let her have a licker. So Wesker got on his super large computer and tracked Ada down.

"Yeah. You want something?"she asked.

"Where are you?"he asked.

"Right infront of you."she replied. He looked up and cleared his throat.

"What is the meaning on this?"he asked pointing to a mini fridge by his desk he never uses.

"It was a belated birthday present from me and Krauser. Since you love food so much."she replied.

"Ok then. What about this?"he asked pointing to Berry, Rebecca, and the Mexican guy.

"Oh, that? Well, since you have anger management issues. I hired a team of professional Phsycoaniligical sinks to help you."she said. What the hell is a Psycoaniligical sink? Is it a futuristic household appliance or something?

"Uh, yes. . . Well. I don't need help. Plus, that's Berry Burton, Rebecca Chambers, and uhh some Mexican dude."Wesker said calmly pointing to the 3.

"My name is Carlos Oliveira."he said.

"Yeah, whatever."Wesker replied as he pulled a random gun out of nowhere and shot who he thought was Carlos.

"Crap! My other eye.!"the gun happened to be a water gun containing lemon juice.

"So, what about Bury, Rebok, and Carla?"she asked.

"The names are Berry, Rebecca, and Carlos!"Berry yelled.

Saphira946: NOOO!! I don't want thy flashback to end!!

And ever since then. Wesker has been afraid of the Dixie Chicks. Don't know why though. The Dixie Chicks weren't even in it. Wesker still couldn't get Benny, Reba, and Carlito's names right.

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Carlito's sister don't spit!

Saphira946: -- It's an inside wrestling joke.

Ok, back to the story. So, here we are with Albert Wesker in Weasleville. He is currently running through the local Pottery Barn. In the second row on the far left.

"Oh look, they have Chinese vases on sale!"Wesker said happily. He loved Chinese vases.

Saphira946: Oh flashback. Will you marry me?

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: --umm, ok then. PLz 4give her. She loves them flashbacks.

Wesker decided to visit Korea, because it wasn't his money. It was Joseph Frost's life insurance money. He took it out on him right before the mission to the Arklay mountains.

"What a . . . a country."Wesker said giving up on thinking of a word for it. It had more gangs than Vice City and that's sayin' something. Vice City's in GTA. His current location was north northeast in Seoul's downtown next to a Bluck Boster.

"Don't they mean Block Buster?"Wesker asked.

"Nope, Bluck Boster. This is Asia. We are backwards here."some random Mexican person from Barcelona, but raised in South Carolina said. Wesker nodded.

"Look out Mr. Will Smith!"some Asian lady yelled. Wesker looked up and was pummeled by Hello Kitty key chains.

Saphira946: Fine! If we gotta divorce. I want the pillows. They're au natural.

Wesker finally made it out of the local Pottery Barn. Of course, after stuffing his surprisingly roomy black jacket with Chinese vases that said they were made in Argentina.

"What the hell?"he asked. Leon and that Lois Lane? Reading a mysterious text reading thing they use on the news, Wesker corrected himself.

"Oh, it's Luis Sera? Ma bad."anyway, Leon and Luis knocked out. Luis bleeding profusely from high heel wounds. Ada was a sleep on the ground with a box turtle dressed as . . .?

"Brave Heart, perhaps? The Highlanders from Monday Night RAW?"Wesker really didn't know. Something caught his eye. He turned around and his eyes went big.

"Black leather swively chair."he whispered and ran to it. He sat in it and instantly fell asleep.

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Ok well. I hope you guys enjoyed it.-

Saphira946: Yep, because, we worked hard.

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: Uh, you mean I worked hard.

Saphira946: Yep because, we worked hard.

Pink.Ninjas.Of.Midgar: -- yes because, we both worked hard.

Both: Stay tuned for the next episode of Criminal Minds.

Pink: Hey, you're reading the wrong text screen.

Saphira: Huh, oh sorry. Let's try that again.

Both: Stay tuned for the next episode of Sesame Street

Saphira: Hey Pink. If I'm reading the wrong one then why are you reading the wrong one.

Pink: Oh. Heh ma bad. Let's try it again.

Both: Stay tuned for the next episode of The Reason Why You Never See Actual Food In Resident Evil